By the time Thanksgiving break arrives, it's been two weeks since my friends last spoke to me. I've seen Yuna in one of the dining halls a few times, but they always run away as if I'll try to talk to them. That confuses me since they're the one that should be trying to talk to me. I've always put up with their rants and crying sessions, is this really what I deserve in return?

I'd be willing to forgive them and Imani, but my patience is going down each day. The season of forgiveness will be over by the time Christmas rolls around, and I won't be waiting to wait any longer after that. Like everything else that disappoints me, I'll shelve the memories of them away in the darkest corners of my mind where all my worst moments like Felicity's infidelity and embarrassing flings rest.

"What are you thinking about?" Dahlia asks me suddenly.

I realize she's been watching me get lost in space, and I apologize immediately, "I am so sorry. I know you invited me over to listen to the album together and I'm thinking about other stuff."

"I don't mind. I mean, that's what music does. It takes us to other places."

I decide not to tell her that I've been blocking out the last two songs in favor of listening to a track in mind that replays my bitter thoughts about my now former friends. It seems like she can tell though, because she gets up from her black desk chair, and heads over to her record player and asks, "want me to start it over?"

"Thank you."

She doesn't say anything else, and starts off the album and goes off on a rant about the first track and how much it means to her. We're barely within 20 minutes of hanging out with each other, and I feel like I've already learned so much about her. Not just with her words, but with the sight of her room.

I expected an overflow of pink, the color her sorority loves to live in, but it isn't. It's not basic, but it's pretty standard of a 21 year old that doesn't want to do too much. Or, maybe that's just me overstepping with the way I like to analyze people. Still, it aligns with the bedrooms that are seen in movies.

A grey quilted comforter, a grey fluffy rug, and fairy lights that wrap around the walls twice because of how long they are. She has accent pillows that bring in shades of blue, but those are the only signs of color. The amount of photos is less than expected, but even one view of Cora is enough to annoy me. Everything about her room is just nice.

Not anything out of the extreme or too plain.

Just nice.

From the low grey dish chair I'm sitting in, I also get a nice angle of her, which I don't mind. She's dressed in a grey oversized sweatshirt, similar to a blue one she had worn when we had seen each other at the record shop. It looks so soft, I wish I could borrow it from her.

Maybe after this, it won't be weird if I were to ask her that. I was always asking Felicity if I could share her clothes, it was never anything out of the ordinary. Friends do that all the time too. I just never did with Yuna and Imani because our styles are different.

They would always say I dress like a straight girl. I always thought it was kind weird of them to say that though. I mean, just because someone dresses in a typical feminine way doesn't mean they're straight. Felicity dressed similar to me, which is why we always liked sharing clothes. I lost access to another wardrobe when she decided to cheat on me, which, to be honest, is another thing I'll never forgive her for.

"I like this one," I tell her.

"I do too, Phantom Pain is my favorite."

"Do you ever think about how much love sucks? Because it sucks, a lot." I admit to her, inspired by the words in the air around us.

She sits up straight, and right away says, "it doesn't. Not when it's with the right person."

"Yeah? How are you so sure of that?"

"Well, I'm not. But I choose to believe that the hell I've been through with my ex-boyfriends are all leading up to some great love."

"I thought I had that with Felicity," I tell her.

Her face is apologetic, and she says, "I hope you know that I really do hate Cora for that. No one deserves to be cheated on, it's awful. I've been cheated on before too, it sucks."

"I guess, at least now, I'm more focused on preparing for the first round of interviews for the Smith fellowship."

They're already set to happen during finals week, a test to see how strong we'll be during what will be a hellish time. They don't know that I've already been through hell a million times, and this will be nothing for me. I think I'm even more prepared now, and I'm 100% ready to beat Cora. She can't take me down.

"I think you'll win," she decides as if the matter is in her hands.

"Shouldn't you be rooting for your best friend?" It's more of a statement than a question, but it is something I'm wondering. I would place my loyalty for my best friend over someone I'm barely starting to get to know.

"You've been putting in the work and you deserve to win. I can't say anything more than that but trust me. . . you don't have anything to worry about."

Part of me wonders if that could be a strategy to try to make me overconfident and prepare less, but I don't think Dahlia would do that. She's not that type of person. At least from what I know about her. And when she believes in something, it's hard for her to change her mind. She's constantly in search of something, or someone, that she can be dedicated to. I hope she finds it.

"Thanks Dahlia."

We continue listening to the tracks, and it's refreshing to hear her meaningful, and often funny, comments. She's unfiltered, and those are the kinds of people I really like to be around. Everything is so much easier when people say what they mean and are willing to be honest.

"Carmen, I want to you know that I like hanging out with you," she says after the album is over, a look of fear spread across her pretty face. She's started biting at her nails, ruining what I assume once was a perfect blue manicure. She's extremely nervous about the announcement, but I don't see why.

It's like she's scared of something, I assume it must be because I'm literally her best friend's worst enemy. She must feel like it's a betrayal to be around me.

"I like hanging out with you too, and it's okay, Cora won't found out," I tell her, trying to reassure her the best that I can.

She accepts the response with a "you're right, I don't want her to ruin anything," and I almost wonder if she's holding anything back. I give her a second to add something, but it instead leads to a little bit too long of an awkward silence.

I clear my throat loudly, and tell her, "well, I'll see you around- maybe we can hang out again soon?"

"I'd like that," she says with a big smile on her face, one I really admire.

As I prepare to leave, my phone falls out of my front pocket of my sweater, and she picks it up for me. In the process of handing it to me, our fingers brush against each other, and it brings up a strange feeling for me - one that I haven't felt since my last happy memory with Felicity.

I think that's a betrayal. Both to me and my memories with Felicity.

When I exit Dahlia's dorm, all I'm thinking about is how I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone like Felicity ever again, and I feel like it's a bad sign that some of Dahlia's traits remind me of her. I wave goodbye to her and realize it's not just the season of forgiveness, it's also time for me to figure my shit out.

There's no reason for thoughts about Felicity to be coming up for me, I decided I was over it like the day that it happened. I don't understand why the memories refuse to die. Sure, I didn't really get closure, but why would I need to?

I mean, honestly, closure is for lame people. When I think of the people who hold the idea of closure close to their hearts, I think of people like Yuna and Imani. Not me.

Never someone like me.