Apparently Princeton does not actually have sororities, just ignore that. 

Three days later, we find ourselves at the party of my worst enemy. Well, technically not her party. It's her sorority's party. At their huge house. 

It's completely full, leaving minimal space for us to move around as freely. It was terribly cold outside, which had made me reconsider my decision to come but I had pushed through the 5-minute walk here from my dorm in black jeans and a lacy white crop top. Yuna had done my makeup for me, adorning my face with the basics that practically everyone else knows how to do by heart. Imani had helped me pick an outfit, mocking me the whole time for having a lot of 'grandma clothes.'

It's our classic routine, and I know that I should be grateful for it, considering the fact that we're in our senior year and the number of parties we have left together are rapidly going down. I turn my attention to Yuna, who has started drinking and is telling us about their efforts to "beat the Asian flush." Imani excitedly tells her, "I believe in you" as she turns to face me and nods her head at the same time to me, indicating her doubt. 

Yuna runs off to talk to a random person that we've never met, which is something I've always admired about them. When they want someone, they know how to get them. On the other hand, I've always preferred to let the other person make the first move. I love flirting a little too much, but I don't ever wish to face the embarrassment of going up to a girl and realizing she's straight or just not into me. 

Felicity had been the one to expand our conversations into sexual territory after she had seen me again at a party with Yuna our sophomore year. It didn't take long for us to kiss there, but I had decided to make us hold off on anything else since I wanted to get to know her. I wanted something more than a meaningless hook up. 

She was a valuable opponent in our shared classes, I wanted to get to know where her motivation came from. Everyone is driven by something. I'm driven by my need to be better than everyone else. 

I predicted that she was driven by high-achieving parents who wanted her to follow in their footsteps, something that basically all of the legacy students at Princeton are driven by. She had surprised me by admitting that her background was more similar to mine than to the typical Princeton student. "My parents are poor. That's the truth. Don't let my designer bags fool you, I'm just really good at thrifting."

I had never heard someone say the word 'poor' so honestly and easily, most at Princeton treated it like it was something to be ashamed of. It turned out that she came from a background in Ohio that, economically speaking, was worse than mine. She had five younger siblings who she said she sacrificed a lot for, taking on multiple jobs to help her parents support them. She was driven by the need to give back to her family.

Now that two of her siblings are able to work, she was able to take a small step back and she knows that after law school, she'll have more than enough to set her parents up for life. All she wants in life is to be a corporate lawyer, and she says people who call us 'sell-outs' are stupid. Besides, we both actually enjoy it. 

We were able to bond so easily over coming from backgrounds that are out of the norm at a place like Princeton. I had shared my own tales about growing up as the middle child with two siblings, one 27 year old brother who still lives at home as a self-declared failure and a 7 year old brother who was an accident. My parents had gotten divorced my freshman year of high school, shortly before my brother was born due to their lack of love for each other. Well, that's what they both agreed to say about the divorce. 

I would never blame my younger brother, Adrian, for being at fault of our parent's divorce, but it would be a lie to deny that learning about his existence wasn't what triggered the divorce. Instead, I feel bad for Adrian since he never got to grow up in the same loving home that I had. He's only known a life where my dad would visit on weekends up until he was 5 when my mom decided to move from Texas to Georgia for a new job.

Ever since, he can only afford to fly in once every two months. Part of me has always thought that my mom did it on purpose so that she could 'win' the divorce by not letting my dad have Adrian nearly as much as she does. She's always been a control freak, and she enjoys the fact that she could take away his control over our lives and the way she raises Adrian. 

I'm just glad that I rarely go home anyways, but I do wonder how Adrian will turn out. My mom explodes over everything, trying to paint our father as a victim. My older brother, Gael, isn't exactly a good example either. My mom could never admit that she failed with him, it drives her crazy that he lives rent-free without a job and she can't change him no matter how hard she tries. She's always thought so badly of my dad, and still blames him for the way that Gael turned out. 

After she managed to finish her bachelor's degree in nursing two years before Adrian was born, which she had already done a year of before the birth of my older brother that had forced her to leave school all those years ago, her view of my dad got worse. She was stuck on status, and she wanted to be with someone who 'matched her.' That was also part of what triggered her to call for a divorce, and she was awarded custody since the judge decided that she would be able to provide Adrian with a better life.

Money talks, and she's a great anesthesiology nurse that knows how to smartly invest and spend her money. She's gotten everything she wanted while my dad has been left wondering what it is that he did that was so wrong. Even now, whenever I call him and bring her up, I feel like he's still in love and I just feel awful about how it all turned out, which is why I rarely even talk to my mom anymore. When I moved out for college, I decided that I can talk to her as often as she does with my dad, which is usually once every two months. I always opt to spend the holidays with my dad, even if it means missing out on some time with Adrian and Gael. 

I remember revealing that all to Felicity over a dinner date, which had left her dumbfounded. "That's. . . a lot. Thanks for sharing that with me, I want you to be able to trust me."

And I had trusted Felicity for two years, up until she decided that a moment's worth of pleasure was more valuable than what we had built together. That's probably the last time I ever place my trust in a random lover. 

Maybe I do need to get drunk. That'll pull me out of my ridiculous thoughts and bad nostalgia. Imani's still standing next to me, enjoying the people watching that she assumes I'm also participating in rather than getting lost in ugly memories for the past few minutes. 

"Let's drink?" I tell her, heading over to a table that one of the sorority girls is in charge of. 

As I'm pouring the liquid that has the magical ability to distract me, someone pulls the bottle away from me. It only takes me a second to realize that it's none other than Cora herself. 

"You shouldn't be allowed to attend our parties," she says in her familiar shrill voice. 

She's dressed in a pink top with denim jeans and shoes that are more yellow than white at this point. She's always dressed with pink accents, whether it is in her jewelry, accessories, or clothes, and I remember her bringing up that she does it since it makes it easier to trick people into viewing her with a kinder lens. Personally, I don't think anyone could actually ever fall for that, and her attitude is always clear from the moment you talk to her. She now has the nerve to try to unsettle me after having sex with Felicity. She was my girlfriend. 

Her icy blue eyes and twisted face show off her high levels of anger toward me. She won't stop twisting strands of her dry blonde hair between her fingers though, showing that she's also nervous to see me. She can't be that much of a monster to not see why her actions are bad, right?

This is the girl who tried to frame me for cheating on two occasions our freshman year so that I would get expelled though. She's more than aware of the difference between right and wrong, she's always hated me. I used to think that Felicity hated her too, she always told me that she would sabotage her if she ever tried to ruin my reputation again.

She would also always act like the things I found annoying about Cora annoyed her too. I fully thought she felt the same whenever I brought up Cora's tendencies to dominate class debates and try to make my answers look bad. I always thought Felicity's silence meant she hated her so much that she couldn't even come up with any words. Instead, she's been thinking about sleeping with Cora the whole time. 

Cora had given me an empty threat at the start of our senior year, declaring that she would do anything to win the Smith fellowship. Since then, she's tried even harder at sabotaging me by setting up group project meetings behind my back and lying about me to our professors. Luckily, I'm loved in the political science department and everyone knows that Cora just has it out for me. 

No one ever does anything about it though, which I've also always assumed is due to her parents both having earned the Smith fellowship in the past and now being top lawyers that have donated millions to the school. They recognize that bullying sucks, but losing those funds would suck even more for them. 

"You're not president of the sorority, you can't stop me," I tell her, throwing her lack of power back in her face as I finish pouring myself a drink. 

Imani tells me, "Carmen, she's not worth it. Let's go."

Cora hears her clearly, and smirks as she says, "Felicity definitely thought I was worth it."

I may not be very sad about the breakup at this point, but I am pissed off and I realize that it's time to put an end to it.

 I want a good fight.