The aftermath of the breakup is tricky. I had given myself a few hours to cry in my dorm, surrounded by my great loves: ice cream and Taylor Swift. I was finally able to relate to Taylor's saddest breakup songs, something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Once my time of darkness had passed, I had gotten back to finishing my ten-page paper as part of my health politics and policy class. Midterms don't care what may be happening in your life. 

I don't have to care either. 

Yuna and Imani, my best friends, keep telling me that I don't have to lie to myself about being okay. I don't think that they understand that I really am fine, I gave myself more than enough time to be sad. Now, two days after the whole ordeal, I am ready to act like none of it ever happened. 

I've always been proud of my ability to expertly numb my emotions, even if my old therapist from my freshman year of high school declared it to be a destructive habit. But what would she even know? That therapist had no idea what she was talking about, she was meant to help me process my parent's divorce and instead, she tried to dig up issues that didn't even relate to the situation. I stopped going after four sessions, it had only seemed like she was trying to make me worse. 

As I lay down on my bed, I admit that I'm a better person without Felicity around. All she ever did was take away my time, something I already find that I have less of as every single day passes by. I do miss the way she could make me feel my emotions so intensely,  the happiness I felt with her was indescribable. 

While I was on the quieter end, she was always talking. There never really was a dull moment with her, she always had a million ideas that she had to make me aware of. She always said that her inability to shut up was part of a ADHD 'quirk' that helped her get to know people and destroy our classmates in debates. One of her achievements was turning me into a talkative person, a goal that she apparently has for every shy person. 

I do have that to thank her for, as my 18-year old self was absolutely terrified of saying the wrong thing to someone. I was so scared that most of the time, I just preferred to say nothing at all. Felicity took me out of that shell and I think that toward the end of our relationship, she wanted me to go back in it.

 I had become too much for her, my confidence was a drawback of dating me. In the weeks before I caught her cheating on me, we were fighting frequently about our futures. She wasn't a fan of me going after the Smith fellowship, a year-long position with Marlee Smith '86 who was a legendary political science major. She was known for being a TA for almost every class in the department throughout her time at Princeton, all while managing caring for her infant daughter and interning at the top law firms in New York City. She later became a lawyer, and now, she has her own firm. 

The number one firm in New York City and in the region. 

She always hosts one special student for 12 months at the NYC office, letting them benefit from her mentorship that'll later guarantee them a spot at Harvard Law, where she went. The consultant position is payed incredibly well, and the year sets the tone for the rest of your life. Past mentees have all gone to Harvard, and they all kick ass at their current jobs. 

She's a hero to every single student at our school, particularly those who want to be lawyers. The application process is extensive, ranging from long essays, interviews, mock cases, and a day at her office where we become consultants for the day and are evaluated on our performance. Hundreds apply, even those who aren't political science majors as we all want to benefit from her knowledge. I've seen biochemistry majors discover that they'd be awful doctors and realize that the fellowship is a chance to successfully switch to pre-law without the extra work of actually being pre-law for the last four years. Everyone wants a shot at a guaranteed future full of success. 

Felicity was threatened by me. 

It's long been known that as far as rankings go, I'm the top student. Cora, my enemy, is second, while Felicity is #6. Not bad, but not where she wants to be. There's always been rumors that the top 5 students are given extra consideration in the application process. We had promised to each other that we wouldn't let the competition get between us, but fights started popping up about other related topics.

She was trying to convince me to head straight to law school, and sure, it's something that has crossed my mind. It isn't worth it though. I already know that I can get into Harvard, but a year at Marlee's firm would be life-changing. It would change my life as a future lawyer, it's a cutthroat world and I need a glimpse into corporate life. 

I can watch what it takes to be a top lawyer, and it'll put me ahead of all of my classmates when I finally do go to Harvard. Unlike me, Felicity has been applying to law schools all across the country. She's determined to have a back-up plan since I'm sure she knows that as long as Cora and I are in the running, she doesn't stand a chance. 

And now that she's not my girlfriend, I feel even better about pointing out her weaknesses and taking her down. Felicity took away the gratitude I felt toward her for helping me get in touch with my extroverted side and for being a loving girlfriend by sleeping with my enemy. 

Her betrayal is only going to make my victory so much sweeter. 

As I'm thinking about the celebration I'll host once I'm offered the position, multiple texts come in from the group chat with my two friends. Yuna's asking if I can meet up with them and Imani at the student center in an hour, claiming that it's just a study session. They're clever, they know that I won't turn down a covered chance to study. The whole time, they're both going to try to get information out of me. 

I haven't offered much, neither of them knows that Felicity cheated on me. I don't intend to protect her, it's just that I know they'll want even more details if I mention it. I don't need to relive it, it'll only make it harder to stay numb and that's the last thing I want.