RECORDING 33

I know I told myself I wouldn't come record myself more often, but I couldn't take it. . . .

Kate didn't get a hint that I hated Jin. She insisted on talking to him for some reason. I don't like it. Not a single bit. I'm not jealous. That's such an immature word. Anger. That's more like it. More Min Yoongi-like.

The fact she didn't listen. The fact she ‘couldn’t’ just ignore the guy when he passes by her. Not like Jin's gonna care. For all I know, he's going to tell some kind of a lie to get Kate to turn on me. . . .

No, she wouldn't believe that. She loves me. Trusts me.

Sorry. . . here I am, rambling all over again. Christmas is five weeks away and I haven't moved on from my judgement from my half-brother. And I didn't stick to my promise that I won't use this stupid recorder anymore.

Things happen. And for good reasons, I hope.

Speaking of things. . , there's Jungkook. He hasn't come here in a while. Maybe it's his Mom. I'm sure it is. Always the same. . personality, keeping him inside the house or whatever. She doesn't hate me, he told me in our chat.

But I know I don't look like a good role model, either.

Christmas is in five weeks. . . . for all I know, I might lose the only important person because of Jin— again. . . .

That important person? Was my Dad. And he took him from me. I don't. . . I don't know what I'd do if that. . . if Kate. . . .

[ left on for a good 12 minutes. . . ]
[ sighs, sound of scratching his back ]

[ End of Tape ]

[ posted OCTOBER 29 2018 ]