RECORDING 04

Sorry, it took another week for me before remembering I have to do this voice diary. [light laugh]

‘Ahh, who am I even sorry to?’

Ah, that’s right. Jungkookie; he woke up a month ago. Can’t say I wasn’t surprised seeing him alive and awake, unlike the times I’ve spent there for two months, talking and apologizing nonstop. [sounds from shifting places on swivel chair] From then on, I kept talking to him like I’ve known him for decades, and he obliged. Jungkookie really liked painting.

He started talking about them, and I had never paid so much attention to a single person as himself.

Strange thing, though. ., he asked me if someone recently died. I wasn’t thinking of who died, but two people came to mind. I asked him how he knew that, figuring he must’ve seen the news around the globe. But . . . he specifically told me it was someone named Lisa. Obviously, I agreed and told him about the fire and assumed he saw the news, but what he said afterwards creeped me out; ‘No, hyung, I saw her in my dreams and she told me.’ Imagine having the ability to see the future in your comatose state, but it’s someone who was just about to die in real life.

Right after he remembered, the nurses came in. I had to call for help; his hands were shaking and he was holding on to his head out of so much stress, he kept yelling at me; ‘Hyung! Make it stop! Please! The noise— it’s— it’s killing me!!’

Yet again, another failed attempt to help a friend. He suffered right in front of me and I couldn’t do anything.

Just like how I failed to defend Taehyung’s case on my own. It was clearly stated in the law that if you fail to bring evidence to the table for someone’s murder; it’s life imprisonment for you.

Thankfully, the man he stole from, never showed up at the precinct again to complain. He seems like a reasonable guy. Taehyung was beyond grateful and promised in front of me that he’ll pay him back as soon as he gets out. And meanwhile, I looked him in the eye, only to tell him that I couldn’t. That they never believed a single word. All he could manage as a reply was a nod, his (sad) cheeky smile and ‘I’m still grateful, hyung. I know you did everything you can.’

I’m sorry, Tae. Your hyung didn’t. Not when my mother found out about it. She was completely against it. She was just on the other side of the interrogation room, watching me. Mother knew how much pressure I can only handle to break me. And it did. I ended up saying ‘Taehyung. . .is guilty.’

I’m sorry I chose my horrible mother over you. She was. . .[exhales abruptly] going to disown me if I didnt’. ., and she's all the family I have. Please. . .I hope you do understand. .,

[sniffs] ‘Damn it. . .,’

[End of Tape]

[ posted JULY 29 2018 ]