15

Lumapat ang hubad ko ng likod sa kama habang nasa ibabaw ko si Ashton. His lips are hot on my mouth while his hands are busy toying with the peaks of my chest. Napaliyad ako sabay ng isang mahabang ungol noong marahan niyang hinaplos iyon. Maingat at nanunukso. Iyong mga haplos na nagpapatikim lang para pasabikin sa susunod.

"Ashton.." tawag ko rito. He chuckled before looking at me. My eyes went wide when he suddenly lowered his head and kissed my chest. Damn it! Halos mapugto na ang hininga ko sa ginagawa niya sa akin.

My legs are already curled on his waist. I am already aware of how ready he is for the onslaught. Part of me is scared, and undecided. But a bigger part of me knows that this is right. It feels right. He is right.

And if this is wrong, then he will be my greatest kind of wrong.

His lips travelled from my chest to my belly when we were interrupted by the loud ringing of my phone. Noong una ay hindi namin iyon pinansin ngunit paulit ulit ang tawag kaya bahagyang humiwalay si Ashton sa akin.

"Answer it first sweet." Aniya at lumayo sa akin. He draped me with the blanket while I reached for my phone. Kaagad kong sinagot ang tawag ni Matthew noong makuha ko ang aking phone.

"Matt?"

"Se, where are you?" aniya, iyong boses ay mataas at para bang nag aalala. Naitulak ko ng bahagya si Ashton na nagsisimula na namang manghalik.

"Bulacan. Why?"

Huminga siya ng malalim. "Bumalik na rito. Something happened to Noah."

Pakiramdam ko ay sinuntok ako sa dibdib sa narinig. "W-what?"

"Car accident Serise. I'll explain when you're here." Aniya bago pinatay ang tawag. Naibaba ko ng wala sa loob ang aking phone bago ako tumingin sa kawalan.

"May problema ba?" si Ashton. Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko bago ko siya tiningnan. Nagbaba akong muli ng tingin at tumayo na.

"Serise?"

Pinulot ko iyong mga damit ko at nagbihis na. My mind is racing. What happened to Noah?

Habang nagbibihis ako ay hindi ko mapigilan ang manginig. Lumapit si Ashton sa akin at kinuha ang aking bra. Ipinaikot niya iyon sa katawan ko at nihook.

"Anong nangyari Ma'am?" mahinahon niyang tanong. Iyong panga niya ay madiin ang pagkakalapat. Nakita ko na iyong baril niyang nakasukbit na sa kanyang tagiliran na para bang may inaasahan na siyang panganib na mangyayari.

"Si Noah.. Matthew called. Naaksidente raw si Noah."

Marahas ang naging paghinga niya. "Noah Festines?" pagtitiyak niya. Tumango ako.

"Your Noah Festines." Anas niya. Matalim ang tingin na ibinigay ko sa kanya.

"Oh shut up Santillan. Ibalik mo na lang ako sa Maynila ngayon din." Utos ko. Ilang segundo muna niya akong tiningnan bago tumango. Nawala iyong kinang sa mata niya kanikanina lamang. Dumiretsyo siya ng tayo at nagseryoso.

"Yes Ma'am." Aniya.

----------------------

I ran down the hallways of the hospital, bypassing the press waiting for news about Noah and his accident. Noong makarating ako sa kwarto niya ay naroon lahat. The AEGGIS and my friends are all in their own spaces in Noah's room.

Dahan dahan akong naglakad at nakita si Noah. Tulog ito at puno ng bugbog ang katawan. His leg was in cast. Kahit iyong braso niya ay ganoon din. I bit my lip and looked at my friends, trying to have some explanation.

Noong makita ako ni Caius ay umusog siya. I sat beside him. "What happened to No-"

"Illea..Illea happened Sese." Sagot ni Caius. I felt the familiar choking hand on my neck. I looked at my cousin who was silently crying beside Noah's bed. I clenched my fist and breathe hard.

"I don't know the whole story. All I know is that Noah and Illea had a huge fight. Tumawag pa sa akin si Noah, lasing habang nagmamaneho. An hour after that, the police called me to inform me that he had an accident." Pagkekwento ni Cai. Tumango na lamang ako at hindi sumagot.

Nakita kong tumayo si Illea at hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong sundan siya. Noong makalabas kami ay rinig na rinig ko ang mga hikbi niya para kay Noah. Bitch.

"Serise?" tawag sa akin ng pinsan ko. Tiningnan niya iyong kwarto ni Noah kung saan kami lumabas.

"If something happens to Noah, I will never forgive you." Banta ko. Tumango lamang siya bago niyakap ang kanyang sarili.

"I know. I won't forgive myself too."

Huminga ako ng malalim at nilapitan siya. "Illea please..please, if you can't love him back then just let him go. Huwag mo na siyang paasahin pa dahil nasasaktan siya." Anas ko. Nanlaki ang mata ni Illea habang nakatingin sa akin.

"You're just giving him mixed signals and it's tearing him-"

I stopped midway when I realized my own words. My hand immediately went to my mouth and covered it. Damn. Damn you Serise.

"Serise?"

Lumayo ako kay Illea at tinalikuran ito. Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng ospital. Nasa may parking na kaagad si Ashton at nakaabang sa akin. Malamig ang ekspresyon niya noong pinagbuksan niya ako ng pintuan.

Napapikit ako ng mariin. I am telling Illea to stop playing with Noah's feelings when in reality; I am doing the same too. I am playing with Ashton's feelings.

I almost gave myself to him in Bulacan. Paano na lamang kung hindi tumawag si Matthew? I almost drowned into Ashton's embrace. This is not right. I should not give Ash my all when Noah still has my heart.

It would be unfair for Ashton. He's a great guy and he deserves a girl who will love him with all her heart. Not someone who still has issues with her past and half baked feelings. Sa huli ay masasaktan lamang si Ashton.

I did not notice that we are already at the park. Wala ng tao roon at mas pinili naming dalawa na manatili na lamang sa kotse. Malalalim ang paghinga ni Ashton habang nakatitig lamang sa kawalan.

"Tell me Serise.." panimula niya. Nanikip naman ang aking dibdib.

Hinarap niya ako. "Mahal mo ba si Noah?" aniya, malamig at nakakapanginig ang tinig. I opened my mouth to answer but the word yes did not come out so easily. Dati ay madali lang na aminin sa sarili ko na mahal ko nga si Noah. Pero magmula noong dumating si Ashton ay nagsimula na akong mailto.

I know that I feel something for him but I am not sure if that is enough to completely erase Noah's existence in my heart. Paano kung maging katulad lamang ako ni Illea na nanakit dahil hindi niya alam kung sino talaga ang mahal niya? What am I then?

"Si Noah ang lalaking gusto ng Papa mo para sayo hindi ba? Hindi ba, Ma'am?" anas na naman niya. Napalunok ako bago tumango.

"Do you want him too?" his voice was husky. I bit my lip and stared at him. The familiar thump thump became alive inside my chest. Marahas na tinanggal ni Ashton ang seatbelt niya at lumapit sa akin. He trapped me between his body and the car's doors. His breathing was wild and harsh, like he was angry and frustrated at the same time.

"Do you want him as much as I want you Serise?" he said. My eyes grew big at the sight of him. Kinuha niya ang aking kamay at inilagay iyon sa dibdib niya.

"Kasi ako.. gagawin ko ang lahat maangkin ka lang. Gagawin ko lahat para maging akin ka Ma'am." Masuyo niyang sabi. His hand went to my cheeks and touched me.

"I want you so much."

Dumiin ang hawak ko sa kanyang dibdib. "Ashton, please."

"I've never felt anything like this before. Not even when I was with Aira." Bulong niya sa akin. My hand crumpled his shirt before I shook my head.

"M-mahal ko si Noah, Ashton." Anas ko. Nanlaki ang mata niya habang nakatitig sa akin. Marahas at mabilis ang ginawa niyang paglayo sa akin.

"Ano?" maanghang niyang sabi. Umiling ako at pinatatag ang aking sarili.

"Mahal ko si Noah Festines." Mas madiin kong sabi. He stared at me as if I have two heads. When he realized that I was serious, he suddenly turned his head away from me.

"Putangina." Aniya. Hinampas ng kamay niya ang manibela bago ako hinarap. I opened my mouth to talk when he pulled me to him and kissed me roughly. I squeaked when his lips devoured my whole mouth. He was giving me his punishment by using his lips. Noong matapos siya ay pareho kaming hinihingal. He closed his eyes tightly before smiling. Nanginig ako sa klase ng ngiti niya.

"Mahal mo si Noah?" aniya habang natatawa. Dumilat siya bago ngumisi.

"Tangina,I won't back down without putting up a fight. I'm going all out now Ma'am."