"Oy! Salvador!" Tawag ko sa kaibigan nang makita siyang naglalakad.

Nang nasa loob ako ng cottage kanina ay may nakikita na akong naglalakad pabalik-balik sa harapan ng cottage. At ngayong nasa labas na ako at nakaupo sa damuhan, saka ko lang napagtanto na si Salvador pala.

As if surprised to see me, he paused on his tracks and looked around before waving at me. I gestured him to come and at first, he looked hesitant but eventually walked towards me.

"So, I assume you've met Beaufort?" It was the first thing he asked when he neared me. He sat beside me, his eyes looking curious and... annoyed?

I nodded with a smile. The memory of what happened yesterday quickly rushed to my mind, making me feel that burning sensation on my cheeks again. I had to bite my lips and look away from Salvador because of it. I don't want him to think that I have a thing for Xaviell.

"Are you two friends now?" He asked again. "Grabe, ilang araw lang ako nawala, may bago ka na agad?" Pabulong niyang dagdag sa parang hindi-makapaniwalang tono.

"Uhh..." I scratched my head, wondering too if Xaviell sees me as a friend. "Well, I'm not sure if we're friends but I'm gonna ask him that... he's a good company, though."

Salvador remained silent which bothered me. It was an uncomfortable silence and I don't know where and why it started. I turned to him and saw that he was now furiously picking the grass beside him.

"So you like being around him?" He asked, probably noticing my stare.

"Mhmm..." Iyon lang ang sinagot ko dahil nakatuon pa rin ang atensyon ko sa kaniyang ginagawa. Hindi ko alam kung ba't parang galit siya.

"I always wonder why he eats lots of ice cream," I unconsciously voiced out in almost a whisper. Huli ko nang napagtanto ang sinabi nang bumaling si Salvador sa akin.

His eyes bore into me as if trying to read my mind. I tilted my head, trying to ask him what's wrong but he only scoffed before looking away.

"What do you guys do here?" Aniya ulit.

I then shared to him what Xaviell and I did here. I know Salvador likes a detailed story so that's what I gave him. He used to ask me how my day goes and I would only give him an "it was fun" answer but he would then tell me to go into detail.

Though I just realized that maybe he's not that interested with details anymore. He looks furious for some reason so I cut my story short.

His actions are making me agitated. His sudden "cold-shoulders" treatment is making my slight-overthinking self panic. Him not speaking to me plus with all these Xaviell-related questions are making me anxious. I'm trying to dig through my brains just so I'd know what I did wrong.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Vanilla. You're not supposed to play mind-reader with everyone. It'll just make you vulnerable and easy to be guilt-tripped. If you did something wrong, he'll tell you about it so you'd be aware." Mama Celestina's voice, London's mother, replayed in my ears.

Ever since I became friends with London, I became close with her Mother as well. She's so kind and caring to me that I sometimes forget that she's not my biological mom. She gives the best advice and I sometimes wish that I was born to her family.

"You're bored with my presence, aren't you?" Salvador finally spoke although it wasn't much of a help. "You're shaking your legs like a bored student in a long lecture."

"What—"

"You should've said that you prefer Beaufort's presence more—"

"What? Why? I didn't intend to make you feel like I don't like your presence! It's just that—"

"—that I'm not him?" He finished my sentence, making me groan in frustration.

"It's not that! You're just making me uncomfortable with all these tensioned silence!" I explained in all honesty. "You're making me feel like I did something wrong."

He looked taken aback and for a moment, I saw hurt flash in his eyes.

"What did I do, Salvador?" I asked, wanting to know what I did to deserve such cold treatment from him. He's a treasured friend of mine and I don't want out friendship to be strained.

He sighed and got up while raising both hands in the air as if admitting defeat. "You know what? I'll just leave. I wanted to hang out with my best friend but it seems to me that she found a new replacement for me."

Hindi ko mapigilang mapanganga dahil sa gulat. Anong pinagsasabi niya? May sinabi ba akong ganoon?

"I'm sorry I'm not him, Coco—"

"Stop that! What did I do?!" I asked in frustration.

"Well, you kept on talking about him!"

I face-palmed and almost pulled my own hair because of the frustration. "What am I supposed to do? You were asking about him!"

He sighed and looked at me sadly. "I'm sorry, Coco, I must be annoying you with my presence... I'll just leave."

And just like that, he turned his back and left. As much as I want to call him, a part of my mind told me to just let him be. Maybe there's something going on with him that he still can't share.

Besides, this isn't new anymore. The Salvador I grew up with has always been like this. One moment he's sweet and nice but next thing I know, he's silent and grumpy.

One moment, he's helping me pick all these flowers from my garden and would even make a small bouquet for me. Next thing, he'd be silent and cold after I thank him.

Habang tinitingnan ko ang papalayong bulto ni Salvador ay biglang nag-ring ang phone ko. Sinagot ko iyon nang hindi tinitingnan ang caller ID kaya laking gulat ko nang marinig ang boses ni Mommy.

"Coco, have you decided already?" Aniya na ikinasama lalo ng loob ko. Alam ko ang tinutukoy niya at kahit ilang buwan ko na 'tong pinag-iisipan ay pareho pa rin ang desisyon ko.

Huminga ako nang malalim at saka tinipon ang lakas. Tuwing sinasagot ko siya ay palaging hindi maganda ang reaksiyon niya.

Minsan, hindi ko na alam kung binibigyan niya nga ba ako ng pagkakataon na magdesisyon para sa sarili o tinatanong niya lang ako para wala akong masabi na hindi niya ako binigyan ng kalayaan para pumili.

"Mom..." iyon lang ang nasabi ko dahil sigurado ako na kung magpapatuloy ako ay maiiyak lang ako. Gusto kong gawin ang hiling niya pero hanggang ngayon ay nahihirapan pa rin ako. Gusto ko 'tong gawin para sa kaniya pero hindi ko talaga kaya. "My answer remains the same..."

I wiped the tears forming at the corner of my eyes and prepared myself for her disappointed sigh. Every time she asks me whether my decision about coming to her wedding is still the same, she would remain silent for a while before changing the topic, then ending the call.

It was as if I disappointed her with my "no" to the point that she can't bear to talk to me after that.

"Why can't you just be supportive, Coco?" Napasinghap ako dahil sa narinig. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko dahil sa dismaya ng sariling ina. "I'm doing everything for you and give you all your wants but you can't even do this one favor I ask you?"

Dahil sa narinig ay biglang bumalik ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pilit na pinapatuyo. Pero ngayong ganito na ang reaksiyon ng ina ay hindi ko na talaga napigilan na mapaiyak.

"It's not that I'm not being supportive, Mom, I just really can't bring myself to attend your wedding," I replied honestly, surprised with the steadiness of my voice. "It's just really hard for me..."

I grew up with my parents not being together so this should not hurt. But I guess... seeing my own mother getting married would just confirm one of my fears—I have a broken family. She would have her own family and that means there's no chance for me to have the kind of family I always secretly hoped to have.

Kahit nahihiya sa sariling dahilan ay pinilit ko pa rin ang sarili na ibahagi iyon sa kaniya. The least that I can do right now is to be honest with her.

"That's plain stupid, Coco! You're just making this a big deal!" Mom said frustratingly. She may be countries away from me but I can hear all the disappointment in her voice. "How many times do I have to tell you this? Get over yourself, Coco, it's not like I'm abandoning you!"

Hindi ko pa nga naproseso ang mga sinabi niya ay tinapos niya na ang tawag. Huli ko nang napagtanto na tulala akong nakatanga habang ang phone ay nasa tainga pa rin.

Hindi ko alam kung nababaliw na ba ako o ano pero bigla akong napangiti sabay tingin sa screen ng phone.

"You abandoned me a long time ago... you just don't know it," I whispered while my tears streamed down my cheeks.

I guess I really am overdramatic.

Pinahiran ko ang mukha at papasok na sana sa cottage nang namataan ko si Xaviell na papunta rin dito. Nginitian at kinawayan niya ako habang ang isang kamay ay may dala na namang dalawang Cornetto.

I was about to wave back at him when I remembered something. I closed my palm and placed both hands in my pocket.

Xaviell started to jog towards me, his smile still not faltering. He looks like a kid who's excited to play yet all I can muster to return is a small smile.

I don't know when but I'm sure that this guy will one day run towards the other direction. Just like Salvador and my own mother, he'll turn his back on me too. Maybe not now. But I'm sure one of these days, he will. That's what everyone likes to do, don't they?

This is why I prefer my own company— because when I'm alone, no one can leave me. No one can turn their back on me because I had no one by my side in the first place.

I gave Xaviell a short nod before turning to my cottage, then locking the door. I dropped myself on the sofa-bed before covering myself with the comforter, then crying myself to sleep.

"Oy, Miss Hermosa, you have a package," Xaviell's familiar voice was the first thing I heard when I opened my eyes.

Mahapdi-hapdi ang mga mata ko at sigurado akong namumugto ang mga iyon. Napatingin ako sa relo at nakitang 7:43 na. Hindi ko namalayan na ganoon kahaba ang pagtulog ko.

"Just place it there, you can leave now," I said when I reached the door. I don't think I have the strength to show myself to him. Plus, I think it's better if I stop getting used to his presence.

"Okay, it's outside your door... are you okay? Do you want some dinner?"

I heaved a deep sigh and sat while leaning on the door. "I'm fine, thanks for asking, you can leave now..."

He went silent for a while so I thought he already left. Just when I was about to go out to check the package he was referring earlier, he spoke again, telling me that he'll leave.

Nang masiguro na nakaalis na nga siya ay saka lang ako lumabas. Nagulat pa ako nang makita ang isang supot ng styrofoam sa ibabaw ng karton at may sticky note pa.

Eat well :) from your crush, Xaviell, it says.

Napailing na lang ako at hindi mapigilang matawa dahil sa nabasa. Dinala ko sa loob ng cottage ang mga iyon at saka umalis na ng cottage. Bukas ko na lang bubuksan ang parcel dahil gabi na at baka nag-aalala na si Papa na hindi pa ako nakauwi.

Nang makarating sa bahay ay dumiretso ako sa kwarto at saka kinain ang pagkaing bigay ni Xaviell. Chicken inasal iyon at may dalawang cups ng kanin kaya hindi ko na kinailangang bumaba sa hapag dahil sakto na iyong binigay niya.

The following morning, I got up early and took some ingredients from the pantry so I can just cook my breakfast at the cottage. I was humming with my long walks in the countryside playlist blasting from my earphones.

I was in the middle of walking-skipping when I felt someone beside me. And that's when I saw Xaviell in his usual retro-styled fits.

"Thanks for the food," I said with a smile though my insides are squirming. The memory of what happened yesterday is enough to cause me discomfort.

Xaviell gave me his usual prince-charming-vibes-evoking smile with a small nod. Even though I'm skipping instead of walking, he's still able to keep up with my pace, probably because of his wide stride.

I turned to Xaviell when I noticed that he's unusually quiet. Though my mind is focused on the road and on the music, I could still feel his silent glances at me. It feels as if he wants to say something.

"Just say it, crushie," I prompted teasingly with a grin.

He shook his head and even covered his face for a moment before turning to me while shaking his head again.

I gave him an urging look with a pout, making him heave a deep sigh. I had to stifle a triumphant smile because I knew that I was able to persuade him.

"You don't have to isolate yourself when you're hurt," he said quickly and in a voice that's almost a whisper.

I paused on my tracks and he abruptly did the same too. I titled my head quizzically at him, still contemplating whether I should continue this topic or not.

Xaviell, on the other hand, pursed his lips and glanced to the side. He looks nervous and bothered. If I'm not mistaken, he probably thinks that he was impulsive to tell me those words.

"How'd you know?" I asked, my voice almost shaking.

As much as I like to avoid that certain topic, a part of my mind tells me that I can trust Xaviell. I guess in some ways, I feel comfortable around him that I don't feel bothered in having a conversation with him about a topic I'm sensitive with.

He glanced at the side again before turning to me. I know that he's discreetly observing me while calculating whether he should answer my quesiton or not.

"I have eyes, Boo," he answered in a low voice but with a smile. "I saw, so I know..."

I bit my lips for a moment, unsure on what to say. "Well... it's just that..."

"It's okay, there's no need to explain," Xaviell said in an assuring voice. Nakahinga ako nang malalim dahil sa narinig. Gusto ko mang ipagpatuloy ang topikong iyon, nahihirapan pa rin ako.

We started another topic until we neared the cottage. But instead of going straight to the pathway that leads to my cottage, Xaviell stopped by the road. I looked at him with curiosity yet it was as if he's just waiting for me to reach the cottage before he leaves.

"Hindi ka sasama?" Before I could even think about it, those words came out already.

Sandali akong napapikit dahil sa hiya. Huli ko nang napagtanto na nagmistula yata akong tagahanga niya dahil sa sinabi.

He looked unsure but still answered, "You don't mind having me around?"

Tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa narinig. "Is this because you saw me yesterday almost having a breakdown?" I asked frankly.

"I guess?" He answered with a shrug. "Plus, I really don't want to be a burden here."

Napailing ako sa narinig. I appreciate his honesty since I won't have to overthink and play guessing games with myself. Kay Salvador pa lang pagod na ako, buti na lang at hindi na dinagdagan ni Xaviell.

I rolled my eyes playfully and turned towards the cottage. When I felt that Xaviell isn't following me, I turned back to him by my shoulder.

"Come on, crush, don't just stand there," I said with a smirk.

He looked taken aback for a moment but he was quick to regain his composure.

I laughed at his reaction. "I'm just kidding, I don't like you that way," pagklaro ko. Biro-biro lang naman iyon. Mabuti nang alam niya para hindi naman siya mailang o ano. Baka kasi isipin pa niyang inaaya ko siya rito para maka-damoves ako sa kaniya.

Seriously, Vanilla? Damoves?

"Ano lang?"

I took the key from my picnic basket and opened the cottage with a shrug. "I don't know... acquaintance? Friend?" I answered unsurely. "Trespasser?"

He chuckled especially at the mention of the word "trespasser". I turned to him and saw that he was already intently looking at me with an amused expression.

"I think I'd go for friends," he said. He looks so suave while casually leaning on a pillar with both of his hands in his pockets.

Tumaas ulit ang kilay ko dahil sa gulat. "Really?"

He shrugged casually again. "Well, yeah... you can consider me as one."

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata, hinihintay na humagalpak siya ng tawa pero simpleng ngiti lang ang binigay niya sa akin. May kung ano pa akong naramdaman sa may dibdib at tiyan pero hindi ko iyon ininda.

"I'll stay on your hammock, Miss Hermosa," Xaviell spoke again before I could even think of an answer.

"So now you know my full name..." sumandal ako sa hamba ng pintuan habang si Xaviell ay umupo na sa hammock pero sa akin naman nakatingin.

"Mhmm..." he nodded. "So you're an Hermosa?"

I raised a brow for a "yes".

"No wonder maganda ako?" Tanong ko sa nakakatuksong boses sabay ngisi.

Xaviell chuckled. "Yes, you are Hermosa."

Napakagat ako ng labi dahil sa narinig. Hindi ko inasahan ang ganoong sagot. Naramdaman kong uminit ang pisngi ko at bumalik na naman ang kung anong sensasyon sa may dibdib at tiyan ko.

"Well... gracias, Xaviell," I said, suddenly remembering that I still have to cook breakfast. Those weird sensations I felt earlier are probably because of hunger. "Because of that, ipagluluto rin kita."

Hindi ko na hinintay ang kaniyang sagot at dumiretso na sa loob. Lakad-takbo ang ginawa ko papuntang kusina at saka mabilis na naghilamos. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa akin ngunit baka dahil lang ito sa gutom.

Tahimik akong nagluto at katulad nang sinabi ay ipinagluto ko rin si Xaviell. Ang pangit naman siguro kung ako lang ang kakain at nakatanga lang siya sa akin, diba?

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay tinulungan niya ako sa pagligpit ng mga pinagkainan namin. Nilatag ko ang kumot na pang-picnic at saka kinuha ang parcel na dumating kahapon.

"What are these?" Xaviell asked, trying to hide the curiosity in his voice. He's probably wondering why he's only seeing white inside the box. "Oh, they're fabrics."

"Mhmm... they're from the States," sagot ko at saka kinuha na ang box mula sa kandungan niya. "I asked my friends, London and Galaxy, to buy these for me."

Kinuha ko ang tela at saka hinimas-himas iyon. Maliban sa tela ay may kung ano-anong diyamante rin akong ipinabili sa mga kaibigan.

I turned to Xaviell and saw the curiosity lingering in his eyes. "I'm making a veil for my mother's wedding," I shared in almost a whisper. I don't know why I did it but I'm sure it's not because I wanted to ease his curiosity.

Nakita kong mas naging kuryoso siya dahil sa sinabi ko pero kahit ganoon ay hindi naman siya nagtanong. Nginitian niya lang ako sabay tango habang ang mga mata ay nakatuon pa rin sa akin.

Looking back, I could still remember how I also became curious as to why he's acting that way. Kitang-kita ko ang kuryosidad sa kaniyang mga mata at kahit ako mismo ay nagulat na hindi man lang siya nagtanong o ano. Kung ikukumpara ko siya sa iba kong kakilala ay masasabi kong ibang-iba talaga siya.

He never once pried in my personal life. I know that in some ways, he was curious but he never once asked.

I gave him the keys to enter my life—no, scratch that. I willingly opened the door for him and he just entered. I was the one who let him in. I unconsciously shared a part of myself to him thinking that he won't be like most people I know, not knowing that he'll eventually leave as well while bringing a part of me with him.

If I were to assess the past, it was that moment that led to my downfall.

Hindi ko kailanman naisip na unti-unti na palang nagkatotoo ang mga tukso ng mga pinsan sa akin. Akala ko ay simpleng sintomas ng kagutoman lang ang palagi kong nararamdaman tuwing kasama siya. 'Yon pala ay unti-unti ko na siyang nagugustuhan.

Unti-unti na palang nahuhulog ang loob ko sa kaniya. Oo, baka nga totoong tinuring niya akong kaibigan. Pero hindi pa rin niyon mababago ang katotohanang umalis din siya.