"Wait... you knew?" My eyes widened at the sudden realization. Xaviell bit his lips and scratched his head before looking away.

All this time, alam niya pala kung nasaan si Caramel at kung anong nangyari sa kaniya.

"Don't blame him, Van," ani Caramel at saka masuyong hinagod ang likod ko. "He found out by accident and I made him promise not to tell anyone."

I turned to Xaviell and saw that his eyes were on me. He mouthed something I didn't understand.

"If you're mad, direct it to me," aniya pa kaya napatingin ako ulit sa kaniya. As if I can get mad at her... I can't. Or at least not now. Not when she's...

My eyes dropped to her belly but immediately averted my gaze to the door when I heard a knock. Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Caramel at nagpa-panic kaming tinitigan.

"I didn't tell anyone."

"Wala akong sinabihan."

"You can trust us!"

Sabay-sabay na sumagot sina Galaxy, London, at Sugar. Kararating lang namin dito sa Switzerland. Turns out, Caramel has been living here for months already. She didn't lie about working since well... she's still working and doing some volunteer work.

Though, she did keep something from us. But... who am I to judge? I had my fair share of secrets.

Caramel waved her hand dismissively and went to open the door.

Lumapit si Xaviell sa akin at saka ako pinasandal sa bar counter. Mahigpit niya akong niyakap.

"I'm sor—"

"Nope," pag-iling ko. "Don't be."

I felt his muscles relax. A while ago, he was so tensed. He probably thought that I'm mad at him for keeping Caramel's secret. And I'm not mad. I understand, actually.

"Thank you, Xaviell," I whispered. He removed his hold and faced me with his a curious expression. "Thank you for not breaking her trust."

His lips curved into a smile before leaning towards me. He placed a soft peck on my cheeks before pulling me out to the living room.

"Vanilla!" Tawag ni Caramel sabay hatak ng palapulsuhan ko. Napatingin ako sa dalawang babaeng kararating.

Sila ang mga doktor na kaibigan ni Caramel. I saw them in pictures before. Our only interaction before was when Sugar got hospitalized.

"Here's Frankie and Ethereal Sola—" bago pa matapos ni Caramel ang sinasabi ay tinampal na siya sa braso ng isang babae. Seryoso ang kaniyang mukha, kabaliktaran naman ng isa pa na patawa-tawa lang sa gilid.

"Ethereal as in Ethereal Eight?" Kuryosong tanong ni Xaviell. The serious-looking girl—Ethereal—frowned at Caramel, who only smiled at Xaviell, who then shared a meaningful look with Sugar.

I turned to Galaxy and London. They had this expression on their faces that tells me that they realized something.

Why don't I know anything?

Napasimangot ako at pilit na hinalukay sa isipan ko kung ano ang "Ethereal Eight" na 'yon. And then it hit me! Ethereal Eight is a bar! And it's owned by...

My mouth gaped open as I turned to Xaviell. He nodded at me and smirked while shaking his head.

"Small world, right?" The less-serious girl said. One thing that is so striking about her aside from her bubbly smile and energetic vibe is her skin.

"I'm a derma, that's why," aniya nang napansin ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Frankie here!" Pagkatapos niyon ay binigyan niya ako ng kaniyang business card.

"Anyways, why don't we prepare for the baby shower." It was Sugar who spoke first. I turned to Ethereal and saw how she looked like. It was as if she was saved from her misery.

We spent the following hours decorating Caramel's place while she slept in her room. We finished quickly since there's seven of us who worked.

Saktong pagkagising ni Caramel mula sa kaniyang siyesta ay tapos na kami.

"Why am I here again?" Tanong ni Xaviell. Napatingin ako sa kaniya at nakita na nakapwesto siya sa may gilid. He's clearly out-of-place in this room full of giggling girls.

"You're the closest I have for a guy bestie," ani Caramel at hinatak si Xaviell papunta sa tabi ko. "Plus, we don't have a photographer."

Xaviell gave her a playful frown while his arms snaked around my waist. "You should've invited Gazella's husband instead."

We had a simple baby shower for Caramel but it was fun. Kami-kami lang naman pero kahit ganoon, may kaunting games. We all spent the night at Caramel's place, and Xaviell and I got to share a room.

Maganda ang tinitirhan ni Caramel. Her place actually reminds me of my cottage since it's situated in the middle of a vast grassland. Nasa may burol nakatayo ang kaniyang bahay at kaunti lang ang kaniyang kapitbahay. Tatlong bahay lang ang malapit sa kaniya pero malaki ang pagitan ng mga bahay.

May mga baka rin sa labas at sa hindi kalayuan ay may falls. Ilang metro mula sa kaniyang bahay ay ang mga nagkukumpulan na mga pine trees.

No wonder she chose to stay here. It's so peaceful compared to the city. Nakakakalma rin ang tanawin at mistulang nasa ibang dimensyon ito.

Dahil sa jet-lag ay mas maaga akong nagising kumpara sa nakasanayan. Nang bumangon ako ay inalis ko ang pagkakapulupot ng mga braso ni Xaviell kaya nagising din siya.

We showered and ate light breakfast. Tulog pa ang mga kaibigan kaya hindi na muna namin ginising.

"Labas tayo," pag-aya ko. I took the mini organizer from my bag that contains the beads and strings that I brought. Ito ang pinagkadiskitahan namin ng mga kaibigan sa flight papunta rito.

Kaya pala nakatulog si Xaviell at chill lang siya dahil alam niya na ang tinatago ni Caramel. Kami naman ay hindi makapali. Ang sinabi niya kasi sa amin ay may aaminin siya. Iyon lang. Wala nang context o additional na impormasyon.

Tumango si Xaviell sabay kuha ng isang kumot at dalawang throw-pillow. Tahimik kaming lumabas at saka naglakad-lakad. Nang mapagod ay saka kami pumuwesto sa damuhan at nilatag na ang mga beads at strings.

As expected, the morning Swiss breeze is cool and invigorating. Every time I inhale the air, my insides literally feels like it's being enveloped by cold water. Ganoon kasariwa ang hangin dito.

The rising sun slowly settled beyond the highlighted silhouettes of the surrounding mountains. Everything—from the view to the golden skies and to the way Xaviell holds my hand—is perfect.

Perfect not in the way that it's flawless. But perfect in the way that they serve as puzzle pieces and now they fit together to be effortlessly engraved in my memory.

I turned to Xaviell. Tutok na tutok ang kaniyang mga mata at atensyon sa ginagawa. He was trying to get the string inside the bead.

"I'm making an anklet," he shared with a grin. "Vio keeps on targeting mine."

His back was on the side where the setting sun is. His large frame is blocking the rays as the sunlight accentuated his outline. The gentle glares of the sun made his skin and dirty blond hair glow.

Bagay na bagay siya rito. There's no trace of roughness and aggression. Only gentleness and warmth.

I smiled when a sudden realization hit me. I just put the two and two together.

I like everything soft and gentle. Ayaw ko ng marahas. From countrysides and picnic, to anything romantically cliche, and sentimental.

And... Xaviell...

He's like the epitome of gentleness—like the personification of warmth and comfort. His presence feels like a cool breeze on my face—intoxicating but exhilarating at the same time. Or the gentle glares of the sun in a calm Sunday morning.

Xaviell can be intimidating sometimes but he's the opposite of that in reality. He's unafraid of vulnerability and sentiments. He shows affection and appreciation even in the most random moments and in the most random ways. He embraces the cliches.

Everything in him is already so attractive—from his physique with muscles on their right places, his hazel orbs that can be described in so many poetic and cheesy ways, to his vibe and and humor and confidence and manners and skills and intellect!

The list can go on. But damn... there's still his smile... and his patience and understanding... and there's that—his mellow and tender side.

Damn... bakit manghang-mangha ako sa kaniya?

He's also a walking contradiction.

He's a softie that can be formidable. His gaze can be serious but it's also gentle. His touch is callous but it's comforting.

His effect on me makes my insides go wild but, at the same time, I get butterflies. He can make my heartbeat double but he's also the one that makes it slow down when I'm panicking.

And... I got my heart broken plenty of times because of him. But it's also because of him that I have the strength to heal and to hope.

Cliche, I know. But that's Xaviell for me.

I can get all clingy and emotional and vulnerable and cheesy with him—something I rarely do in front of my friends but never in other people's presence.

"Valentines," he called, snapping me back from my reverie.

"Hmm?" I tilted my head while smiling.

Wala naman siyang may dinagdag kaya nagsimula na rin ako sa paggawa ng mga bracelets. Sugar, London, and Galaxy wanted to make anklets for their children but they only managed to string a few beads together.

Natatandaan ko noong ginagawa namin ito sa eroplano ay panay ang tigil nila. They would string a bead or two before stopping and make a guess as to what Caramel's "confession" would be. It happened again and again until we arrived. Wala kaming may natapos gawin.

Nagpatuloy kami sa ginagawa, hindi ko mapigilang matandaan ang mga pinanggagawa namin sa cottage ko noon. I could still remember the time I spilled watercolor on my white dress. I was painting my ukulele that time.

Mabilis kong natapos ang mga anklets kaya gumawa naman ako ng mga bracelets at singsing. I made two matching pairs but now I can't choose which one to wear.

The first ones are in shades of green with a few flowers while the second pair is made up of bronze-brown beads with a few white and silver ones.

"Saan mas bagay?" Tanong ko sa kaniya at saka pinakita ang dalawang kamay habang suot-suot ang mga bracelet at singsing. "Choose one pair so I can make a matching necklace."

"Both are nice but the brown and silver complements your skin better," he answered in a low voice.

I smiled gratefully at him and was about to take another set of beads when spoke again. Hindi ko iyon masyadong narinig.

I looked up to him while he swallowed hard, his serious and steady gaze raking over me. I cupped his cheeks, hoping he'll loosen up. Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya biglang naging tensyonado.

"Hmm?"

"This one would look the best on you, though," he said.

And at that exact moment, my eyes dropped to his hand—to what he's holding, to be exact.

"Are you..." I trailed off as I looked back to him. He adjusted his position and now he's kneeling on both knees.

My eyes dropped back to his hand. To the ring.

It was shaped like a nautilus shell adorned with small diamonds as outline. Another set of diamonds clustered in the middle of the curved shell-like shape.

"Marry me again, Valentines?" He spoke again but I was too stunned to speak. Tulala ko lang siyang tinitigan habang tinatakpan ang bibig. "This time, we'd be both sober and we actually get to plan it..."

"And we'd be actually aware that we're being wedded?" Patanong kong sagot at saglit na natawa kahit pa nararamdaman ko na ang mga luha na dumadausdos pababa sa aking pisngi.

He nodded with a small smile. "Is that a yes?"

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili at tuluyan nang naiyak pero napangiti rin. I covered my face with both hands before throwing myself onto him. Mabilis niya akong nasalo at saka niyakap.

"Thank you for sticking around," bulong ko, hindi kinalas ang yakap. "I know it wasn't easy."

I felt him relax. His hands were now caressing my hair and my back.

"Do you like it?"

I let go of the hug and sat in front of him. "The what?"

"This one." He gestured towards nowhere with a shrug. "The proposal."

Tumango ako at saka siya hinintay siya na magpatuloy. Alam kong may bumabagabag sa kaniya.

He let out a sigh of relief before placing a hand behind my neck, then pushing me forward so I could lean on him.

"I know you appreciate simplicity but I thought of doing something grand, like asking you somewhere special, " he started. "But when we were stringing those beads and then you asked about a ring, I thought..." natigil siya at saka napasinghap.

"I don't know how to explain this," pag-amin niya. "It just really felt like the right moment."

I placed a kiss at the side of his neck before hugging him tightly. "It's perfect," sabi ko sabay harap sa kaniya. "I like it here. All my favorite people are here."

Maybe this is the kind of love and intimacy I have been unknowingly longing for. I never knew what to call it nor how to describe it. But one thing's for sure. It's Xaviell—everything he does and everything that he is.

And maybe—just maybe—this is the kind of love we need; the reassuring one. Not necessarily the grandest kind of love and not the one that revolves just around the physical. Instead, it nourishes us from within.

"So, everyone's married, huh?" Ani Caramel sabay lahad sa amin ng isang cake. She mouthed "congratulations" before winking at me.

Ilang araw na kaming nandito at bukas ay magsisi-alisan na kami. We still have work plus Xaviell and I have a wedding to plan for.

And wow... wedding... hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. It feels so surreal. Who would've thought that I'd reach this point?

"Xav," tawag ko sa katabi at saka inalis ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin. He frowned at me before trying to sneak his arms back to my waist but I stood up instead.

He gave me a sheepish smile while looking up at me. Halatang nagpapa-cute.

This is one of the rare moments that I'm taller than him. Tuwing nakaupo siya at ako ang nakatayo.

I crossed my arms and gave him a serious look. "What do you want? Ako na lang ang nagpaplano..."

"Anything is fine, really..." ito palagi ang sagot niya sa akin at hinahayaan niya lang ako. "What matters to me is whom I'm getting married with. Aside from that, I'm good..." may pakibit-balikat pa siyang nalalaman. Mukhang iyon lang talaga ang gusto.

"Stop it. You always get away with my questions." It was my turn to frown. I bent one knee and rested it on the couch.

Instead of answering, he placed a hand behind my back, arching my body towards him while chuckling lightly.

"I like the garden wedding one," he said. Finally! "Isn't that what you want?"

"Never mind what I want." Umiling ako. "What do you want?"

"Ikaw."

I covered my face with both hands while he let out a chuckle again. "Xaviell!"

"Hey, that's true! I'm just answering the question" Pagdadahilan pa niya. Hindi ata ako sineseyoso nito! "But yeah, I like the garden wedding."

And just like that, we did have a garden wedding at my cottage in Aldea. It was an intimate one with only the closest people as our guests.

His parents are also preparing a party in Europe for us and I feel like it's more of for the business side of things. Akala ko ay gusto ni Xaviell ng malaking seremonya pero aniya na mas gusto niya rin kung ang mga malalapit lang talaga sa amin ang nasa kasal.

"You're my first heartbreak," I said out of nowhere. I glanced at him before taking a bite from my Cornetto. "I mean... the whole Aldea Blanca... noong una tayong nagkakilala at saka ang mga nangyari noon..."

Kaaalis lang ng mga kaibigan at pinsan dahil anila na baka may gagawin pa raw kami ni Xaviell. I'm sure they meant to tease us but here we are, spending our first night as a married couple sitting on the hammock while eating ice cream.

I'm not complaining, though. I feel like we've been so busy with all the preparations that we didn't get to have our usual random conversations.

"What's the next?"

I shrugged, then leaning on his side. "I dunno... sobrang dami na hindi ko na matandaan."

"But I remember you 'cause... well... I dunno... you're worth remembering?" I chuckled. "You're my first so..."

We spent the next minutes reminiscing about our first few moments here in Aldea Blanca. He kept on telling me how he found me mean and sarcastic but also amusing.

Natigil lang ang pag-uusap namin nang nag-message ang photographer at saka s-in-end ang first batch ng mga litrato mula kanina.

I scrolled through the gallery and couldn't help but laugh when I saw a particular photo of my parents.

It's supposed to be a photo of my cousins but at their back were Mommy and Papa. The two are photobombing the picture and what I found amusing is that they're giving each other fake smiles. They have the fakest smiles I've ever seen.

"At least they're trying," bulong ko. Naramdaman ko naman ang kamay ni Xaviell sa aking baywang. Pinisil niya ako roon, nagpapakalma.

I heaved a deep sigh when I remembered something. My parents fake-smiling to each other is way better than how they acted when we had dinner with Xaviell's family.

We were at a private restaurant and everything's going well until my parents both decided to keep throwing shade to each other. It started when Xaviell's older sister asked me about my first impression of Xaviell.

"At first, I found him annoying but then he grew on me," natatawa ko pang sagot. Natatandaan ko rin ang mga panahon noong bigla-bigla na lang siyang sumusulpot sa cottage at saka nakikitulog sa hammock.

"That's good," Mom whispered. "'Cause some people are just plain annoying."

At first, I didn't mind her remarks but it didn't help when she and Papa kept on having comments every time someone speaks.

The dinner ended quickly. I felt really embarrassed in front of Xaviell's family but my parents were too immature to be even aware of what they're doing.

We were still supposed to have desserts but I really couldn't stand the two. Nang nagpapaalam ay humingi ako ng paumanhin sa mga magulang at kapatid ni Xaviell. Ang mas nakakahiya pa ay kasama rin sa dinner ang mga in-laws ni Xaviell.

Si Xaviell ang naghatid sa kaniyang pamilya kaya naiwan ako kasama ang mga magulang. I glared at the both of them.

"What was that for?" It's the first time I raised my voice that high to the two of them. Magsasalita pa sana sila pero mukhang nagulat sa biglaan kong pagsigaw.

"I asked you to be nice even just for today! You could've at least pretended that you don't have a rift! You could've ignored each other!"

"Coco—"

"No! Listen to me!" Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman. Galit ako pero nasasaktan din. "You didn't hear me complain when I had to make a family album in school and I couldn't place a picture of the three of us because we had none so I had to ask my friend to edit a picture for me."

"I didn't complain when I had to isolate myself in my cottage because I'd rather be alone than listen to you banter about all your issues with each other!"

At that point, I was using all my strength not to let my tears fall. Buti na lang at nasa may private dining hall kami kaya walang nakarinig maliban na lang sa aming tatlo.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib, nahihirapan na makahinga. "I never blamed you for giving me a broken family. But now... I have the chance to have my own. Just let me have this one, please!" Nagmamakaawa kong sabi.

"Mom, Pa, mahal ko si Xaviell. This is so weird to say in front of you but I want you to know how much this means to me. If you can't set your differences aside, I'd rather not have you in my wedding."

"Coco, you're not serious—"

"You can't do that—"

I wiped my tears and heaved a sigh. Xaviell rushed to my side and held my hand. It's all I needed, actually.

"Yes, I am. And yes, I can, because now, I finally get to choose," I said. "There are problems that I can't control and stop but for this one, I can."

I walked out of the room and pulled Xaviell with me. I heard him say something to my parents but I quickened my pace. Gusto kong makalayo sa kanila.

Nang makapasok kami sa elevator ay doon ko na pinakawalan ang mga luhang nagbabadya. Napaupo ako sa gilid at pinatong ang ulo sa mga tuhod.

Xaviell kneeled in front of me. "Ba't ganito na naman? Akala ko okay na. Andaming problema, Xaviell..."

I heard him sigh before placing his hands on each of my elbows. He helped me get up and made me lean on his chest while I sobbed.

"You know, Valentines, problems never end," aniya sa masuyong boses. "They're constants in life. It's just that there are times that we have problems we prefer; problems that are better than the others."

"When the supplier said that the flowers' shipping would be days delayed, that was a problem, right? But it's definitely a better problem than this one."

"I'm not sure if that's so comforting," sabi ko, natawa nang kaunti.

"All I'm saying is that we can't avoid problems." The elevator opened and he handed me his handkerchief before pulling me out of the elevator. "If we base our happiness on not having any problems, then we'll never have it."

His words stuck with me until now and I still can't help but think about it at times. I never saw life and my problems in that perspective.

"Hey," tawag ko sa kaniya. Umalis ako sa pagkakahilig sa kaniyang gilid para maayos ko siyang maharap. "Remember our conversation when we were at the elevator? You know... when my parents caused a scene during our dinner."

"Mhmm... what about it?" I could sense that he's being more careful with his words. We never talked about it until now.

"I've been thinking about it and although what you said is hard to accept, I know they're true."

He gave me an affectionate smile before kissing the top of my head. Inakbayan niya ako at saka pinagalaw ang hammock.

Umihip ang hangin at sandali ko munang dinama ang kalamigan niyon sa aking mukha.

"I don't mind the problems, Xaviell, as long as we're together," I whispered. "So, please stay."

Naramdaman ko ang kaniyang titig sa akin kaya napatingin ulit ako sa kaniya.

He smiled at me. It was his charming smile, the one I just remembered that I used to call his prince-charming vibes kind of smile.

"I'll stay, Valentines," he said assuringly. "I'm yours 'til the end of time."

The conflicts were hard and I honestly thought that they were too much for us... but as cliche and unlikely this may be, those made me appreciate our story even more.

My heartbreaks all served a purpose. They made me realize the kind of person that I am, the person I aspire to be, my strengths, my shortcomings, my defense mechanisms.

Those heartbreaks and tears and painful memories remind me that I can forgive despite my fears, and that I can hope even in the most hopeless moments.

And that despite the trauma and issues I have for witnessing how love can break people, I can still be a hopeful romantic.

And that despite the hurt and fear of getting hurt, I can still choose to love.

No love is perfect. And what I have with Xaviell is definitely not an exception. It's not the all-sunshines and rainbow kind of love. It doesn't make my monochromatic world full of colors, but it does make my day a shade brighter. It's not perfect but my heart gets to smile.