"You came!" Gulat na sambit ni Xaviell, parang hindi makapaniwala na nandito nga ako.

I guess just like me, he knows that us, meeting here, isn't just about seeing each other. It means more than that. It means that I'm actually choosing to get out of my comfort zone, sacrificing what I'm used to—isolating myself to avoid getting hurt.

Tipid akong ngumiti sabay tango. "Yeah... but here's the thing: I can be selfish, entitled, doubtful, and I put myself down to the point that it's annoying."

"I unconsciously hurt others but no matter how much I try to be nice without looking fake, I still end up hurting those around me—the people I care about... I end up being mean and as if I don't care... I might do something that will hurt you, which would then make you leave. And if you do leave, it'll hurt me as well..."

Sandali akong napapikit, dinadama ang samu't saring emosyong nararamdaman. A part of me is scared that he might realize that I'm not worth all these troubles. I'm scared that he might see me and think of me the way I see and think of myself.

It's scary because even though I know that I shouldn't care about what people think about me, the opinions of those I treasure still matter to me. Xaviell matters to me.

Pero kahit nakakatakot, alam kong kailangan kong sabihin ang mga iyon. It's better that he gets a glimpse of what it'll be like to be with me. Mas mabuti nang alam niyang ganito ako bago pa kami may masimulan. At least I wouldn't have to live up to any standards.

"But this is me, Xaviell," pagpatuloy ko. "I'm still trying to be better... still trying to let go of my toxic traits... but as of this moment, this is me..."

Sandali akong napayuko bago siya ulit hinarap. May mga pagkakataon talaga katulad na lang ngayon na hindi ko talaga makaya ang intensidad ng kaniyang tingin.

"This is Valentina, your so-called Valentines... she's aware of her shortcomings and she's trying... but if you're looking for all-sunshines and rainbows, all the pretty and glitters, always-smiling and positive, she's not it. Take it or leave it."

Napapikit ako, medyo natatakot sa magiging sagot niya. Pero 'di bale na, ang importante, nasabi ko na ang mga gusto kong sabihin. The fact that I actually braved this situation is a small step forward.

I've never been this vocal especially about my "insecurities" but I'm glad I spoke up. Yes, I feel uncomfortable but not all discomforts are bad. Some signifies growth.

I'm scared but also feeling free at the same time.

Minulat ko ang mga mata at nakitang nakatuon pa rin sa akin ang kaniyang tingin. Napakagat-labi ako nang may mapagtanto.

They say that no response is a response. Some would say silence means yes but I don't think that's the case here. Maybe I was right. Maybe he realized that I'm not worth all these trouble.

Napasinghal ako sabay tango sa kaniya. Tatalikuran ko na sana siya pero mabilis niya namang hinawakan ang palapulsuhan ko sabay hila sa akin papunta sa kaniya.

"Where are you going? I haven't even said anything..." he said with a sigh, his hand caressing my hair while the other was on my waist.

I leaned on his chest and I couldn't help but feel immensely comforted by his warmth.

"I'll take any chance you give, Valentines, whatever it is... I'll gladly take it..."

Umalis ako sa pagkakahilig sa kaniyang dibdib at saka siya hinarap. Masuyo niya akong tinitigan habang parang nagsiguluhan naman ang kalooban ko dahil sa narinig.

Sinubukan kong pigilan ang mga ngiti pero mahirap. Napakagat-labi na lang ako sabay tango at ganoon din ang ginawa niya.

"So... we're no longer civil?" Aniya sa namamanghang tono. The corner of his lips rose as he leaned on the railings. "Uhmm... friends? Acquaintance?"

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga ngiti at hinayaan na lang na makita niya iyon. Umiiling-iling ako, hindi makapaniwala sa kaniyang sinabi.

I honestly thought he'd propose a romantic relationship but I'm glad that he wants to take things slow. Or at least, step by step. Walang pressure para sa aming dalawa at hindi rin kami mahihirapan sa pag-adjust. Mas mabuti na lang na dahan-dahanin ang mga bagay kaysa sa magsisi sa huli.

Sandali kaming nanatili doon sa tagong parte ng rooftop restau bagi namin napagdesisyunan na kumain. Hinatid niya naman ako pagkatapos at tinanong pa 'ko kung okay lang daw ba na magkasama kaming mag-lunch pagkabukas.

And for some reason, I am looking forward to our lunch. Kung nitong mga nakaraang araw ay nagmumukmok ako sa kwarto, ngayon naman ay nakihalubilo na ako sa mga pinsan.

"You should thank Sugar for snapping at you," ani Lisa sabay lahad sa akin ng isang pirasong manok. Nag-aya sila na mag-midnight snacking kaya kahit may trabaho ako bukas, nakisali na lang ako.

Pagkabukas, sabay kaming umalis ng mga pinsan sa unit ko dahil mamamasyal sila. Ako naman, dumiretso na sa clinic.

Mabilis lumipas ang umaga at katulad nang napag-usapan namin kahapon, sinundo nga ako ni Xaviell at saka kami pumunta sa isang restaurant.

"So, how's work?" Aniya pagkatapos naming mag-order. He leaned on his chair and gave me his now-usual intense look. I'm not sure if he's just asking for the sake of having something to talk about or he's actually curious.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, sinusubukang sumeryoso. "Well... it's kinda not the same without you there," sagot ko sa nagbibirong tono.

Natawa rin siya sa sinabi ko at umiling-iling pa. "Don't worry, I'm thinking about telling everyone at work 'bout your clinic," he said with a wink.

Bago pa ako makapag-isip ng isasagot ay nagsalita ulit siya. "And oh, I have something for you..."

Curious ko siyang tiningnan at nakita na may kinuha siyang maliit na box mula sa kaniyang bulsa. "Trust me when I say that I just saw this online and I immediately thought of you... I was like 'oh, a terrarium keychain! Valentines would love this!' and then I searched for a physical store and found that there's one nearby my office so I stopped by—"

Natatawa kong hinawakan ang kaniyang kamay at saka tumango. Hindi ko alam pero may kung ano sa uri ng pananalita niya na hindi ko matigilan ang pagngiti. May pa iba-iba pa kasi ang kaniyang tono.

Nagpasalamat ako sa kaniya at babawiin na sana ang kamay na nakapatong sa kaniya pero mabilis niya itong hinawakan. Inayos niya pa ang kaniyang upuan at imbes na magkaharap kami ay tinabihan niya na ako habang hindi pa rin binibitawan ang isa kong kamay.

Napailing na lang ako pero hinayaan na lang siya. Gamit ang isang kamay, binuksan ko ang kaniyang regalo.

"You're right, I like it, Xaviell," namamangha kong sabi. Just like what he said, it's indeed a terrarium keychain. It looks simple but I can't seem to take my eyes off it.

I turned to Xaviell and saw that he's already looking at me. I beamed at him and he did the same. Naputol lang ang tinginan namin nang may tumikhim sa likuran namin.

"Good afternoon, boss, Mam..." anang babae sabay bow nang kaunti. "I don't mean to interrupt you two but boss, the investors moved your meeting and they would like to meet you right now."

Xaviell sighed, then turning to me. "Valentines, this is Valerianna, my secretary."

Valerianna turned to me and raised a brow, then nodding slightly at me. Dahil sa gulat sa kaniyang ginawa ay tinaasan ko rin siya ng kilay at binigyan siya ng maliit na ngiti. Pagkatapos niyon ay binalik niya na ang tingin kay Xaviell na mukhang hindi nasaksihan ang nangyari bago-bago lang dahil sa kaiisip.

"Tell them that the meeting time is still the same," Xaviell said with finality. "If they want out, then let them be."

Nakita kong bumuka ang bibig ni Valerianna at mukhang may sasabihin pa sana pero tinaas na ni Xaviell ang kaniyang kamay kaya natahimik na lang ang isa.

Pagkatapos niyon ay tumawag si Xaviell ng waiter at saka pinahanapan ng table si Valerianna at nagpatuloy kami sa pag-uusap-usap.

Nasa may terasa kami ng restaurant at may glass door na naka-separate sa amin mula sa ibang kumakain. Pero kahit ganoon, kitang-kita ko pa rin ang patuloy na pasulyap-sulyap ni Valerianna sa amin.

Hindi ko alam pero may kung ano akong nararamdaman. It's either I'm overreacting or there's actually something strange about her.

Or maybe you're just starting to feel jealous. A voice in my head said.

"Okay lang kung kailangan mong umalis," sabi ko kay Xaviell.

Imbes na sagutin ako ay hinawakan niya ulit ang isa kong kamay at itinuon ang mga mata sa harapan namin.

"I don't want to work with people who'll change plans in the last minute," aniya sabay sulyap sa akin.

I didn't press on the topic and we talked about other things instead. We mostly talked about work but I don't really mind. I'm genuinely interested with what he's doing and I feel like he feels the same way about mine.

Hinatid niya ako sa clinic at aniya na sabay daw ulit kaming magla-lunch bukas. Excited ko siyang tinanguan at sa hindi malamang dahilan, hinalikan ko ang kaniyang pisngi.

Huli ko nang napagtanto ang ginawa at naramdaman ko ang nag-iinit na pisngi. Imbes na ipahalata ang hiya ay nginitian ko na lang siya at mabilis na pumasok sa clinic. Alam kong may sasabihin pa sana siya pero hindi ko na yata kakayanin.

Pagkauwi, nakasabay ko ulit si Lavinia. Binati niya pa ako ng yakap at hindi ako na-inform na ganoon na pala kami ka-close. Pero dahil good mood ako, hinayaan ko na lang siya.

"Soo... I heard 'bout you and Beaufort," aniya na may makabuluhang ngiti sabay pindot pabukas ng elevator. 'Di nagtagal ay bumukas din iyon at nakapasok na kami.

Imbes na sagutin siya ay ngumiti na lang ako. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung ano ang isasagot.

"That's really nice, Valentina, it seems to me that he's really happy," dagdag niya. "I'm not sure if you know but we always see each other at work and I can see that he's in a great place right now."

Napakagat-labi naman ako dahil sa narinig. I don't know why I'm feeling this but I'm quite flattered with her words. Parang teenager ako na tinutukso sa kaniyang crush at todo kilig naman!

"You know, Valentina, our parents used to hint that we should be together! I really thought they'd arrange us!" Natatawa niyang sabi sabay hampas-hampas sa balikat ko. "Our fams are close plus it's good for the biz!"

Tumaas lang ang kilay ko sa narinig pero hinayaan lang siya. Alam kong close sila pero hindi ko alam na ganoon sila ka close. Pero 'di bale na, wala naman akong dapat ikatakot.

"But anyways, Valentina, I'm happy for you two! Really!" She added with a beam when the elevator opened at her floor. "Can we hangout this weekend? Like in a spa?"

She gave me an expectant look so I nodded. Wala naman akong plano sa weekend kaya why not? Plus, I guess it's nice to have a new friend? Or at least, a new acquaintance?

"By the way, Lavinia and I are going to hangout this weekend," I shared to Xaviell. Nasa cafeteria kami ngayon ng hospital at hindi na kami lumabas dahil na-late ang lunch break ko. Naghintay pa siya tuloy.

I saw Xaviell's brow rise with an amused look. "Let me guess, you're going to a spa?"

Natatawa niyang binitawan ang kubyertos at saka inabot ang tissue sabay gamit niyon sa pagpunas ng kung ano sa aking labi. I was too stunned to speak and I just let him be.

"Don't be surprised, she used to ask everyone out just so she has a reason to go to the spa," aniya pa habang patuloy akong natulala dahil sa kaniyang ginawa.

Huli niya nang napagtanto na nakatulala ako sa kaniya at nagtagal naman ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin, parang sinusuri ako habang nag-iisip kung ba't nakatuon ang buong pansin ko sa kaniya. Nanatili kami sa ganoong posisyon—nagtititigan lang hanggang sa may tumikhim.

Sabay kaming napaigtad ni Xaviell at napatingin sa gilid. Nakatayo roon si Valerianna habang may dalang folder. Sandaling nagtagal ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin bago ngumiti kay Xaviell. Hindi ko maintindihan pero parang may kakaiba na naman akong nararamdaman na hindi ko maipaliwanag. Iba rin iyong naramdaman ko kahapon.

I shook my head, trying to disregard all my overthinking. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kung ano-ano na naman ang naiisip ko.

"Boss, sorry to disturb you again but you have to sign these," ani Valerianna kay Xaviell habang pasimple ko siyang tinitigan. "It's urgent."

Nakita ko na kahit hindi siya nakaharap sa akin, sa akin naman nakatutok ang kaniyang mga mata. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at ganoon din ang ginawa niya. Napangisi na lang tuloy ako.

Xaviell read the papers while Valerianna and I had a moment of staring contest. She has this intimidating aura but I'm not intimidated. Nakikita ko ang sarili sa kaniya kaya ba't ako mababahala?

It's weird because I feel like she looked different yesterday. May kakaiba sa kaniya ngayon kumpara kahapon.

Tinaasan niya ulit ako ng kilay bago ako inirapan. Napailing-iling na lang ako bago ipinagpatuloy ang pagkain. Umalis din naman siya kalaunan habang panay naman ang sorry ni Xaviell dahil sa istorbo.

Sinigurado ko naman siya na naiintindihan ko pero mukhang na-guilty pa siya kaya iniba ko na lang ang usapan. Nang matapos na kami sa pagkain ay hinatid niya ako pabalik sa office.

"Bye-bye," nakangiti kong sabi sabay halik ng kaniyang pisngi.

Narinig ko ang mumunti niyang pagsinghap at lalo lang akong napangiti sabay iling-iling. Nasapo ko na lang ang ulo dahil sa kahibangan. Hindi ko na rin alam ang nangyayari pero nagugustuhan ko ito.

"You can't just steal kisses, Valentines!" Pahabol niyang sabi. I turned to him and stuck my tongue out, making him laugh. I gave him a flying kiss and went inside the clinic.

Agad akong sumandal sa likod ng pintuan habang hawak-hawak ang dibdib. "Oh gosh... I feel like a teenager all over again..."

——————
Thank you 4k followers and happy 500k reads to How to Avoid Heartbreaks 🥹 and also, the elections are fast approaching and I hope that you guys KNOW the candidates you are planning to vote for. Remember, you are not only voting for yourself. Your vote will the determine the hand that will shape our country in the next six years. Use it wisely. 🌷