I woke up to the whispering voices. I could hear someone trying to shush the people who were talking and for a moment, there was total silence before they continued speaking again.

Napatingin ako sa puting kurtina bago dinala ang tingin sa kisame. Tulala ko iyong pinagmasdan hanggang sa pumasok ang isang pinsan at nakita akong gising.

I let the doctors check me and answered the questions they asked. She then discussed my treatment plan which was a total bore to me. I then had a long lecture from Meemaw about being smart yet still doing stupid things.

It wasn't a good day. I feel numb and no first-degree burn can melt the ice that seems to be forming inside me. Wala akong maramdaman. I can't even recognize myself—literally and figuratively.

The following days weren't great either. Everyone was either overreacting about me or I'm just passive.

I have this "treatment team" which consists of a bunch of psychiatrists, psychologists, nutritionists, and nurses that are too many for me to count. They follow me around all day to monitor me. At the end of the day, the head of the treatment team would then report my "progress" to my parents.

Our house was also turned into this treatment facility that it now looks more of a hospital than a home. They didn't want to confine me in a hospital so they brought the hospital to our home instead.

Napailing na lang ako sa naisip. Lahat ng ginagawa ko ay kontrolado. Pati mga kinakain ko ay sila ang pumipili. Kung ano-anong mga ointment ang mga nilalagay nila sa akin araw-araw at samu't saring mga inumin at gamot ang binibigay sa akin.

I felt too trapped in our house that I lost track of time. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang araw na ako ganito. Hanggang garden lang ako at hindi kailanman ako nakalabas ng gate.

I had my cousins by my side and my friends call me everyday. But no matter how many people show me that they care, I wouldn't feel being taken care of unless I, myself, start to feel such for myself.

Kahit anong pag-alaga pa ang ibigay nila sa akin, patuloy akong magiging miserable hanggang sa ako na mismo ang mag-alaga sa sarili.

"Papa," tawag ko. Binaba niya ang telepono at saka ako nilapitan. "Let me go out... I need to breathe."

Alam kong alam niya ang gusto kong ipahiwatig. Nag-aalinlangan niya akong tinanguan bago tinawag ang mga nurse at tagabantay sa akin.

"No, not with them..." sabi ko sabay iling.

"Coco, it's only been three days," Papa reasoned with a sigh. "You're honestly really lucky that you can function as if nothing happened..."

Napakagat-labi ako pero tumango rin kalaunan. "Ngayon lang, Pa... just this one, please."

Napalunok si Papa pero tumango rin. Aniya na pwede akong lumabas pero susunod ang mga pinsan sa akin.

Nakangiti akong tumango at bumalik sa kwarto para magbihis. Hospital gown palagi ang suot ko at kahit pinagawa man iyon ni Meemaw para sa akin, parang galing pa rin iyon sa hospital. Ako mismo ay natataranta tuwing nakikita ko ang sariling repleksyon.

"We're here!" Pag-anunsyo ng mga pinsan. Binigyan ko sila ng maliit na ngiti at sabay kaming naglakad. Doon kami dumaan sa may bahay nina Xaviell pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring tao roon.

Nang makarating kami sa cottage ay napasinghap ako sa nakita. Mukhang hindi na nagulat ang mga pinsan dahil nakita na siguro nila ito.

My cottage was burned to ruins. Gone were my plants, my hammock, and... everything...

"Coco," tawag ni Lisa sabay lahad sa akin ng isang maliit na box sa akin. "That's... uh... Simone's remains," she added in almost a whisper.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili at napahikbi na lang. Nanghihina akong napaupo, parang sinasakal ako dahil sa sakit.

Vera held a hand in front of me. Kahit ayaw kong tumayo ay napilitan ako dahil kung patuloy akong mananatili rito ay lalong sasama ang pakiramdam ko.

My cousins and I went to the forest near my cottage. I don't know where they got the shovel but they used it to dig a hole. It was too hard for me to do anything so I just watched them bury Simone's remains.

Sandali kaming nanatili roon bago bumalik sa bahay. Lumipas ang mga araw at unti-unti nang gumagaling ang mga sugat ko. Nakakasakal pa rin ang treatment plan nila para sa akin pero wala na akong lakas para magreklamo.

"Papa," tawag ko sa ama.

Hinarap niya ako sabay singhal. "Yes, you can go out... but come back after thirty minutes..."

Tumango ako at lumabas na habang dala-dala ang isang sulat. Malapit na akong umalis at hindi ko alam kung maaabutan ko pa si Xaviell. Gusto kong humingi ng paumanhin lalo na't may kasalanan na nga talaga ako sa kaniya.

"Psst! Bampirang pangit! Anong ginagawa mo riyan?" Ani Lolita mula sa kalayuan. Hindi ko siya pinansin kahit alam kong papunta na siya sa akin.

Alam kong ibang-iba ang hitsura ko ngayon at may mga peklat ako pero wala akong pakialam. Akala niya siguro may natitira pa sa akin.

"Masakit, ano?" Aniya ulit nang makalapit na. Sabay kaming tumingala sa bahay nina Xaviell. "You can't blame him for cutting you off... masakit kayang mawalan ng kaibigan."

I turned to Lolita, taken aback with her words.

Did Xaviell really cut me off?

I swallowed hard and averted my eyes to the side. Maybe she's right. I don't deserve to be part of his world anymore. Malaki ang kasalanan ko sa kaniya kaya natural lang na ayaw niya na akong maging kaibigan.

Though... it would be better if he told it to me. I know I have no right to complain since I'm the one who wronged him but... I guess, a part of me hoped that if he decides to cut me off, I'd hear it from him...

"The moment you and Beaufort became close, he already lost Salvador," ani ulit ni Lolita.

"What?" Gulat kong sambit.

She scoffed. "You're so clueless... Salvador felt betrayed for some reason and they stopped talking," she said, then rolling her eyes. "Hindi ka man lang ba nagtaka kung ba't palaging nasa bahaykubo mo si Beaufort? They used to play all sorts of sports and go hike wherever!"

Napakagat-labi ako. Alam kong magkaibigan ang dalawa ngunit hindi ko alam na ganoon pala sila kalapit.

"I guess Beaufort's guilty as well... I mean, Salvador died without the two of them having a proper conversation," she spoke again, then shrugging.

Sandali kaming natahimik. Me, being here with Lolita in front of Xaviell's house, is something I never imagined.

"Do you think Xaviell is blaming me too?" I asked out of nowhere. I guess even though I know the answer, a part of me still can't accept it. Kaya tanong ako nang tanong.

Lolita shrugged and glanced at me. "Malay ko... kayo ang close diba? Though, I also think that him leaving without a word to his friend means something, don't you think?"

After that, she nodded at me and left. I was left there, dumbfounded and heartbroken. I suddenly remembered Xavion's words and now, I really think that what Lolita said is true.

"He only leaves without a goodbye if he's mad at you or something," Xavion's words rang in my ears.

I shook my head and dried my tears, then tying the letter I wrote for him on their gate. Beside their gate is a huge trashcan with all sorts of things. I don't think this was here last time so someone probably cleaned their house and threw the trivial stuffs.

I was about to leave when something caught my attention. It was the plant! The fake plant I gave him! It's in the trash!

I shook my head and forced myself to leave. I couldn't stay there any longer since the pain is slowly suffocating me again.

I went to the forest near my cottage where we buried Simone. I sat in front of the mini grave my cousins made. I sat on the muddy grounds and rested my face on my bent knees, just waiting for time to pass.

I dozed off to sleep until I felt a slight nudge on my shoulders. The first thing I saw was the most curious eyes I've ever seen.

If I'm a fairytale fanatic just like my friends, I'd probably think that the person in front of me is a fairy. With her long, wavy hair with a flower perched on the side of her ear, her curious little eyes, and doll-like features, she could pass as one.

"I'm Nea," she introduced in a really soft voice, then waving at me. She sat in front of me, her curious eyes making me conscious. It was as if she's dissecting me.

I nodded and gave her a small smile. She nodded as well, it was as if she's expecting something from me.

"Uhmm... I'm Valentina," nag-aalinlangan kong pagpapakilala.

She beamed at me and placed both her hands together, almost clapping. "You look sad, Valentina... don't worry, I'm sad too!"

Napangiwi ako sa narinig. If she's sad, then why does she sound so enthusiastic about it?

"But then, I'm okay now because I got to go down here," she shared.

I turned to her with a curious look. She saw it and gave me an almost-mischievous grin. "You heard it right! I'm an angel!"

Tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa narinig. I have no time for her nonsense so I'm just gonna leave.

Tatayo na sana ako ngunit nagsalita ulit si Nea. "I'm just kidding, of course! If I'm an angel then it probably means you're in heaven!"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. But instead of leaving, I chose to sit instead. I guess I could use some company right now. A company of someone I don't know.

"It would be better if that's the case," I whispered.

I felt Nea's gaze on me. I got that feeling again as if she's dissecting me. "You want to go to heaven? Like right now?" She asked, the curiosity and amazement really evident in her voice.

"You can only go there if you die," she pointed out, almost cluelessly this time. "Do you want to die?"

I didn't answer and focused on Simone's grave instead. My conversation just took an unexpected turn so now I'm not sure what to reply.

My life kinda sucks right now but I'm also sure that I don't want to die. There's a lot for me to do... but not so much in this life.

"You can't die yet though," aniya ulit. From my peripheral view, I could see her thinking deeply. "If you're supposed to die, then you wouldn't be here... but since you're here, it simply means that you can't die yet."

I looked down and played with my hands for a moment before facing her. Her eyes were once again on me.

"Don't you find it weird that you're talking about death when it's your birthday?" A familiar voice spoke from behind.

Sabay kaming napatingin sa likuran ni Nea at nakita ang mga pinsan na may dala-dalang cake. "Happy Birthday, Coco..."

Sandali akong napatanga sa mga pinsan, "You remembered?"

Vera rolled her eyes, almost saying "duh" in the process. They sang the birthday song and made me wish. I closed my eyes, hoping that all of this would be over soon. I don't know how I'm gonna get over this or what tomorrow brings, all I know is that I just want my peace back.

They brought drinks and utensils and the five of us, together with Nea, had a mini unplanned picnic. My cousins are busy conversing with Nea, trying to get to know her, while I busied myself eating the cake in front of Simone's grave.

"Happy birthday to me... I'm just tryna be happy..." I sang, almost laughing because of my craziness. "Right now I feel going crazy... but happy birthday to me..."

After finishing the snacks they brought, my cousins and I went home. We had a simple celebration and it was more than enough for me.

I went straight to my room after dinner and unfortunately, my Mom followed me. I feel like I'm being judgmental with my own mother but she can't blame me! We haven't had a decent conversation since she went here!

I braced myself for the bombshell and well... I'm right! Hindi na ako nagulat sa pinlano niya. I was expecting this to come ever since things happened.

"You're coming with me, Coco," she said with finality. "I'll allow you to study in the same school with your friends but you'll take the online course... I'll find a way for it... but you're coming with me."

I looked up to Mom and nodded. She looked momentarily transfixed, it was as if she expected me to refuse and disagree with her. Akala niya siguro mag-aalburuto pa ako.

Pagod pa ako!

I raised a brow and she did the same. I couldn't help but smirk at how alike yet different the two of us are.

Katulad nang pinlano ay sasama nga ako kay Mommy. Huling araw ko na rito sa Aldea Blanca at pagkatapos nito ay hello Canada na ako.

Kumpara sa mga nagdaang mga araw ay bumuti na ang pakiramdam ko. I guess the fact that I'm leaving the country is giving me this new sense of hope for being able to start over. I never liked the idea of leaving the country for a long time since... well... this is my home.

Even though I study in a different place and only come here during vacation, this is still what I consider as home. But after all the happenings, I'm not sure if I can still call this place my home. I feel like a stranger in Aldea Blanca.

I need a fresh start. And maybe, going with my Mom would be the best decision for now. I need a new environment, a place where I won't be reminded of how messy my life is and how perturbed I am.

"Aalis ka?" Rinig kong tanong ni Lolita mula sa likuran ko. Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad dahil ayaw ko ng istorbo. Ito ang huli kong paglilibot-libot dito kaya gusto ko itong sulitin.

"'Yan kasi! Ang maldita mo! May nagpakamatay tuloy!" She tsked. "Ang arte mo kasi! Good catch naman si Salvador, as if ikaw ang talo!"

I continued walking and pretended to be oblivious with her words. Ito ang huling araw ko sa Aldea Blanca at hindi na ako sigurado kung kailan ako makakabalik dito. Ayaw kong sirain ni Lolita ang araw ko!

Patuloy na nagsalita ng walang kakuwenta-kuwentang mga salita si Lolita at grabeng pagtitimpi ang ginawa ko. Tinabihan niya ako ngunit hindi ko siya pinapansin kaya hinarangan niya talaga ang daanan ko!

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at lalagpasan na sana siya ngunit mabilis siyang napatabon ng bibig.

"Don't look at me like that! Nasasaktan ako!" She said dramatically. "Sige ka! Baka magpakamatay ako! Gusto mo bang ikaw ulit ang sisihin?"

Though taken aback, I still managed to raise a brow and shrug. Oo, naapektuhan ako sa kaniyang sinabi lalo na't natandaan ko naman si Salvador. Pero kahit unti-unti na namang sumasakit ang kalooban ko, masasabi ko naman na kaya ko na ito at malaki ang naitulong ng therapist ko.

"Edi gawin mo!" I heard Bea reply. Napatingin ako sa likuran at nakita na nakasunod pala sa akin ang mga pinsan. "Tulungan pa kita eh!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. Bago ko pa napigilan ang mga pinsan, si Vera naman ang sunod na nagsalita.

"Ang mga taong katulad mo, ang sarap lunurin!" Aniya sa matigas na boses. "Akala mo ba epektibo 'yang pekeng pakikiramay mo? Alam naming sipsip ka lang dahil gusto mong siraan pa lalo ang pinsan namin sa mga Serrano!"

"Kung ayaw mong mapaaga ang pagpunta mo sa impyerno, manahimik ka!" Bea added with a threatening look, making Lolita take a step back. "Mas demonyita ka pa kaysa kay Coco!"

I couldn't help but chuckle on what she said. I know Bea means well and is defending me but if I'm not mistaken, she just confirmed it that she thinks I'm a demonyita too!

"Oh, g ka pa ba?" Ani Vera at tinaasan ng kilay si Lolita. "Bilisan mo na para may fertilizer na—ay teka! Toxic ka nga pala! Mamamatay lang ang halaman sa 'yo!"

The three of them glared at each other while Mira, Lisa, and I just stared at them. After a few moments of their intense staring contest, Lolita marched out while stomping her feet.

My cousins broke into laughter and we continued walking.

"Enjoying your last walk here?" Mira asked.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa narinig. Kinuha ko ang phone at saka binuksan ang Spotify bago hinarap ang pinsan.

"Last walk? Babalik ako, Mira!"

I played my long walks in the countryside playlist and quickened my pace.

I raised both hands in the air, embracing the cool breeze while letting the wind blow my hair. My eyes gazed at the clear sky before turning to the vast horizon of green sceneries.

I looked up to the sky again but this time, with a hopeful smile on my lips. There's no point in denying that despite of everything that happened, a part of me would always miss Aldea Blanca.

This place will always be part of me.

Right now, nothing seems to be making sense but hopefully... someday... when I'm older and more mature, I'd understand why all of these had to happened. Why I had to go through all of these.. why I had to get my heart broken...

This is a one eventful summer vacation with definitely lots of ups and downs.

My pieces are still everywhere and there's no assurance when I'll get these pieces back together. I have no idea when I'll be healed from all of these...

But hopefully, when I come back, I'm no longer this broken and confused teenager.

Though everything else seems so uncertain, one thing is for sure—I'm coming back. Aalis ako ngayon pero babalik ako...

"Babalik ako..."