"Coco! Patingin ng invitation mo."

Iyon ang bungad ng mga pinsan ko nang makarating ako sa bahay. Hinatid ako ni Xaviell pauwi. At kahit sanay akong maglakad pauwi nang mag-isa, hindi ko naman maipagkakaila na maganda rin pala kung may kasama.

Tumaas ang kilay ko sa narinig, walang ideya kung ano ang tinutukoy ng mga pinsan. Tiningnan ko ang mga kamay nila at nakitang may kaniya-kaniya silang mga envelope na hinahawakan.

"Alam kong frenemy kayo ni Lolita pero sigurado naman akong inimbitahan ka niya," ani pa ni Vera at saka nilahad ang kamay, hinihintay yata na may ibigay ako sa kaniya. "Saan na? Patingin ng kulay ng sa 'yo."

"Parang neon something ang tema ng birthday niya," ani Bea. "Aniya kanina na iba-iba raw ang kulay ng mga imbitasyon at walang may magkapareho. Ano 'yong sa 'yo?"

I sighed and raised both hands. Napa-"ahh" naman ang mga pinsan nang mapagtanto na hindi nga ako imbitado.

"Baka nakalimutan lang," ani Lisa, pampalubag-loob kumbaga.

"Sus! Paki ko naman." Nagkibit balikat ako at saka dumiretso na sa kwarto para makaligo.

Mukhang big deal para sa mga pinsan na hindi ako invited eh wala naman talaga akong pakialam. Hindi kami close ni Lolita at normal lang na hindi ako imbitado.

"Oy! Valentina the vampire!" Tawag ng isang pamilyar na boses.

Kay aga-aga pa nga ngunit si Lolita na kaagad ang kaharap ko?

"Hindi ka invited sa birthday ko," aniya at saka nilagay ang mga kamay sa baywang. "Gusto sana kitang imbitahan kaso bawal ang pangit."

Tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa narinig. "Oh? Birthday mo pero bawal kang pumunta?"

Ngumisi ako at saka binigyan siya ng naghahamong tingin. Hindi niya dapat ako nilapitan pa dahil natitiyak kong hindi ako magpapatalo. Wala akong ginagawa sa kaniya kaya huwag niya rin akong pakialaman!

"Excuse me? Walang pangit sa angkan namin!"

"Don't go down to their level, Valentina." Xaviell's words rang in my ear. "You're kinder than you think."

Kating-kati na ang bibig ko at gusto kong mag-alburoto dahil gusto kong sumagot. Ngunit anong magagawa ko ngayong paulit-ulit na ang mga sinabi ni Xaviell sa akin.

Oh, talaga? Eh anong nangyari sa 'yo? Ampon ka?

Iyon sana ang gusto kong isagot pero paano ba 'yan? I'm kinder than I think daw sabi ni Xaviell. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba 'yon o in-e-echos niya lang ako pero 'di bale na, papanindigan ko 'yon.

I gave Lolita one sharp look and turned my back. Iyon lang talaga ang kaya ko at kung nanatili pa ako roon ay baka hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang sarili sa pagsagot.

"Hey, Coco!" Napaigtad ako nang biglang sumulpot si Salvador sa harapan ko. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. "You're heading to the cottage? Can I come?"

Tumango ako at saka siya nginitian. Napatingin ako sa kaniyang mga dala at magtatanong na sana ngunit naunahan niya ako.

"These are for you, Coco," anang kaibigan kaya napahinto naman ako sa paglalakad dahil sa gulat. "I just want to apologize for my behavior these past few days. I'm going through a rough time."

I smiled at him and messed with his hair. "I appreciate your apology, Sav, don't worry about it," I said reassuringly.

He smiled at me, his eyes gleaming as if he really appreciated my words. He handed me the bouquet and chocolates while intertwining his fingers with mine.

Sandali pa akong hindi nakagalaw dahil sa gulat. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero hindi ako kumportable na magkahawak-kamay kami. Hindi iyon dahil binibigyan ko ng kahulugan o ano... hindi lang talaga ako kumportable.

I wanted to voice it out to him but we just got okay. Baka magalit at mag-walkout na naman siya.

Nang makarating kami sa cottage ay hindi niya pa rin ako binibitawan. Iginiya niya ako papuntang hammock at saka magkaharap kaming umupo.

"Coco..." aniya kaya tumaas naman ang kilay ko. "I think this has been pretty obvious but I want you to know that I really like you."

What?! Anong obvious?

"And I want us to be more than just friends," he added with a shy smile while I was on the verge screaming out of shock. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin si Salvador.

"I... can't..." it was all I could muster. I don't want to hurt him but giving him false hope would hurt him just as much. "You're my friend... we're friends!"

"That's the thing, Coco! We're friends! We already have the foundation for a successful relationship!" He answered eagerly, then placing both hands on my cheeks.

Napangiwi ako dahil sa kaniyang ginawa. Napakagat labi ako at saka tumayo.

"Salvador..." tawag ko, nahihirapan dahil sa sitwasyon namin. Hindi ko ito inasahan kaya hindi ako nakapaghanda. Ayaw kong masaktan ang kaibigan at ayaw ko ring sumama ang loob niya. Pero ayaw ko ring magsinungaling at pilitin ang sarili.

"What?" Namamaos na sagot ni Salvador. Napalunok siya sabay tabon ng mukha. Sandali siyang nanatili sa ganoong posisyon bago ako hinarap.

Namumungay ang kaniyang mga mata at nakitaan ko iyon ng pagkabigo, dismaya, at galit. Bigla akong kinabahan dahil nananaig ang galit sa kaniyang mga mata.

"Is this because of Beaufort? You like him, don't you?"

"Please don't include him—"

"Just admit it, you like him that's why you won't give me a chance!"

Napasinghap ako sa biglaang pagtaas ng kaniyang boses. Mukhang nagulat din siya sa sarili at nang nahimasmasan siya ay tinalikuran niya ako at saka naglakad palayo. Padabog siyang tumayo kaya natapon ang mga tsokolate at rosas na nakapatong sa hammock.

Nakasimangot kong niligpit ang kalat at saka inayos ang mga iyon. Huli ko nang napagtanto na naluluha na pala ako.

Wala man akong romantikong pagkagusto para kay Salvador pero espesyal pa rin siya sa akin... kahit pa minsan ay nasasaktan din ako dahil sa kaniya.

Pinahiran ko ang mga mumunting luha at saka pumasok sa cottage. Humiga ako sa sofa-bed at saka kinuha ang phone at AirPods.

I opened my sadgirl hours playlist and did my gardening. And for the first time, I didn't enjoy tending my plants.

I was in the middle of repotting when my phone lit up. It was a notification from Xaviell's message. I washed the dirt off my hands before reading his text.

Trespasser X:

Hello, Madam Miss! I'm going to Costa Almojer today... want some seafood boil? And maybe some ice cream? 🦐🍴😋

P.S. i found some cornetto tips!! (yup, no ice cream, just the choc and cone!!) 😩🙌🏼

For some unknown reason, I found myself smiling. I'd be lying if I say that I'm no longer hurting because of what happened with Salvador. But with Xaviell's message, I realized that I'm not alone. I remembered what he said about not isolating myself when I'm hurt.

Ako:

Yess please!! Seafood and ice cream would be nice 🤗

Dali-dali kong tinapos ang ginagawa at saka naglakad pabalik sa bahay. Xaviell's right, I don't have to isolate myself because as cliche as it sounds, there are still a few people who cares about me.

Ang plano ko sana ay sa kwarto ako didiretso para matawagan ang mga kaibigan. Kung busy sila, edi ang mga pinsan ko ang kakausapin ko.

But when I arrived home, the first person I saw was my grandmother, Mom's mother. She lives on another country but she often visits me.

"Meemaw!" Bati ko sabay takbo papunta sa kaniya. Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap at saka hinalikan sa magkabilang pisngi. "Why didn't you tell me you're visiting?"

Meemaw smiled and caressed my hair. "I came to surprise you," she said and pinched my cheek. "Can we talk outside?"

For some unknown reason, my heartbeat doubled because of her words. I really don't like the suspense and anxiety that "can we talk outside?" and other similar messages give. I feel like I did something wrong!

"Come, Coco." She gestured me to sit on the long bench that overlooks the garden. We sat beside each other and she made me lean on her shoulders. "How are you? I'm worried about you and your Mom... we talked last time."

Inalis ko ang pagkakahilig sa kaniya at nakanguso siyang tinitigan. Parang sumakit bigla ang kalooban ko nang matandaan na naman ang pag-uusap namin ng ina.

"It's really hard for me," I admitted with a sigh, my tears now effortlessly streaming down my cheeks. "I want to be there but just the thought of it already suffocates me."

I didn't want to share this to anyone even my Mom but I know that I have to do so because this is the only way they'll understand. But I'm telling these to Meemaw because I'm also hoping that she'd understand me and assure me that my reasons are valid and that I'm not overreacting and unsupportive.

"Coco..." Meemaw smiled sadly and wiped my tears. "But it's your own mother... aren't you happy for her? Don't you want to show some support to her?"

I bit my lips and shook my head. "It's not that... I'm honestly happy for her... it's just that my way of support is different..."

"I don't mean to be killjoy, Meemaw. I just really need some more time because accepting and adjusting is harder than I thought."

Meemaw sighed and placed an arm around my shoulders. "The discomfort is part of the process, Coco... but that doesn't mean you have to let it hurt the people around you... you'll get over it. You just have to try and take a step forward."

I swallowed hard and thought for a moment. I'm not sure if Meemaw is trying to help me because her words sound more of a pressure rather than encouragement. I know she means no harm but I feel more confused and suffocated.

I felt Meemaw's hand on mine and that's when I realized that I almost tried to bite my nails again. I heaved a deep sigh and shook my head.

"Attending her wedding is the least that you can do to repay everything she did for you, Coco," Meemaw spoke. She probably realized that I wasn't convinced by her words earlier.

"But I'm her daughter, Meemaw," I said matter-of-factly. Nadala na ako sa bugso ng damdamin at hindi na pinag-isipan ang mga salita. "Why am I supposed to repay her for everything she did when it's her responsibility because she's the one who chose to have me?"

Meemaw sighed and made me face her. She held my chin and looked straight into my eyes. "Coco, you misunderstood me... this means a lot to your mother. You not being on her wedding day will break her heart. This isn't about the discomfort, this is selfishness."

I turned away and was about to stand but Meemaw spoke again. "I only want the best for you and your mother, Coco..."

I feel too weak and hurt to even speak so I just nodded instead. She kissed my forehead and helped me stand up.

"I know you feel problematic, Coco, but other people have it worse," Meemaw said while fixing her pleated dress. It seems to me that she only came for a conversation so now she's leaving. "This shouldn't be a problem so please... please, don't make it harder for everyone else... be selfless, Coco."

Just like what I thought, Meemaw left after that. I was left standing in front of the gate. If it wasn't for the vibration from my pocket, I probably wouldn't have moved.

Trespasser X:

Got your seafood boil 🥳 when should I bring this to you? Text me please 📲👻

I felt the corner of my lips rise but even the amusing and comforting message of Xaviell can't lift my mood. I left his message on "unread mode" so I won't forget to reply.

I don't want to face him looking like a mess. Maybe I'll reply once I'm in a better state of mind. I'm still in a sour mood so if I'll meet up with him right now, I might vent out and go all mean and bitchy to him. And well... he doesn't deserve such treatment.

I pocketed my phone and made my way to the cottage. I took another route—a much longer one compared to the one I usually take. I took out the two things that always serve as my companions during times like this—my phone and AirPods.

I opened my sadgirl hours playlist and started walking. I feel so confused and guilty to the point that I can no longer tell whether I'm actually being reasonable or not. Because maybe... Meemaw is right. I'm being selfish.

But then, is choosing to say "no" to something that is a threat to my peace of mind selfish?

I heaved a deep sigh and chose to sit under the shade of a large tree instead. I bent my knees and buried my face on my hands. I rested for a while and almost dozed off while crying when I heard a bark.

Next thing I know, I felt something furry on my side. Magpa-panic na sana ako dahil baka kagatin pa ako nito ngunit nang iminulat ko ang mga mata ay isang maliit na aso ang bumungad sa akin. Sa tingin ko ay Shih Tzu ito pero hindi ako sigurado dahil hindi naman ako mahilig sa mga aso.

The small ball of fur leaped onto my lap and looked at me with her sparkly orbs. It was as if she's waiting for me to give her a treat!

Kumunot ang noo ko at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. Patuloy lang kaming nagtinginan ng aso hanggang sa may narinig akong mumunting halakhak.

"She wants you to stroke the back of her neck."

I looked up to the person and saw that it was Xavion who's carrying another small dog on his arms. No wonder I found his voice familiar!

I brought my eyes back to the dog who's now looking expectantly at me. I reluctantly brought my hands to her surprisingly soft fur.

"Vio, where's—oh, hey! Valentina!" I looked up and saw Xaviell. His eyes went to my lap as a smile formed on his lips. "So, you've met Simone."

At the mention of her name, Simone the dog left my lap and ran towards Xaviell. Kinarga niya ito at saka umupo sa harapan ko habang si Xavion naman ay nakatayo pa rin at tahimik lang kaming inoobserbahan. Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata nang makita na parang pinipigilan niya lang ngumisi.

"What?" I asked, raising a brow.

He shook his head and sat in front of me as well. "For a person who looked like she just had a breakdown, you're pretty tough—"

Before he could even finish, Xaviell nudged Xavion with his feet. He tried to keep it inconspicuous but since they're both in front of me, I also saw how Xaviell glared at his twin. He then muttered something which I wasn't able to understand.

Xavion scratched his head and smiled sheepishly at me. "Anyways, Vanilla, that's Simone the Shih Tzu"—he gestured to the dog that was once on my lap but is now with Xaviell—"and this one's Luna the Lhasa Apso."

I nodded while my eyes went back and forth between the two dogs. Basing on what Xavion said, they have different breeds yet they both look similar. The only obvious difference between the two are their fur colors.

Napatingin ako sa gilid ni Xaviell at nakita na may grooming kit siyang dala. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay baka gugupitan nila ang dalawang alaga.

Sandali kaming nag-usap-usap at paminsan-minsan ay may nakatagong panunukso sa mga salita ni Xavion pero hindi ko na iyon ininda.

Tama nga ako at plano nilang gupitan ang dalawang aso. Sadyang malilikot ang dalawa lalo na si Simone. Si Luna naman, parang may galit sa akin. Anang dalawa ay nababaguhan lang daw siya sa akin.

"So, Vanilla, the seafood boil that my own brother won't share with me is for you?" Xavion asked intriguingly. Xaviell glared at him but the other twin acted oblivious.

Napasimangot ako. "Why are you calling me Vanilla?"

"Isn't that your nickname?" Xavion asked with a shrug. "Plus, I like vanilla ice cream," dagdag niya at parang bata siyang tumango-tango sa akin.

Pinanliitan ko na lang siya ng mga mata at hindi na sumagot. Medyo kumportable na rin naman ako sa kaniya kaya bahala na siya kung gusto niya rin tawagin ako sa palayaw.

Nang matapos ang dalawa sa pagliligpit ay inaya ko si Xaviell na pumunta sa cottage. Medyo gumaan na rin ang pakiramdam ko at kahit may kaunting kirot pa tuwing natatandaan ko ang pag-uusap namin ni Meemaw kanina, hindi na iyon ganoon kalala.

I think helping the twins and getting to try something new—pet grooming—diverted my attention from my worries.

"Can I call you Vanilla too?" Xaviell asked while casually leaning on the tree trunk. Both of his hands are in his pocket while he's sporting his boyish smile.

I shook my head at his question. May sasabihin pa sana ako pero mabilis siyang sumimangot na parang batang pinagkaitan ng pagkain.

"Why not?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "You have a lot of nicknames for me. Do you seriously want to add some more?"

"Oohh, you guys have endearments..." Sabay kaming napatingin ni Xaviell sa kararating na Xavion. "Nice!"

Xaviell glared at his twin before going inside their house. Aniya na kukunin niya muna ang pagkain.

"Psst, Vanilla," Xavion's prince-charming vibes is slowly turning into a goofy-and-chismoso-friend kind of vibes.

Inalis ko ang tingin sa papalayong bulto ni Xaviell at saka hinarap si Xavion. "What?"

Xavion smirked and wiggled his brows playfully. "You like my brother, don't you?"