Chapter 5: Fear

My dread increased with every step we took towards the innocent enough looking building. The church was on a hill, one of the highest points in the valley that made you feel closer to the mountains. Climbing up the hill was a strain. It felt more like a mountain itself, though it was still small compared to Mt. Prye. I couldn't tell if my heart was beating faster because of the exercise or because I felt trapped in a situation I didn't want to be in.

As we drew closer, I could see the church for what it was- a pure white color, a simple rectangular structure with a steeple with a bell at the very front. Another rectangular building was attached to it perpendicularly, creating an L-like shape. A garden sat at the ninety degree angle, the colors catching my eye, ivy draping over parts to make it seem hidden and secret.

A forest hugged against the left and right sides of the church, both edges of the greenery leading up into the mountains. The trees were a bit overwhelming that close to the church on its left side, which seemed so far apart and distant to everything else in this valley town. It made me feel as if the church was positioned so far away not for the view, but so that intentions could remain private, the beliefs an enigma.

"Isn't it gorgeous?" John sighed once we stood outside the front entrance.

"It's beautiful." Dawn breathed, clutching Piplup tightly in her arms.

I liked the outside. There was nothing not to like. Inside was another story entirely, one I didn't want to explore.

"I'll give you a tour of the place." John said.

If only you could read my thoughts. I sighed, but followed John to the main entrance.

There were two colorful stained glass windows on the sides of the doors, which opened with an ancient creak. It was a very old church, the main entrance opening straight into the sanctuary.

It was big. The two Christians hurried ahead of me, babbling excitedly about things I didn't listen to as I examined everything. The way the floor was wooden and echoed with every step, the sound resonating off every surface. The ceilings were high, causing light to stream in from the multiple stained glass windows, which depicted angels. At the front stood a wooden cross, which I looked quickly away from. Nothing was hidden, not in this large space- every sound, every stream of light, even every emotion and thought seemed to be put on display for everyone to see.

I hated it.

To distract myself, I began counting how many pews there were. I didn't care that there were only three rows and multiplying would be easier. I counted every single one. I straightened some papers at the end of the one I stood at. I put hymnals back in place when lazy people had been stupid enough not to put them back where they'd found them.

"Do you have a favorite, Paul?"

I glanced up from replacing the seventh hymnal at John. I wish he'd stop being so warm. It was really irritating me.

"A favorite what?" I asked bluntly.

"A favorite hymn."

Was there one about leaving me alone? That would be my favorite, "No."

"Here, I want to tell you two something." John waved us over to the front of the sanctuary where the pulpit and cross where. I felt like I was carrying a Heavy Ball and the move Gravity was being used as I made my way to where he'd indicated. That was the place I'd been avoiding the most. He stood in front of the cross, Dawn next to him. I unwillingly joined her side.

John remained silent for longer than I wanted him to before speaking softly, "Do you know what this is?"

Of course I did. It's a cross. The letter 't'.

"Love." Dawn answered simply. Piplup reached out and hesitantly touched the cross with a flipper.

"What do you think, Paul?" John asked.

He was such a manipulative old fool. I saw through his plan to get me to open up. This is why I didn't want to come to this wretched place and stare at this stupid piece of wood that had more than splintered my life.

"It's useless hope to billions and tantalizing fear to millions." I said.

The only one to move was Piplup, who squirmed in Dawn's grip to give me a shocked, confused expression.

It felt like I was my old self again- unapproachable, even to Dawn as her eyes studied me, trying to figure out how to reach me. But really, from here, in this place, I couldn't be reached.

"Continue the tour without me. I'll be waiting back at the Pokemon Center." I stated.

Dawn took a step toward me, "Paul-"

"You can take your time. I'm fine. Enjoy yourself." I forced myself to resume a softer turn and then turned to John, "Excuse me for my rudeness."

I bowed my head partially and began to walk as quickly as was accepted out the front doors, not ever wanting to go back.

Fear is horrid, but there's no reason to be ashamed of it. Our Lord was afraid (dreadfully so) in Gethsemane. I always cling to that as a very comforting fact. - C.S. Lewis

Dawn 

 I watched Paul walk away, his footsteps loud against the wood. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest as he shut the door with a final thud.

"He's not Christian." John stated.

"No." I sighed, sitting down on the pew closest to us.

"That doesn't make me think any differently about him. I hope you know that." John said, sitting next to me, "Actually, it makes me feel more love for him."

"Funny how that works, isn't it?" I smiled sadly, staring at the cross, "I think that's why I fell in love with him. Even through all his worst qualities, I saw that there was good in him."

"I know he's capable of a lot more goodness too, if he allowed it." John thought out loud.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, curious. I'd wanted to talk to Paul about God so much, but every time I brought up the subject, he brushed it aside.

"It's not something I can tell, but He can." John pointed to the cross, "That's just the feeling He gives me."

My eyes looked up at the cross in awe, "I guess that's true. I know what you mean about feeling Him, though most people would think we're crazy."

"That's life." John smiled, "I wouldn't trade anything for it. I'd rather be called crazy."

"Me too." I leaned back, petting Piplup's head, "...Do you know what Paul meant by what he said the cross meant?"

"Yeah, I do." John said seriously, "I know it's weird, but I get it. I wasn't always Christian."

"I get the hope part. I'm used to getting people saying I'm hoping in something that doesn't exist." My hand fell off of Piplup's head to my lap, "But what about how it's tantalizing fear?"

"For people who aren't Christian, or just becoming Christian, they don't see Jesus dying as hopeful. They see a crazy man who wasn't the son of God dying for no reason and that's that. Everyone getting stirred up over the death of a man that doesn't matter... that's why people who aren't Christians fear. They don't understand why we're here devoting our lives to God when they don't say He exists. They don't see how people radically change after finding God as a good thing- they see it as scary because they don't understand."

"What about new Christians?"

"Well, think about accepting what the cross means for the first time. You finally understand that God sent His son to die for you and you've been scoffing at him your whole life, either saying He doesn't exist or just not caring enough to have a relationship with Him. And then you realize He loves you that much to have His son become human and die for you so that you could be forgiven. That still takes my breath away now. But what about the first time you realize that? How much fear would you have if you realized everything you'd lived for before that point had been wrong?"

"Wow. That's scary to think about." I whispered, hugging Piplup tightly to me.

"Exactly. And that's what Paul means." John clasped his hands together, "He has a dark past. I don't know what happened, but he really needs people like you in his life to help him see the light. Would you like to pray that with me right now?"

My eyes widened, "You'd really do that?"

"I'll pray for both of you every day." He said solemnly.

I blinked a few times. This was why I couldn't see why people couldn't see God when He made people like this who were so selfless, who went out of their way to help people they just met and didn't know. I'd been praying so much for Paul, every single day, and it felt overwhelming, like I was doing it by myself, like I was the only person who believed Paul could change into a better person with a happier life. Now I wasn't alone, "Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me, thank God." John smiled warmly at me before bowing his head. I did the same, closing my eyes as I listened to his beautiful prayer.

Hey Everyone!

I hope you're enjoying the story so far. In my head though I keep going "When are they going to get to chapter seven?" because that's one of my favorite chapters. I'll eventually post that, of course. I've just been busy with summer classes and I'm going to be prepping for a leadership thing for fifteen hours, bonding with fellow small group leaders and learning and loving and all that wonderful stuff. So I figured I better get this chapter posted now since I'll be so busy this weekend. But seriously, chapter seven. You have to read it when I do post it. Because it's awesome. New character! 

Let's see... well, you got a Dawn pov this chapter. That's different. It's really cool to write about two people who have absolutely different reactions about something that is so deeply embedded into our identity- religious beliefs. That sociology class I'm taking right now is seriously showing in how I talk... But yeah, I've always found it silly that people can't talk about religion without it seeming to become a blood bath. Come on. We're all people and we all have different beliefs and opinions. We should be able to discuss it and not force people to see things our own way. I mean, I didn't even know that Muslims had ancestral roots going back to Abraham like Christians and Jews do. That's so cool! I want to learn more even if I don't believe the same things so everyone can better understand each other. And I hope everyone else wants that too. Maybe humans would get along more if we did.

Alright, I'm done with my preaching :P I hope you're at least wondering what in the world happened to Paul to make him like this though. Because that's what this book is all about. Makes me want to give Paul a hug, though I highly doubt he'd let me. No need to worry (hah)! One day it may be possible. Hugging Paul can't be as rare as a Legendary, right?

Pokemon Question of the Day: If you had to have one single type of Pokemon, what would it be? (They can be dual types, but it has to have the main type that you've chosen)

Yet again, if you have any questions or anything, feel free to PM me.

God bless!

-Flips

PS- This chapter is dedicated to G37R3K7 for being an awesome fan and making an amazing cover! Thanks!