Chapter 34: Wholeness

Dawn was walking to the Pokemon Center doors, accompanied by Demi, as Electivire and I made it there. Demi's head bolted towards us the second she felt our presence, causing Dawn to turn in surprise. She remained frozen, mouth open as she saw the two of us together.

"Hey!" Demi waved before rushing to us. I noticed Riley right next to her, keeping pace, "Electivire is back!"

Demi tackled into me as she gave me a hug. Startled, I stumbled back a step before embracing her. Electivire's tails whipped a bit impatiently behind him and he ignored Riley, who stood in front of him, seeming to ask him a question.

I'd have to talk to him about his manners. I was sure he would enjoy a deal where we were both forced to improve, especially if it meant he could shock me if I made rude comments.

Demi cuddled her head against my stomach before pulling away, staring solemnly at Electivire, "I'm really sorry if I offended you, Electivire. I don't want to hurt your feelings and I won't read your mind unless you give me permission. I just want to be friends. And so does Riley."

Riley put a paw on his chest and gave a short confirming growl. Electivire grimaced a bit, but knelt down so he was closer to Demi. Her face contorted a bit in confusion before she nodded.

A voice entered my thoughts, I'm sorry for the way I acted. Truthfully, I don't really like either of you. But you're friends with my Trainer and you seem to have helped him when I was busy trying to help myself. I owe you my thanks.

Electivire's voice. In awe, I realized he must have wanted Demi to connect us mentally as well as to speak to Demi and Riley. His thoughts were sharp and blunt, but I could sense a softness underneath. Despite how he seemed about my age, his voice seemed to convey the rashness and immaturity of his youth, but also the humbleness of an adult who had learned from their mistakes. I felt his thoughts brush against mine, light as a feather, all to show that he was serious about our relationship as Trainer and Pokemon. He lingered, his thoughts embracing mine as if aiming for a mental hug. It was odd, but somehow comforting. Our minds seemed very similar in many ways, at least in the ways we thought, and made it easy to not feel on edge in the vulnerability.

After that, his emotions pulled away, leaving a small presence.

"It's perfectly fine, Electivire. I'm not mad at you at all. I don't blame you for how you acted." Demi put her hand over one of his knuckles, the size difference immense, "But from now on, I want you to really take care of Paul and tell him how you're feeling if he does something to hurt you. Otherwise, your wounds will never heal."

A twinge of annoyance ran through him because a little girl was telling him what to do before he washed it away, As much as I don't like to admit it, you're right.

Demi smiled, then turned to me in all seriousness, "And you better treat Electivire the right way. He chose you even though he didn't really have any reason to trust you. He deserves a Trainer that will love and respect him. You can do that, but you have to work harder than you've ever worked before."

I nodded, "I'll do my best."

"Good. Then you both have my blessing."

I felt Electivire's irritation and surprise at a little girl giving us her blessing, but I wasn't concerned. Or maybe I was too used to it. Either way, this was the beginning of a new chapter and, blessing or not, I had a good feeling that everything would be perfectly fine.

Footsteps made me look up. Dawn was finally walking towards us, still looking unsure if she should come near us.

Before I could say anything, Electivire took a few steps forward, moving past Demi and Riley. Dawn fearfully looked at him, but didn't move, "Hi, Electivire."

He stopped suddenly, grimacing before smoothing his face, Hello, Dawn.

I'd heard him almost call her human in my head, but doubted Dawn would have caught it or could hear that deeply into his thoughts. I frowned. Did he not really like Dawn? Sure, he hadn't really been around her, but I thought that was because he liked to keep to himself. I questioned him mentally and he had to force himself not to brush me away before replying, I will explain later.

I saw Dawn stiffen at being addressed through thoughts. She wasn't as used to it as I was, "...So how are you?"

I think what you really want to know if I've decided to be Paul's Pokemon or not. Electivire said, I am.

Dawn took another step forward, hugging herself a bit, "No, I really want to know how you're doing."

I felt his surprise, which he pretended otherwise, I'm better than I have been in a long time.

"That's great!" Dawn exclaimed, her eyes shining. Truly, it was a beautiful sight. Her excitement for others. But then she looked confused, "So... is there something you needed to tell me?"

Electivire shuffled, Just that I will be trying to get to know you better in the future. I have always acted like you were not a worthy Trainer, but in truth I was jealous of your Pokemon for how easily you bonded. Something Paul and I didn't have. I've moved past that.

"Oh." Dawn said awkwardly, "Well I want you to be comfortable and part of our family."

Family?

"Well, yeah. Seems like all our Pokemon and us are family. Right? We're all traveling together..." Dawn trailed off.

A rush of pain and a wary hope made its way through me, I guess you're right.

"This is so great!" Demi said happily, "I'm so happy for you all."

Electivire seemed content.

"Well, no offense you guys, but we're really hungry and wanted to go eat." Demi patted her stomach, "Want to all eat together and then go our separate ways? I won't linger for once."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "Of course."

Dawn walked past Electivire, patting his arm soothingly, before hugging me. I pulled her close, closing my eyes. Today had been an amazing day.

"Come on guys! Come on!" Demi tugged at me.

Dawn laughed, but I frowned down at Demi, "I haven't hugged my girlfriend all day."

Demi sighed impatiently, "Why do I have to know so many people who say stuff like that? You can hug her inside. It's dinner time!"

Dawn slid her hand into mine, "She's right. We should go."

"What's so important inside that we need to go in right now?" I asked suspiciously.

Electivire had been talking to Riley privately, but looked up in caution.

"Just come on and see for yourself." Demi pulled me.

"I can walk by myself."

"Come on!"

Even Electivire seemed to be enjoying the show, "Fine."

We followed Demi into the Pokemon Center, heading straight for the cafeteria. I stopped when we got to the entranceway, taken aback at the sight of Roric, Robert, John, and even little Aaron, who looked much more open to conversation as he talked to two men who were far older than him. Electivire sat behind them against the wall, snoozing. Aaron looked up first and noticed us, "Finally! They're here."

Roric looked up next, his dark eyes immediately landing on Electivire before he smiled, "I see you've made up."

Robert's eyes were also on us, "My, don't the two you remind me of Ben and his partner."

My uncle's Electivire stirred and groggily looked up, blinking a few times. He closed them after seeing us and stated, I see both kiddos are back together. It was only a matter of time.

My Electivire crossed his arms, but I saw him smile.

"Alright Grace, come help us out!" Demi exclaimed.

Grace teleported onto the table, though I wasn't sure where she had been before. Her eyes glowed. Instantly, giant plates began flying out from the kitchen, landing gently. In mere seconds, a row of tables was covered with platters of food for all of us, including food for the Pokemon.

"Alright. You all know the drill. We say grace first." Robert clapped his hands together.

"Who would like to?" John asked.

It was the first time I didn't really feel like it would be the worst thing in the world to pray before a meal- especially to lead prayer. Still, I didn't specifically want to be the one.

I was surprised Demi didn't say anything right away and was staring at her clasped hands already, seeming to be waiting for something.

"I'll do it."

My head turned to look at Aaron, who seemed just as surprised as I was by his boldness.

"Thank you." Robert smiled.

Everyone looked down at their hands.

"...God, thank you so much for everything you've done. I've never really talked to you before and..." He gulped, "I've never really had friends. Or people who wanted to talk to me. And now I'm surrounded by so many. So thank you for these people. Because without them, I'd just be off alone somewhere and lost."

Why were my eyes prickling? I really didn't like that my eyes were stung. His prayer was getting long.

"So... really, thank you. Because of them, I'm actually believing in you now. Though I have a lot to learn."

I looked over at Demi, who had a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I guess that's it. Oh, and thanks for the food." He added, embarrassed, "Amen."

"Amen." Everyone said. I even joined in, relieved that the emotions were finished.

"That was so nice." Dawn whispered in my ear.

I glanced at Electivire who was looking at everyone as if they were aliens as they talked to him in that very friendly way they had. Robert and Roric were busy encouraging Aaron, who was blushing profusely in between claps on the back and hugs.

"Yeah." I said, "That was really nice."

The rest of dinner went by in the same way. Full of conversation. Laughter. Joy. Celebration. Even my Electivire seemed at ease with all of the people despite just meeting most of them. Really, I was at ease. Noise used to be repulsive. Laughter had been irritating. Joy was something I said people had when they were too stupid to dig deeper and find that power was much more satisfying.

But I had been lying to myself. I had buried myself so deep in my loneliness, in my grief, in what I thought was security from pain, that I didn't comprehend how to find true happiness. And I could not doubt that their happiness did not come because they were simply friends. I knew better than anyone how easy it was to blow someone off, to reject them, to treat them badly. Or to simply not care. But these people truly loved. It was only a love I had experienced with my uncle, one that I finally had evidence for. It existed despite his death. And, despite how part of me still struggled against it, their true love seemed to only occur because they knew God.

After the dinner party, Electivire chose to stay in his Poke Ball. It didn't seem right, but I didn't deny his wishes. Dawn slept in her own bunk, leaving me by myself to think as she fell into dreams.

My first realization was that I was content. I was content and, with every passing day, seemed to become even more whole, to be glued back together in a way that I didn't even know I needed since being broken.

My second realization was that I didn't want this to end. It was like a dream. Everything was too good to be true. Somehow becoming friends with a little girl who seemed to know exactly what to do to open me up and her brother who knew how to get me to think about what they meant. Meeting with my past, getting the chance to fix ties with my uncle's Electivire as well as Robert. Gaining a future with my own Electivire, Salamence meeting his brother, connecting me to Roric even more. Everything seemed too perfect. And yet I wasn't suspicious. I accepted what had happened. And I actually did believe it was from God- yet really, it felt as if it would come to an end and reality would become normal again, which I was not ready for.

My third realization was that I would actually work to make sure it wouldn't end. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't think God would really listen to me of all people. After all I'd done? Of course not. Really, he would listen to people like the faithful Demi, or Roric with his boldness, or Aaron with his caring heart. But me? Me with my skepticism, my mistakes?

I rolled over, sighing. It would be hard, changing. And I doubted I even had a good reason. I didn't really want to get to know God to know God. I just wanted to not feel pain anymore. I wanted to be a better person for the sake of happiness. Sure, for other people as well, but it still was not the cookie cutter answer I knew God wanted to hear.

There is a scale of good and bad. I take pleasure in every step towards good that you take. I never asked for perfection.

I sat up, listening in my mind, trying to figure out whose voice it was. I was used to hearing voices in my head now, as insane as it sounded. It was masculine. Simple, deep yet light. A tone of authority laced with friendliness. Full of kindness.

I didn't want to admit it. I really didn't want to say whose voice I thought it was. I did not want to be disappointed.

All you will find is disappointment if that is all you expect to find. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will open. No one will open if you do not think anyone is home, or if you do not think I want to speak to you.

A shiver ran down my spine and I whispered, "God?"

A subtle warmth filled me, causing me to inhale sharply.

Seek for the right reasons.

The presence left. My eyes were wide and I breathed quickly, a hand on my chest where the warmth had started. Perhaps a heart attack.

I shook my head. I knew it wasn't. I couldn't dig myself into another lie to try to protect myself. I knew who it was.

After a few minutes of being still, as if expecting to hear Him again, I got comfortable, resting my head on my pillow. The stillness of the room was peaceful. And it actually didn't matter that I couldn't feel anything like that presence. The room still felt full. Safe. More real than it had before. I wasn't just aware that the girl I loved was in the same room, sleeping soundly, but our Pokemon. The air. Even the beds seemed to capture my attention, aweing me by their design and how I could feel the softness of my own mattress, the warmth of the sheets.

I was alive.

Sometime much later, I fell asleep, feeling far different than I had before the day had begun.

Hey guys!

The story is getting close to wrapping up. I'm so glad you've made it this far! Let me know what you think.

Pokemon Question of the Day: (You don't have to comment on here, just think about it) What do you want most and why?

-Flips