Chapter 28: Impossible

            I went to visit Salamence after breakfast, feeling guilty that I hadn't been taking very good care of him. I'd left him with Demi the other day without an explanation and hadn't thought about him once since.

            I had some making up to do.

            I got to his room, opening the door and expecting to see a large babyish glower, but instead finding nothing. Just an empty room.

            My pulse quickened. Where was my Dragon?

            Trying not to panic, wondering what trouble he'd gotten himself into, wondering if someone was hurting him, I turned and almost ran into someone.

            "Nurse Joy." I said quickly, recognizing her pink hair immediately once I recovered from not sprinting down the hallway, "Where-"

            "That little girl you're friends with took him out this morning. She's very sweet to take care of your Pokemon like that."

            I bowed quickly, hoping that would suffice as a thank you as I sped across the tiled floor, exiting the Pokemon Center and straight up the hill.

            I went as fast as I could, legs burning, grunting as I misplaced my feet, tripping in my haste. Just to make sure he was ok.

            I couldn't stand to lose another partner.

            I got to the top of the hill, my panic increasing as I searched the ground, not finding the massive Dragon type that should have been lying around.

            "Salamence?" I called. Nothing. Demi wasn't even around, or any of her Pokemon.

            But then I looked up, which only made my nerves go haywire as I spotted Salamence in the air.

            "Salamence!" I yelled. How was he even in the air? He was going to hurt himself.

            I swore in my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid. This is what I get for being optimistic. This is what I get for thinking things could go well. Salamence was going to hurt himself even more because I had locked myself in my room and hadn't been taking care of him. And it was all my fault.

            "Salamence!" I shouted again, trying to get his attention. He was a couple hundred feet in the air, a bit too high up to really hear me.

            I squinted, trying to see him better. Something seemed off. He wasn't flying as quickly as I thought he would. And I kept seeing a wisp of black.

            Demi's hair.

            "Demi, get down here right now!" I roared as loudly as I could. How could she risk the chance of hurting my Pokemon? Was it some sort of revenge tactic?

            Right then, Salamence looked at me. I couldn't see his expression, but soon he was gliding towards me, descending. As he got closer, I saw a faint blue outline around his body. I could hear Demi's screams of delight as they flew and noticed that, right in front of her, was her Ralts. Grace.

            The pieces lines together, making me realize Salamence hadn't been flying. He'd been levitating from Psychic.

            As he landed, taking it easy on his bad foreleg, I said, "Arceus, Salamence. You almost gave me a heart attack. I didn't know you were here and then I saw you flying..."

            I shook my head and walked up to his good side, hitting him gently, "Be careful, or else you're going to have so much extra training that you won't have time to sleep."

            He rolled his eyes, but looked happy to see me. I smiled back and started scratching his side. A rustling sound made me turn towards his side as I watched Demi land lightly on the ground, for once looking a bit shy.

            "I thought you'd be too busy to take care of him." Demi explained, "So I brought him out here for you and he missed flying, so..."

            I studied the little girl in front of me. For the first time, she wasn't meeting my eyes. Demi played with her hands, looking back at Salamence's scales and not at me. She was very nervous and felt even more fragile than normal.

            "Thank you for taking care of my partner." I said, hoping to put her at ease.

            "Well, I mean, of course I did. I can take care of Pokemon, you know." Demi paused, "He got his cast off this morning too. Nurse Joy said it's been ten days since you've been here and he heals super fast. See?"

            I looked down at his forearm, which indeed did not have the Slurpuff of a cast surrounding it, but a black brace. Salamence's neck straightened a bit in happiness as he moved his forearm, though made sure not to bend it.

            My mind couldn't focus on Salamence, as glad as I was that he was healing. All I could think about was how I had called Demi an incapable child and how I knew that had really hurt her.

            "I didn't mean anything I said, Demi." This time I looked away, "I was just..."

            "I know."

            "I'm sorry." I did mean it, but saying sorry so much in the same twenty-four hours seemed very tiring.

            She gave me a weak smile, "It's ok."

            Demi picked up Grace and I continued to watch her. Something was different about her energy. Of course there was. She wasn't being super enthusiastic.

            "Are you ok?"

            "I'm just wondering what to say to you I guess." Demi answered, "You're not ready to open up to me about everything. I think you should actually go talk to Roric. He's in the sanctuary."

            "You mean I have to go in there?" I cringed. I really didn't like the church.

            "I'll go with you." Demi walked over to me and held out her hand.

            Two days ago, I would have refused. I would have said something to hurt her. But as I stared at her hand, I realized that this was part of what I needed to do to let go. That I couldn't let a building hold me back anymore.

            I took her hand silently, actually relieved when her small fingers wrapped around mine, letting her lead me towards the church doors.

            My breathing was a little faster than normal as we walked through the doors. I kept looking at random places, as if the light that shone through the stained glass was lethal, that something would pop out at me. Demi seemed to sense my fear, or actually read the emotions pouring out of me, and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

            I looked towards the front again, noticing the cross.

            What does the cross mean to you? John's question from the first time I'd come in here, had been forced in here, filtered through my thoughts. I was ready to actually embrace what it meant to me now as I thought back to the last time I'd been in a church before this whole ordeal.

          The cross rested next to a picture of my Uncle Ben. A younger version of him, not that he'd been anywhere near old the day of his death. Not a few days ago, when we'd been playing and laughing together.

            I was sitting in a pew with my parents and Reggie. My mother was crying silently. Ben was, had been, her brother. Uncle Ben had told me stories about them growing up together, how he'd always looked after her and tried to help her when she went through hard times. Even when she usually refused to talk to him, he had offered his help. Especially when it came to spending time with me when she didn't seem to want anything to do with me. He had kept me from sinking. In about an hour's time I knew he'd be sinking into the ground, never to be seen again.

            My father held Reggie's hand. My brother was more emotional than I was. He was the one praised for having a big heart. He made friends easily, was passionate about everything, energetic, optimistic. He'd loved Uncle Ben, but it wasn't much of a feat considering Reggie loved everyone.

            Not me. I didn't love everyone I met. I was the only child I knew that didn't have friends. I was quiet. I stuck to myself. Uncle Ben had been the only person that didn't let me be by myself. That told me to come out of my room, to talk to me, to actually care that I existed and to make me feel like I was alive and not just some hindrance to everyone around me.

            The pastor spoke throughout the service and I heard without truly listening. I was normally attentive, but here I was wedged between my crying mother, my father who only comforted Reggie, and the lump in the throat that was suffocating me.

            I refuse to cry. I thought to myself, I'm not pathetic like Reggie. No one here is going to see me cry.

            People sang hymns. I recognized one that uncle would sing as we walked. His favorite. I used to sing it too. But now, the words were dead to me. The pastor would speak. We'd pray, or at least I'd pretend to. I'd given up on that. Praying wouldn't bring him back.

            "Benjamin Lewis was blessed with being friends with so many people during his lifetime and I'm lucky to be one of them," The pastor began, "Robert Chan, Ben's best friend, is now going to take a look through Ben's life so we can better appreciate what a great man of God he was."

            A man stood up from the pew next to us. I'd never met him before, but I had seen him on my uncle's porch. He hadn't tried to find me in the forest when I'd ran away. He walked over to the pulpit and took out a few notecards, though he didn't look at them.

            His blue eyes surveyed us all before he began, "Benjamin loved studying people and Pokemon more than anyone I know. I'm sure right now he'd be wondering why everyone looks so depressed instead of rejoicing that he's with God right now. Besides, he always enjoyed catching moments of happiness, not the sad ones.

            "I say that because for as long as I knew Ben, he loved to draw. We were next door neighbors as kids and all he would want to do was sit down, watch Pokemon, and form their shapes on paper. He's the one who taught me to draw and without him, I don't know where I'd be not only with my career as a Pokemon Watcher, but where I'd be with God."

            Robert went on to describe my uncle in ways I'd never heard him described. It didn't matter to me. As Robert spoke, I ignored his cheerfulness that mocked the turmoil still raging inside me. He reminded me of all the wonderful things that were now gone, all the things that made me smile and filled me with something that actually made living worthwhile. Now, all of those things had disappeared, never to be seen again.

            It didn't seem to matter now that he'd taken me to watch Pokemon with him during every visit, which was every day during summer vacations, usually every weekend during the school year. It didn't matter that he'd understood me better than anyone else did. It didn't matter that he'd taught me to draw and praised and encouraged me or that he'd taught me about how different Pokemon were from each other. It didn't matter that I'd opened up around him or that with him, I had talked about how upset I would get at my parents fighting, how invisible I felt compared to my brother.

The uncle I knew was dead and everything he'd told me seemed to be a lie now.

"Ben loved his nephews Reggie and Paul." Robert said. I looked up at the sound of my name, zoning into his speech for the first time, "Ben would flood me with stories of how amazing they both were- Reggie with his kindness, his ability to make friends, and his achievements in sports and even Pokemon training."

My eyes turned cold. Of course Reggie was looked upon with adoration.

"Ben had a special bond with his youngest nephew, Paul." Robert continued, "Paul and Ben would spend so much time together that Ben would joke to me that Paul would be the next Pokemon Watcher in the family. Ben would spend all of his free time with his nephew, though I know a lot of those hours were spent talking about Pokemon and what it's like to love our partners that God had put in our lives, both human and Pokemon alike."

Only to be taken away from us by death. I added venomously in my head. What was the point of growing attached to any living thing if it was just going to die? At least if I didn't care I wouldn't feel like I'd lost a part of myself, like I did right now.

"Ben might be gone, but he has just started the rest of eternity with the Lord. And if you loved Ben and you love God, you will be able to see him again one day, all day, every day for eternity. As it is written in Psalm, chapter twenty-three, verses one through six, 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.'

"There are so many other things I could say about Ben and I can't tell you how much I miss him, but I know I'll see him again sooner than I think. In loving memory of him, I'd like to have a moment of silence."

Everyone bowed their heads. I stared straight forward, as still as I could sit, feeling absolutely nothing as I remembered the scratch of pencil on paper, his laughter that rang out, and the now distant feeling of being loved.

I gripped the side of a pew to steady myself as I looked back at the cross, not sure how to feel. It still hurt to think about him, but it also felt more manageable.

With a shaky breath, I sat down in the pew. Demi sat down next to me, still holding my hand. She leaned her body against mine. It was comforting.

"You had to go through the same thing for both of your parents." I said, realizing how hard that must have been.

"Roric didn't want to go back to church either." Demi said, kicking her feet back and forth softly.

"I don't blame him."

"I don't blame either of you. So what do you think of it now?" Demi asked. I followed her gaze to the cross.

It was a good question. I used to think it meant death. I didn't really care about the resurrection. Jesus being alive again? Sure, right. My uncle hadn't come alive again. Not in a way that I could tell.

"I'm not sure." I said truthfully.

"That's ok. You'll figure out what to think."

"You said your brother was in here." I realized, looking around. It was odd, how the pretty small space felt gigantic, how the high ceilings of emptiness actually felt fuller than the ground, where pews were aligned. I didn't see Roric anywhere.

"Oh. Well, he was in here earlier." Demi sat up, her face scrunching momentarily, "He's actually coming back right now."

"Good."

"Your uncle's best friend... his name was Robert Chan? Is that true?"

"Yeah." It didn't bother me that she had seen my memory, though asking about such a particular detail seemed odd.

She made another face, then glanced towards the front of the sanctuary before looking at me with wild eyes.

"What?" I asked, knowing something was up.

"Be nice to him!"

"Why would I be mean?" My confusion increased. Why would I be mean to her brother?

That second, the door at the pulpit, which seemed to be a special door only for important people, opened. Roric was in discussion with a man that seemed to be in his sixties.

"To answer your question, I truthfully don't think it matters what we want to do. Whether we start Bible studies or break up into smaller groups to help invite people, it won't work unless God wants it to." The man said, his blue eyes passionate.

"Right. But Jesus was a one on one kind of disciple maker. He got to know everyone personally, and with church sizes getting so big, that doesn't get to happen as much." Roric said, "So if we're supposed to be acting like him, wouldn't you agree that we should be emphasizing getting to know people in smaller group settings so we could love them more intimately and help them personally?"

"I agree. You've really grown in the past few years." The man smiled.

It was then that they noticed we were in here. I was actually surprised Demi had stayed quiet, but then again, she seemed a bit fearful. I realized now that she was worried I'd be mean to this man. Why, I had no idea.

"It seems like we have visitors." He chuckled, "Come here, Demi."

Demi looked ready to go run off without me, but grabbed my hand and tugged at me until I stood up.

Be nice, be nice, be nice! She mentally sent to me.

Why wouldn't I be nice to him? I sent back.

She didn't answer. Figured.

"Nice to see you again, Paul." Roric smiled as we neared them.

I kept staring at the man next to him. He seemed kind of familiar.

"Paul?" The man said, amused, "Such a nice name."

"Paul, this is Pastor Robert Chan." Roric introduced.

Robert Chan.

That's impossible. I thought, unable to form actual words as I stared at the man in front of me. This couldn't be possible. The odds... I'd been here so often, and I hadn't seen him at all during the day. But it couldn't be him. Not my uncle's best friend.

I remembered the only conversation I'd had with him.

            "Paul." I heard someone's voice from faraway, as if I was underwater, "Paul."

            I numbly shifted my attention to the person in front of me. Reggie.

            "What?" I said, feeling like my voice was dead. It didn't sound like my voice.

            "Someone wants to talk to you. They're in the other room. It's about his will."

            I was glad Reggie didn't say his name. I'd made it a rule, for him not to talk to me about him in any way. I nodded and went to the other room, hoping this conversation with whoever it was would end quickly so I could go back into my room and not think.

            A man that I recognized from the funeral was there. A man I'd seen that horrible day on his porch. Robert. His friend.

            I hadn't liked him.

            "Hey, Paul." He said gently, as if he didn't want to scare me. Or as if I was a baby.

            I sat down across from him politely, but didn't speak. I noticed he was wearing robes, like a pastor. It made me dislike him more.

            "I'm here to talk about your uncle's will. I thought you might want to hear it from someone that wasn't a lawyer." He explained, his blue eyes looking at me with pity.

            I just continued staring at him.

            He cleared his throat and took some pieces of paper out of a folder, putting on a pair of reading glasses as he read, "To my beloved nephew, Paul, I leave all of my sketchbooks, journals, and books, hoping that they will inspire his creativity and help him become an even better and more educated artist. I wish for him to have my satchel if it is still in my possession before he comes of Pokemon Trainer age. I also leave him with half of whatever money is in my bank account, which is more money than I've wished to accumulate considering I wasn't supposed to store treasure here."

            Robert took a deep breath before continuing, "I wish that my Pokemon choose for themselves where to go, and hope that any friends they may wish to stay with would be open and welcoming. I pray that you all continue fighting the good fight. I will love you always."

            I stared at my hands in my lap, feeling my eyes prickle.

            "Your things are at your uncle's house. I've packed them in boxes. Your mother will be picking them up soon, but you don't have to look at them yet."

            "Is that all?" I began getting off the couch, but he shook his head.

            "There's one more thing..." He opened his mouth uncertainly, "It's Electivire."

I went outside of the house, walking hesitantly up to the giant furry Pokemon who was sitting in my yard, watching the sun set. I hadn't seen him since before...

            "Why?" I asked, my throat hurting.

            Electivire barely turned before scooping me up in his giant arms, hugging me to his chest. Compared to him, I was so small that I looked like he was carrying a baby, but instead of rocking me back and forth, he hugged me. I used my hands to push away from his chest, blinking a few times.

            "I don't know how to be a Trainer... I'm not him." I felt tears come out of my eyes. It hurt to be around Electivire. It was like my uncle was hugging me, but he couldn't hug me. He was dead. He'd broken his promise.

            Electivire still hugged me to him, as if saying it didn't matter to him.

            "I can't." I said, "I can't take care of you."

            I felt Electivire lift me until I was eye level with him. His red eyes were full of pain, like mine, but also determination. I could hear him, It's about me taking care of you.

I shook my head, "No one should be around me. I'm a mess. I'm weak-"

            He growled in retort.

            "I can't."

I heard a slight whimper and buried my head against his chest. I couldn't be around this Pokemon. He was too much of a reminder of the pain I was going through.

"You have to go with someone else. I don't want you around." I lied, "I can't believe you'd want to be with some scrawny kid. Go find someone else who actually wants you, because I don't."

Electivire shook his head.

"Go. Go!" I roared, pushing myself away, "I don't ever want to see you again!"

I pushed until he dropped me and ran back into the house, ignoring his cries. I stumbled past Robert and Reggie, who were talking, and slammed my bedroom door, locking it. I flung myself onto my bed, burying my head into my pillow, trying not to hear Electivire's howls of mourning and rejection outside.

"What's not possible?" Robert asked, staring at me curiously.

Demi was squeezing my hand and it felt like an apology for not telling me that she'd realized it was the same man before me.

Dazed, I explained, "You were my uncle's best friend."

Robert's eyes searched me quizzically before lighting, "...Paul?"

I nodded once.

"Good God, I haven't seen you since..."

And then his eyes were watering. And I almost hated him for it. Because I wasn't sure how to feel, and I was angry for having this witnessed by Roric and Demi. And I was angry that the most illogical things kept happening to me.

Robert stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder, apparently speechless. I didn't flinch, but I also didn't feel comfortable with it.

What does someone say after meeting a ghost from the past?

Half of me wanted to leave. At least half of me. Yet I was frozen, staring at Robert Chan.

"Listen..." Robert said slowly, "I'm really sorry about-"

I shook my head marginally and he stopped. I really didn't want to hear anything he said. Demi's hand gripped mine painfully.

I decided I owed it to her to be nice as I said, weighing my words, "This is a lot to take in and I need some time to digest it. If you would excuse me."

Robert nodded, stepping away from me. I sensed Roric's stare, which felt just as all-knowing as his sister's, even if he probably didn't know exactly what was going on.

I turned around and started down the aisle towards the doors.

Demi, I want to be alone. But I'll be ok. I'll be back pretty soon. I promised, doing my best to send out the mental thought so she could hear it.

Her grip loosened on my hand and she stopped at the doors as I exited, not saying a word. I started towards the forest, ready to find a place to think by myself. Not in the past, but in the present.

Is Paul's life crazy or what?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Tell me what you think about it.

Pokemon Question of the Day: Have you had those weird coincidences happen to you? What kind? (I know, not really Pokemon, but it matches the chapter)

Have a nice day!

-Flips