Chapter 27: Vulnerability 

I kept staring at Roric, too surprised to really do anything, "How'd you get in here?"

If he said God somehow made him appear in there, I didn't know what I would do with myself.

"With help from a friend." Roric stepped aside to reveal a Ralts, which I recognized to be Demi's.

"Is Demi here too?"

"No. I'm the only one who's supposed to be here right now." Roric answered softly.

"So what are you supposed to be then, a guardian angel?"

"I'm a bit lacking of wings at the moment." His mouth quirked up, like there was some sort of inside joke I didn't know about.

"And why are you here when an hour ago I didn't want to talk to you?"

"An hour ago you hadn't made a choice." Roric said firmly, smiling as if he was proud of me. It was a bit creepy, the almost fatherly affection that seemed to be emanating from him.

He seemed to notice how I was about to change my decision, "Listen, I know you don't know me. I'm a stranger. And for me to just come in here without asking, knowing that you just prayed for the first time in years, especially for praying for help for the first time, can be a big turn off. I know."

I wracked my brain to see if I'd mentioned how long it'd been since I prayed, or what I'd prayed about. I hadn't.

"You have no idea what to make of me." Roric repeated from earlier.

I thought through my options. I could stay in this room forever, acting like no one cared. I could not tell Dawn how I was really feeling and keep lying to myself that she was all I really needed when, in reality, I kept getting worse. Or I could accept that there was someone in front of me, whether sent or not, that could help me. That's what instinct told me. And I wanted to be helped for once, even if my dignity suffered.

I took a breath, my voice finally feeling like itself as I said, "Actually, I make you out to be a friend."

"You seem like a guy who isn't one to be vulnerable first." Roric said.

We'd just started walking through a forest nearer to the town. It was nice to be outside again. I was still shaky from all of my emotions, but there was sunlight. The trees were growing, Pokemon were scurrying about. There was life. It reminded me that my own life could be full of that again. That that's why I was here, about to tell this complete stranger things I hadn't ever talked about with anyone.

Roric took my silence as his answer, "Mind if I tell you my story first then?"

I gave a nod, disbelieving that I wasn't being sarcastic or rude in any way.

"Demi and I grew up in Sinnoh. At first, I wasn't very close to Demi because we have such a big age difference. I'd already started my Pokemon journey through Sinnoh before she was even born, so I didn't really get to see her grow up when she was a baby. But my parents and I had been close. They had a Christ centered marriage, led Bible studies, mission trips- everything was for God. So I was always at church and surrounded by people who loved me, even if they weren't related to me by blood.

"Two years ago, while I was traveling, I got a phone call," Roric took a deep breath, "My parents were killed on an airplane flying to Kalos for a mission trip."

I let that sink in. Both of his parents, gone.

"I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't function, knowing they were dead. And I had to get over that because I had to take care of my sister. I had to suck it up and learn how to be a parent, which was hard because I learned that I'd been a crappy brother for not being there for her all those years." He said it solemnly, with that sadness that never seems to go away when people talked about the past, "So I gave it my best. I stopped my journey and gave up on training so I could take care of Demi. But, through that... I gave up on God too.

"I was mad. I mean, really, my parents were flying all the way to Kalos for Him, and then they get killed? If He can do anything, and He's good, then why did that happen?" His eyes bored into me, as if he was expecting my personal answer. An answer I didn't have, "So I gave up on Him. Didn't talk to Him, didn't go to church, ignored everyone in my church family who called. It was hard too, because those people are saps who wanted to give me free handouts every day, meals they'd cooked themselves. You know what I mean?"

I numbly remembered the times Uncle Ben had brought me to church, memories I'd blocked out. I had been too shy to notice if people had been nice or not. I couldn't imagine him picking a church that wasn't anything less than what Roric was explaining. Full of saps.

"So I ended up working while Demi went to school, trying to pay bills. My parents hadn't really saved up much money. They were all about letting God provide, which was frustrating after they died because I didn't see Him providing as I worked full time and took care of my sister. Plus I gave up everything I wanted, all my training, all my dreams. It didn't feel very generous of Him."

But people wanted to help. I thought, remembering the free handouts he'd mentioned, but realized I was exactly like him. I refused to let people help. Help was there, but I ignored it and pretended it wasn't to the point where I lied and blamed others for my misery.

"And to make it worse, my sister started complaining about headaches." He shook his head, "Because after losing my parents and having this precious little sister, a sister who was so like my mom, come tell me something was wrong, it made me worry. What if she died too? Sure, I complained about taking care of her, how hard it was, but that didn't mean I didn't want her. I couldn't ever give up my sister.

"But then we found out she was an aura reader." Roric nodded to me, "She's told you a bit about that, I know. But I don't think she told you that we had to travel across Sinnoh to find aura experts to help teach her."

"How'd you manage that?"

"She became a Pokemon Trainer when she was seven to dismiss her from school. The teachers had already advanced her as much as possible, so she wasn't really missing anything. Demi is the smartest little girl I've ever seen." Roric said in admiration, "Anyway, we found the aura readers and they trained Demi to control her mind."

There was silence as we weaved through some particularly close together trees. I felt like he was going to continue, fill in the gaps, but he didn't, "But how are you Christian now?"

Roric frowned momentarily, "I don't think anyone God claims ever stops being God's child. I did stop following Him though, if that's what you mean. Which is what being Christian is supposed to mean. Being a 'little Christ'. But what good is a title anyway, when Christians look so different from each other? Some Christians are crueler than people who don't believe in God, or people who believe in other gods. They give Jesus a bad name. I was one of those people, so really, I don't have anything against them, but want them to change nonetheless."

"That still doesn't answer my question."

He smiled, "Right, sorry. I can get preachy. You were right when we first met about me giving a sermon. I can do that easily."

"Still doesn't answer my question." I hid my own amusement.

"Wow, I feel like a friend of mine. Getting distracted." Roric shook his head tiredly, "Well, at least that's on subject. Demi and I ran into this group of friends we'd never met before. They'd all recently become Christian and they just had this optimism and fire that I can't explain well. It was like being home, at our church all over again. Demi loved it. I wasn't very open to them at first, but we stuck with them for a while because Demi was lonely. Plus one of the Trainer's had a Lucario. Demi's Riolu, which she'd just gotten from completing her aura training, would train with her."

"How did they convince you God was real?" I asked.

Roric gave me a curious glance, "I wasn't ever questioning if God was real. When you feel Holy Spirit, there's no denying that God is living and breathing, more alive than we could ever be."

He was losing me with the Holy Spirit talk and seemed to notice as he continued, "Our friends reminded me of how loving people could be and how much I needed them. And how bad things happen and that's not God's fault."

"And why isn't it God's fault if He can do anything and He's good?" I asked, trying not to sound defensive.

"The humans messed it up at the very beginning. The world wasn't supposed to be sad or hurtful, but beautiful and happy. But Eve just had to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, right?" He noticed my raised eyebrow again and added, "Hey, I'm not going to lie. There are multiple views over as to whether that happened or not. Either way, the story was inspired by God. You can't argue that there's good and bad in the world. Where did that come from? Why do humans care so much about what happens? Why is there this idea of fair, that we have morals? Why do we feel guilty if we do something 'wrong' even if it's better for our own self-preservation?"

I nodded along, my mind racing as I tried to answer those questions myself.

"So I'm not saying someone has to believe certain things, but it is important for people at least to be open to new ideas, including myself, and to really think through things before chucking out ideas they don't like." Roric smiled, "I got off topic. My real point was going to be that humans, as always, mess up everything. So is it really that shocking that the first ones would mess up too? And choose power instead of love?"

What I've been doing the past ten years of my life.

"No. It's not shocking at all." I said.

"So my friends... they're the ones who started getting me to ask those questions. To study. To start my relationship back up with God. Because that's what the Christian God, and what we believe to be the only God, is all about. A loving relationship with us. Because, really, is any other god praise worthy if they don't even love us, or care what we do, or just want to own us like slaves?"

"No."

"Exactly." Roric clapped me on the shoulder and I cringed mentally, glad he pulled away, "Told you we're a lot alike."

"Is that the end of your story?" I asked.

"That's the best part, Paul." Roric's smile widened and he looked even younger than he was, so at peace, "My story is never going to end. I'm going to be with God forever, even after this life. What I'm telling you is just the smallest part to the cover of my story. Once I get to heaven, each day is going to be better than the last. And guess what."

"What?"

"I'm going to meet this uncle of yours and I know I'm going to love him." Roric said as if that was the most solid truth he'd ever spoken.

I didn't even know what to say to that. He spoke with such certainty. I'd never believed in something invisible so firmly, with so much joy, that I would risk being made a fool if someone didn't agree. But Roric didn't care. It was admirable, his faith.

Not only that, but the way him and his sister reached out to me. They were the church saps that he'd mentioned, giving, not caring if I took from them, not caring if I was rude. They still spoke with such content, loved with no boundaries. Were able to go out and help others while they were still grieving themselves. Yet that grief had been healed in such a short time, unlike mine. The long ten years of being broken. Could it really be this simple?

We came to a stream and Roric jumped along the stones, reaching the other side without a problem. I hesitated, remembering my uncle as we visited Turtwig. Not sure if I could do this again.

"Aren't you coming?" Roric's eyes met mine and I wondered if he realized what I was thinking, "It's easy."

Come on, kiddo. I heard in my mind. A gentle assurance.

I'd missed his voice.

I jumped, the first rocks so slippery that I almost fell in. But then I found a stride, kept my balance, and made it across. Roric gripped my arm on my final jump, making sure I was firmly across. I looked at him, raising an eyebrow. Most people didn't even try to get near me, much less touch me.

"I figured you've had enough of falling." Roric explained, "And I'm not going to let you fall anymore."

It sounded like something my uncle would say and for the first time, I felt like maybe this was where I was supposed to be. That for once, maybe praying had been a good idea.

"Now that we've crossed, it's your turn to talk about yourself." Roric said, "Think you can handle it?"

"Yeah." I said, actually meaning it for once, "I can."

Hey Trainers!

Hope you liked it. A lot of talk in this chapter. But it's nice to hear more background, right? 

Pokemon Question of the Day: Are you guys as obsessed with Pokemon Go as I am? What's your best Pokemon? 

Make sure your life doesn't become Pokemon Go! I had to write down promises of "I will not play Pokemon Go all the time" to make sure I kept them haha. It's pretty addicting. And stay safe while you play! 

I love you guys!

-Flips