"In spite of the pain, Eustace's first feeling was one of relief. There was nothing to be afraid of any more. He was a terror himself now and nothing in the world but a knight (and not all of those) would dare to attack him. He could get even with Caspian and Edmund now....

But the moment he thought this he realised that he didn't want to. He wanted to be friends. He wanted to get back among humans and talk and laugh and share things. He realised that he was a monster cut off from the whole human race. An appalling loneliness came over him. He began to see the others had not really been fiends at all. He began to wonder if he himself had always been such a nice person as he had always supposed."

- C.S. Lewis, Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Chapter 27: Lightness

Over the next few hours, it felt like a weight was lifting from my chest. At the same time, it was one of the most painful conversations I had ever had. Not only was it just the general type of conversation I don't like- one about feelings, but a long one. And yet neither of those things seemed to bother me enough to stop because the pain was not unbearable. It was like the pain of something that would soon go away.

Like a dagger being pulled from a wound.

"Your parents suck." Roric stated once, causing me to continue to rant about my anger towards my mother particularly before cutting me off with a question, "Were their parents similar?"

I thought back on my grandparents, "Yes."

"Then you shouldn't blame them. Because they were most likely kids who didn't feel as loved and had the same kind of life."

"They could have changed how they acted." I retorted.

Roric gave me a small smile, "The thing is, people have a hard time changing. You've been closed off to people your entire life because they never tried to open you up. Without Dawn, you still would be, wouldn't you?"

"I guess." I was less annoyed at saying he was right as I was at the beginning of this conversation. So far, he was correct every time, leaving my pride to suffer. Which he said was a good thing so I wouldn't feel superior to others.

He really seemed to think he knew everything for someone who didn't want me to think myself superior.

"And how do you feel about Dawn?" Roric asked.

I opened my mouth, blanking. We'd been going over negative emotions the past few hours, and now he wanted me to talk about her?

Roric smiled at me, "She's really nice, you know. Seems a little shy when she meets new people, but she ran up to me asking for help because she wanted you to have someone who could talk to you."

Dawn? Shy? I thought, disagreeing, "Yeah. She's great."

Roric laughed.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"Say how you feel." He pushed me, "Come on. You love her."

"I do, but that doesn't mean I have to tell you." I felt my face warm and ignored it.

Roric grinned.

"Fine, I love her. She's more than I could ever ask for and never gives up on me, even though I'm an absolute jerk for the majority of the time I've known her."

"That's more romantic." Roric said softly, as if teasing me.

"And what about you? Have a girlfriend?" I wanted to embarrass him as much as possible in revenge. Even if I'd never talked about girls to anyone. Unless Daniel counted. And I'd been even more forced into that conversation.

His eyes shifted from amusement to thoughtfulness, though his smile didn't flicker, "No."

"You're a liar." I scoffed.

"I'm not lying." Roric said smoothly.

"There's a girl." I glanced at Roric who ran a hand through his hair as if he was trying to hide his thoughts and couldn't help but grin. I shook my head, "You think you're the only observant one. You know, I can't be friends with you if you're going to lie to me. That kind of goes against your God."

"Our God." He corrected.

"I never claimed He was mine." I said, relieved that I wasn't defensive as I stayed focused on him as he kept his eyes forward, refusing to look at me.

"Well, this is torture." Roric grunted.

"Wow. You're a hypocrite." I didn't know why that made me happy.

Roric stopped walking and turned to face me, eyebrows raised, "Did you think I was perfect?"

I paused, staring at him, "A little."

"Believe me, I'm not. And that doesn't bother me, but I want you to know that no human is perfect."

I decided to ignore him, "So are you going to tell me how you feel now, or...?"

"Yes, there's a girl. And she's wonderful. I'm just not able to travel with her at the moment. And that's ok." Roric admitted.

I smiled a bit, then realized how different I'd been acting, actually teasing, my mouth opening in surprise. Roric studied me, "Yeah, you had a lot of baggage you needed to let go. This is the first time you've probably felt free in years, isn't it?"

"Not fully free." I admitted, then thought about what would happen once this talk was over. I would go back and not know how to open up to Dawn. I wasn't ready for that. I still didn't want a relationship with God. Sure, I could openly admit I believed He existed now, at least to myself. But there was still a lot of pain that I needed to talk through.

"You're worried you won't be able to change more?"

"Every time I'm optimistic, something bad happens." I thought about thinking my uncle wasn't dead to find out I'd been wrong. I didn't want anything like that to happen again.

"It's tough, I know. But don't act like you're alone and definitely don't think you have to change everything in one night. We change every single day, little by little." Roric said.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You made my sister cry yesterday." Roric blurted out suddenly.

I turned towards him to see him cringe.

He looked at me in apology, "I've been holding that in all day. I can't help but remember, even if I'm not mad about it. Big brother instinct."

"I forgot about that." I said softly, "I'm sorry to have hurt your sister so much."

"You need to ask her for forgiveness." Roric paused, "As well as God."

I looked up through the foliage, noticing the sun was setting, "Tomorrow I'll go see her."

"It doesn't have to be tomorrow. Just soon. She'll be happy enough with me telling her I talked to you all day. Don't worry, I won't tell her what we talked about and she won't pry."

"Thanks."

"I won't tell anyone about what we talk about. I promise."

I realized I was still shaking a bit from exhaustion and hunger. I needed to eat.

"Hey, Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave Dawn out of what's going on." Roric said, "You don't truly love her if you won't let her see the worst of yourself."

Before I could reply, Roric pulled me in for a hug. It was probably the weirdest hug I had ever gotten, sudden and from someone I'd just met. Guys I'd observed hardly ever hugged. It was more curt nods and fist bumps. But this? This was a brotherly hug, one that fully embraced me just in the way Roric had with his faults, his struggles. One that waited as I tried to do that same.

I hugged him back briefly before he pulled away, clapping me on the back, "I'm starving. But I promised Demi I'd eat with her. You'll be ok eating by yourself, I'm sure?"

"Some time to myself might be necessary." I said, my mind moving as I tried to think of everything we'd talked about and what I might possibly say to Dawn when I saw her.

"Good." Roric smiled, "Shall we?"

We walked out of the woods, on a new page from where we started this morning.

After eating, I went back to our room. The second I opened the door, Dawn stood up from her bunk, her eyes wide as she stared at me.

A smile crept onto my face, "Hey, Dawn."

She didn't seem able to answer. I rushed over to her, pulling her into a hug, burying my face in her hair as I let out a relaxed breath. Dawn seemed to soften from my touch, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I really did feel better. Not whole, but partly healed.

"I'm really sorry." I breathed into her ear.

"What for?" She seemed almost scared.

"For not telling you what's been going on. For pushing you away." I pulled away to look at her, "For being the old me."

"Paul." She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead she let out a small cry and buried her head into my chest.

"I'm sorry." I said again, for some reason not even surprising myself that I'd said sorry twice in the same minute. It was even genuine. And it even felt good.

I held her close while she composed herself, swaying our bodies slightly to comfort her. She pulled away and sniffed, smiling at me, "I'm such a cry baby."

"I didn't mean to worry you so much."

"But is everything better?" She asked.

"No, not everything. But it takes time. And since we're stuck here..." I pressed my forehead against Dawn's and closed my eyes, "I'm sure that everything will be fine before we leave."

"I'm so happy for you, Paul."

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was breathtaking. She always seemed so open to me, always hoping, always there. And I'd been so blind to how loving she truly was.

"I love you so much, Dawn." I traced her cheek, "And I promise to do better and tell you everything. Even if I don't want to. Even if it puts me in a bad light."

"I think that's the most amazing thing anyone has ever promised me." Dawn hugged herself to me.

"Hey, Dawn." I smiled.

"Yes?" She pulled away again, blinking.

"I need to tell you something so I don't break my promise."

"What is it?" Her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I leaned down to her ear and murmured, "I really want to kiss you right now."

Her arms tightened around me. My lips found hers. It felt like I was kissing her for the first time all over again.

We continued kissing, losing track of time. Afterwards, we both sat on her bed and talked. I told her about all the memories Demi had pulled out of my head with my uncle and Electivire, how they made me feel. How much I missed Uncle Ben. How I finally felt like I wasn't that angry at him anymore. That maybe I could start letting go.

I ended up falling asleep talking, a first in my life. Easily the first time I felt free of nightmares, that nothing could truly imprison me anymore.

"Was last night a dream?" Dawn asked in a sleepy voice as I rested my chin on her head, glad that we didn't have anywhere to go today. We could just stay here, together. I'd realized last night that Piplup had taken to remaining quiet in the top bunk, occasionally peeking over to stare at me like I was committing a crime if I was being intimate with sharing my life with Dawn. Though he did seem pleased by my truthfulness, which made his annoyance level decrease slightly.

"Which part?"

"All of it." She whispered, finding my hand and entwining her fingers, "You've never opened up that much since I've known you."

"Roric apparently is good at torturing things out of me." I joked.

She moved so she could see me, "You opened up with your own free will and you know it."

I was a bit caught off guard by her defensive tone.

Her eyes softened, "It just is really miraculous, ok? An answered prayer."

I kept quiet, thinking about it. Wondering if she'd actually prayed about that, though I couldn't see Dawn lying about it.

"Are you still not going to talk to me about God too much?"

"I'm in the process of forgiving." I said slowly, "It's going to take some time."

"Forgiving who?"

"God." I mumbled.

She froze. It was a bit embarrassing. I'd basically admitted I believed in God, something I'd been denying. And I knew exactly how hyper and bursting with excitement she was with that news.

"Hey, Dawn-"

"Nope! I won't push you." Dawn tried to wave her hands frantically, but ended up dangling our joined hands in between us before she gave up, "I know that tone. I'm not going to push you. I'm just here for you and really happy."

I raised an eyebrow at her and smiled, "Thanks."

"So what are you going to do today?" Dawn asked, her body almost trembling with happiness as she tried to relax.

I thought about it, "I'm going up to the church. I told Electivire I'd be around and I haven't been very truthful to my word."

"Demi was really upset when you wouldn't talk to her." Dawn said gently.

I sighed, "I was really cruel. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to see her."

"Alright. As long as you do soon."

"I will." I thought about Demi and wondered how I could talk to her about all of this. I still wasn't sure about my uncle's bag, the fake one, or how I could possibly get closer to her, just to leave her and never see her again. Roric was a bit different. I could be friends with him and not see him again and I would be ok. But Demi?

"You really do love her, don't you?" Dawn asked.

"I didn't say that." I raised my eyebrows at her teasingly and rolled over.

"Paul." Her voice was annoyed.

"I'm shunning you, Troublesome."

"Paul."

"You never know when to stop talking."

"Paul."

I rolled back over and surprise hugged her tightly against myself, so quickly that she let out a small yell before laughing.

"Alright, I guess I did promise to be truthful." I pulled away enough so she could see my face, "I do feel a bit intimate towards the little mind reader."

Dawn rolled her eyes, "You need to work on your delivery."

"Fine. Promise to help? You can be who I practice on." I touched my nose to hers and smiled.

She huffed and I chuckled as she rolled out of bed, trying to get away from my fake apologies.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

Hey Trainers!

I just love Dawn and Paul. They're so cute together. He's come so far, hasn't he? Dawn has too. So glad my Dawn has grown to be less annoying (sorry anime Dawn, you're too much for me to handle). 

Tell me what you think in the comments! 

I hope you guys have people you can trust and open up to in your lives. If not, PM me. I'd love to listen to whatever is going on in your life if you don't have someone. 

You're all treasures to me.

-Flips

Pokemon Question of the Day: What quality would you want most in your traveling companion(s)?