CHAPTER TWO

Nyx sighs as she runs her hand down her face. She's currently on the phone with Stefan, and he's starting to drive her crazy. Her emotions are on overdrive, and she's having a hard time getting them under control. It doesn't help that she feels like her skin is crawling every time she goes to hunt. It all repulses her — needing blood to survive, and having to hunt animals.

"I feed exactly like you told me to. It's disgusting and I hate it, but I'm managing." Nyx tells him. "Is this conversation over now?"

"Have you drank from a blood bag at all?" He asks.

"No. I told you, I don't want to drink human blood. Why?" She questions.

"I'm just looking out for you, Nycole. I know this is all hard on you." He tells her. "And I know that being around Dean and Sam is especially difficult right now, especially sharing a room."

Nyx glances over at Dean and then looks down. He wants to be with her all the time, and she wants that too, but she can't be near him without thinking about his blood. She's ashamed of the thought, and she feels guilty every time he looks hurt by the distance that she's trying to maintain between them.

"Thanks, Stefan. I really appreciate you checking in." Nyx says. "And now you can go ahead and tell me whatever's​ going on." She tells him, and he sighs.

"No, we can handle it." Stefan shakes his head. "You just take care of yourself for now."

"Stefan, just tell me." She says as Sam walks back into the motel room.

He sighs, not wanting to keep her out of the loop, but also not wanting her to worry too much either. Ultimately, he decides to tell her about the recent events going on in their God forsaken town.

"There's a hunter in town and he went after Tyler. Twice." Stefan reluctantly tells her, and she sighs as she falls back on the bed.

He fills her in on all of it, and they hang up soon afterward. Dean and Sam look at her as she sits up on the bed.

"What is it?" Dean asks.

"There's a hunter in Mystic Falls, one that's willing to hurt — and quite possibly even kill — innocent people to out vampires so that he knows who they are." She tells them.

"What?" He sounds equally surprised and appalled.

"They were at the funeral for Pastor Young, and this hunter stabbed the pastor's daughter — a girl that Elena and I used to babysit, I might add — so that she would bleed out in the balcony of the church. He wanted to see who would smell the blood and turn to look for its source." She explains. "There were, of course, five vampires in the church, and since Elena's still so new, she almost lost control. Tyler made a distraction, and the hunter shot him, from the balcony, in front of a church full of innocent people."

"That isn't like any hunters that we've ever met." Sam says, and Dean shakes his head.

"The whole point of this job is to protect and save people, not to put them in harm's way." Dean says.

"How's the pastor's daughter?"

"April's doing okay now. After the hunter shot Tyler, the church cleared out pretty quickly​." She tells them. "So, Caroline and Elena helped her."

"What are they saying about what happened to Tyler?" Dean asks.

"Assassination attempt on the mayor's son."

—

"How did you do it?" Nyx asks Caroline — the girls are on the phone. "How did you control the hunger when you were with Matt?"

"I did like Stefan taught me, controlling my breathing. And I reminded myself that he was the last person that I ever wanted to hurt." She tells her. "You're having a hard time being around Dean, aren't​ you?"

"Both of the boys, but more so Dean, yeah." She admits. "I'm afraid that I'm gonna hurt him. I feel like...like I can't trust myself around him."

"It's gonna take time." Care says. "But you're strong, you'll be alright."

"I don't think I can be with him anymore, Caroline. Every time he touches me; his hand brushes mine, or he puts his hand on the side of my face... All I can think about is the blood and then— I just have to get away from him." She tells her. "And I hate it. So much."

"I know it's hard, but you'll get through this." She says, and Nyx scoffs.

"You know, that's all everyone says to me now. You'll get through this, Nycole, you're so strong. You'll be alright." She shakes her head as she wipes tears from her face. "It's like I'm supposed to be fine, I'm supposed to be okay even though—" She chokes back tears.

"Even though what?"

"My babies are in the hospital, and I can't see them for the same reason that I can't be next to their father. I'm a danger to them all now, to all of our human friends. Me just sitting in the same car as Dean and Sam puts them at risk." She tells her. "I have to keep the window rolled down, and I open them in the motel too. Because if I don't, I can smell their blood, and it's..."

"And it can be overwhelming, and terrifying." Caroline finishes for her. "I know. But you'll learn to control it all better. And eventually, you'll be okay."

"I talked to Damon—"

"Uh-oh." The blonde sighs.

"He's the only one not sugar-coating everything." Nyx defends. "The only one being completely honest with me."

"And what did he say?"

"Do you remember Logan Fell?"

"Yeah, the bastard tried to kidnap me to get back at my mom." Care says. "What about him?"

"When Damon had you use my ancestor's vampire compass, and it led you to that abandoned warehouse..."

"I remember."

"It was Logan that it found." Nycole tells her. "He had a whole pile of bodies hidden there. He told Damon that he couldn't control it, and he liked killing them. Logan was a total douche when he was human, but he wasn't a murderer. Becoming a vampire did that to him, made him that way."

"That's not gonna happen to you. You have me and Stefan to help you get through this. You're not alone, but he was. You have help that he didn't." She tells her, and Nyx stays quiet. Caroline sighs. "Damon's a dick, but I doubt he told you that to scare you. So, why did he tell you that story about Logan?"

"He told Damon that all he could think about was Jenna... That he wanted to be with her...and bite her." She tells her as tears fill her eyes again. "Damon said it's because Logan was in love with her before he turned."

"Okay, I was wrong, Damon's just a dick." She shakes her head. "Nyx, he's just trying to scare you into breaking up with Dean because he still loves you. Don't listen to him."

"I know how Damon feels about me, and he knows how I feel about him, and how I feel about Dean. He was just trying to warn me."

"Or he's taking advantage of the fact that your emotions are heightened, and you trust him." Caroline argues.

"He's not..." Nyx sighs.

"Why are you defending him so much?" She questions. "Please don't tell me that you have feelings for him."

"No, Caroline, I do not have feelings for Damon." She tells her. "I'm defending him because he's right. I... Everything that he described about what Logan said about Jenna...is how I feel. And it's worse because I've... Dean gave me his blood when I decided to turn, so I've already...tasted it and..."

"And you keep thinking about it." The blonde sighs. "That's why you're so afraid that you'll hurt him."

Nycole takes a deep breath. "I've been in love with him since the Summer that we spent at my parents' lake house. I've never said it, neither of us have... We aren't good at talking about our feelings, it's easier to show it to each other. A kiss or holding hands... Getting something that we know the other likes without them asking for it..." She sighs as she looks down. "But now I can't kiss him or touch him... It's hard just to be in the same room as him...and I don't know how to say this to him. Ask Tyler if you don't believe me, we couldn't talk about our feelings either. I don't know how to voice words that make me feel vulnerable...not to the person that I love the way that I love Dean. I couldn't do that as a human, and now my fears and vulnerabilities have been placed under a microscope."

Caroline listens to her friend talk, and she can hear it all in her voice. Nyx is scared, terrified even. Fear for a normal person can be paralyzing, but for a vampire with heightened emotions... And she can't shake the guilt or the shame either. She's stuck.

"I don't know what to say to help you through this." She admits. "I'm so sorry, Nycole."

The door opens​ then, and Dean walks into the motel room. Nyx quickly wipes the tears from her face as she takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"Hey, I gotta go, Care. I'll talk to you later." The brunette says, then hangs up the phone.

"I brought lunch." Dean says as he sets a couple of bags from a fast food place down on the table. "Sam's out at a ​library or something nerdy like that."

"Is he looking for a case?" Nyx asks, her voice low. She doesn't trust it not to crack if she talks any louder than that.

"I guess, I don't know." He shrugs. "But​ I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" She asks as he starts walking toward her.

"About what's been so weird between us since we got back on the road." He says, trying to study her face.

"Things have changed. I mean, you didn't expect this to be exactly like before, did you?" She asks, and he doesn't say anything in reply. "I'm a vampire, Dean. Everything is different now."

"I know what you are. And I know who you are." He says. "You're a good person, and I'm not afraid of you."

"Well, that's great." She says quickly as she walks away from him, he got too close for her comfort. "But I'm afraid of me, so..."

"That's ridiculous." His eyebrows furrow, and she shakes her head.

"No, it isn't. I still feel like me, but also completely different." She tells him. "Do you have any idea how absolutely terrifying that is?"

"No." He shakes his head. "So, talk to me, tell me what you're going through."

"I can't do this, Dean." She says, tears welling up in her eyes again.

"Why can't you talk to me?"

"Not talking." She reluctantly says. "I mean, I can't do this. Us. We don't​ feel like us anymore because I don't really feel like me. And I need to figure out how to be...this...before we can be together." She tells him.

"I'm sorry, are you... Are you breaking​ up with me?" Dean questions.

"I'm sorry... But I can't do this right now. I just can't." She tells him, and he nods as he turns around.

"I'm gonna go find Sam." He then walks over to the door.

He stops once it's open and turns his head toward Nyx, hoping that she'll change her mind and call him back to her. She looks down, feeling the guilt hit her like a brick, and then he walks out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. She jumps at the sound and then chokes back her tears.

—

Nyx gasps​ as she sits up in her living room, and when she looks around she sees Dean, Sam, and Stefan sitting in the room with her. She turns so she's sitting normally on the couch, and looks down at her shirt — she's covered in blood.

"That man..." She looks back up at the boys. "Rebekah compelled someone to kill me. So, how am I..."

"I healed you after Klaus threw that piece of fence at you and Jeremy." Stefan begins, and she looks at him. "When that guy stabbed you last night, you died with my blood in your system." He tells her.

"I'm in transition?" She realizes, and he nods.

"I'm so sorry, Nyx. I know this was never what you wanted. You or Elena..."

"Elena? Wha— What about Elena?"

"Rebekah ran Matt's truck off the bridge last night. I tried to save them both, but I didn't get back to Elena in time." He tells her. "She drowned in the lake, and she had Damon's blood in her system because Meredith used it to heal her after Jeremy brought her to the hospital. Her injuries were a lot worse than anyone knew." He says, and she looks down, trying to take in all of this new information.

"Can you guys give us a minute?" Dean asks, and Sam and Stefan both leave the living room.

"So, I can either turn or leave our babies without a mother." Nyx says as Dean sits down next to her. He rests his hand on her leg, and she looks at him.

"Bonnie's trying to find a way to save you and Elena, make it so that you can both be human and not turn." He tells her, and she takes a deep breath.

"Call Bonnie. Ask her to make me a daylight ring instead." She says.

"What?"

"I can't risk leaving Alex and Everly without a mom. I lost my parents too young, I won't do that to them too." She tells him. "I just can't."

"Are you sure about this?" He asks, and she shakes her head.

"No, but what other choice do I really have?" She asks. "It's bad enough that they are where they are because of my choices. I won't leave them without me."

Dean nods, wanting to support her even though he knows that this isn't what either of them wants for their family. He then takes his knife out of his jeans pocket, and cuts the palm of his hand.

"If you're going to do this, then I'm going to be here. Every step of the way." He tells her, and she takes his hand.

Nyx takes a deep, shaky breath and then drinks his blood. She lets go and screams as she feels her fangs coming in through her gums. He rests his hand on her shoulder, concerned, and she can smell the blood from his other hand.

She turns toward him suddenly and just as she's about to attack him, Stefan grabs her and pins her to a wall on the other side of the room. Her now fanged teeth are bared, and her eyes are like a vampire's. She's fighting against Stefan, trying to get back to Dean.

"Nycole. Nycole, hey, look at me." Stefan says, and she listens to him. "Calm down, okay? Breathe. Watch me." He demonstrates taking deep breaths through his mouth, and she mimics it.

Nyx slowly gets herself under control, and then she looks back over at Dean. "I'm so sorry." She says, and he and Sam both just look at her.

"Go clean that up." Stefan tells Dean, referring to his hand.

Nyx chucks the glass of water in her hand hard and it shatters against the wall. It's been over an hour since Dean left, and the boys still aren't back yet.

She can't get that memory out of her head, and it's driving her crazy. It's a constant reminder of how easy it is to completely lose control and it's torture in her head. She hates all of this. She hates the constant hunger, and the never-ending guilt. She hates what she is, and what she's capable of. She hates everything about being a vampire.