The world spins for a moment, my limbs suddenly mine to control. My relied up flames from trying to kick out the yellow ones, sincerity from Lukas flowing into my anger, and the blaze rod in my hand pulsing with its own heartbeat. 

I take in a huge breath to steady myself, growling as I exhale. I hate how these stupid yellow flames can just vanish without a trace. I have never wanted to put out a fire so badly until these things came along.

Lukas's string pulses, and I the calming waves from him get stronger. But no, I'm refusing that! I haven't even been in my body for a day and it was possessed AGAIN! That's wrong! So wrong! This is my body, it shouldn't even be possessable in the first place!

I do let my fire calm down though, I don't need that to explode with my anger. But I can be angry right now, right? I just saw myself threaten to incinerate Ivor, I can be furious about that.

"Ivor!" Shoot! How did I forget about Ivor? "We gotta make sure Ivor's okay!"

Running through portal, not sure how to explain this one to Lukas, I was planning to immediately start scanning the area for Ivor. But I kinda didn't realize how much Lukas was doing for me while he was touching me nor did I realize what the Nether actually does to me.

It's kinda like I just drank a potion of speed and strength, just a wave of energy that my fire soaks up instantly. The huge fire that just consumes my entire being, muscles bursting with strength now that they're swimming in the flames.

I spot Ivor, and start to run to him. But as I pump my arm forward, the green blaze rod glows and a fireball shoots out. The netherack above Ivor explodes, and there's a huge hole when the smoke fades.

Ivor turns to me, eyes wide in panic until he actually sees me, and his face turns sour. "Jesse! Are you trying to turn me to ashes too?"

I quickly drop the blaze rod, and it fades back into orange, before running back over to Ivor. Making sure the inferno inside me knows its place and stays in there. "I'm so sorry! The fireball was completely accidental! I don't want you roasted."

He rolls his eyes at me, and I choose not to listen what grumbles he's directing at me. I offer him a hand, which he takes for a moment. Before ripping his hand back with a hiss, glaring up at me. 

"Where's Lukas? You clearly have no grip on your fire right now!"

I look at him and then my hand. I don't see any fire coming out, it's only beneath the surface. He can't be burned by just my hand can he? A too late memory sparks up, and I mentally kick myself for forgetting. There's still that ability where I heat my skin up to absolutely burning but I can't feel a thing.

"I'm here." I smile when Lukas puts his hand on my shoulder, the fire calming down but not removing the flood of crazed energy in my body. "Just having a hard time keeping up."

Ivor gets up, shaking his head. "Then move quicker blond guy-"

Fire bursts out of me before I even properly hear the words, the flames flicker in front of the insulator. "Don't disrespect Lukas."

Lukas fingers dig into my shoulder, his string shaking as the anger calms down, and the fire backs off. I painfully I get my bearings back, trying desperately to get my fire under control. I definitely do not want to roast Ivor no matter what he does. He's my friend, I can't roast him.

An cry from a ghast drifts into my ears, my heart suddenly exploding as if my only purpose for living is to find that ghast and kill it right now. My flames crackling inside to achieve that goal.

Instead, Lukas nudges me the other way, and I grind my teeth to not just move away from him and hunt down that ghast.

"Jesse, I think you may need to get out of the Nether. You're losing yourself."

Begrudgingly, I walk with Lukas. Turning my head towards the ghast noise just in case it shows itself and I can pick it off with a fireball. I know I should have more willpower than this, I shouldn't need Lukas to get me out of the Nether. But I just can't help it, I feel so strong here and weak now that I'm leaving.

We walk through the portal, and I sigh. The glorious high of energy crashes, my fire dwindling back down to normal levels. Which is great, absolutely great. I can handle low energy levels, but an out of control fire? Not so much.

"Jesse!" Lukas snaps in front of my face and I immediately look back at him. I didn't mean to ignore him just then, but there's only so much I can take. "Hey Jesse, you good now?"

I nod tiredly, despite waking up not too long ago. "Better now."

"Maybe Nether trips should be held off a bit huh?"

I chuckle, finally feeling everything settle down. The whirlwind of energy and adrenaline fading, even the anger at the yellow flames dying off. This is just too much before I've even had breakfast.

And that's when I see Ivor, and I remember exactly what I just did to him. "Oh shoot! I'm sorry, again, Ivor, I-I-"

Do I have an excuse for letting my fire get so close to burning him for simply making slight fun of Lukas? I don't think so, I shouldn't have let that happen. I just kinda lost the ability to worry or think about it I guess. But I just couldn't stop it, it was too powerful.

Ivor huffs, rolling his eyes as he growls under his breath. "Perhaps it's about time you read the book I found, maybe it'll help-"

"We'll do that as we eat." Getting a strong grip on my arm, Lukas begins to drag me out the door. "I'm starving, I'm sure Jesse is too but is ignoring it somehow, so grab the book and meet us in the kitchen if you really want to talk about it."

Slightly shocked and slightly amused with Lukas's behavior, I walk along with Lukas to the kitchen. Wondering if he's actually going to let go of my arm or keep holding it. His grip isn't getting any lighter.

"Lukas?"

Giving me a look, he pushes the door open. "What?"

"Are you going to let go of my arm or forever have control over the limb?"

Lukas turns away while his fingers flex, relaxing their grip only to tighten it further. I'm about to say something, definitely to tease him, until I really see his face and hold my tongue. He's going to chew off his lower lip at this rate and I can't fathom how he sees anything when his eyes dart around so fast.

Before I can do anything about that though, he sighs and let go of my arm, still not looking at me. "Sorry Jesse, I was just thinking and- oomph!"

Wrapping my arms around him, I squeeze him into a hug I should've given him days ago. "Don't be sorry for me, not when you're so worried about me. I know with everything going on you've been completely tangled up in it, but for now, even if it's only a moment, just relax."

Lukas sighs again, but returns the hug. I smile, but I can't stop that little worm of curiosity from wiggling in on me trying to be a good friend. Last time I hugged him, I think his head was a bit higher. But now he somehow is able to fit his head onto my shoulder, and I have to admit that's the perfect height to lean my head onto his. I know he's in great shape and has actually been eating well, but his general frame seems smaller from what I remember. In the best way though, my arms fit snuggly around him. Perhaps I've just never noticed this before.

Lukas sighs and presses into me harder. Admittedly, my smile grows wider. Just another thing I can't help. But he just seems to... fit into me. I don't know why, but that makes me feel pretty good. A good content feeling that I could just stay like this until another feeling drives it away.

"Thanks Jesse, I really mean it." His words become muffled due to how close he is, and my arms just tighten around him when I feel the warmth of his breath tickle my neck. "Sometimes... Well, wouldn't it be nice if everything turned out how it was the day before the everyone else showed up?"

My good mood falters a bit when I see where these thoughts are headed. "That would be nice, but by the time everything works itself out it'll be even better. I promise Lukas, everything will be alright in the end."

And I'm sure that would've been all great and heartwarming if that was the end of that. Instead my chest heats up, just slightly above uncomfortable, and it did cause a wince. Which unfortunately had Lukas pull away so he could see what's wrong.

My eyes widen when they catch a pale green light coming from under my shirt, and the gasp from Lukas tells me I'm not alone. The heat dies down and so does the light, almost as if it never happened to begin with.

I glance at Lukas and then back down, blinking hard to make sure I didn't just make that up. "Well, that was weird."

Lukas's head bobbles. "Definitely. Definitely on the weird and unexpected side of things."

"I mean, I can't believe it just vanished. Most everything has left a trace, a mark of some kind, but nothing from this one. I don't feel anything strange now."

"Maybe this is a sign we need to get something to eat, before this crazy situation really makes us permanently crazy."

I nod and turn to the fridge, not knowing what to eat. I know that my body hasn't eaten in forever, unless I did when Lukas possessed me, and I haven't fainted yet solely because of my fire. So whatever it is needs to be quite filling and nutritious.

Potatoes it is! I know Petra hates them and all, but I think I've appreciated potatoes more after the whole Admin thing. That something so meaningless in the grand scheme of things was used, in an abstract way, for something so important.

I get some out and gesture some to Lukas. He nods and I pull more out with a couple of waters. That strange feeling with water not being what I want spurs up, but I've got bigger fish to fry than that.

Sitting down, I slide the food over to Lukas. Before chowing down on my potatoes and almost coughing when they slam into my empty stomach. It definitely feels wrong for your food to drop into your stomach because there's nothing else in it. Shaking those thoughts out, I take a really big drink of water and then eat some more. The liquid and food still slouching around in my stomach though.

The door creaks open, and to my shock, Ivor comes in. No dramatic entrances, no loud shouting, no childlike giddiness, nothing. Ivor can't be possessed, can he?

I discard the thought when he slams a very old book on the table. Myths and Legends, the title so smeared with dirt and ash that the words are this disgusting dark brown gray. Although I hope I'm considered a legend and not myth in here.

Sliding it towards me, I flick through the pages. "You're not expecting me to read all of this, are you? Because if you are, I think it might be faster just to tell me what's going on in here."

Ivor rolls his eyes and huffs before sitting down himself. "Only the very back concerns you. It's disappointingly small, but the only thing I could find."

I shrug and flip to it. "I'll take anything I can get my hands on. Anything that I should know right off the bat?"

Lukas snorts, yet is grinning when I look up at him. "Did you know that this book says you can teleport?"

"What?" I look at the book, back to Lukas, to me, before ending at Lukas. "That's ridiculous! I can't possibly teleport unless I have an ender pearl."

"I heard it with your very own ears."

I'm about to correct him, when I sigh as I remember he had control over my body for awhile. As hard as that is to fathom sometimes, it has happened and I just need to get over it. Let's actually get into some secrets in here.

Ivor grumbles, and I glance at him, my gut keeps telling he's acting off. "Depends on what you really want to know first. There's stuff on you, Lukas, and the acid creatures."

"Lukas first." As much as I would love to know everything about the demons, I should go with the calmest choice first. And I think Lukas is just the best one for that.

"Well, his species or race in the book is called a Gebunden." I set the book on the table, fully listening to Ivor as Lukas drags it over to him. "The defining characteristics of them are their unnatural strength and speed, despite lacking a fire themselves, sharp mental capabilities, and that even looking at one the wrong way will kill you since it sends their Feuern, which is you Jesse, into a murderous rage."

I glance over at Lukas, who looked up from the book to look at Ivor. "Okay, I am aware that I've becoming stronger and stuff, but sharp mental capabilities? I would like to think that but I haven't noticed to much of a difference with that one."

Ivor scowls, and perhaps I have more important things to worry about than Lukas right now. "Why don't we look at the bigger picture? The book describes both Gebundens and Feuerns more as intelligent animals than anything else. At first I brushed this off since the author may not have known any of them, but I'm beginning to think that the two of you are degrading."

hero status: failed

"Degrading?" My heart clenches and flutters worriedly in my chest, this isn't the time for these thoughts! "No, no we can't be. Everything... All the accidents were accidents, I immediately regretted them."

"But you still took the action! I know you didn't necessarily mean to, but you still nearly burnt me just because I said something to Lukas you didn't like!"

yeah, that's pretty animal like

Lukas crosses his arms, but I just shield my gaze away from everyone. "Ivor, you can't expect us to us take everything flawlessly. We are people, that are constantly getting overwhelmed."

heroes, legends, should be better though

My eyes latch back onto the scowling Ivor, I can't let these thoughts get the better of me. "It's just that when Jesse gets overwhelmed, his fire takes over. Which makes him sees his own friends as prey or threats. And you only ever to stop to check on us after Jesse has been taken care of. The rest of us are pretty shaken up too."

such a terrible friend

"Ivor." Lukas's voice is strained, and I'm the cause. I was the hero who just couldn't keep himself together. "I know this is really hard on you guys as well, but it's exactly how you said. If Jesse gets too overwhelmed then it's much worse for all of us."

liability

"Not you though! Jesse always rushes to your side first, and only after a few moments does he remember his other friends!"

how careless

"Okay Ivor! Please stop with-"

"I know the both of you don't want to hear this, but it needs to be said. You'll both be consumed by these impulses and instincts of yours if you don't learn how to control them!"

weak

"Ivor! Just please stop, so we can move on. Let's just our brains focus on something else. Like for instance, what else is in the book about us? Anything to note or to care about?"

can't even defend yourself

"The only major other part of this book are the creatures, the real name for them the Suare." I hear Lukas flick through the pages of the book, muttering to himself. But I still don't look at him or Ivor. "They are also a main reason no one from the Underneath ever wanted to go to the Nether."

I feel like I should say something, but nothing comes to mind. So sighing lightly, I let Ivor continue. "They're the predators of the Feuern and Gebunden, it says that their acid greatly affects the Feuern's access to their fire and can kill a Gebunden within moments."

and Lukas nearly died by one too, because you were too distracted

A faint tapping noise wafts into my head, and looking down I realize it's my own hand hitting against the table. My arms are shaking so badly, I'm surprised I wasn't able to feel that. I move them under my legs, but I can still feel them tremble underneath me.

Not now, I can't let this happen now. Just not now or ever, I have to be Jesse. The strong Jesse that cares about his friends and doesn't curl up on himself. 

"The author sure didn't know any weaknesses of them, but it does list their various strengths-"

"Ivor, let's not talk about those things at the moment. Is there seriously nothing else of importance about Jesse in this book?"

nothing of importance

"If you want to read it, go right ahead Lukie." Flames spark up inside of me, but they feel like... cold. "There are a few symbols that are mentioned to be the Feuern's way of communication, but that's it."

Lukas hums, but I hear nothing else. Not even anything more from Ivor. But I don't really want to look up, I don't want to see their eyes. I don't want Ivor to feel discarded, I shouldn't have made him feel that way.

"Okay, I get it." Ivor grumbles, he sounds so... cut off but I have no idea how to fix that. "You guys need time together and whatnot. I'll leave then."

I finally raise my head, my brain struggling to find something to say to make Ivor feel better. But he's out the door before I get a chance. Maybe I was wrong, maybe my friends might leave after all. Maybe I'll be the one to chase them out.

not surprising

"Jesse?" My eyes flicker over to Lukas, who closes the book and pushes it away. "You aren't getting cold again are you?"

Frowning, I shake my head. Besides, I sneeze and feel terrible before I feel the need to warm up. If I have sneezed, then it would've been during the possession and I just can't remember or something.

"Uhh... okay then. And you didn't purposefully do anything to the connection or anything?"

I roll my eyes and shaking my head again. After all the grief messing with the string caused, I've stopped caring about that, I'm not messing with that thing. Not unless there's no crisis and I tell Lukas that I'm experimenting with it.

"Well would you please explain why you feel so- so... empty right now?" I look back at Lukas, he really does look concerned and confused. Eyebrows scrunched up together and lips tightened in worry.

unworthy

Shrugging, I look away from him. It's like my happiness and depression cancel out, leaving me with nothing. I don't want to worry about everything, I don't want to figure out what to say, I don't want to be with anyone, I don't want anything. Just... nothing.

Lukas sighs. "That's not an answer, and you would rather me find out myself?"

I sigh and bring my arm across the table, letting it lie there for Lukas. It's not like I'm hiding anything, no buried emotions or anything. Thankfully, whatever has us read thoughts seems to be activated by me. So I don't have to worry about him fretting over these thoughts. They're not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

"Seriously?" I glance back at a shocked Lukas, who's widen eyes dart to my hand back to my eyes. "You'd rather me scan you than just telling me yourself?"

I shrug again and keep my hand there. I'm not too worried about anything Lukas is going to do. Unless he's going to possess me again, but I don't think that's happening. I don't feel like talking, so I won't.

selfish

Lukas takes my hand, and his energy gets swallowed up somehow. I know it's there, but I don't feel it. Maybe it's doing something in my body or something, maybe aiding my stomach digest since it's been awhile since it had to.

He gasps and his fingers tighten around my hand. Although I don't think I have the ability to ever sense how detailed he's scanning me. I only ever feel his energy when he touches me, not some probe poking around in my brain.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I tilt my head at him, deciding to use my voice finally. "Talk about what?"

pitiful

Lukas raises an eyebrow, but his lips tighten further together in concern. "What Ivor said, about instincts and whatnot."

I look away, trying not to think about what Ivor said. Or the thoughts that followed. Or the how bad these thoughts actually are. Or how true every word was and how many times I failed and failed and failed again at the same mistakes.

"It might be true, yes." Lukas clutches onto my hand, and since I still don't want to look at his eyes, I look at the ground. "But that doesn't make it bad or does it account for everything. The remorse you've had for your actions Jesse, it shows that you don't want them. Even now, you feel bad. Ivor's probably just overwhelmed himself." 

"I'm lucky I only feel remorse. Because if it was entirely up to me, I would be feeling grief."

I blink, and frown slightly. Where'd those words come from? I didn't plan using my weak quiet voice again, but there it went. Just jabbering away without my consent.

uncontrollable

"Which is why we're a team. We use all our strength together so that doesn't happen. This isn't on you. Getting this fire wasn't your fault. These Suare creatures aren't your fault. Getting possessed by yellow fire isn't your fault. It's okay to have a hard time juggling so many things at once."

A memory flutters through my skull, and I finally look back up at Lukas. "The yellow flames, it said something about defenses."

"Defenses?" Lukas's head recoils in confusion. "It was telling you how to defend yourself from it? That doesn't seem very logical."

"Not exactly. Just said that defenses against something called Mark Possession is possible."

"Wait, let's back up. It said that? Like, this is an intelligent creature that is possessing you with some intention? Not just random more animal like attacks?"

Nodding, I try to make my voice not so echo like. "It was making decisions based off of some plan, but I was too worried about it being in my body."

"Okay then, and it used this Mark Possession on you? Must mean that the yellow flames somehow got inside your mark. Although why not just call it possession? Is there different ways the yellow fire can possess you?" Lukas sighs, letting his head fall back. "Why is it every time we learn something new, there's just more and more questions?"

Shrugging, I look to the side. I never really expected to know everything, it's never like that. We didn't know the Command Block was indestructible until we set off the Formidi-Bomb. We didn't know there was a portal hallway until we walked into it. We didn't know about Admins until one was destroying Beacontown, or the Underneath until we were sent there, or that Admins were people that could be stripped of their power until it was told to us. We never know anything until the information slaps us in the face and I have to scramble for a plan before it's too late.

I reach out to my flames, letting them flicker out with my free hand. It's just like everything else though, distant. As if it wasn't really alive, just an echo or shadow of the inferno that generally bursts out of me. But still, they flicker in the air. Green wisps swirling around my fingers.

"You could practice y'know, work on being able to control those flames. Maybe figure out how to put up defenses on your mark or something."

Waving my hand and putting out the fire, I turn back to Lukas. Pulling my hand out of his grasp, not really feeling his energy leave though, and pull the book towards me. There must be something more, something else that we can learn from this thing. It's the only lead we have on anything.

"I can read that while you practice, you really need to practice."

I shrug and pick up the book, flipping to the Feuern section. "Since I mainly work on instincts whenever I do need to use my fire, it wouldn't do any good. Not unless I had weeks so I would be good enough to trust my head on what it's doing."

I hear a huff, but nothing else. That's when I get to the title page, a completely black picture with a human holding a fireball, another once beside it. I skim the first paragraph, which is basically a warning to never interact with them because they kill at the first thought if you're a threat.

Turning the page, there's one with a Nether Fortress on most of the two pages. I skim this page to, a vague account that communities of Feuern and Gebunden self sustain themselves here. And a mention of how well guarded they are too and never to trespass unless you want to die.

Next page has no picture, lame, but is divided with Feuern abilities on one page and Gebunden's abilities on the other. What Ivor said is true. It has a records of people describing the Gebunden who have supposedly saw them and what it all boils down into. A lot of words that can be summed up with so few.

On my page, it does have account of someone seeing a Feuern surround themselves with flame and vanish. Definitely something I'm not trying, not for a very long time. A suspicion, which I can say is true, that Feuern can see from something other than their eyes, with the belief it's through the Gebunden's eyes, something that I can't prove false but I haven't done that yet.

It really sounds like the author didn't know much of anything, and judging by the warnings littered in every paragraph, he's more afraid of them than anything else. I can't say I feel disappointed though, I still don't feel much of anything.

I turn the next page, and drop the book with wide eyes and a fire roaring to life.

****

I write, everything not just this, with a candle burning. All the time if I can. I just kinda thought how... weird that is. Having an open flame right next to me as I write about a guy with fire bursting from his body.

With that random thought aside, I suppose that's all I have for today. So I'll leave you with this until next week!