Ash

Night has fallen. Our grilled cheese has been eaten and our lemonade drunk to the last sip. We have been sitting in the gazebo enjoying the night silence. 

I pull out my phone and search through my playlist.

"Whatcha doing?" Fiona says, rubbing my knuckles with her thumb.

"One sec," I say. I search through my playlist some more and find the song I am looking for. 

The first notes of "Ben" by the Jackson Five fill the air and memories of Fiona and I rise into my memory. I remember telling her about my grandmother and my mother. And how she didn't know how to comofort me with words so she danced with me. She wordlessly took my hands and put them around her waist. She danced with me like we had been doing it of ages, like she wasn't nervous. I could feel her heart pounding and the slight heat from her blush. She may have not known it, but that was the only thing that could stop me from thinking about my grandma. Once I started it felt like I could never stop. It's like going down a slide, once you start you can't stop until you get to the ground. But sometimes the slide never ends or it does ends but its a long drop to the bottom.

I stand up. Fiona stands as well. I take her hand and pull her close. Only a breath of space between us. I put my hands on her waist and she puts her hands around my neck and rests her head on my chest. We sway to the beat of the songs. Half way through the song I break the silence.

"Fiona," I say and remove my hands from her waist. She looks up and at the same time she drops her hands to her side.

"Yeah," I brush some hair behind her ear and out my hand on her cheek. I kiss her softly on her lips.

"You're beautiful," she blushes and looks down.

"You already said that,"

"I know," I say, smiling and lift her head back up with my hand. "I can't help it."

People use the word "beautiful" like they use the words "I love you". Without meaning. But with Fiona, every time I say these things I mean it. Yes, I'm attracted to her, but it's more than that. I like how her makes me feel. Nervous but relaxed. When I'm without her I feel normal but with her, it's like I've taken a deep breath finally. Like the whole time I was away from her, I felt uptight and didn't notice it until I was around her that I wasn't happy. 

I twirl some of her hair around my finger. It's like wrapping  silky cloth around your fingers. Her hair is slightly wavy and smells like coconut shampoo. Her skin smooth and soft. The yellow fairy lights warm her skin. She's wearing a long sleeved, yellow dress that stops just before her knees and shows off her smooth, long legs. Her shoes are black flats that make her a little shorter than her usually is so her head is just below my chin and her hair tickles my nose when I'm close enough. 

I pull away from her and grab a rose from the gazebo.

"Whatcha doing?" I turn around and walk towards her. I put a rose behind her ear.

I pull her close for the last verse of the song. I hum the chorus and she joins. When the song ends, I kiss her again.

"Do you want to watch the stars?"

"Yeah," She says, and I grab a blanket from the picnic basket. I spread it on the grass in front of the gazebo. She lays down and I lay next to her.

We point objects we can see and trace them with our fingers. She rest her head on my chest and her hand around my waist. 

"Did you know that you can navigate your way by stars?"

"No, how?"

"I don't know but I read it somewhere."

"What if I lose you?" I say. "How am I supposed to find you?"

She lays on her back. "I guess just look the stars."

"You shine more than all of these stars combined," I sit up and prop myself up on my forearms. "Of course I'll be able to find you." I look down at her. Her eyes are closed and she smiles. I almost think she's asleep, but then she opens her eyes. I see my reflections in them.

"What?" She says, probably asking about the smile spreading across my face, like I've found treasure. In a way, I did. I found happiness. I found her. I found love. And isn't that the best part of life. People spend their whole lives looking for love and I've found it. Right here, looking up at me with brown eyes.

"This is great," I say, stroking her hair.

"What is?"

"Everything. This night. My amazing cooking skills and, of course, you."

"Did you really think that the date would be bad?"

"Yeah," I pause and reconsider my words . "Well not because of you, because of me."

"So you were nervous about it."

"Honestly," she nods. "Yeah,"

"That's cute," her smile widens. "I like that you put a lot of thought into it."

"Did I impress you?"

"Yeah."

"Mission accomplished." I say, smiling. I lay back down. We hold each other, sharing our warmth.