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Appreciate this, because these couple of chapters are darn difficult to follow. Also, to all you concerned about Finnick's death...I know it's looming. I know you're concerned. Especially dear Bella. But remember ducklings, I already know my ending. Yes, there are one or two others I may consider writing and posting as separate stories just for kicks. But i have my ending and it's good. So no matter what, just trust me with your literary needs, okay? Happy reading folks!

44

The Mission Begins

"I can't believe him!" I shout, kicking the dresser. It sends a sharp pain through my toes but I ignore it. "How could he just leave?!"

"We found remnants of a video tape in Parker's room," Beetee explains gently, "It was just a few days ago I believe. I'm guessing the capitol sent him another tape."

I suck in a deep breath and stop myself from using Beetee as a whipping post. "A tape?"

"They sent us a tape of you being tortured while you were still in the Capitol, but we stopped him from seeing it. I'm guessing they sent another one and it motivated him to join the fight. Katniss, Gale, Boggs, and Finnick have all left with a team of sharpshooters for the Capitol."

I remember the light of the camera blinking its red eye at me as I was whipped, burned, and humiliated. My body quivers and I collapse into the chair adjacent from Beetee. He's looking at me with a sympathetic expression. I fold my arms and clench my jaw so that the anger can keep the tears at bay.

If Finnick saw any of that, you know there was no way he could stay.

"Are they in danger?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"I'm not sure," he says, "less than the other soldiers. But any place in the Capitol is some degree of dangerous..." When I don't respond, he continues quickly, "But he's a good soldier, Annie. I'm sure he'll be okay."

I steady myself and answer with an uncharacteristic level of iciness, "You don't have to lie."

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

"It's not fair," Gale complains, "If I don't shoot something soon, I'm going to have to start using my hands to kill."

"It's your fault for being so camera ready," Katniss teases maliciously. Gale throws her a killer look and I smirk, setting my gun and trident down beside me. Ever since I left Thirteen I haven't let the thing out of my sight. It's the fourth morning and so far we've done nothing but shoot some pathetic propos. Katniss is being surprisingly cooperative.

Soldier Leeg 2 hits a mislabeled pod. We are all expecting to be attacked by a swarm of muttation gnats, but instead poison darts go straight into her brain. When I get over the initial shock, I look at Gale and raise my eyebrows.

"Still wish that was you?"

That evening, we all stand around to receive the new member of the team to replace Leeg 2. My jaw nearly falls off the hinge when I see Peeta step off the ship with 451 stamped on his hand and a gun around his back. Boggs relieves him of it as soon as he reaches us. "I'm going to make a call," Boggs mutters, walking away.

"It won't matter," Peeta tells us, "The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up."

I look at Katniss, whose cheeks are flushed with both surprise and anger. We all know the message that Coin is sending, but no one says it out loud. Fact of the matter is, Katniss is worth more to Thirteen dead than she is alive.

After some time on the phone, an angry Boggs demands to have a two-person guard on Peeta around the clock. He disappears with Katniss and I turn to see Gale glaring at Peeta like a stain on the earth. The poor boy is just standing there with an emotionless expression, no doubt trying hard not to look embarrassed or make excuses for his behavior. Before he sees, I silently step between Gale and Peeta and gesture for him to leave. He's going to protest, but I darken my look and he disappears into his tent in a huff. I spin on my heels to face Peeta and dig a bag of dried fruit out of my pack.

"Hungry?" I ask. I didn't bother making my voice sound too positive or else that'd probably piss him off. He glances at the bag and then me and blinks. "Come on," I grin, "I'm on watch anyway."

It's true. I'm on first watch along with Boggs who is still off talking to Katniss. Peeta doesn't smile but he does take some of the fruit.

"Was Annie okay with you leaving?" he asks with a slight coldness to his voice, "She worked so hard to get you back."

A blade of ice slips into my heart but I ignore it, "I don't know, I couldn't tell her." Peeta is staring at me and I decide to level with him. "I saw the tape."

Realization comes over his face and he says, "Oh." I remember him screaming and writhing in his cell. I also remember his cry that saved all of our lives in Thirteen. And more than anything, I remember the way he came to Annie's defense whenever they were attacking her in the prison.

"For the record, I saw what they did to you. And I can't really express how sorry I am," I say earnestly, but casually enough that we don't get uncomfortable, "Nor can I tell you how much I appreciate what you did for Annie."

He nods and rubs his temples. His wrists are raw and bruised from where his restraints used to be. I wince and swear inwardly to repay him someday if I can figure out how.

"Let the nightmare begin," he mutters. I remember something and pull the small rope out of my pocket that I've used as my own personal therapy for months.

"Take this," I tell him, "it helps."

He stares at the rope blankly when I place it in his hands. "Just tie knots with it," I say, "It's what I did while you were all locked up in the Capitol. It helps relieve some of the frustration."

He blinks again and looks at me, "Thank you."

"No problem."

I excuse myself to get something more substantial for dinner, when I hear Katniss talking to Jackson amongst the rest of our group. "When is my watch?" she asks. Jackson squints at her with all the absurdity.

"I didn't put you in the rotation."

"Why not?"

Is she serious?

"I'm not sure you could really shoot Peeta, if it came to it," Jackson says. I know it strikes a chord in Katniss, because she lifts her chin and assumes an aloof posture.

When she speaks, it's loud enough for us all to hear. "I wouldn't be shooting Peeta. He's gone. Johanna's right. It'd be just like shooting another of the Capitol's mutts." She's breathing heavily, no doubt with the rush of saying something so horrible out loud. I'm not the only one who sees the measure of disgust that glints in Jackson's eyes.

"Well, that sort of comment isn't recommending you either."

I don't know why, but Boggs says, "Put her in the rotation. Jackson sighs and assigns her to the midnight to four shift along with herself. I'm trying to bite down my anger when the dinner bell sounds and I find Peeta. He's busy tying knots and I'm guessing, due to the lack of anger or sadness on his face, that he didn't hear Katniss's outburst.

As we eat, I notice that I'm not the only one throwing Katniss dirty looks. The whole team seems appalled with her complete disregard for the boy who saved us all. For the most part I try to keep up steady and safe conversation with him, and to my surprise, a lot of the team tried to as well. It's hard to get him to talk, but if feels good just to include him anyway.

"Time for bed everybody," Boggs orders. He turns to Peeta and says, "I'm sorry to do this, but I need you to sleep out in the open where you're in clear view. If it rains or something, I'm sure we can try to make alternate arrangements."

Peeta nods and says, "I expected nothing less."

He tucks himself into a sleeping bag in the middle of the camp and pulls out the rope, twisting and turning it into slipknots over and over again. After a few hours I get bored and teach him some new ones that are harder. It's not much, but the bigger the challenge, the more he's distracted from his confusion and anger. When I try to make more conversation, he keeps silent and I take the message loud and clear. 'Leave me alone.'

When midnight comes around, I pass Katniss on my way into the tent. I don't think she sees me, which is probably for the better. I don't know what I'd say to her if she tried to speak to me. On a second thought, I join those who were sleeping outside just incase we need to wake up and take care of any situation Katniss might stir up.

I tuck myself into the warmth of my bag and listen to the sound of peaceful breathing fill the air. After an hour, I lay facing the stars and sigh because I can't sleep. But that's when I hear Peeta speak.

"These past few years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not. Back and forth. Back and forth."

So it sounds like maybe he did hear. Or maybe he's just noted that she has a gun, and he doesn't.

Don't say anything stupid, Katniss.

"I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me. After that, I always thought of you as...an ally."

I breathe a sigh of relief because she at least didn't tear into him again.

"Ally," Peeta repeats. "Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancé. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I'll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out." He pauses and then says, "The problem is, I can't tell what's real anymore and what's made up."

The even breathing has ceased and I know more of us have awoken and were listening. I decide I might as well speak.

"Then you should ask, Peeta. That's what Annie does."

"Ask who?" Peeta says, "Who can I trust?"

Jackson chimes in. "Well, us for starters. We're your squad."

"You're my guards."

"That, too," she says, "But you saved a lot of lives in Thirteen. It's not the kind of thing we forget."

There's silence after that and I fall asleep. I awaken again when I hear Katniss speaking. "And yours is orange."

"Orange?" Peeta repeats doubtfully.

"Not bright orange. But soft, like the sunset...At least, that's what you told me once."

"Oh...Thank you."

She continues, "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces."

I feel her footsteps race by me as she dives into the tent. I see Gale's eyes follow her and then look at Peeta with both pity and something else I can't pinpoint. I fall back asleep with a smile, because finally, I start to see Katniss's humanity returning to the surface. And maybe if hers does, Peeta's can too.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

After Finnick, Katniss, and Gale go hunting. Peeta's been given back his gun even though it's loaded with blanks and 'real or not real' has been invented. They are currently getting ready for a propo.

I'm strapping on some of my armor when I notice Peeta staring at Pollux with so much intensity it makes me squirm. Eventually everyone begins to take notice and pause to see what is wrong. When Peeta finally speaks, it's agitated, "You're an Avox, aren't you? I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it."

I'm stunned. I remember a part seeing Annie and Peeta screaming for them to stop and I did see someone's fingers getting sawed off, but I didn't know who. Now I know. Peeta's observing us and asks, "Real or not real?" We don't answer and he gets more desperate. "Real or not real?!"

"Real," says Boggs, "At least, to my knowledge...real."

Peeta sags. "I thought so. There was nothing...shiny about it." He walks away muttering and I watch Katniss sink into Gale's chest in misery. I swallow my own disgust and try not to think about what watching such a thing must have done to Annie.

We go on with the propo, but it's just ridiculous. Cressinda makes us stop the action several times to get close ups of our faces. Katniss isn't even the worst actor in the lot. Not by a long shot.

"Okay, Mitchell, I'm going to zoom in on your face. Look around the corner and then I want to see some sort of emotion like desperation. Like you're really in danger and your life could end and you're just desperate to make it home. And...go."

We all scuttle to the corner like lanky crags and hug our guns to our chest. Pollux starts laughing this weird choky sound and we all break. We have to go back and do it again but I accidentally step on Leeg 1's pants hem and she falls. We end up doing it twice more before we make it to the next point of filming. Peeta and I are doing an alright job, but a smile is tickling the corners of my mouth. Katniss has her mouth open too wide because she's pretending to pant and Gale looks bored. Mitchell leans dramatically around the corner and snaps back behind the wall with his brow furrowed, teeth grinding, and nostrils flaring. This does us all in and Boggs hollers over us.

"Pull it together, Four-Five-One," he says firmly. But we all see him smile as he's checking the next pod. He lifts up his hollow, takes a step back onto an orange paving stone, and suddenly a bomb takes his leg off.

The explosion throws us back into chaos, screaming and smoke. Mesalla was unconscious on the ground because the explosion had thrown her into a wall. I run to her and check her pulse and breathing. She's got neither. I begin to try and resuscitate her while others go to Boggs and some just try to recover.

It's like we've triggered a war. When I look up from Mesalla, I'm confronted with a cloud of black oily smog coming barreling towards us. I shout as loud as I can over the chaos.

"WE HAVE TO MOVE! LOOK EVERYONE, WE'VE GOT TO GO!"

Jackson calls for a retreat. People start shooting and running in an attempt to minesweep. I scoop up Mesalla and start for the direction away from the smog. I hear shouting and see Peeta being tackled as he tries to strike Katniss. It's Mitchell. But Peeta throws him, and when he lands, he's taken up in a net of barbed wire. The smog devours Katniss and the others. And then me. I squint to see there's no helping Mitchell. We run down the street until we find a house and lock ourselves in before the smog hits it. Gale retches into the sink while Castor and Pollux cram rags in the cracks to prevent the fumes from seeping in. I collapse and listen to Peeta scream and bang on the closet door. There's some squabble going on about Bogg's Holo, but I don't listen. I catch though that Katniss has revealed a secret mission-however made up it is-that she has to assassinate Snow. Cressinda helps to convince Jackson. Boggs is dead. We are all going to follow Katniss because, in the end, we're not here to shoot video. We're here to fight.

Katniss leads on as we go back outside with masks over our faces. Homes carries the unconscious Peeta and Leeg 1 and Cressinda assist the woozy Mesalla. We walk through the inky black streets until we find another apartment to stay in about four to five blocks away. We regroup inside and rest when we here an explosion in the distance.

"It wasn't close," Jackson assures us, "a good four or five blocks away."

"Where we left Boggs," Leeg says.

Suddenly the television turns on with a blast and startles the whole room. I actually have my gun at the ready when Cressinda assures us it's automatic. It's a program assuring and the whole world that we are, apparently, dead.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

The televisions click on in the dining room and we all pick our heads up. Johanna and Haymitch are at my side and Beetee sits across from us with Prim and her mother. Tonight's dinner lacked any sort of game seeing as all of our hunters are gone. At first my heart skips because I see Finnick on the screen, but then I see that he's in trouble.

"The rebels from Thirteen have been living in secret in the Capitol for days," the reporter narrates, "We were alerted to their presence when they set off a line of pods that triggered several explosions and toxins to be released. You see them here via a security camera shortly after an explosion was set off by one of their members. Now, there's a line of traps that's being triggered as they..."

I haven't blinked. I see that someone is bloody and at a loss for limbs. I see Finnick's mop of messy bronze hair from a bird's perspective as he tries to resuscitate one of the other crew members. Then this awful black smog washes over them and the camera goes black. I've frozen, I can't move.

"The culprits have been identified as Katniss Everdeen, Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne, Peeta Mellark, Cressinda, and Lieutenant Boggs. There are others who cannot be identified. Boggs is the man who set off the initial explosion."

"We see the remaining rebels retreating into this abandoned apartment where are military forces were dispatched."

My heart sinks as I watch Finnick carry some woman into the building and disappear. He looks okay mostly, but not for long. We see footage of the Capitol's militia arrive on the scene. They fire into the building and set off a series of explosions. It collapses, along with all the hearts in Thirteen. Soon after, we see the reporter on a roof as the apartment runs ablaze.

"All inside are now being pronounced dead, including the face of the rebellion, Katniss Everdeen."

They play the footage of the explosion and the collapsing building over and over until someone takes pity on us and shuts off the television. Everyone's silent and still gaping up at the screen as the silence rings in our ears.

"I don't believe it," I say finally. Everyone at my table snaps their heads around to look at me. I can see it in their faces. Confusion, grief, shock, everything. But I'm a blank sheet. "We have no idea how much time was between them entering the building and the military actually getting there. Where's the footage of their bodies? I'm sure the Capitol would make sure to get them if they were actually there. I'm not going to believe it until they prove it, so I suggest you don't either."

With that, I abandon my food at the table and stomp out to my room. I don't want to see their tears. Finnick's not dead. Not yet. They would've known that they couldn't stay there. They're not dead.

The face of Katniss's sister haunts my head but I push it back.

He's not gone.

He's not.

Finnick is not dead.

I won't believe it. I won't believe it for a second.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I'm staring at the screen where we were pronounced dead. Some think it's lucky. Some are sad for their loved ones. I just can't stop thinking of Annie and praying she doesn't lose it. She knows me. Maybe she'll just know I'm alive. For her sake I hope she knows I'm alive.

Gale finally speaks up. "So now that we're dead, what's our next move?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Peeta says. We're a little startled because we had no idea he was awake. He pushes himself up painfully and says, "Our next move...is to kill me."

"Don't be ridiculous," Jackson retorts.

"I just murdered a member of our squad!" he shouts.

"You pushed him off you. You couldn't have known he would trigger the net at that exact spot," I tell him. I have a hand on his arm to try and calm him down. He looks heartbroken.

"Who cares? He's dead, isn't he? Tears start running down his face. "I didn't know. I've never seen myself like that before. Katniss is right. I'm the monster. I'm the mutt. I'm the one Snow has turned into a weapon!"

I tighten my grip on him, "It's not your fault, Peeta."

There's some debate but Gale promises to kill Peeta before he lands in the hands of the Capitol again. Some of us stay behind to guard him and makes sure he doesn't kill himself, and others hunt for food around the house. As we're all eating, Snow comes on and talks about how wonderful it is that we're all dead, especially Katniss. Coin interrupts the program and gives a moving eulogy to Katniss. Of course, this is what she wanted. A martyr to die for. At the end, Snow comes back on with his finishing line.

"Tomorrow morning, when we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself."

I shake my head in disgust, "Except you won't find her."

That's comforting. Even if Annie thinks I'm dead tonight, by morning everyone will know that we live.