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i was so excited to write this chapter i pulled an all-nighter and now here it is. and i have work in three hours and haven't slept yet. so i hope you appreciate the work! and if there's a lot of typos it's because i'm sleep deprived. Happy reading!

40

Something to Hold On To

The bombs are exploding above ground. We're deep underneath. So deep all we feel are rumbles from the blasts. I sit alone in my space, under my safety light, tying my knots. Annie could be like Finnick. She could be tortured for every single clip of me they showed. Katniss has just figured out what I've known all along.

"This is what they're doing to you with Annie, isn't it?" she asks.

"Well, they didn't arrest her because they thought she'd be a wealth of rebel knowledge. They know I'd never have risked telling her anything like that. For her own protection."

"Oh, Finnick. I'm so sorry," she says, taking my hand.

"No, I'm sorry," I tell her. "That I didn't warn you somehow."

"But you did warn me, though. On the hovercraft. Only when you said they'd use Peeta against me, I thought you meant like bait. To lure me into the Capitol somehow."

"I shouldn't have said even that. It was too late for it to be of any help to you. Since I hadn't warned you before the Quarter Quell, I should've shut up about how Snow operates." I tug at the ends of my rope and the slipknot unravels into a straight line. "It's just that I didn't understand when I met you. After your first Games, I thought the whole romance was an act on your part. We all expected you'd continue in that strategy. But it wasn't until Peeta hit the force field and nearly died that I-"

I hesitate. She seems to remember the incident and looks at me quizzically, the same look I gave her as she sobbed over Peeta's lifeless body. "That you what?"

"That I know I'd misjudged you. That you do love him. I'm not saying in what way. Maybe you don't know yourself. But anyone paying attention could see how much you care about him."

I think about the look she gives Gale when they're together. She loves him too, but again I'm not sure how. Well okay, Gale it's clearer. It's all about the passion. They're so alike sometimes it's scary and yet...there's a gentler side to Katniss that Gale lacks. No maybe that's not even it. Katniss has a need for a gentler side. Gale craves a fire to quell his own. I can see it go either way, but it depends on who Katniss decides to be. Enflamed with passion and fire or quenched by light and softened by compassion. We sit in silence, doing and undoing knots. Finally Katniss asks, "How do you bear it?"

I look at her in disbelief. "I don't Katniss! Obviously I don't. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking." I see her face start to contort with fear and I decide to hold back. There's no need to present her with a poor fate to resign herself to. "Better not to give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."

Believe me, I know.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"It was hard to see because I was so afraid. Now I'm not. The Capitol's fragile because it depends on the districts for everything. Food, energy, event the peacekeepers that police us. If we declare our freedom, the Capitol collapses. President Snow, thanks to you, I'm officially declaring mine today."

Katniss's monologue about Peeta and the bread and then her declaration of freedom was both touching and inspiring. We have to film a distracting enough propo to divert attention away from the rescue team.

"Finnick, Haymitch, come here," Plutarch calls, inspiration twinkling in his eye.

"What's this about?" Haymitch asks.

"Finnick, we need to really grab them. You're a crowd favorite in the Capitol, even today. What do you say we reveal your biggest secret? Expose them all for the scumbags they are."

"Heavensbee, you can't ask him to do that-"

"Please Finnick. It'll catch them completely off guard. No one ever suspected you weren't with all those girls by choice. Show them who you really are."

"He's barely stable as it is!"

"I'll do it," I say.

"Finnick..."

"Atta boy, go take the seat in front of the camera."

I move to take Katniss's seat. She's looking at me searchingly and Haymitch is close behind. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. If it will help her," I tell him. I suck in a breath and wad up the rope in my hand. "I'm ready."

Okay, just tell the truth. Give it to them straight.

But from where?

Just the beginning.

"President Snow used to...sell me...my body, that is." I see Estelle in her disguise as Marina. I see Lacey Templesmith twirling her blonde pigtails. "I wasn't the only one. If a victor is considered desirable, the president give them as a reward or allow people to buy them for an exorbitant amount of money. If you refuse, he kills someone you love." I see my father clutching his heart in the ocean, struggling. I see his lifeless form on the boat. I see my mother leaving. I see Annie standing on the stage at the Reaping. I see her behind bitten by a wolf and myself on my knees, pleading Ivan for her life. "So you do it."

I glance around. Some are staring at me intently, wanting more. Some look disgusted. Some look sad. Katniss looks ashamed. I press on with a little more confidence.

For Annie.

"I wasn't the only one, but I was the most popular. And perhaps the most defenseless, because the people I loved were so defenseless." I see Annie laying out on the beach, screaming. Pearl holding her, rocking her. I see my mother again, to weak to stay where her dead husband once walked. I see Mags weaving baskets, humming some chantey to herself even after losing her ability to talk coherently after having a stroke. I even see Marina and Troy's family I swore to protect after his death. Defenseless, fragile. But so lovable. So worth protecting. "To make themselves feel better, my patrons would make presents of money or jewelry, but I found a much more valuable form of payment. Secrets. And this is where you're going to want to stay tuned, President Snow, because so very many of them were about you. But let's begin with some of the others."

To reveal what I know, to let it all spill out, is empowering. It's a relief, like lifting a giant boulder that's been sitting on your chest for years. I talk about all the twisted and terrible and eccentric tales of so many vital politicians. Their betrayals, their incest, they're lies and murders. The strange and perverted sexual appetites of my patrons. It takes what seems like hours to tell all of their stories out loud. As I do, as each secret passes my lips, I remember the face of the girl who told it to me. Estelle and Lacey emerge in many of them and I wonder what's happened to them in this battle. I see old women telling me of old politicians playing each other like a game of chess. I see young women telling me of their sexual excursions with powerful, married men. The lies of fathers, mothers, uncles, nieces, friends, enemies, allies, spies, and slaves, all the violations of humankind. Their relations with not only politicians but also with Mutts and family members. So many sick things. And finally, as I lay down the last thread of that web, I get to the man I've wanted to attack all along.

"And now, on to your good President Coriolanus Snow. Such a young man when he rose to power. Such a clever one to keep it. How, you must ask yourself, did he do it? One word. That's all you really need to know. Poison." A woman named Rubidella flashes across my memories. She had brunette hair and a mole on her cheek and heavily red lips. She was widowed by one of the victims of Snow's reign. She was eager to share her knowledge with an innocent slave such as myself. I start at the beginning and climb the ladder of his ascension into power. I point out all the deaths. All the tricky way Snow slipped the poison to his adversaries. It surprises me I remember their names so well seeing as I could never write the secrets down. I guess things like this stick with me.

"He used to deter suspicion by drinking from the poisoned cup himself," I say, "But antidotes don't always work. That's why-it's said-he wears the roses that reek of perfume. The poison left the most putrid, painful, rancid sores in his mouth and throat. Sores that will never heal. So to cover up the smell of the blood that snakes down his throat everyday, he has the roses. That's what they say, at least. That's what they all say. They'd always make sure to say that at the end. The woman that told me about your mouth sores was very quick to add the 'that's what they say' at the end of her story. But I could tell from the way she spoke that it was the truth. That she saw them herself, seeing as she was your doctor for a time. Pippi, I think her name was. No matter, she's dead now. How'd she die again? Bad shellfish? Isn't that interesting...the one with all the knowledge or Snow's medical history just mysteriously dies the same way Peter Ravens died the year before." I see Plutarch and Fulvia gasp at this. Peter Ravens was a well-loved man in the Capitol before his untimely death.

I remember one more secret and decide to add it. "They say there's a list. Snow has a list of victims, or people he needs dead. And no one, not even his closest adversaries, know who's next. For all they know, it'll be their necks tomorrow. And that unspoken fear knits his team together into sound support. The fear that at any moment, any mistakes, and they will fall with the snap of Snow's fingers. All he needs do is scratch their insignificant name off his list with his gold-plated pen, and they cease to exist."

"Snow is nothing but a snake. That's why his choice weapon is poison, he knows he's a leach. But eventually there comes a day where the snake can't coil itself around its prey anymore. When the victims it used to strangle have enough and turn on him. How does it feel to have the fangs sunk into your side, Snow? How does the poison feel when it runs in your own veins? To those who see this in the Capitol, let this be a warning. No good ever came from befriending a snake."

I sit there silently because I'm done. I'm spent, actually. I glance around, waiting for something. But everyone's too shocked and or mesmerized to move. So I finally hold up my hand and say, "Cut."

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

"Annie," Ivan calls in a singsong voice, "Oh, Annie! Want to come out to play?"

I rub some warmth into my arms but continue to stare at my wall.

Go away you filthy wretch.

"You're looking thin darling, won't you eat? You're wounds aren't going to heal if you're body's too weak. You'll die of infection, and who wants that?"

I do. Finnick is dead by now. And possibly my family. He probably never even knew I was here.

I'm trapped here for the rest of my life.

So yes. Me. I'd like to die. Of infection. Of fire. Of anything. Because there's nothing left to live for.

"If you don't eat, we'll hurt Johanna and Peeta."

You've already hurt them. There's nothing left you can do that'll come as a surprise.

Not long before this moment, they showed us the footage of Thirteen being bombed for three days straight. There's no way they could have lived. At one point Peeta was sobbing and then the next he was cheering because at least it meant Katniss would die. Johanna didn't say a word. She ironed her face clean and showed never revealed any sort of emotion at all.

"EAT SOMETHING YOU PATHETIC BITCH!" Ivan roars, throwing the food at me. I feel the bread ricochet off my shoulder and the glass of water shatters against the wall beside my head. I barely flinch. I hear him coming into my cell and I feel his slimy hand on my shoulder when suddenly all the lights go out.

"What the hell..." he mutters, dropping his hand off my shoulder. I spin around and knock him to the floor of the cell. I'm too weak to do any real damage, so I pick up the steel tray that used to carry my food and swing it down for his head. He avoids it easily and pulls me down to the ground. Before I can get up he has my pinned under him.

"Black black black, he's never coming back," I sing in a whispery voice, "Where's the lights? They're all dead. The Monsters are coming for your head."

Ivan looks at me with a glint of fear in his eyes. My song is scary to him? It fills me up too. It chills me. It makes me shake. But I want to sing it. I like to see the fear in him.

"We're in the dark, dark as night. The world is spinning in a fight. The reaper is coming to reap your soul. Mine will rest out by the shoal. Yours will rot in pits snakes. With all the liars, cheats, and fakes. Their bones will reach up and tear your skin, the reaper is waiting for the fun to begin."

"Shut up you psycho!" he shouts, slapping me across the face. I taste blood in my mouth and giggle.

"Taste the blood in its metallic flavor. May the odds be ever in your favor. The night tonight will run with blood. Dead heart for Ivan, no more thud."

"I said be quiet you-"

"Ivan," Argen whispers from outside the cage, "Stop fooling around. Something's going on in the weapons building. You're needed."

The beam of a flashlight hits us and I can see his face. Ivan looks at me once, regretful that he has to leave, and then stands. I creep after him as he goes, scuttling on all my limbs like a spider. Just as he takes his last step out I bit into his ankle and taste his blood. He shrieks and kicks me off and slams the door, but I hoist myself up on the bars and stare him down, the blood trickling from my lips.

"He's coming for you," I hiss, "The Reaper's begun his march."

"Get back," Argen barks, averting his eyes. Maybe I am truly frightening. How fun. My turn to torment. He slams the butt of his gun against the bars and I do back up, but I keep my eyes on them. I chuckle as the pain in my cheek tingles and the wounds on my back twinge with frustration. I slink back into the shadows, away from Argen's flashlight. They watch me go. I love the looks on they're faces. And suddenly red alarms are sounding and the exits to the prison slam shut. Argen and Ivan are trapped inside along with the two peacekeepers who were guarding the doors.

"Oh for the love of peace," Argen curses, slamming a fist against the door.

"That's an ironic statement," Peeta chuckles in a weak voice. Argen throws him a dangerous look when he's distracted by his radio.

"A bombs gone off in Sector 27B. Commencing emergency lockdown procedure in all divisions. Captains, this is a code G19."

Argen and Ivan look at each other as if all those numbers and letters actually mean something.

"There's gas going off in Sector 9-30C and D. We're under attack. The broadcast is being tampered with. Code G19."

"Man the doors," Argen barks at the peacekeepers who had wandered towards him for orders. He clicks a button and a projection of the broadcast is shown. I hear Katniss's voice and then it's interrupted by Peeta's angry protest.

"NO!" he shouts, kicking the bars, "She's supposed to be dead!"

Argen shuts off the program and turns to us. Then he reaches for some buttons by our cells and starts punching in a code. And then we hear gunfire and shouting and the emergency alarms shut off and all of the gadgets on the peacekeepers and Argen go off, leaving the only light source his one little flashlight.

What is happening?

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

Waiting waiting waiting. Beetee's done his best. He broadcasted my whole thing on Snow and parts of Katniss's story. I twist my knots furiously, my heart can't stop thumping. The seconds turn to hours. Hours hours hours. Tick tock. I feel like I'm going to be sick. My stomach churns and my chest cramps with the erratic rhythm of my pulse.

"Did you love Annie right away, Finnick?" Katniss asks me at some point.

"No," I answer. And then I think about that day when I saw her on the beach, when I realized I didn't want anyone else to have her. When I realized she was beautiful after years of bizarre and turbulent friendship. "She crept up on me."

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I watch as Argen pulls out his gun and points it at the door where all the noise is coming from. I search for Finnick's voice but I don't here it. And suddenly the whole room fills with the noise of metal cutting through metal. It's a high-pitched whining sound that forces me to cover my ears and giggle. It's exciting. Whatever is happening is very fun.

And then there's a clunk and a hissing noise and I smell something strange in the air. Almost sweet with a sort of chemical tinge to it.

"Gas!" Argen shouts. His flashlight beam cannot penetrate the cloud of it coming from some device on the ground. It had been thrown through the freshly cut door. And then there's more screeching and the room is engulfed in the cloud of gas and the sound of screaming metal.

Bang.

Footsteps and voices.

"Everyone has their masks on right? If I have to carry a single one of you out it's going to be by the ear."

I don't recognize that voice. I drag myself across my cell and place my hands up on the bars. The smog is making me feel light-headed and dizzy. There's some gunfire and shouts.

And suddenly there's a monster right in front of me. He's wearing a mask that makes him look like some kind of horrible bug that grew to human size. I scream and fly to the back of my cage.

He lifts a small electric saw blade and starts working on my bars. I glance around to see other men doing the same to Peeta and Johanna's cells. They have both fallen unconscious due to the effects of the gas. And then Argen appears from the smoke and I scream, but there's gunfire and he disappears. I hear the shouting of the peacekeepers and Ivan and then that too falls silent. Only a few moans of pain remain.

"He's been hit in the shoulder blade, he's still alive," someone says, "Keep working on those bars."

I don't want to fall asleep. Who knows what these new demons will do to me? So I hold my breath for as long as I can and when I have to breathe I use my hair as a curtain.

Crash.

A section of my bars clatter to the ground, followed shortly after by those in the other cells. I shake my head and cower into the corner. The beetle-like creature enters my room with a light beaming and when he finds me I let out on involuntary scream.

"It's okay," it says, "don't be scared. We're trying to help you." He takes off the mask and underneath I see a kind looking man covered in sweat and funny imprints the mask left on his skin. "We're here to take you to Thirteen."

I'm too confused to speak, so I'm scooped up into the man's arms and he's carrying me out of the cell like I weigh nothing. I find Peeta and Johanna being carries as well. And there's some girl I don't recognize immediately. Then I remember her from the Quell.

Enobaria.

She looks completely unscathed. The gas makes my head feel funny and I let it fall back, but I will myself to stay away. I focus on the pain in my back. I focus on the sight of Darius's bloody body in the still closed cell with flies starting to eat his flesh. It's not right we don't free his body, we should help him...

My mind lapses and next thing I know we're running through a brightly lit hallway. There's a lot of shouting. There's gunfire and someone drops. He's scooped up by another and they keep moving. I feel like I'm on a bumpy horse. It's bizarre to see a new room when for months all I knew was my cell. I fade back out.

When I fade back in, I feel less tired than before. And then I see the metal ceiling and sit straight up. The floor is metal too.

"No," I cry in despair. How could I be so foolish? To think I was really rescued. It was all just another one of your delusions.

"Hey, Annie, it's alright," someone with a kind voice says. It's a handsome boy with dark hair and gray eyes. He's covered with sweat and seems to be in pain, but he's sitting up. I look around and the room is full of people. And it's vibrating. Peeta and Johanna are on stretchers.

I snatch my hand away from him and back up. They've wrapped me in some kind of sheet. The feeling of fabric on my skin feels bizarre after all this time.

"Where am I?" I ask. My voice sounds so breathy.

"You're on a hovercraft, heading back to Thirteen," another man informs me, "Don't worry. We're not here to hurt you."

"You should eat something," someone else says, handing me some bread, "And drink. Have some water at least."

I take the items from her but I don't eat or drink them. I'm too distracted. I need to know more.

"We'll need to admit you to the hospital so you don't catch any infection," I'm told, "But for now just get your strength up so you can see Finnick."

What?

"Finnick?" I repeat, looking at them, "He's alive?"

"Of course. And very anxious to see you."

My world spins and someone catches my head before it hits the floor.

"Maybe you should stay down a while." I'm lifted onto another stretcher and marvel at how soft it feels in comparison to my cot in the cell. But my heart is pounding and I can't help but fidget. I even allow them to feed me. The vibrating hum of the craft lulls me to a restless sleep, but I wake the second it stops.

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

It's got to be midnight by now. I'm twisting another knot and thinking maybe it's all over when Haymitch comes crashing in. "They're back and we're needed at the hospital," he says, "That's all I know."

This is it. Annie is either going to be dead or alive.

I don't want to know. I don't want to see her dead.

Katniss grabs my hand and pulls me into the halls. There's chaos going on in the hospital wing. They wheel Johanna by us and I nearly get sick at the sight of her. She's got her head shaved and she looks starved. All over her body are bruises and oozing wounds.

Find Annie.

If she looks anything like Johanna, I don't know what I'll do.

Then we pass Gale in a room, stripped down to the waist and coated in sweat. Katniss calls out to him and they attempt to extract a bullet from his shoulder blade with a long set of tweezers. A nurse pushes her out and closes the door, so we're forced to keep moving.

Annie. Where are you?

O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

"We're here," someone says. They hold me down on the stretcher, saying I'm injured and shouldn't move. But I don't care. Finnick's here.

I think we might be underground. All I know is the second they wheel us inside, I'm springing off the stretcher and start running frantically through the halls. The bed sheet is tripping me up but I don't have enough concentration to fix it. I just need to find him. He must be here.

A hundred faces go by but none of them are him. "Where are you going?" they shout at me. "You shouldn't be here. You should be in bed!"

After what must be nine wrong turns I actually scream in frustration and kick a box of medical equipment. "Come on! You've got to be here somewhere, Fin."

I'm right.

I see him before he sees me. The sight of his face, it's like being hit with a sledgehammer.

"Finnick!" I scream, waving my arms at him. He's only a hallway away. His head turns and realization dawns on him. I'm running for him, tripping over medical supplies and the sheet. "Finnick!"

He's crashing towards me. His bronze hair. His sea green eyes. He's looking at me with the most relieved and indescribable expression that I feel tears try to spring to my eyes. And they would have too, if I wasn't so dehydrated.

We close the space in seconds and I slam my full body into him, lose my balance, and we fall over. I'm trying to squeeze him while stroking his skin and hair and feeling his face. "It's you," I sob, "It's you!"

"Annie!" he chokes out, stroking my hair while still keeping me locked firmly in his arms. I've missed him so much. I never realized how deliciously sweet it was to be held by him until this moment. All there is in this world is Finnick and I together, engulfed in one another. I finally pull back and put both my hands on either side of his face. He's crying and then he pulls up and presses his mouth hard against mine. There's a certain euphoria that hits me and I can't stop crying. I just fall against Finnick's chest in the middle of who knows where and drink up every bit of him. The smell of his skin. The feel of his hands. Everything. I missed every little thing. And now it's in my grasp again.

"It's okay Annie, you're safe now," he tells me, stroking my hair. I haven't stopped sobbing. "They can't hurt you."

"I know," I choke, through it's hard. I'm quivering. "But I missed you so much. I can't believe you're here. I can't believe this is real. I thought we were never going to be rescued. I thought you were dead!"

"It's over now, it's all over. I'm alive. I love you. I'm so glad you're okay."

"I love you too," I say through my sobs. I look at him again and shake my head in disbelief. "I love you. I love you. Love you. Love you."

He smiles and kisses me again with even more force. I can't believe it. I simply can't. It's surreal that this much joy could follow so much pain.

And then he stands and offers me his hand, "Come on," he says. I stand up to take it, but the second I straighten up, I feel my knees buckle and the world swims in black. Finnick catches me before I hit the ground.

"Annie, are you alright?"

I'm saved. Finnick's alive and I'm rescued.

Even though I was slipping out of consciousness, I manage to find Finnick's hand and latch onto it. That way even in the darkness I still know he's there. Just as it used to be. Something to hold on to.