Part 4
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Chapter 9

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You will not be pregnant. He did not finish inside of you.

Illumi explained that Silva wants you out of the house; he is willing to kill both you and Killua if Illumi does not make this happen. Illumi told Silva that you are pregnant, which would require that you stay in the Zoldyck estate, since Illumi would be the father. That, of course, was a lie, and there was no proof to contradict that.

"Should we... do it again?" you ask, but the question does not have any ground. It floats in the air, then immediately dissolves, like a spray of Windex. No, this (what just happened between you and Illumi) will not be happening again. At least, not today. Illumi looks like a child who's ice cream cone got shoved out of his hand and stomped on.

In fact, he is staring at the mattress like he's trying to burn it with his eyes.

He is thinking. Like a black and white tape, the scene of you crying in his arms on the floor of his bathroom plays out. The breath of relief that escaped your lips as you saw the pregnancy test, the squeeze of your arms around his figure as you cried tears of exemption. He can see it in full detail, as clear as glass, but what he cannot imagine is your reaction if the test had been positive.

He tries to imagine it, but only receives a clenching in his heart. The man is not inhumane enough to put you through that unimaginable experience simply for his own sake. That would be selfish; no, worse than that.

Still, he remains silent, lost in thought like a fish in the abyss of the ocean. You don't know what to do, or say, so you linger in his arms, dragging your thumb over the back of his hand, feeling the ridges of his tendons. They jut out like twigs, hidden beneath smooth, pale skin.

"Has the Troupe left for Faith yet?"

"I'm not sure," Illumi says quietly. "We would have to ask Hisoka."

You remember your thoughts from earlier, about trying to win Silva over. Perhaps there is a way to get you to stay here; at least, until the Troupe leaves.

"My father does not just want to get you out of the house. He wants me to cut you out of my life, entirely."

It sounds as if Illumi read your mind. His words change things.

The secret that you are keeping, the one that has curdled like sour milk and turned into something disgusting: a lie; you remember it. You must tell him. One cannot lay with a lover, hold them close, seek solstice in their touch and return the favor while one is keeping a secret.

But the secret you hold—no, the lie—is vital to your plan to trump Silva's cards.

"Can I talk to Silva?"

Illumi appears surprised. "You want to talk to him?"

"Yes. I have some things to say that may change his mind."

"Whatever you say will not change his mind. I can guarantee that."

Either way, an attempt is an attempt. It is true that you do not want to be pregnant, but you also need to stay in Illumi's life. Not want, need. This thought concerns you, just in the slightest, because it is regarding love. Deep love.

"It will probably be best for you to meet with him tomorrow. It is already very late." Illumi stands up and begins to clothe himself. "But I will go notify my father now, so that he can clear a meeting time."

"Okay. Thank you."

Once Illumi gets dressed and leaves, you lay back on his huge bed and take a deep breath. It smells like him in here, and the air is humid and hot. Clothes do not sound favorable at the moment, so you just lie there, and think. But your thoughts take you down a path you wish you would not take.

It is unavoidable: the comparison between Illumi and Hisoka.

With details spared, you recall ten minutes ago, and then you recall a few days ago. Each detail, each touch, each savor-able moment all begin to run together, and soon you cannot compare the two experiences anymore because they were both too blissful for words.

When Illumi returns, he pauses in the doorway, eyes glaring.

"What?" you ask.

"I..." He clears his throat, flustered. "You are still naked."

The sound of your laughter fills the room, temporarily alleviating the tenseness that has soaked you both down to your veins.

///

Hisoka soon discovers that he cannot breathe on his own.

Not literally, of course, but he cannot breathe without the sensation of butterflies in his stomach. He requires the thrill of a near death experience, or of the sight of blood spilling over polished veneer, or the taste of a certain person's lips in the rose garden of the Zoldyck estate.

He is crouching atop a stony escarpment overlooking a small, beautiful and icy waterfall. In the dead of night, the water gleams with strings of silver and navy. He dips a single finger into the lip of the water; cold.

Hisoka stands up. Glances around. Strips, then dives off the edge of the overhang with the grace of a raindrop. Freezing water washes over his skin as he breaks the surface, forcing his body to become the same temperature as his heart. The chill forced over his water-submerged figure distracts his mind from its thoughts over that singular person.

That damned beautiful person, (Y/N).

///

You sleep like a rock and wake up feeling energized. That is, before you remember the situation you are in. Upon sitting up, you hear a gentle whirring sound to your right. It is coming from the bathroom. Perhaps the shower is running.

You peek your head into the bathroom. The air is not humid, but sure enough, the shower is on, and it smells like pine needles. "Ill, are you in there?"

Illumi sweeps the curtain open, exposing himself. Your face turns hot with blush, but Illumi remains carefree; he simply places his hands on his hips and tilts his head. The water runs over his body, leaking over the defined crevices of his abdomen and biceps. His hair clings to the skin on his back, damp with water.

"Come in with me. You are meeting with my father in an hour and you absolutely must look presentable. He does not care for... how should I say it? Comfortable attire?"

You step fully into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. "Uh, okay. Are you going to stay in there with me?"

"Of course!" He smiles toothlessly. "I'm going to wash your hair. These nail tips Hisoka added are perfect for scrubbing the scalp."

You nod a bit, still blushing, and begin to undress from your pajamas.

At the mentioning of Hisoka, you remember the phone call he shared with Machi. Illumi does not seem like he's going off the deep end. In fact, aside from his hurried nature last night, he appears lighter than usual.

You step into the shower, but immediately hop back out.

"Jesus christ, the water is freezing!"

"Hm? Would you like it warmer?"

Gawking at Illumi, who is surely not a man, you nod ferociously. He turns the nozzle a tiny bit to the left.

"Hotter."

"But you haven't felt—"

"Hotter."

Illumi turns the nozzle hotter.

Once the room is full of steam, you finally step into the shower. A sigh escapes your lips as you stand under the stream, pushing Illumi to the back of the shower with your back to him.

"Y'know, sometimes I wonder if you're really human," you say.

"Of course I am human." Illumi pours a blotch of shampoo into his palm, then begins to lather it over your head. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Your eyes droop slightly (his nails are great for the scalp) as you soak in the intimate relaxation of the moment. "Because you're weird," you drawl.

"I am not weird. Turn around."

You turn around. He helps rinse the shampoo out of your hair, his forearms resting on your shoulders.

"Yes you are, but you're also sexy, so that makes up for it," you joke, giving Illumi a smirk as you run a hand up his chest, letting it stop at his collar bone.

"What else am I?" he urges.

"Boring."

He gasps and freezes momentarily. "I am not boring." Then raises an eyebrow at you. "That is not a very nice thing to say to your master."

Jeez, he's hot. "I was joking!" You laugh under the pressure of his... eyes. Time for a subject change. "What am I? Am I weird?"

"Oh, very much so." Illumi pours some body soap into his hands, then runs it down your arms, over your chest and back. "But you are also sexy."

"Hey, that's my line," you grin.

He lets the water rinse the soap from your skin, then places a wet kiss on your lips. It is not only gratifying, but succulent and sweet. Kissing his lips produces the same sensation as biting into a mango, and you adore it.

But, again, you cannot help but compare.