"Are you ready to die?"

It's a fairly simple question. Quite philosophical, but simple nonetheless. But why is it that every time this query is asked, we end up not being able to string the right words? Why do we fear the notion of death so much?

"If you're ready to die, then that means you have finally found the answer as to why you were born in this world."

How do you even know if you're ready to die? What's the basis? Kapag ba may insurance na ako sa St. Peter, masasabi ko nang handa na ako?

"Let me repeat the question: Are you ready?"

"Mauna ka kaya, Ma'am." bulong ko na agad ko ring pinagsisihan dahil mukhang hindi ito nakalagpas sa kanyang pandinig.

Okay, I should've kept my mouth shut. Can you blame me, though? I don't think there's any point in asking us such a morbid question. Kung handa na si Ma'am Lingayen na mamatay, hindi ko siya pipigilan. I just wish she'd leave us alone.

The middle-aged woman glared at me.

I yawned for the nth time. Philosophy is just so... boring. Sawa na akong tanungin ang sarili ko kung bakit ba ako nabubuhay sa mundo at pagod na rin ako sa walang katapusang debate ng mga tao dahil sa kanya-kanya nilang opinyon. Why don't we skip the WH-questions?

Dear professors, please stop making our lives complicated. We hate you, but as the saying goes, the more you hate, the more you love. In short, we don't have a choice, so please have mercy on us.

"Stellar?"

Napatayo ako. "Ma'am?"

"Are you ready to die?"

I pursed my lips and thought for a minute.

"Ngayon na po, Ma'am?" I queried, trying my best not to sound sarcastic. Mahirap na, baka ibagsak ako.

"Ngayon mismo." sagot ng matapobre kong guro.

"You jest, Ma'am. But if I must answer seriously, then I would have to say that I'm ready." I faked a sweet smile. "Basta ikaw po ang kasabay ko."

My classmates burst into laughter. Para namang puputok ang litid ng aming guro dahil sa sobrang galit. Trying to mask her shame with anger, she told me to sit down and resumed the discussion.

I feel bad for picking on her, but I just hate this subject. Philosophy, for me, isn't necessary at all.

May mga bagay kasi na hindi na kailangan ng rason. May mga tanong din na hindi na kailangang sagutin. Mapapagod lang kayo kakaisip kung paano ba talaga nabuo ang mundo, kung kanino nagsimula ang lahat, kung ano ba talaga ang dahilan at nabubuhay tayo.

Just live. Don't ask questions.

"In reality, none of us are prepared to die at all."

I rested my chin on the desk then stared outside the window, where the vast blue skies stretched infinitely. Pinanood ko ang mga ibon na malayang lumilipad sa kalangitan.

"Even if you insist that you're ready to die at this moment, the truth is you're not. When you find yourself on the edge of dying, you'd wish to live longer and postpone your death."

Does everyone feel that way? I wonder.

"As long as there's someone you hold dear to you, someone who keeps you alive, you will never be prepared for death."

The corner of my mouth lifted into a smile. If that's the case, then I guess I'm all prepped up to go and die. Every single person blood-related to me is already dead. I was an orphan, but the foster family who adopted me only treated me like shit.

Life was unfair to me.

I worked under broad daylight and attended my classes at night. There are times when I have nothing to feed myself, especially when midterms are near and I'm short on money.

I was all alone in this world full of shit.

There's not a single soul that keeps me alive.

Lahat naman tayo, nagdudusa at pinapahirapan ng mundong ito. Sa tingin ko, darating talaga tayo sa puntong gugustuhin na nating mamatay hindi dahil handa na tayo, kundi dahil pagod na tayo. Nakakalungkot isipin, 'di ba?

"Stellar!"

I was just leaving the school grounds when somebody called my name. Huminto ako sa paglalakad. I turned around, and I was startled when I received a hug from a gigantic guy. Ang tangkad talaga ng taong ito!

"Conan." I called him, smiling.

Kumalas na siya mula sa akin at binigyan niya ako ng isang malawak na ngiti. "Nightshift ka na pala? It's so hard to see you lately. Tinataguan mo ba ako?" He said in an accusing voice.

I chuckled heartily. "May trabaho ako."

"Pinapatawad na kita." He childishly remarked then patted my shoulder. "In one condition, Stellar. You'll let me treat you to dinner tonight!"

At dahil narinig ko ang salitang libre, mabilis niya akong napapayag. Alam niyo, minsan kailangan niyo rin maging mapagsamantala. Grasya na ang lumalapit sa akin, tatanggi pa ba ako?

Conan Solaire is a good friend of mine. We went to the same high school and he saved me from a beating once. Matangkad siya, medyo payat, at kayumanggi ang kulay ng kanyang balat.

Dinala niya ako sa pinakamalapit na kainan at doon na kami nagsimulang magkwentuhan.

"How are you?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm fine. You?"

"Just so-so. Sobrang busy ngayong sem at sumasabay pa ang club activities." Ngumuso siya at sumubsob sa mesa. "But really, I missed you. Ang tagal nating hindi nagkita."

I smiled. "You missed me?"

"Best friend kaya kita." The snort that he made didn't escape my ears. "Say, why don't you come over my place tonight? Let's unwind! I'll invite some of my friends, too."

I pursed my lips. Wala na naman akong klase mamaya dahil biyernes ngayon. Would it be okay to go?

I glanced over Conan who's waiting for my response. He's my friend, and I've known him for years. I guess there's no reason for me to say no.

"Okay." I replied hesitantly.

And saying that word was my biggest regret... because that night, my fate was twisted, changing my life for good.

---