Three years.

The Venice family held me captive for three years. I lost contact with the outside world but I was never reported missing. Perhaps nobody really cared if I suddenly disappear.

Nobody... except for them.

I only had two important people in my life: a friend and a lover. I put all my faith into Atticus and Conan. Sila lang ang inaasahan kong makakatulong sa akin. Alam kong hindi nila ako susukuan at hahanapin nila ako.

Pinanindigan ko ang desisyon ko. I made lots of attempts to escape... but I failed each time. Madalas din akong tanungin ni Gaia kung gusto ko na bang makalaya, pero isa lang ang naging sagot ko sa kanya.

"Sa oras na makaalis ako rito, babalikan ko si Atticus."

"But we're engaged."

Hanggang sa ako na lang mismo ang sumuko dahil sa balitang dala niya.

At first, I couldn't believe it. My heart was torn asunder when Gaia broke me the news that she and Atticus were already engaged.

Hindi ako naniwala at pinanghawakan ko ang pangako niyang ako ang papakasalan niya. Hindi ko matanggap... hanggang sa ako na lang din ang bumasag sa sarili kong pag-asa.

"Let's get married when we both pass the board."

My lips parted at the sound of his sonorous voice.

I was chained on the corner of the room. Gustuhin ko mang sumilip sa pinto, nakakadena ako sa sulok at napakalayo ko rito. Sa kabila ng panghihina ko, sigurado ako kung kaninong boses iyon.

It's him. Atticus was here in this house.

My foster sister laughed. "When we first met, you cried yourself to death because your ex left you. Look how clingy you are now."

Tears streamed down to my cheeks.

God, I missed his voice. For the past three years, my life has been miserable. But hearing his voice was more than enough to remind me that I was still sane.

I was too weak to even mutter a single word.

I couldn't even recognize myself anymore.

Tulala lamang akong nakahiga sa malamig na semento at nakatitig sa pinto. Puno ng galos at mga natuyong sugat ang katawan ko. Nakaranas ako ng pang-aabuso mula sa pamilya ng mga Venice. Sa tuwing nagagalit sila, sa akin nila binubuhos ang lahat. They would hurt me all night until their rage was satisfied.

Three years.

Tatlong taon kong naranasan ang lahat ng iyon pero tiniis ko. Pinandigan ko ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ako bumitaw.

"Thank you for everything, love."

I cried myself to sleep that night.

It was the end of us.

For three years, I fought for him. Tiniis ko lahat ng paghihirap dahil sinabi ko sa sarili ko na kailangan kong maging malakas para kay Atticus. Halos mabaliw na ako dahil sa mga nangyari sa akin, pero ginawa ko ang lahat para manatili sa tamang pag-iisip.

But Atticus didn't even seem to care about me. Nagawa pa niyang magmahal ulit nang mawala ako. Hindi man lang niya ako sinubukang hanapin.

I was done with him.

We were finally over.

"We'll be keeping an eye on you, my dear sister." Gaia softly remarked then smiled sweetly to me. "Everything that happened for the past three years... Consider it as the payment to the food, shelter and education that we gave you."

Halos masuka ako sa panunumbat niya.

"Just know that if you ever decide to file a case against our family, we're not going to back down." matigas niyang sabi nang hindi inaalis ang titig sa akin. "I advise you not to pursue a case, though. You'll just end up on the losing side."

Umalis ako sa puder ng mga Venice at nagsimula ng panibagong buhay. Nagtrabaho ako upang pag-aralin ang sarili ko. I worked under broad daylight while attending my classes at night.

Mahirap pero kinaya ko ang lahat.

After so many years of being missing in action, I reconnected with my one and only friend, Conan Solaire.

Our reunion was short yet warm. He demanded an explanation about my sudden disappearance, but I had to lie about everything. Alam kong hindi siya naniwala sa mga paliwanag ko pero hindi na niya ako pinilit magsalita.

"I was shocked, you know. You sent me a text out of the blue, saying that you ran away from home and were bound to stay in your province. After that, I tried contacting your number but you were no longer reachable."

That's the story that Conan told me. It must've been Gaia Venice who used my phone then immediately disposed of it to cut my connection from anyone.

Baka gano'n din ang ginawa niya kay Atticus.

He must've been so hurt when he thought I'd left him.

Gaia Venice stole so many years of my life.

"Are you ready to die?"

Isang tanong na madaling pakinggan pero mahirap sagutin. Madalas kapag tinatanong tayo nito, napapaisip tayo at nangangapa ng mga salita. Nagiging handa ba talaga tayo sa pagkamatay?

"If you're ready to die, then that means you had finally found the answer as to why you were born in this world."

How do you even know if you're ready to die? What's the basis? Kapag ba may insurance na ako sa St. Peter, masasabi ko nang handa na ako?

"Let me repeat the question: Are you ready?"

"Mauna ka kaya, Ma'am." bulong ko na agad ko ring pinagsisihan dahil mukhang hindi ito nakalagpas sa kanyang pandinig.

Okay, I should've kept my mouth shut. Can you blame me, though? I don't think there's any point in asking us such a morbid question. Kung handa na si Ma'am Lingayen na mamatay, hindi ko siya pipigilan. I just wish she'd leave us alone.

The middle-aged woman glared at me.

I yawned for the nth time. Philosophy is just so... boring. Sawa na akong tanungin ang sarili ko kung bakit ba ako nabubuhay sa mundo at pagod na rin ako sa walang katapusang debate ng mga tao dahil sa kanya-kanya nilang opinyon. Why don't we  skip the WH-questions?

Dear professors, please stop making our lives complicated. We hate you but as the saying goes, the more you hate, the more you love. In short, we don't have a choice, so please have mercy on us.

"Stellar?"

Napatayo ako. "Ma'am?"

"Are you ready to die?"

I pursed my lips and thought for a minute.

"Ngayon na po, Ma'am?" I queried, trying my best not to sound sarcastic. Mahirap na, baka ibagsak ako.

"Ngayon mismo." sagot ng matapobre kong guro.

"You jest, Ma'am. But if I must answer seriously, then I would have to say that I'm ready." I faked a sweet smile. "Basta ikaw po ang kasabay ko."

My classmates burst into laughter. Para namang puputok ang litid ng aming guro dahil sa sobrang galit. Trying to mask her shame with anger, she told me to sit down and resumed the discussion.

I feel bad for picking on her, but I just hate this subject. Philosophy, for me, isn't necessary at all.

May mga bagay kasi na hindi na kailangan ng rason. May mga tanong din na hindi na kailangang sagutin. Mapapagod lang kayo kakaisip kung paano ba talaga nabuo ang mundo, kung kanino nagsimula ang lahat, kung bakit bilog ang ang buwan at hindi triangle.

Just live. Don't ask questions.

"In reality, none of us are prepared to die at all."

I rested my chin on the desk then stared outside the window, where the vast blue skies stretched infinitely. Pinanood ko ang mga ibon na malayang lumilipad sa kalangitan.

"Even if you insist that you're ready to die at this moment, the truth is you're not. When you find yourself on the edge of dying, you'd wish to live longer and to postpone your death."

Does everyone feel that way? I wonder.

"As long as there's someone you hold dear to you, someone who keeps you alive, you will never be prepared for death."

The corner of my mouth lifted into a smirk. If that's the case, then I guess I'm all prepped up to go and die. Every single person blood-related to me is already dead. I was an orphan, but the foster family who adopted me only treated me like shit.

Life was unfair to me.

I worked under broad daylight and attended my night shift classes. Sometimes, I won't feed myself, most especially when midterms are near and I need to save money.

I was all alone in this world full of shit.

There's not a single soul that keeps me alive.

Lahat naman tayo, nagdudusa at pinapahirapan ng mundong ito. Sa tingin ko, darating talaga tayo sa puntong gugustuhin na nating mamatay hindi dahil handa na tayo, kundi dahil wala ng saysay ang buhay natin. Isn't it sad? Surely, it is.

"Stellar!"

I was just leaving the school grounds when somebody called my name. Huminto ako sa paglalakad. I turned around, and I was startled when I received a hug from a gigantic guy. Ang tangkad talaga ng taong ito!

"Conan." I called him, smiling.

Kumalas na siya mula sa akin at binigyan niya ako nang isang malawak na ngiti. "Nightshift ka na pala? It's so hard to see you lately. Tinataguan mo ba ako?" He said in an accusing voice.

I chuckled heartily. "May trabaho ako."

"Pinapatawad na kita." He childishly remarked then patted my shoulder. "In one condition, Stellar. You'll let me treat you dinner tonight!"

At dahil narinig ko ang salitang libre, mabilis niya akong napapayag. Alam niyo, minsan kailangan niyo rin maging mapagsamantala. Huwag niyong tatanggihan ang libre.

Conan Solaire is a good friend of mine. We went to the same high school and he saved me from a beating once. Matangkad siya, medyo payat, at kayumanggi ang kulay ng kanyang balat.

Dinala niya ako sa pinakamalapit na kainan at doon na kami nagsimulang magkwentuhan.

"How are you?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm fine. You?"

"Good, I guess. Sobrang busy ngayong sem at sumasabay pa ang club activities." Ngumuso siya at sumubsob sa mesa. "But really, I missed you. Ang tagal nating hindi nagkita."

I smiled. "You missed me?"

"Best friend kaya kita." The snort that he made didn't escape my ears. "Say, why don't you come over my place tonight? Let's unwind! I'll invite some of my friends, too."

I pursed my lips. Wala na naman akong klase mamaya dahil biyernes ngayon. Would it be okay to go?

I glanced over Conan who's waiting for my response. He's my friend, and I've known him for years. I guess there's no reason for me to say no.

"Okay." I replied.

And saying that word was my biggest regret... because that night, my fate was twisted, changing my life for good.

Kinagabihan, sinundo ako ni Conan sa apartment ko. Makakasama raw namin ang mga naging kaibigan niya noong huminto ako sa pag-aaral. He was so excited to introduce me to his new circle of friends.

"They're nice people. Medyo maloko sila pero mababait naman sila." he said for the nth time, ecstatic.

I was never the friendly type of person, but I didn't want to spoil his mood so I decided to give his friends a chance. Hindi naman masamang makipagkilala sa iba.

When we arrived at his unit, his friends were already there. It was kind of awkward because all of them curiously watched me upon our arrival.

"Girlfriend mo?" natatawang tanong ni Gregoire, ang pinakamaloko sa kanilang lahat. "Akala ko ba bading ka at ako ang type mo?" Humagalpak ito ng tawa.

"Loko! Si Stellar, iyong lagi kong kinukwento sa inyo." Conan made the brief introduction. "Stellar, these are my friends. Donita, Tyson, Shana and... Never mind." Tinuro niya isa-isa ang lahat maliban kay Gregoire. Lahat naman kami ay natawa.

It was fun to be with them. For a moment, it felt like living and not surviving. Ngayon lang ulit ako tumawa sa mga nagdaang taon. Nag-inuman sila buong gabi at tama si Conan sa sinabi niyang maloko  sila, mga pilyo at pilya. Pero kahit na gano'n, mababait naman sila.

Medyo nailang lamang ako noong tumugtog ang isang malumanay na kanta at naghalikan sina Donita at Tyson sa harapan ko. Maging sina Gregoire at Shana, naglalampungan na kaya niyaya na ako ni Conan sa kwarto niya. Sumama naman ako.

Ipinaupo niya ako sa kama niya. Siya naman, sumandal sa may bintana at nanatiling nakatitig sa akin. Halatang malakas na ang tama ni Conan sa dami ng kanyang nainom.

"Where have you been, Stellar?"

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