Broken Pencils

Ghazal splashed a handful of water on her face to remove the pain which was burning her eyes due to excessive crying. His voice was full of menace, capable of shaking her from head to toe but she bore with him for a total one hour. Only she knew, how she had put that strong front with Haaris Yousuf but from inside she was shivering, afraid of what would come next. He was the most difficult patient she had ever handled in her entire life.

Ghazal was not a cheater, she wanted to earn every penny with her hard work and Haaris was making it difficult for her. She wanted to see some sort of the positive change in everybody's life after her therapy session and it was clear there wouldn't be any in case of Haaris as he was adamant not to reveal anything to her. It was hard for her to stop her tears which were flowing with their pace just by the mere memories of Haaris Yousuf.

She hated him.

"Calm down, Ghazal." She was speaking with her reflection, her companion of loneliness. "It was just a bad day."

Ghazal sighed, blowing a mouthful of air in order to calm herself. Her eyes were puffy, her pinkish button nose was revealing her every secret of crying. As she opened the door of the washroom to leave, she bumped into someone.

"I am sorry."

She apologized taking some more steps back as the heavy scent hit her nostrils. Looking up she found two grey orbs staring at her with a smile. He was the same person who was standing on the threshold of Haaris Yousuf's room some time ago.

"It's ok. I wanted to apologize to you on behalf of my friend. He was really behaving rudely with you."

"There's no need."

Ghazal waved her hand and moved past him. It was not needed, she was habitual of getting hurt by everyone and everything.

"So you handle his rehab programs."

She heard his voice again as he began to walk beside her at a slow pace. Ghazal remained silent increasing her walking speed. It was now her time to pick Adam from his school and she could get rid of this intimidating person.

"You-"

"I have to pick my son from his school. Excuse me."

Ghazal said putting extra force on the word son, stopping his speech in middle. The man's face was washed with surprise and she patted her back for the wonderful idea that suddenly popped in her head.

"Yes, doc. Absolutely. I am Yawar Juned by the way."

Ghazal heard his voice from her behind as she took long strides away from him as she didn't want to waste any single minute with him more.

******

Haaris jumped from his sleep. Gulping a whole glass of water, he tried to calm himself. That nightmare would be the death of him. He glanced around the room and found his father sleeping on the sofa uncomfortably.

Haaris didn't know what was happening to him but he began to rewind his life in his mind. The sudden disappearance of his mother had dug a deep pit between them both. It was solely his father's mistake that he didn't stop his mother from going. Else, they would be living a great life with each other happily and Haaris wouldn't be stuck in this silly place.

Surely, Haaris's love lacked warmth or care, that's why his mother didn't stop even after his efforts. He was good for nothing, he never did a single thing in his life which he could boast or feel proud of. He was just a burden on everyone else and everybody was carrying it, silently without any complaint.

His head began to spin, sweat drops began to make their way from his forehead to chin. Haaris needed something, something to divert his mind. His body felt like trembling, his hands were shaking. He knew, what was it. It was his craving for the forbidden, it was his body which was in need of that forbidden drops or the crust.

Lying again on the bed, he closed his eyes only to be opened due to the scene of his pasts which haunted him to the core. Haaris extended his hand to fetch another glass of water but to his utter bad luck, his shaking hands couldn't help him and it all resulted in an awful sound of glass break, waking up his father in the process.

"What happened, Haaris? Are you alright? "

His father asked, his voice was dripping with worry despite having an edge of slumber in it. He shook his head and he was now coughing profusely. His father left him, maybe in search of some help from the nurses or doctor and quickly returned with that same doctor whose name he didn't bother to remember.

"Today was his fifth detox dosage." He heard her soft voice in his harsh breathing, she was asking his father.

"Mr. Haaris. Look at me."

Haaris shook his head, his ears were blocking every outside sound and he was only able to hear the painful voices of his sadness dripping past.

"Mr. Haaris. Look at me at this instant."

Now the order was given with an authoritative voice which forced him to look at the doctor who had taken her seat just in front of him on the bed.

"Pull your knees to your chest and put your head between your knees."

"You can't order me around, woman."

Haaris said agitating with himself. She didn't know what he was going through, he needed something to eat or drink which he clearly knew, not some rubbish exercise.

Silly Woman.

***

Ghazal knew what he was going through. It was a panic attack and she had handled many cases like this in her past but not a single patient was as stubborn as him, Haaris Yousuf. Her other patients used to obey her orders as quickly as possible so as to get rid of those attacks. But here he was, agitated, fidgeting with himself.

Stubborn Soul.

"Yes, I can."

Ghazal held his arm and made him properly seated. She looked at Mr.Yousuf for help and he obediently came.

"Mr. Haaris they are only your thoughts. You have the power over them. Breathe out for me."

She said taking his cold hands in hers. He was sweating profusely, clearly, his past was wounded and he was ruining his present and future with it. Ghazal was slowly rubbing his ice-cold hands.

"Yes, you can do it."

She felt his nerves calming down a bit. Ghazal's heart was thudding from inside as she was touching a stranger but it was her job and it needed her attention. She closed her eyes in order to seek forgiveness from her Lord.

Haaris glanced in her way as his breathing slowed down.

"Your hands are very warm."

Ghazal instantly left his hands, heat crept up to her and the presence of his father with a small smile added much more to her embarrassment.

"Ma..."

Adam's soft voice broke the awkward silence of the room. Ghazal stood up from her place as she saw Adam's adorable face peeking from the door. On the cue, he entered the room and hugged her legs.

"Have you finished your lunch?" She asked taking him in her arms.

"Yesh ma. Hi..."

Adam waved to Haaris Yousuf. Ghazal wanted to move away from there as soon as possible, as she knew how moody Haaris was and she definitely didn't want her son to be in his vicinity.

"Hi." The reply from Haaris was a shock to everyone except Adam.

"You got a bug."

Adam's innocent question brought forth a chuckle from Haaris. This day was clearly a day of surprises for Ghazal Fatima.

"Yeah."

"I will prescribe some antidepressants for him. All will be fine In Shaa Allah." Ghazal quickly told Mr. Yousuf and left his room.

"You don't talk to strangers, Adam. Ma has told you." It was necessary to remind Adam of some basic rules, she was more than worried about her boy.

"But Ma, he ish not shtranger. We have met earlier. "

"When?"

Ghazal asked making him seated on her working table.

" My firsht day of shcool, I have given him my water bottle."

Ghazal watched Adam with widened eyes. That man was Haaris Yousuf. Although she hadn't seen him properly at that day she could say his appearance was worse than a beggar. So, that was their first meeting. Thinking about his dull appearance, Ghazal had been forced to think about his past, what would have been happened in it so as to make Haaris like this?

******

"You know that boy?" His father asked as Haaris lied again on the bed.

"Yes, he had helped me once."

Mr. Yousuf smiled at this. "He is clearly a cute kid."

Haaris remained silent at that. That kid seriously had a great memory, he remembered Haaris Yousuf though a nice time had passed away. He was a little surprised to know about the kid was the son of that snobby doctor. He didn't quite remember her from their first meeting.

"Where is Nanna?"

"I had sent her home to rest. "

Haaris nodded. He didn't want to live in a dreaded silence but the father-son duo wasn't quite frank to embark a conversation within some seconds.

"Dad, c-can I talk to you?"

"Yes." Mr. Yousuf sat beside him on the bed with a welcoming smile.

"About what I should talk about?" Mr. Yousuf chuckled at his silly question.

"Haaris. Don't worry, you can talk to me about anything."

"Yes. This silence is killing me. I don't want to go in my past, it's all very dangerous. I--"

Mr. Yousuf spread his hand around his shoulder and gently put Haaris's head on his chest. The tears in his eyes didn't know any kind of barrier that's why without his permission they began to flow from his eyes.

"I know, son. I am sorry."

"You don't need to. I am a burden."

Mr. Yousuf cupped his face and looked in his eyes. "You are my precious child, Haaris. I have always cherished your presence. You know, you are the only connecting link between your mother and me."

"Yeah, that's why she left us."

Haaris was suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the hate for his mother. From the last nine years, he never felt hatred towards his mother, he was always blaming his father but now Haaris was sympathizing with him.

"No, that's why she remained with us for so many days."

Mr. Yousuf corrected him. That was the other side of the coin, which he never saw until now. But, it was also painful just like the remaining parts of his life.

******

Ghazal watched in horror the scene before her. No, it may be some kind of nightmare. But it wasn't definitely.

She had reached to the hospital with a nine months Adam in her arms. The scene which horrified Ghazal to death was her husband who was lying on the stretcher in front of her with blood on himself.

Doctors moved him to operation theatre and she stood rooted to her spot in shock and surprise.

Allah was surely taking her test after the test. Some days ago, Farzan had beaten her badly, blaming her for his mother's death. She tolerated his abuse silently, it was only Allah's will and her mother-in-law had gotten a natural death. But Farzan's mind which was so numb at that time due to alcohol that it was unable to decipher that simple fact. Ghazal had tried hard to save her but her time had come.

"Don't tire yourself, my child. Allah wants to meet me."

That was her last words which made her tears to fall freely again. Doctors leaving the operation theatre snatched her to present and she ran quickly towards them.

"How's my husband? "

"Mam, the accident was very severe. We have tried our best but..."

"But what?"

"He has very little time. You can meet him one last time."

No, no. How could that happen? Ghazal never wanted to leave her husband, she loved him. He was her support, her pride, how could he leave him so easily. Her eyes started burning as tears were eager to come out. She slowly opened the door to his room, her gut twisted seeing her spouse in such bad condition.

"Ghazal..."

That was the first time when she heard her name from him. Tears gathered their pace. She sat beside him and hesitantly took his hand in her.

"I am sorry."

"Please don't say anything."

Ghazal pleaded after hearing his apology. She was now crying with hiccups and Adam had woken up hearing her voice. Ghazal made him sit on her lap.

"Adam, baba."

Farzan was smiling with tears in his eyes. Ghazal wanted to see him smiling like this for her whole lifetime, but destiny was playing its own notes. He never acknowledged Adam as his son but now he was smitten by him.

Adam slowly moved forward and touched Farzan's cheek.

"Ba..."

"Try to forgive me, Ghazal for what I have done. It's not a small sin but please try. "

Farzan said one last time. Those words lingered for a long time around Ghazal mingling with her sobs and weeping.