Impasto

"So, which side of the bed you prefer?"

Ghazal looked up from Adam who was now sleeping soundly in the middle of the bed to the questioning Haaris. He had changed into his nightwear and was drying his hair which was damp with a fresh shower he took a few minutes ago.

"Any side."

Haaris nodded and took the left side of the bed, switching off the lamps.

"Don't you catch cold or fever by showering at this hour of the night?"

Ghazal asked putting her head on the plush pillow, her face turned towards her husband, his face glowing due to his cellphone's brightness. She was unable to stop the query to roll out from her tongue, she was still shivering thinking of dipping her finger in the water this winter. He took a whole shower!

He is surely silly!

"Not yet."

He answered and turned his back towards her, putting the cellphone back on the bedside table. Ghazal stared at his back for a few minutes, mumbling her night supplications and entered into valleys of slumber.

Ghazal opened her heavy eyes on the distant voice of someone's deep breathing. She squinted her eyes to look properly in the dark and it came back to her, she was in Haaris's room. But that was not the thing of main concern at that time, it was Haaris who was sitting on the edge of the bed. His legs hanging from the bed, his mouth covered with his hands as he was stopping himself from making any kind of noise.

He was clearly getting his nightmares. Ghazal silently watched him as he got up and slowly opened the door of their bedroom balcony. Haaris closed it without any noise after he exited from it. She pursed her lips and thought for a while, what she should do? Haaris didn't want to bother her that's why he hadn't woken her but she married Haaris to help him so why so much thinking.

Ghazal got up and grabbed an extra blanket from the bed. Opening the balcony door, she found Haaris crouched, his head hidden between his knees. He was taking deep breaths and was badly shivering. She carefully sat beside him, wrapping the blanket around themselves.

"Go away Ghazal, I will hurt you."

She heard his mumbling as Haaris lifted his face up from his knees, his tear-stricken face glistening in the twilight. Ghazal's heart clenched at its place. When she was so habitual of seeing a crying man? It was surely a sight she always dreaded and now looking at Haaris the only thing she wanted to do was to ease out his pain.

"I am not going anywhere. "

She said in a determined voice not wanting further to argue on that topic. That topic always started a fight between them and this time she didn't want it. Ghazal slowly sidled closer to Haaris, trying to share her warmth as despite being covered in a blanket Haaris was cold and shivering.

"You want to come in?"

Ghazal asked in mere a whisper and Haaris shook his head. He was covering his mouth randomly to take deep breaths and rubbing his hands together to keep himself warm. She was silently watching his activities, didn't know what he was going through? She took his hands in hers and began to whiff in them, pressing them every now and then.

"I am ready to help you, Haaris. Let me."

Haaris remained silent, not uttering a single word. "You remember what you said the first time when I had taken your hand?" again Ghazal's voice broke the heavy silence which had descended upon them, she wanted to move his mind from the haunted memories which were piercing him.

"That your hands are warm," Haaris said with a slight chuckle which was followed by Ghazal's nervous laugh.

"That was the weirdest comment I had ever gotten in my life."

"I could see it on your face. "

Ghazal thanked her Lord seeing her husband's face, which was now a mixture of tears and smiles. Her whiffing stopped, she was now holding his hand in hers and making soothing circles on the back of his hand just like her father used to do.

"You aren't afraid of getting hurt?"

Again Haaris came back on the same topic, what was running in that mind of his? There was some sort of pain, surprise in his voice. She stared at the glowing moon of winter for a minute and looked back at Haaris.

"Not now." Ghazal said with a small smile, she married Haaris to bring him back to life and that was what she was doing, "There's a quote you know, hurt is inevitable but the choice is ours by whom we want to get hurt. I have made my choice, Haaris."

Haaris's face showed every expression of shock and disbelief. He moved his gaze away from her and she too got busy enjoying the nightlife, resting her head on the wall. Soon she felt a touch on her shoulder, it was Haaris who had drifted off to sleep by putting his head on her shoulder. Ghazal closed her eyes, her heart praying to God to ease out Haaris's pain.

***

Haaris felt a soft touch on his cheek, he began to move out of his sleep slowly, very slowly. A soft voice was calling him and a cold whiff of air touched his face forcing him to open his eyes.

"Haaris, wake up." Ghazal patted his cheek and he lifted up his head up from her shoulder, rubbing his eyes to move the remnants of sleep.

"Come, sleep inside."

On that he looked around him and got surprised as he was sleeping in his balcony. Sleeping in the balcony and that too in that bone-chilling winter. Haaris felt the soft blanket around him which had saved him from the cold and then his gaze got stuck on Ghazal who was now trying to get up.

Previous night revolved around his mind, that nightmare was far worse than every nightmare he had gotten till now. Ghazal was leaving him and he was unable to stop her, words weren't getting out of his mouth. He knew why he saw that nightmare, just because of that single message he had got from Yawar at yesternight.

Ready to play the loving husband for one month. 😉

That single message had burdened him with such a force like Haaris felt his mind had been polluted with every bad deed he did in his past. Why couldn't he just die? His death would be a relief in everyone's life especially the lady in front of him. She stayed with him the whole night, he didn't know what was in her touch but every time Ghazal took his hands in hers Haaris's every worry began to vanish.

"Why you slept here?"

Haaris asked standing in front of his wife who was now folding the blanket properly, her face was pink due to the chilly air around them. He mentally slapped himself for being so careless and sleeping outside because due to him Ghazal had gone through this.

"Because you slept here."

"It was okay for me to sleep here but not for you. You can catch a cold. " He didn't stop his voice to become high, an edge of worry in his tone.

"I couldn't leave you alone."

Haaris was dumbfounded at her reply, as always. This is the lady he would hurt at the end, who was bearing every single thing just to help him. Ghazal got back into the room and he too followed her. She was about to get into the washroom when Haaris held her wrist and she looked at him in a query.

"Don't do this Ghazal. I don't need your sympathy. "

"What's there for sympathy? Don't make it an issue. I did that not because of some sympathy but because I wanted to."

"Then stop yourself because it feels like I am giving you pain."

"It's not like that, Haaris. If I am willingly doing it then how it could be a pain for me. I clearly know what pain is. Trust me."

Ghazal said pressing his hands, her eyes moving on his face. Haaris just stared at her, what he did to get her? He removed her hand and took a step back.

"I can't."

"Then stop making fuss of all of this. I won't back away until you come back to life."

Ghazal said in an agitated tone and closed the washroom door with a thud. Great! Now he made her upset. The first day at his house as his wife and he made her angry. Haaris clearly didn't know the meaning of a peaceful relationship, did he?

He came back to his bed where Adam was still sleeping, he laid down beside him and tried to sleep. But, he couldn't because the worry was much more than his tiredness. Worry of spoiling Ghazal's mood. Haaris sat upright and looked around him, Ghazal was now out of the washroom.

Her dupatta nicely draped around her face and she took out a mat from her luggage. She was going to pray, he knew it but he wanted to start a conversation with her. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"Aren't you going to sleep, Ghazal?"

"I will pray Fajr."

Ghazal answered in a cold and distant voice. He took a long sigh and began to watch her wife as she started her prayer. When was the last time he prayed? So long to remember. She prostrated and then after mumbling some supplications Ghazal ended her prayer.

Now her hands were extended in front of her, she was making dua. Tears were cascading down her cheeks, his Nanna used to say 'there isn't a great relief than crying in front of your Lord.' Ghazal was getting that relief and what was he getting? Mere confusion, anxiety and worry about everything.

***

"Assalamualaikum Papa."

Ghazal said in a low voice entering the dining hall where Mr.Yousuf was already seated reading the newspaper.

"Walekumassalam child."

Papa said with a smile, keeping aside the newspaper and patted her head for blessings. Ghazal ushered Adam in front of him for the morning greeting.

"Ashlamalikum, Da," Mr.Yousuf replied with a chuckle to his greeting and made him sit on his lap. Mr. Yousuf gestured Ghazal to take a seat for the breakfast, as she was standing awkwardly, unknown what to do. She gave a tight lipped smile and grabbed her seat.

"Where's Haaris?"

"Here I am."

Haaris replied coming in their direction, his breathing heavy. He was looking fresh after the shower, wearing a white shirt with grey trousers. Ghazal moved her gaze away from him as Haaris gave a welcoming smile, sitting beside her.

She was irritated on him, to give even a fake smile. He was reciting only one thing from yesterday and was not ready to just trust her. His distance was the only thing Ghazal had got for the concern she had shown. And now Haaris was smiling as nothing had happened between them.

Ghazal was not angry at him but somewhat agitated on his behavior. At some point, he became like they were made for each other and at another point, he behaved so distantly just like strangers. It was not easy for her also, she had those bitter memories of her married life but she was moving on, trying to forget them. What she was getting on return?

A Mysterious man!

"Papa I was thinking of going to the farmhouse with Adi and Ghazal."

"That's a good thing. Why don't you stay there for some days if Ghazal has no problem with it."

Papa suggested looking at the couple and she shook her head to shove off his worries. Adam was still in Mr. Yousuf's embarace as he was slowly feeding him breakfast. Eating there, Ghazal came to know there were many maids and servants with their respective work. Some were standing around them to serve them various delicacies, some were cleaning around and whatnot.

"Pack your stuff, Ghazal. Till then I and Adam will have a tour of our garden."

Mr. Yousuf said going out of the hall with Adam in his arms. Her gaze unwillingly clashed with Haaris who was looking at her with amusement. Ignoring him, she came back to the bedroom which was now clean and shining.

She shoved out some of her dresses and began to pack them when on the sound of a sneeze, Ghazal looked up to find Haaris who was having a series of a sneeze with the cough. And there he was worried about Ghazal getting cold.

"Here, take this."

She said giving him a tablet for his cold. Haaris silently took it from her, without saying a single word may be afraid due to her outburst. Ghazal felt somewhat sorry for yelling at him but she was right, wasn't she?

Bidding their goodbyes to Papa, they began their journey to Haaris's farmhouse. Neither Haaris tried to talk to her nor Ghazal was in the mood to converse with her man. They were ignoring each other fully without any hesistance.

"Adam, say to your Dad to close his side windows. Else he will fall ill."

"Dad, Ma ish shaying to closh your shide windowsh. Elsh you will fall ill."

Ghazal pursed her lips as her son copied her mesaage to Haaris. She moved her gaze away from the rearview mirror from where Haaris was intently staring at her with a small smile on his lips.

"Adi, say to your ma, I am a strong person. I don't fall ill too easily."

"Ma, Dad ish shaying he ish shtrong. He doeshn't fall ill."

Ghazal furrowed her brows at his reply and busied herself in passing scenery. She got an impossible man for a husband.

***

Haaris glanced outside the car, the sun was about to set inviting the silent night with itself. They had reached their destination the farmhouse. He was glad that they had departed soon from their house as Burhanpur was approx. seven hours away from Bhopal and he could have to drive at night, which he didn't like a bit.

Adam was asleep and as he turned his head to call Ghazal, Haaris found himself staring at her as she too was in deep slumber. Her lips were slightly parted, her pink complexion was glowing in that brown dress, as her head was slightly tilted he could see that mole just below her ear which again stirred the chords of his heart.

He came out of the car and opened Ghazal's side door. Haaris didn't want to budge from that place, how calm she looked and watching her always gave a sense of peace to him also. He leaned in and gently caressed her cheek, brushing his lips slowly over her eyelids.

As he felt Ghazal's squirming under his embrace, he stood up and tried to compose himself. What he was trying to do? Didn't he want to stay away from Ghazal?

"We are here, Ghazal." Ghazal nodded and craned her neck to look at Adam. " He is asleep."

" Yes, don't worry. I will take him."

Haaris said and took Adam in his arms. By that time the caretaker of the house came towards them.

"Congratulations sir on your wedding."

"Thank u baba. "

He was an old fellow, Kareem baba who used to look after their farmhouse for a long time maybe from Haaris's childhood. They went inside as baba had told them that everything had been placed as Haaris liked.

Haaris laid down Adam on the bed and baba carefully placed their luggage in the room. Ghazal sat on the edge of the bed and began to cover Adam in the duvet.

"It's nice, MashaAllah."

"Thanks."

Ghazal on her own started the conversation and he felt shameful. At least she was trying and what he was trying to do? Push her away, push everyone away from himself.

She moved down the dupatta from her head and Haaris saw a long braid was swinging on her back. How gorgeous she was looking! Nobody could tell that she was the mother of a child, how innocent and young she looked!

"What are you doing, Adam is sleeping there."

Ghazal's slightly panicked voice reached his eardrums as he pulled her closer, tightly holding her wrist.

"He is sleeping that's why you are here."

Haaris said gently hitting her forehead with his. She just stared at him, her black eyes boring into his brown ones. There were questions and confusion swimming around in the depth of her black orbs. Haaris knew what would be running in her mind, why suddenly he was behaving so nicely? His depression and anxiety were making him bipolar and he was hating himself for his moodiness.

"What happened, Haaris?"

"I-I..."

Haaris stuttered moving his hands up and down on her arms. Ghazal too sensed his nervousness as she took his hands, bringing them closer to her lips. He gulped as her touch soothed him, silencing his running heartbeat.

"You should never be nervous around me. Just say whatever you want to say."

"I am s-sorry."

Haaris apologized for the morning but he felt like he was apologizing to her for every single thing he would be doing, he had done and for the hurt, he would give her. He didn't know his eyes had begun to pour tears until Ghazal's fingertips brushed against his cheek.

"Shh...Haaris. No need to cry. I forgive you." He felt shivering in Ghazal's hand as she cupped his cheek, "Just try to trust me. I will not betray you In Shaa Allah."

Haaris nodded, his heart went mute on the word 'betray'. He gingerly placed his lips on her forehead and Ghazal's gasp brought a mischievous smile on his lips.

Haaris said looking into her shy eyes, "Thanks, tigress."

"What's with that nickname?" Ghazal asked mocking anger, her lips tilting in a telltale smile. Haaris felt his heart dip down into a pit of serenity.

"It suits you. "

Haaris whispered near her ear, his breath teasing the small pearl earring. Ghazal playfully hit his arm and he chuckled seeing her getting vanished in the washroom.