Binder

Nanna kissed her forehead after she lovingly slid the diamond ring in Ghazal's ring finger. Scarce claps of Mr. Yousuf, Batool Khala and Baba echoed in the hall and a smile could be seen on everybody's face.

"My Haaris can't get a great partner other than you."

Nanna whispered in Ghazal's ear and she shyly lowered her head. She was unable to feel anything, happiness, sadness, nervousness but a sense of peace was present in her that she was doing something helpful for somebody.

"Go, have a talk with Haaris."

Nanna patted her back as she found Ghazal confused about whether to go in the backyard garden or not. What she would talk with him? It all felt new to her. It was a lot easier when she got married to Farzan. No conversation, no engagement, just a hurried marriage and that was it. She descended the steps towards the garden and found Haaris with Adam talking, his eyes shining bright with amusement as a small smile plastered his lips.

He looked away from Adam and their eyes clashed. Haaris was the first one to remove his intense gaze from her. It was not today, that was after the day she had accepted his proposal. Ghazal felt like he was doing everything to stay away from her, he was running away from her. Didn't he propose her? He was the one who was adamant to pull Ghazal in the relationship of marriage when she didn't even want to think about it. Was he now having second thoughts about his decision?

Their conversation was somewhat awkward when she had told him her affirmation about his proposal.

Ghazal groggily lifted her head up in order to search the source of that awful penetrating sound of her cellphone. She put her hand on Adam so as not to disturb his peaceful slumber and made her way towards her bedroom balcony with her mobile phone which was showing Haaris's id.

"Help me."

As soon as she received his call, Ghazal heard Haaris's huffed voice showing how desperate he was in need of relief and peace.

"Mr. Haaris, calm down. It all will go away, just take deep breaths."

Ghazal heard him taking long breaths as she had suggested. Didn't know what he was going through? His nightmares were getting frequent and it was becoming her daily ritual to talk to him at this hour of the night in order to help him in his nightmare.

"Thanks."

Haaris told his gratitude and she only nodded her head, facepalming herself later as he couldn't see her. Ghazal was collecting her guts since the day she had made her decision to marry Haaris but was unable to speak her affirmation to the man who had proposed her.

"Mr. Haaris."

"Yes, Dr. Ghazal."

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

There was a deep silence on the other side of the line, growing Ghazal's anxiety to extreme height. "Am I suffering from any lethal disease?"

Ghazal rolled her eyes and shook her head unable to make a decision to pity him or laugh at his silly thinking. She cleared her throat and wetted her lips to speak further.

"No, you are alright. Alhamdulillah. It's something different."

"Okay. What's the matter then?"

Ghazal unconsciously scratched the old paint off the railing, her mind creating the worst consequences. She was feeling like she wouldn't be able to speak proper words if she opened her mouth.

"Mr. Haaris, I accept your proposal."

Again, the other line went into silence. Only their breaths were clashing in the chirping of crickets. What happened?

"You are joking, right?"

"No, Mr. Haaris. It's not the matter people joke on."

"You are really accepting me."

Ghazal fell silent for a moment and said after taking a long sigh.

"Yes, Mr. Haaris."

"Okay."

The phone went dead from the other end and Ghazal stared at her cellphone in pure surprise. She just accepted Haaris's marriage proposal and he behaved like it was not a big deal for him, like it was an everyday thing for him. Nothing else.

"Ma, Haarish hash taught me new poemsh."

"Very nice," Ghazal said ruffling his hair and held his hand. "Let's have a walk."

She nodded her head on Haaris's offer. They both were taking measured steps with Adam between them, not getting slightly a bit ahead of each other, just in sync.

"Why did you accept my proposal all of a sudden, Ghazal?"

Ghazal gulped in worry and looked at Haaris whose eyes felt like they were glued on her face, searching for an answer.

"Why it's bothering you so much, Haaris?"

***

Haaris.

It was her habit to answer the question with another question but that was not the thing that mattered to him now. It was his name that had gotten out from her lips so swiftly. Haaris had no idea that his name felt so good on hearing, till now.

" Because it feels like you are sympathizing with me."

He gave his straightforward reply, Ghazal had rejected him and now suddenly they got engaged a few minutes ago. What was happening in their life? Haaris felt like he was the most confusing creature on the whole planet. He was happy that Ghazal was going to be a part of his life and sad as he knew what was hidden for them in their marriage.

"Oh really! Yes, I am sympathizing with you. Will you cancel the wedding now?"

Ghazal whisper yelled and moved her gaze away from his face to look at Adam who was now watching fishes in the corner pond. Haaris blinked his eyes to decipher her words, they were holding some kind of anger, irritation.

"Why do you feel I will cancel the wedding?"

"Because that's what your face shows. You are not happy you can't fake happiness. Haaris, you are having second thoughts about your decision." Ghazal said, pain dripping from every word, "I accept it that I don't love you but is it so important to marry. Isn't our company enough for each other, Haaris?"

Stop taking my name.

That's what you get for marrying a psychiatrist. Ghazal always read him like an open book, he never liked it. And the way she was taking his name, Haaris couldn't concentrate on anything but Ghazal.

Haaris lowered his gaze, his heart dancing in turmoil. What he got himself into? He would never be happy in his entire life. Why couldn't he just die easily? He was getting married in a few weeks, where were those giddy feelings? Why he was searching for those feelings when it was all a play. Why there was only emptiness and a hollow pit whenever he thought about his married life with Ghazal?

"I can help you. Just share your problems with me."

"Stop being a doctor with me." Haaris barked and instantly regretted as Ghazal took a step back from him. His anger, his agitation, his past was getting better of him.

"I am sorry. "

"Your sorry have lost the meaning. Don't say it if you don't mean it. " Her voice was blank without holding any kind of emotions which were a part of her speech earlier. Ghazal turned on her heels and moved towards Adam who was now busy collecting pebbles around the pond.

Way to go! What a start! Nanna had sent them here to talk, to know each other better and what they did? They both fought, scratch that they bickered just like old married couples did. He moved a lazy hand in his tangled mess of hair, confused by his thoughts. He always ruined everything with Ghazal, he was not good for anything.

"Come kids, meeting time over."

Haaris gave a small smile to Nanna as he moved towards her.

"What happened? Everything fine?"

Nanna looked at the couple who were trying everything to ignore each other. They both nodded awkwardly and looked away from each other. Nanna gave them one more glance and went back to the house. Ghazal was just about to pass the threshold when he quickly held her wrist to stop her.

Ghazal turned her head in pure shock at his action. They both were now alone with only the darkness, small garden lights doing their best to lighten up the environment but failing.

"Leave my hand, Haaris."

His grip tightened at her statement and he came a little bit closer to his lady. She was now his, the sparkling ring was the proof. Ghazal wriggled her wrist from his grasp but all went in vain.

"We are getting married, Ghazal. It doesn't matter now."

His left cheek burned with a sensation of burning as Ghazal slapped him, resulting in loosening his grip on her wrist.

"We ARE getting married, we are not married yet. We are still strangers to each other." Ghazal said with gritted teeth and showed her ring finger to him,  "If this is giving you any wrong indication, I will not waste a second to close all of this."

Haaris dumbfoundedly stared at Ghazal who moved inside without looking back. Third slap in a row, he could break his own record of getting a slap from a girl. Ghazal was the first girl who has slapped him and every time she slapped him she pushed him in the pit of thoughts and guilt. What he did wrong? Weren't they getting married soon? What was bad in holding her hand or coming a little closer to her?

Azkiya was way better than Ghazal. She never stopped his ascending steps towards her and always happily obliged. Didn't know what Ghazal tried to prove? Didn't know why it was bothering him so much?

Why are you affecting me so much, Ghazal?

***

Ghazal pinned her scarf in place and gave a tired glance to herself in the mirror. She had made Adam ready a few minutes ago and now herself was getting ready as she was going out with Haaris. Nanna had informed her that he was taking her and Adam for wedding shopping. It was all difficult for her, shopping for her second wedding. That mere thought was enough for mortification. Ghazal had no problem with Adam, he was taking it all easily and maybe he was too small to understand everything. Adam was just happy as he was getting enough time to spend with Haaris Yousuf, his long lost friend. She rolled her eyes at his thoughts, what a mannerless brat he was!

He didn't understand the meaning of respect literally. How could he just force himself on her? He should know that they had only got engaged, they were still like non-mahrams. She did right, slapping him.

Really! Who could teach him his limits in his childhood? He had no mother, remember.

A huge ball of worry began to rise in her gut, Ghazal pursed her lips to stop their quivering. Instead of slapping him, she could sort the matter calmly. She hated it, now she would face him all embarrassed about her act.

Haaris was waiting for them outside their house on time. Ghazal didn't make any eye contact with him and Haaris too didn't make any advances may be due to the earlier slap. Adam and Ghazal took their usual seats with Adam chattering on every single mind-boggling topic.

"You know if you mish cornflour with water, it all gets oozy."

"Really? "

"Yesh. It looksh hard but when you hit it, it ish shooo shoft."

Haaris's chuckles echoed in the car and Ghazal showed herself busy in the passing scenery. They stopped at one of the biggest boutiques of Bhopal, she had never thought about going inside it and now she had to buy something from here.

"Welcome sir, how may I help you?"

"My fiancée will like to see some wedding dresses."

Ghazal's heart jumped at the word fiancée as Haaris told the saleslady. She confusedly looked at Haaris who was already watching her. Haaris held Adam's hand and gestured her to go in. Everybody in the boutique was showing great respect towards her just because of the company she had come with, Haaris.

A cream-colored gown with tiny pearls got her attention. She adorned it in the changing room, the dress was comfortable and modest in every way. A soft knock broke her me-time as the sales lady's voice came from outside.

"Mam, sir will like to see you in every dress you are going to try."

Ghazal furrowed her brows at her statement. Why? Why did he want to see her? Slight anger began to creep up in her mind thinking of Haaris Yousuf.

That man and his demands!

Ghazal quickly fixed her scarf in place and moved outside to found Haaris with Adam in his lap playing stone-paper-scissors. She cleared her throat to grab their attention and somewhat succeeded. Haaris looked at her way and she felt like his eyes became glued on her face.

"Haarish, you like it? "

"I don't know, what you say?"

Haaris asked Adam who thought for some time keeping his index finger on his temple.

"Bridesh wear red. Thish ish not red."

"Yeah, point to be noted."

Haaris high fived with Adam as he giggled in response. She was the one who would wear the wedding dress and they both were discussing like Ghazal was absent from there in the first place.

"Come we will select something for her."

Haaris quickly strode towards the racks holding dresses with giddy Adam in tow. Adam was putting his finger on various dresses and soon there was a pile of dresses on the counter which she had to try. How she hated everything!

"Ma, come shoon."

Adam said as she was about to close the door of changing room, her eyes found Haaris black orbs which were moving on her face. Giving a tight-lipped smile to Adam, Ghazal tightly closed the door.

Tears began to clog her eyes. She was afraid of red color, she didn't want to feel the same pain and scared wearing that color which she used to feel in front of Farzan.

"Will you wear that color, again?"

Farzan asked, a coldness dripping from his words as the candle burnt her arm's skin. She shook her head in desperation only to wince as the candle was poked in her hand with full force.

"N-no."

"Good, I don't like when people look at you in that color."

***

Haaris showed himself busy playing with Adam but his mind was stuck at Ghazal in that cream gown.

She is beautiful.

"Haarish, Ma."

Adam's voice broke his thoughts about Ghazal and he fixed his gaze on his lady as she came in front of them with measured steps. She was looking like an epitome of beauty in that maroon-colored sleek gown that had golden embroidery all over it. Her hands were hidden behind long sleeves and her hair covered with her scarf.

"Can we just buy this? I don't want to try all the other dresses. Please."

Haaris looked at her face as Ghazal silently pleaded. Her face was pale and nose, eyes were red showing her crying secret. Why she cried? Did he hurt her? No.

"Yesh Ma, you are looking shoo pretty."

"Thank you."

She nodded with sealed lips and moved back towards the trial room. He ordered the sales lady to pack different dresses for Ghazal, some of them were gowns, Anarkali frocks, salwar kameez. Haaris somewhere knew she wouldn't buy when he would tell her to. It was good this way.

"What happened, Ghazal?"

Haaris couldn't stop himself to ask the question as Ghazal left his car, striding towards her house with sleeping Adam in her arms. They had bought some clothes for Adam too, that kid was beyond adorable. He could give him anything he wished for.

"Nothing."

She gave a clipped response. Haaris came in front of her, his hands hidden in his pockets and eyes wavering on her blank face. This woman was the biggest mystery of his life, at one point she shook him or calm him and at another point, she became so much mysterious that all Haaris wanted was to search the depth of her soul to solve this puzzle.

"Have I hurt you in some way?"

Ghazal shook her head on his question and looked away. He just couldn't see her fidgeting with herself like this. She was the brave one, who always helped him in his toughest time and now how she was looking weak and so vulnerable.

What you will do after one month of your marriage? She will look weak at that time also.

Haaris shook his head to remove his thoughts. " There's no problem, Haaris. Go home." With that said, she moved ahead only to be stopped by his voice.

"These are your dresses. "

Haaris showed her the bunch of shoppers in his hands and gestured her to move ahead. After putting them on the sofa, he came towards the main door with Ghazal following him.

"It was not needed. You don't have to buy those for me."

"Nanna told me that the bride wears a dress from the groom's side. That's what I did."

Ghazal remained silent and Haaris was waiting for her witty comeback but there wasn't any. She surely was upset over something.

"Thank you."

Ghazal said in a low voice. "If you want to thank me, just don't cry from now on."

She looked at him with pure surprise in her eyes, his heart slowly swirling seeing shades of surprise on her face. How much he loved to see that!

"I can't promise you this."

"Then just try to share your problems."

"Look who's talking."

Ghazal gave a sarcastic reply with a roll of her eyes resulting in a chuckle from him.

"I will try to share my problems when you will do the same."

Ghazal said and moved away from him. He silently came towards his car, his mind drifting to his fiancée. She was doing everything to help him, she was sacrificing her past for him and what he would do? He would betray her trust, he would ruin her life and he would prove her what you get for helping anybody.