I'm standing beside a gravestone that says in gold writing, Helena Clawner, daughter of Ms Clawner, murdered by Melinda Raven, hunted by Ms Clawner.

There is only this gravestone and around it are cobwebs and large, hairy spiders. The ground I am standing on is  a small island with a gravestone, surrounded by eternal darkness. 

I shiver and my breath goes ragged because I can feel someone's glare on my back and I can feel the air go cold. 

" Where is she? Where is she? MY DAUGHTER, YOU  - "

I wake up before it's too late and feel painful, cold and very guilty.

I open my eyes slowly and stare as my curtains open, blinding me with sunlight. I've been in this place for a whole day? I take a deep breath and watch as Jana takes my temperature. 

"Morning Linda. I think you're fine . . . I mean physically, but you can't leave this ward, not yet, " Jana gives me a quick smile," Ermm, are you okay? "  

That's a hard question. I feel fine, if I can shake off that constant feeling that I might have killed someone, that feeling that my life has been saved by her, the feeling she did it for me when I probably won't be able to return the favour . . .

" Come on Linda, how are you? " She sits on my bed.

" Great, " I try a wonky smile.

It doesn't fool her and she answers the question I'm desperate to hear," She lived through the night. "

I breathe out and let the very tight knot in my stomach loosen, just one bit. But I really don't like the sound of ' she lived  through the night,' because that could also means she's soon to-

" Do you want the truth or not, " she asks very quietly.

I feel guilty and make my knot tighter, even tighter than before, so tight it could explode-

" Truth, " I gasp.

" We're worried if she'll survive another. It was a miracle she did this one, we've- they've put breathing equipment and tubes and who knows what to help her. I'm sorry Linda. " 

Her words feel empty, forced and painful, apart from the last three words. They were spoken with emotion, love and care. I ignore my own emotions because they are too painful to think about and we sit in an endless silence -

" Your family wanted to see you as soon as you were awake but I think breakfast is more important don't you? I mean they all say breakfast is the most important meal of the day but . . . "

She went rambling on and on, trying to distract me while pouring me orange juice and passing some buttered toast and eggs from a trolley.

My world feels like it's falling down, I brush away tears then look at Jana.

" Jana, I'm not hungry, " I interrupt.

" Thought not, " she passes me a piece of bread," You haven't been listening to me at all have you, I was just saying that- Oh never mind. Look, your parents don't let anything stop them. Just look at them. "

I watch as they rush through the aisle to get to me. My heart begins to crash as I think of Helena, who doesn't even have parents and is too ill to even see ANYONE! I shouldn't be here I should be dead, or I should be through what Helena is, not her, me! I She's not going to make it, and whose fault is it going to be? Mine. All my stupid fault.

" Hello Linda, how are you ? "

Mum and Dad hugged me hard. Then I  burst into tears, not great noisy ones, but a silent waterfall. Usually tears make everything seem better when you stop, because you're letting it all out. But for me, it's like it can never stop and I can never let it all out.

" Hiya - Linda, don't feel guilty. Squeeze all that guilt out, it's not your fault, " Dad seems to know what I'm crying about, " Helena looks fine, well maybe she needs a cast and a good night's sleep but then? She'll be up and running by Monday. "

His hopefulness makes me more and more tangled in the mess I've made of my life.

" I need to see her. "

" Didn't quite catch that love, " Dad said as merrily as someone can be when they're trying ( and failing ) to be cheery.

" I need to see her, " I said loudly.

" You can't, " Mum whispered, " They let me see her, I-I shouldn't've gone, but Penny looked so miserable and-and I couldn't not have a look at her granddaughter and people wanted interviews at home and Sara's with some newspaper lady called Wellhaiana and Rick is waiting for us and I'm just a little stressed- "

" Mrs Warren, " Jana stands by my side and looks at mum firmly," I'm really sorry to say this but your little girl doesn't need to hear this, I think you ought to go. "

Her lips bend into a smile and she says with emotion, " I'm really sorry, you sound like you're busy. "

" Yes, right, I love you so much Linda, " Mum says in a croak, tears pouring down her face. She turns to go, Dad frowns deeply at Jana.

" No, no, don't go yet! " Jana puts an arm around Mum and hands her a torn page of the notebook she was scribbling in when Mum was having a breakdown.

" Now go and buy- Wait a moment, " Jana draws out a ten pound note from her pocket triumphantly," Go and buy these items from the counter. Will see you soon. "

Mum opens her mouth to argue but Jana ushers her outside.

" Bye Mum, Dad. "

Dad leaves with her, " We'll come soon, yes? "

Jana looks at me, " Sorry about that, I needed them to chill, yes? Now if you want some privacy close the curtains. "

Jana raises her eyebrows at Stewart staring at me. Again, his room was the only one open.

" Got it Jana. " 

" Well, I'll go. " She tiptoes out and I close the curtains.

Helena worries attack me, creepy old Penny Clawner dreams attack me. The world starts spinning round and round. 

I hear annoying sharp taps just outside, constant and never-ending.

" Hello, Linda?  Wake up, Lily wants to see you, she's the only other person who can speak around here. I know, y'know. But she's a fan of naps, so she's always down and . .  . "

I pull my pillow over my head, I'd know that annoying voice from miles around.

" Tell Lily to bug off, " I call, my voice muffled from the pillow.

I hear pleasant silence and then a scream.

" JANA! JANA! JIM TOLD ME THAT MELINDA SAID TO BUG OFF! "

Stewart laughs.

" LILY! TELL STEWART TO BUG OFF! " I yell.

I hear pleasant silence and than a laugh.

" Whatever. "

Yeah, Stewart-boy, 'whatever.'

My happiness fades in a second after I remember who can't have a go at me, or anyone because she's so out of it . . .