please read the author's note at the end. thanks. 

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The next few days feel like torture. The one person I'd spent time with, talked to, interacted with, is the one person I have to stay away from. I can't even look at her. I go back to how I'd been before I'd joined Steve's gang. I do my work. I answer the teacher's questions, I leave everyone else alone. A couple of times, my eyes meet Sam's in the corridor, and my heart flutters. But I just put my head down and keep walking. I can't forget my promise to myself. Then one day, suddenly, abruptly, inexplicably, she doesn't come to school. It's a Thursday, is we're meant to have Art together, but she just doesn't turn up. None of the teachers know why she's gone. The big group of girls she always spends time with don't know either, though Debby says their mothers are friends, so she'd get her to ask. The next day, she tells me that Sam is grounded, not even allowed to come to school. 

"It's strange, she's usually so chatty and friendly with my mum. They tell each other everything. But when she asked her why, or anything about it at all, she just wouldn't say another word." I feel sick. Maybe this is my fault. 

All weekend I'm on edge, pacing the flat and checking my phone every ten seconds for messages. there's still nothing from Sam. Everything seems to remind me of her, from the table where we ate home cooked pasta together, to the couch where we cuddled and watched movies. The lip gloss and hair clips next to the mirror in the bathroom don't help either. The photograph of my mum and father, before she got ill and he left, that I've placed on the mantelpiece reminds me that I have to do what would've made them both proud. 

Mondays comes around and brings me one of the worst shocks I've ever experienced. Me, Sarah, Jenna and Debby are huddled together, my promise to stay distanced forgotten, discussing Sam's disappearance. When suddenly, the the classroom door opens and an almost unrecognisable Sam walks in. Her hair is cropped short, face pale and cleared of any traces of makeup, and wearing a plain white shirt and trousers. Her face is blank, eyes unseeing. Anyone can see that she isn't really there. What happened? It's only until she starts to talk that I realise the woman behind her. Stern and unforgiving, her loud , clear voice fills the classroom. 

"I am very sorry for Samuel's absence these past few days. I'm afraid he wasn't feeling very well. It has also come to my attention that he has been playing silly games like pretending that he's a girl. This is ridiculous and if I hear anything else about it, be certain in that I will personally make sure it comes to an end." 

Silence followed her speech. My eyes widened, taking in her cruel grip on Sam's shoulder, Sam's bowed head. She isn't joking. Oh, she's deadly serious. I try to communicate with her as her supposed mother leaves and the teacher tries to quieten the immediate uproar. But even as she sits next to me, I can't get through to her. 

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uh, hey. 

firstly, sorry this is short. and sorry i seem to be unable to find an alternative for suddenly. 

secondly, sorry i haven't updated for so long. i had some stuff to deal with and i wasn't really in the right mindset to write and be creative. i'll try to go back to my schedule. 

thirdly, thanks for reading, and stay safe. 

lots of love, 

midnight