Reshu

My world had turned upside down. I felt calm yet anxious. My heart was smiling yet their was a strange worry lingering my thoughts. I felt on the earth yet floating in a strange world. For long I felt broken scared judged and suddenly everything seems to fade away. I smiled and my eyes went to people around. Shikha's lips were moving constantly but I didn't know what was she talking. There were few men who were arguing about something. I couldn't understand what made them so agitated. The air around me seemed so good and relaxing. Don't know why they were stressing so much. 

''Reshu , what do you have to say about the quotes'' I felt a voice calling me from far. But I just didn't wanted to  hear anything other than my heart. ''Reshu . I am talking to you'' I blinked and looked around. A half a dozen pair of eyes were staring at me. I felt I was teleported too some other planet from my dream world, shutting my eyes once I opened them again to check if the people disappeared. To my bad luck they all were still there, giving me wired glances. My eyes met Shikha's and she raised a brow giving me a questioning look. ''Sorry, I zoned out'' I realized I was here for a client meeting with Shikha and now I was caught day dreaming. Clearing my throat I faced my clients; ''I guess Shikha has briefed you on our terms and conditions , if you are fine with it, we can go ahead.'' Shikha hid her smile pretending busy with her papers. The client asked us for a day and I took a sigh of relief. 

Shikha bursts into fit of laughter as soon as we stepped out of the premises. ''What partner? Where were lost? Okay let me guess,  you were thinking about yesterday's kiss'' I groaned hiding my face in my palms. I tried sounding irritated but she laughed it out. It was true, Yash never left my mind. His care, his words , the support he lend be in that broken state . I had never shared my pain with anyone before, nit even my parents. I felt light kind of free of all that burdened my heart . For so long I had put up a brave face for the sake of my family. For days I cried in shower covering my mouth. Hobbies, meditation fun I tried ll to distract myself . But nothing helped. Pain of rejection and loss  kept eroding a part of me with every moving second. ''Just forget it. Things happen. It wasn't meant to me'' These were the lines and lessons I had been hearing for days. I know things happen, I know it wasn't meant to be and I should forget it. But how? I bet these suggestion came from the ones who never experienced it. It wasn't just a proposal, it had my emotional attached to it. No one talked or grieved the death of those pure feelings. With moving time I had started building walls around my heart. I wasn't willing to be crumpled again. My desire to be rich was the main reason I worked so hard to be my own boss. I was being rejected for money and I wanted to be richer than him. I knew, he would never know and he didn't care. But it gave me a sense of achievement. I felt like a winner and it was important to feel that way . This was the only way I kept myself sane or I would have been regretting the end of old Reshu. Sometimes when I stare at the mirror , i really don't recognize the face staring back at me. One event ,changed everything. I know he loves me, but the one he loves is no more there. 

***

''Hell with you. Don't you dare call me back'' We were greeted by the Yash's  angry voice coming from his room. Shikha shrugged her shoulders walking to her room. After contemplating for a minute I decided to check with Yash. Pushing the door I took small steps looking around for him. He wasn't present in the room. Moving to the balcony I found him holding the rail with his head hung low. His bulging veins depicted his anger clearly. The one who called must have rubbed him the wrong way. ''Yash , all good'' Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder I asked him in a low voice. For a minute he stood frozen and then faced me with a smile ''How was your meeting'' . I felt hurt, he isn't comfortable sharing his pain. He stood there smiling at me ignoring all my questions. ''You didn't answer my question Resh. How was your meeting'' I smiled in response ''Shikha handed it well. Now answer mine, what made you this angry '' He huffed, rubbed his palm together and turned away. Grabbing his arm I turned him around ''Answer me'' He stared at me and then started laughing leaving me shocked. Frowning I waited for him to drop the mask. He stopped lifting his palms in surrender ''I was just pretending. I saw you two from by balcony and wanted to see if you care'' That was the worst lie I had ever heard. ''Really? Okay just tell me the colour of Shikha's dress'' He thought looked around guessing the answer and them started mentioning all possible colours. With every wrong guess I took an step forward till there was no distance between us. He stared at our close bodies and then lifted his eyes to meet mine ''This can be dangerous for you Resh'' Taking a step closer I challenged; ''Try me'' His features softened , fine lines crinkled at the end of his eyes as a smile covered his lips . His palms cupped my face ;"My Reshu is still there somewhere inside you. You proved it just now'' I forgot all. What he said was true, I had stopped probing or caring what bothered the ones I cared for. I would lend my support as a listener but I never gave suggestions or showed any emotions. Instead when someone looked for emotional support, I ran. But for some strange reason, I couldn't stand him in pain. His pain and worry somewhere awaken a part of me. My hands moved up his chest slowly wrapping them around his neck ''I know this is selfish, but please hold me. It helps'' His arms went around me caressing my head gently . I knew he was successful in distracting me , but for now I am fine. Since , I left in the morning I have missed his arms around me. What I felt was not something passionate, it was pure and blissful. It made me feel alive. With him I feel safe, protected and loved. 

***

It had become a kind of habit for me and Yash to share a cup of coffee before going to bed. We spoke random things. Frankly it was Yash who spoke and I listened. He told me about his experiences in US . His job and work profile. From his words I realised he loved what he did, he looked so enthusiastic talking about it. ''Who called you Yash?'' I know I was being persistent, but I just couldn't get over the thought of someone bothering him. He smiled and placed the cup on the floor; ''Namrata'' That was the first time I was hearing that name. Who could she be? His another ex or some girl stalking him. He understood the questions written on my face ''She was my first Love.'' I felt crushed. Suddenly I hated the girl I had never met. She had the luck of being his first choice while I came as last. Recalling the conversation I could conclude she was still interested in him or there was some unfinished business between them . I had a burning urge to know all and to my surprise he bared it all to me. 

***

''She wants you back?'' It wasn't a statement, it was a query I had indirectly put across him. I was curious if he wanted her back. After all she was his first, his childhood love. He smiled shaking his head ''Doesn't matter what she wants, I don't feel a thing for her. Not even hate, her thought  leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. She is just a lesson life taught me'' Suddenly my muscles relaxed as calmness seeped deep into my body. ''Yash, first love is hard to forget''

he smiled shaking his head, disagreeing with my words ''true love is hard to forget, the one I had with Namrata left me with regret. Sheetal made me feel like a looser. I don't even want to have memories of them. But you..'' My heart picked up ''Even if you reject me Resh, you will live here.'' He placed his palm on his chest over his heart. ''Forever, you brought me back to life. To my parents and myself. You were there in your absence, your words echoed my silence. Your friendship wiped my loneliness. You are my Last Love, the one which will grow in memories , live in smiles and beat with my heart'' I was overwhelmed, so long I felt I wasn't worth any attention. I had lived one rejection every passing second of my life and today his one line washed all what I felt ugly about me . Leaping at him I hugged him tight ''Even if it doesn't work. Promise me that you stay my friend for life'' He took a deep breath ''I promised you that long back. No one can change that, neither you nor me'' My grip tighten, I don't know why but I felt amazingly happy. There in that moment I could see the dark clouds parting slowly and a faint ray of right pouring through them. I wanted to freeze the moment for ever . This was mine , I was the queen here. The most wanted and loved girl. ''Its time for my work, you should sleep'' I didn't wanted to, but I moved back keeping a fake smiled. ''Good night'' I wished him him with a smile and then my lips drooped turning away from him, I wanted him to take an off. To hold my hand and tell me to stay. But he didn't , lifting the cups I deliberately took the slow steps to the door hoping him call me. But he didn't. I felt like a fool, with lightning speed I left his room and walked off to the kitchen to drop the cups in the sink. Suddenly I was very angry. Pulling and chilled water bottle I gulped it down to cool my disappointment. 

''I forgot something'' His voice came as a soother and turned to him with a big smiled. He came closer and stared down at me affectionately .His palm cupped my cheek as his thumb caressed it lovingly. I was expecting him to kiss me. No, I wanted him to kiss me. I closed my eyes when he leaned but felt a faint touch on my forehead ''One day , one thing at a time. I promised to take this slow. I Love you Resh'' He left caressing my face one last time and I stood there frozen at my place with a big smile. I was born again

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