Forward, back, forward, back, I got used to the steady rhythm of the swing set. I was at the park with my dad. He told me I could fly away from the swing set, he told me I could do anything.

   I was enjoying the sun as it set. I felt cold drops on my shoulders, my head, my legs, and felt the droplets of rain descend on our amazing day.

   I dragged my feet on the ground to get off of the swing, but as I looked at my dad, it appeared like he was drifting away from me.

   Whenever I looked down at the ground, it appeared like nothing was moving, if I looked at my dad, he drifted farther.

   Daddy! I screamed in hope he would come back to me.

   Sweetheart, make me proud Espér.

      I cried out for my father but he only drifted farther. Everything started to get blurry and faded into nothingness...

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   I woke up on the plane with a tear rolling down my face. I checked my phone from my pocket. 3:30 am.

   I shook my mom's shoulder telling her I am going to the bathroom and I got a bit of a mumble in return.

   I grabbed my bag and walked down the aisle to go to the bathroom.

   I looked myself in the mirror and dried my tears. I slipped off my shorts to put on more comfortable leggings.

   That's when I saw the scars. I thought I as getting better before my dad died. Then he left us and I relapsed. I wanted something in my life to be in my control.

   I adjusted my shirt because it was messed up after my nap. I brushed my hair and tied it into a braid.

   Zing! I see a notification pop up on my phone from Andy.

   Andy: How are you doing? Over the ocean yet?
Me: Bad dream. Over the ocean. Will call soon.

   I saw those circles that show that the other person is texting. I wait for a minute then they stop.

   In hopes that Andy would text me again, I stay on my phone. I scroll through Instagram, tumblr, Pinterest, but Andy doesn't start again.

   I put everything back in my bag, look at myself in the mirror again, and walk out of the bathroom.

   I sit back down in my seat and accidentally wake my mother.

   Baby are you okay?  She asks me.

   I nod and tell her I just had a nightmare.

   What was it about Espér? I want to tell her but somehow I think she wouldn't understand how that memory made me nostalgic.

   I tell her it was nothing and ask if she wants me to ask my grandparents if they are meeting us at the airport.

   That would be great, thank you Espér. She starts to nod off to sleep again.

   Again I get up, and go to the bathroom, I know it would look strange, me going to the bathroom twice in ten minutes. But since my dad died I don't really care what others think.

   It was forever since I last talked to my grandparents but there number was still in my phone.

   Hello? It was my grandma I believe, because it was a feminine voice.

   I tell her it's me and ask about the airport.

   Yes Espér, I hear a kid's voice in the background, Honey Rosemary wants to talk to you, is that okay?

I say yes and I hear shuffling as she passes the phone.

Espér? Is that you? Is mommy ok? Sweet little Rosemary has the most delicate voice.

I pause for a moment because I haven't seen or talked to my little sister for two years. I tell her that our mother is sleeping and ask how it is over there.

It's ok. You should see how much homework I am going to have in fourth grade! Wait till you meet Tyler!

I ask her who Tyler is, even though I don't plan on staying in the states long, I plan on moving back to Paris after I graduate. I am going to have the future my dad and I planned together.

We talk a little about her school because I'm not sure I want to go back to that plane seat but someone bangs on the door.

I say goodbye to Rosemary and leave the bathroom.

********************************************

When I get back to my seat, I see that it started to rain, reminding me of my dad.

Maybe he will be happy that I am making an effort to be happy.