I smiled just knowing that she would freak out because of my "new fashion choice" as she puts it. I paid at the counter and got some soda with what was left.

   When I skipped to the car, I saw my grandm-other's mouth open in awe.

   What did you do to your hair? Your mother is going to be furious! I thought that my mother wouldn't care either way. My mother had accepted that I was grieving and decided to give me time to do so, but my grandparents hadn't excepted that.

   I needed a change of appearance. Her face just kept getting redder.

   When I was your age, I wore dresses, and stayed the way I was! I didn't listen to obscene and offensive bands! Most importantly, I listened to my parents! For some reason this "listened to my parents" comment made me more furious than ever.

   Parent! One parent! My dad is dead! He is gone! And he is never coming back! Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw him! You have no right to speak on my mother's behalf! She took a deep breath and stayed silent. The rest of the car ride was awkward silence as I was trying to decipher what my grandfather's reaction would be.

********************************************

   I grabbed my phone and walked through the door hoping I would go to my room unnoticed. It didn't work that way.

   Espér? Darling? I heard my mothers voice from upstairs. I wanted her to have an opinion about my hair. I wanted her to care. I wanted her to prove to my grandparents that I was her child.

   Yes? I tiptoed into her room, hoping not to startle her.

   Espér? What did you do to your hair?

   I dyed it. What do you think? I desperately wanted her to care about what I did.

   I like it. Why did you dye it? I wanted to tell her the truth but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

   I needed a change. I tell her with a fake smile that everyone who knows me is accustomed to.

   Espér? Can I talk to you outside? I hear my grandfather say from behind me. I can see his face is also red, but he doesn't want 2 say anything in front of my mother. She nods as if telling me to go so I follow my grandfather into the hall and down the stairs.

   What do you think you are doing? Your no-good father acted the same way when your mother first brought him here. Your father is a disgrace to this family. This hurt even more than what my grandmother said. This horrible excuse for a human being doesn't deserve to talk about my dad or even walk on the ground my father walked on.

   How dare you talk about my father that way! You're not even half the man my father was! You have no right telling me I am wrong! You are not my parent! It was just a split second but I felt a horrible stinging on my face and I realized that he had hit me.

   A single tear rolled down my face as I kept my hand over the place he hit me. I swept open the screen door leading out to the backyard and ran straight to the swing that Rosemary had shown me. I just sat and sobbed, thinking that it was always going to be this horrible. I was destined to lead an unhappy life, that's the way it works.

   I decided that I didn't need to think about that right now. I started a new message with Jasper. I needed something happy right now.

   Me: Hey
   Jasper: Hey, I got a little worried that u didn't txt immediately
   Me: sorry about that. Long story.
   Jasper: I like long stories.

   So I told him everything. Everything about my dad, about my mother, about my hair, about my grandparents, everything. And he understood. That was the best part.

I heard Rosemary's voice calling from the house and told Jasper I had to go. I reluctantly walked back to the house and followed the sound of her voice.

I want to! I want to dye my hair like Espér! I want to dress like Espér! I guess she heard about my change of hair color. I'm also gonna guess that my grandparents aren't taking this well.

I opened the screen door to see my little sister in tears and my grandfather looking furious.

What your sister did was a bad thing, which you will never do! I saw him raising his hand and I knew in that moment that I wasn't going to allow him to do to her what he did to me.

I immediately leaped in front of Rosemary and pushed her behind me, while holding my gaze with my grandfather. We didn't say anything but his glare told me that I would be paying for this later.

Go up to my room, ok? I will meet you up there. She ran up the stairs and I had to make sure she was gone before I started talking.

You are not our parent and you have no right to dictate what we do, if I ever see that again, I will personally see to it that we will never live you again. I shot him another glare before going up the stairs.

Espér, is it ok? Her sweet little voice having to ask if it was ok, broke my heart. Nobody has every stopped him before.

Wait, he has done that before? I suddenly felt this fiery rage that he had hit my sister and i hadn't been here to stop it.

Yes. Not often. Only when I make him mad. I have to be careful. I asked her a bunch of questions about this and wrote the answers down on notebook paper in case I needed to use those against him.

We played with some of Rosemary's toys, I read her some of Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone, and I helped her with some of the over-the-summer homework she has to do.

It didn't occur to me until then that I started school in two weeks. I didn't look forward to that.