I've never been as sexually attracted to someone as I have been to Ava. Prior to Ava I had been with 5 other girls. I've never been with a guy, ever. The 5 other girls I had been with, I've been into. But not like Ava. When we fucked it was...hot. Also passionate and like we really cared about making the other feel good. I wouldn't stop until she came. We fucked for hours when I came back to her house, and I had to cover her mouth multiple times to not be too noisy. And one point after I thought that April would be very proud of me for this.
April was a sexual person. From what she has told me, she lost her virginity when she was 13. That was way younger than any of my siblings. I don't know about my brother, but Katie was 17 and as far as I know, Kylie is still a virgin. And I was 15. From however long I could remember, April always knew how to get attention from men. And women too, actually. I knew she had slept with women too, but I wasn't sure if she was actually bi or experimenting. I don't think she is either.
When I was a freshman in high school, April was a senior. Even as a 14 year old I would hear about the sexual things that my sister had done that had been shared around school. I heard it through the grapevine that she had a threesome senior year. And then another one. And on multiple occasions, I would overheat what a "slut" or "whore" she was. One time, at the end of my freshman year, I got suspended for punching a girl in April's grade in the face for calling her a slut. My mom was furious, but my dad was proud.
Before she went to college, April did not get along with our mom at all. They would fight like cats and dogs. April didn't even want to go to college, but my parents made her. She was nothing like my older brother, Scott, who knew he wanted to be a Doctor since he was young. But why would she be? April was always her own person. Marched to the beat of her own drum. My mom started to realize that more as April was in college, and she started to accept it. Mostly because she was doing well in college grade wise.
I visited April and Katie quite a bit in college, especially last year. April was always wild- the life of the party, hooking up with people and passing out drunk. I knew she smoked weed, but she was clear on the fact that she never did any other drug.
I was surprised- we all were surprised- when she started being so serious with Kenny. April wasn't the type to get serious, especially in college. She had an on and off boyfriend- Mikey Lopez- in high school. But he overdosed right after they graduated and passed away- why she won't do drugs. And also why she barely dated and just got laid. I know Mikey's death fucked her up. She doesn't talk about it much though.
Kenny was so the opposite of April- but she always still seemed like she could be herself with him. He didn't try to suppress who she was. I honestly thought they would get married. And now I knew for a fact they wouldn't. If April knew what was going on between Candace and Kenny, I think she would beat both their asses.
It truly baffled my mind that Candace especially would do this to April. Men are...men. But Candace and April were inseparable. Attached at the hip. And April was such a good fucking friend to Candace. She was always there for her whenever she needed, at the drop of a hat. I've seen her stand up for Candace when Candace couldn't find the balls to. It was baffling my mind that this was happening.
Where did they even live? I was assuming Candace was living with Kenny in his apartment. April didn't deserve this. April didn't deserve half the shit people gave her. People were just jealous because she was pretty, outgoing, and smart. And that sometimes brought out the worst in others- and in turn they tried to ruin April. She's been experiencing it her whole life. I never expected it from her best friend. And neither would she.
I wanted April to come back for every reason in the world- but now I had another reason to add to the list- so she could annihilate Kenny and Candace for what they had done to her.
Whether she was coming back or not was a question in my mind all day, every single day. It was the most gut wrenching thing not even knowing if someone is alive or not. Was I supposed to grieve or hope?
Before April started dating Kenny, no one would've been too alarmed if she had been gone and not come home for a night or two. But now she had someone she was always on constant contact with- and when she didn't contact him is when it started. The panic.
April had work the night she went missing, and she worked usually until around 2- 3 am at the bar she bartended at. She had texted Kenny at 1:20 am that she should be getting out at around 2, and she would come sleep at his place after work. That she just wanted to lay down with him. But she never wound up going to his house. Kenny told my family and authorities that he stayed up all night trying to contact her. But her phone went straight to voicemail. And ringing. Eventually, at 5 am he decided to drive to the bar and see if April was there. Sometimes I think he should've tried sooner. But in the moment I can't imagine how worried sick he was feeling, that can be paralyzing. When he saw that her car was not there, he went into complete panic mode. He had already called Candace during the time before he went to the bar, and she hadn't come home according to Candace.
My mom says it was like a bad dream when she heard her phone ringing non stop at 5:43 AM. And she was entirely alarmed when she saw it was Kenny. She said that she just knew something terrible was happening. She told my dad and they called the cops right away. They had to wait 24 hours to file an official missing persons report because it wasn't "dire". Amira was the one who spoke to my mom.
I was sleeping when all of this was happening. It was a Wednesday. I got up at around 9 am, I had work at 11 that day. I went down to the kitchen to make myself coffee and when I went into the kitchen and saw my mom crying at the counter and my dad next to her just staring down, meaning they stayed home from work, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. And for some reason I just had an inkling it was about April. I didn't know why. But I just did.
"What's wrong?" I asked them, nervous.
My mom looked up at me, her eyes puffy. "Honey, April is missing." she said.
"What?" I asked. Shocked. When my mom said that- it didn't hit me at that exact moment- but that was the worst moment of my life.
"She didn't go back to her apartment or Kenny's after work. And her car is missing." my dad said, not looking at me.
I started to panic. "What do you mean she didn't go back? She's just gone? Let me call her." I took my phone out of my pocket and called her. Straight to voicemail. Panic started to set in even more. And I could feel myself starting to get short of breath. And dizzy.
I must've looked faint because my dad immediately came over to me and led me to a stool at the kitchen counter. "Sit down, Josephine. I don't want you having a panic attack."
"Let me get you some water, take deep breaths." my mom said, going to the cabinet and grabbing a glass.
I hadn't had an awful panic attack since I got out of the mental hospital- when I was 14. But this was just about the closest I had come.
And since that day, we still don't have answers. No fucking answers at all about where she has been. And my life has been a nightmare- except for one thing. Ava. She has been the light. And I will never let that go.