{Delilah}.

It didn't feel right.

It must have been the first time in two months, but it felt like it had been a lifetime longer - though, some things remained the same. Calum still slept on the left side of the bed - me on the right, it was the same mattress, it was the same room, but we were two completely different people now.

I could no longer sleep without the haunting visions of Calum, so close to death, waking me up in the middle of the night, and Calum could barely even touch me - yet another reminder that he no longer loved me.

I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling, my heart beating fast as I struggled to understand what it was that I wanted. Did I want to be alone? Did I want Calum and I to be ok? Did I want to be close to him? Nothing made sense. Nothing at all.

I rolled over onto my side so that my back was to him, an incredible sense of guilt flooding through me for reasons I was unaware of. I waited out of instinct, half expecting his hands to snake around my waist and hold me close to him as we drifted off to sleep. I waited and waited, but he didn't move.

It must have been half an hour of laying in silence, and I wasn't sure if Calum had managed to fall asleep or not. The silence hung in the room, ringing in my ears to the point where I was sure it was driving me insane. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed, resting my head in my hands for a moment, breathing out deeply.

I stood up, my eyes drifting over to a closed-eyed Calum who laid on his back- still too sore to roll onto his sides. I went to reach for a jumper on the dresser, stopping myself once realising it was his. I was cold, but I didn't have the patience to look around for one of mine, so I went without.

I reached the doorway of the bedroom, almost walking out, dismissing the thought that he said something. But I turned around, his head now facing the walls as his fingers interlocked on top of his chest.

"Pardon?" I mumbled out, leaning against the wooden frame, unsure what to say to him.

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" He added on the second question, his words burning me inside out, sounding similar to something he screamed out to me in my dreams.

"I'm just going downstairs, Cal," His name tasting strange on my tongue. "I can't sleep, I need to think."

"I'll come with you," he whispered, his voice tired and husky.

"No, you need to sleep. You still need rest." I told him, refusing to help him downstairs.

"You need rest, too," he added on, his words of care and affection infuriating me. Why did he pretend? Why did he pretend that he still loved me when it was clear that I didn't deserve any? How could he still love me? I wish he would just admit it.

"What?" Calum asked, a confused look plastering on his features.

"Hmm?" I mumbled out questionable.

"Admit what?" I hated myself once I realised I had spoken my thoughts again. It was a dangerous habit of mine, and I needed to stop myself.

"Nevermind," I dismissed him. "Just go back to sleep."

I saw the hurt look cover his face as he watched me leave, and once again, my thought were brought back to that night. Why can't I do anything right? Why did I always have to hurt him?

-

So I've got a plan for this, I just don't know how to write it.

Please read Reckless. When this is completely finished, that will be the main focus. Then hopefully my Luke Fanfic.

Comment goal: 50 ??

I FINISHED SEASON 3B OF TEEN WOLF. STILES IS KILLING ME. I KNOW I HAVE A HEART BECAUSE I CAN FEEL IT BREAKING.

I love you.