I am the boy
called never.

with the squeezing in his chest,
and palms sweaty, like the happy
summer balloons inside him
hurt too much when they
exploded into more dangerous
of fireworks, and my head is
spinning from impact of dirt
and fire and the two don't know
how to fight or who will win but
refuse to give up.
like the radio I undid in my
bedroom that I promised to
share with him december 31st
that is now inside of a plane
that he is not boarding and
running away like a coward.

my tears slipping down like a
river of fears and a
river of refusal, that don't know
how to brawl, and I don't want to
let go but I might need to and I
fear the worst as I'm drowning
in the thoughts and the air is
being strangled out of my lungs
and I can't breathe, I'm so queesy.

I look out the plane window,
trying to find him, even if I
don't see him I know he's
watching and I whisper, "I
love you, nico. . ."