Before the chapter begins I'm just gonna explain what it's about so you guys aren't confused.

I mention a lot in this series what if Lily was still alive?would may and Harry be together?

This chapters is the "what if" Lily didn't die chapter :)

This chapter is gonna be long fyi

See you at the a://n

I hope you enjoy !

28

May POV {junior year of high school}

"First day of junior year. How does it feel?" Adam asks me while leaning against his locker that's next to mine. I hold my books against my chest and shrug my shoulders.

"I feel like shit so." His eyes roll.

"We're this close to graduation. Aren't you happy about that?"

"Yeah but I still haven't had my first kiss, or first boyfriend." I say.

"You'll get there eventually." I laugh and Adam cracks a smile. "Maybe that guy you like will be with you at the end of the year." My eyes narrow at him.

"You're funny."

"How's that funny? Things are unpredictable."

"My life is predicable and I don't get the boy I think is attractive." I tell my friend.

"You don't think he's just attractive. You've had a crush on him since the 7th grade."

"And he's had a girlfriend since the 8th." I reply back.

"They're still together?" I nod.

"He's always over my house talking to Sadie about her, so yeah they're still together. And even if they weren't he wouldn't go for me."

"Why not?" I shake my head.

"Because I'm May, Adam. May doesn't get the cute boys." I say like it's obvious.

"What's Harry's girlfriends name anyways?"

"Lily." I reply.

She's tall, skinny, pretty, has a mature body, she's nice, she looks funny, she's popular, and she's everything I'm not.

I shut my locker. Adam and I begin to walk to our homeroom.

The group of assholes run into us purposely making all my books fall. "Oops." Karen says with laughter. Adam kneels down and helps me.

So does another person.

"Sorry about them." A sweet voice says. I look and see Lily. "Girls can be bitches."

She hands me over my notebook and binder. "You're Sadie's younger sister, right?"

"Y-yeah." I stammer briefly.

"May is it?"

My parents forget my name I'm surprised she didn't.

"Yeah." I say again. I feel like a fucking parrot saying the same word. Lily smiles at me.

"I'm sorry about them, just don't let them get to you, okay?" I bite my lower lip and nod. All three of us stand. "Nice talking to you May."

"Y-you too."

Lily walks away and I look to Adam. "I take back what I said about you and Harry being together at the end of the year. She's too nice."

"Told you." I mutter.

"I was being optimistic." Adam says.

"Wow a big word."

"Fuck off." He nudges me.

***

It's lunch and I'm sitting at my normal spot behind the auditorium. Adam and Ronnie both have 6th period lunch while I have 5th.

Last year they'd sit with me but now I sit alone. I usually watch Netflix the whole period on my phone or do homework I was too lazy to do at home.

"Oh." I hear a voice say. My head looks up and I see Harry. My heart begins to race and my body stiffness.

"I can g-go if you w-want." A smile creeps on his lips.

"No, stay. You were here first." Harry sits against the wall across from me. One of my earbuds are in and my text book is on my lap.

His long legs extend out and he takes out his phone from his back pocket. "You don't seem like the type of person to do homework last minute." Harry says while glancing up at me.

"It's F-French homework." I say. "I-I don't really c-care about that class."

"Hm what teacher do you have?"

"Ms. Parkens." He nods.

"Understandable. I had her last year and hated her too. She gives too much homework for a shitty class." I chuckle. He smiles causing his dimples to spread on his cheeks. "You're Sadie's younger sister, yeah?"

I'm invisible to everyone so I would expect him not to recognise me; even though I seem him everyday at my house.

"Y-yeah." I say. My fingers fidget.

"You guys look nothing alike." Harry observes.

"I know." I say.

"Maybe if her hair wasn't dyed blonde there would be a resemblance." There still wouldn't be one. I look nothing like my sisters.

"Maybe." I answer. My voice turns low and I glance down to my worksheet.

"What song are you listening too?"

"Edge of desire by John Mayer." He smiles.

"You like his music?" I nod. "What's your favourite album?"

"Battle S-Studies, you?"

"Battle Studies or Continuum." I bite my lip. "What's your favourite song by him?"

"I don't have just one." I admit.

"Top three then."

"Assassin, Dreaming w-with a broken h-heart, a-and uh," I pause. "P-Probably Edge of Desire." I would say Neon too but my stutter is annoying me now.

"Nice." Harry runs his hand through his curls. "My girlfriend hates his music. When we're in the car and we're listening to music she always skips him on shuffle."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"Really." He nods. "Terrible right? She likes the worst kind of music. Like she listens to shitty pop music that irritates me." I snicker.

"What kind of p-pop music?"

"I'm not even sure. The artists are so irrelevant I don't remember their names. The only band that she likes that is good is Fleetwood Mac."

"Good band." I compliment. Harry nods with a gentle smile.

"Have you seen John Mayer in concert?"

"No, b-but I'd d-die for tickets." His head rests against the wall behind him. "H-have you?"

"Twice."

"Lucky y-you." A smug smile goes on his pink lips.

He checks his phone and huffs. "I gotta go meet my girlfriend by the library." He stands. "Nice talking to you May."

Before I could say anything he walks away. My heart relaxes and my body rests against the wall behind me.

***

It's been three weeks after Harry and I talked at the spot behind the cafeteria. He still shows up everyday and talks to me.

Sometimes we sit silence and do our own thing.

Other days he talks to me and we have a long conversation.

I'm home currently. It's Thursday. It's almost 6, and I'm cooking myself dinner.

I'm making Mac and cheese. That's the only thing I can make.

I look up and see Harry enter. He smiles warmly and walks to the fridge behind me to grab a water bottle.

"Still haven't done your French homework?" Harry asks while looking over my shoulder and seeing my worksheet on the counter top.

"Y-yeah." I stammer. He chuckles and sips his water. He leans against the counter on the opposite side.

"Do you know how long Sadie is on the phone with Todd for?"

"A-are they arguing?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"A few hours then." I stir the cooking noodles. Harry shrugs and rolls his eyes.

"All they do is argue." He complains. Tell me about it.

"Y-yep." I put my hair into a messy bun. My hands drop to the side of my body.

"The answer to number one is Oui, s'il vous plaît." One of my eyebrows raises at him. "I've been learning French since I was 7." A cocky smile goes on his lips.

"All I know is how to s-say hi." I say honestly. Harry snickers at me and I write whatever he said down.

"Harry?!" I hear Sadie yell from upstairs.

"Nice talking to you." He says with a friendly smile before leaving the kitchen. I soon drain the water and make my dinner.

***

I want to go home.

Today my locker has been spray painted with the word "loser" on it, someone stole my binders, and overall I'm not having a good day.

My legs extend out on the floor and my head rests on the brick wall behind me.

As usual, Harry walks in, sits down, and looks at me.

"Hello." He greets.

"Hi." I mutter lowly.

"You okay?" One of his eyebrow raises.

"Just not having t-the most f-fantastic day." I admit. Harry nods and doesn't push it.

"I like to consider us friends, May." Harry says. My eyes look to him. He slides me his phone and says," So since we're friends put your number in my phone."

"I'd rather not get h-harassed over text b-by your f-friends." I say.

Harry doesn't speak for a moment. "Put your name as April then, if that will make you more comfortable." I bite my lip and slowly type in my number.

I slide his phone back and Harry smiles. My phone vibrates and I pick it up.

908-678-9645: just texting ya so you have my number
Me: okay lol
Harry: :)
Harry: at least I know it wasn't a fake number.
Me: that would've been a good idea, damn.

I look up and see Harry smiling.

Harry: rude
Me: I never said I was nice
Harry: that would be sad / funny if you gave me a different number
Harry: talk about rejection
Me: do you get it a lot?
Harry: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Harry: GOOD ONE
Me: I'll be here all day
Me: I lied a whole 25 minutes
Harry: is that when the period ends?
Me: aren't you bright
Harry: I knew you had some humor to you
Me: "humor"
Harry: .....
Harry: okay then
Harry: igtg meet Lily
Me: ciao
Harry: see ya Monday
Me: Uhuh
Harry: Uhuh

I lock my phone and look up. Harry stands and looks to me with a smile before walking away.

Harry POV

Lily's head rests on my bare chest and he lips kiss my shoulder.

Both our chests are still rising and falling heavily. My fingers lace through her golden brown hair and I kiss her cheek.

My phone buzzes and we both look up. I look at the nightstand my phone is resting on.

April: sorry I woke up late

I next May hi around nine. It's one now.

I grab my phone and Lily looks at me. "Really?" She questions.

"I'm just answering a text babe."

"Who's it from?"

"No one you know." I mumble.

Me: late?
Me: it's 1 pm haha
April: don't judge me

Lily snatches my phone out of my hand and I look at her.

"Who the hell is April?"

"A friend." I reply. "She's no one don't worry."

"We just had sex a minute ago and we can't even cuddle because you're texting someone." Lily says. I sigh and pull her into my chest.

"I'm sorry."

"Uhuh."

I kiss her cheek then her neck. "I love you." I say.

"Love you too."

"Really? Love you too? You couldn't even say I with it?" My eyes look to her.

"I have to say I every time?" I sit up. "We've been together for a few years now Harry. I know you love me and you know I love you. Love you and I love you by now is different for us."

"No it's not." I mutter. Her light green eyes narrow at me. "Love you is a half ass version. It doesn't matter if you're pissed at me because I texted a friend after we had sex or if we've been together for years. You should still say i love you. Since we've been together for years why do we need to cuddle after sex?" I ask. My voice getting defensive.

"Harry-"

I get out of her bed and put on my clothes. "Where are you going?"

"I have shit to do." I put my phone in my pocket. "I'll text you."

"Babe-" I cut her off.

"Bye." I leave her room and shut the door behind me.

~

Once I get home I lay on my bed.

Me: can I ask you something

I change her name back.

May: sure.
Me: is there a different between I love you and love you?
May: yes
Me: so I don't just think that?
May: love you is for like your friends
May: I love you is for the person you love
May: and your parents depending
May: why?
Me: just curious
Me: do you and your boyfriend say it?
May: what boyfriend?
Me: the one by your locker everyday
May: HAHAHAHAHAHA
May: ADAM AHHXIDKWJDIS
Me: what??????
May: he's by best friend
May: who's also gay
Me: ohhhhhhhhhh
Me: I thought you guys were dating
May: no haha
May: I'm not gross to be dating anyone
Me: don't say that
Me: there's someone out there for everyone
May: uhuh
Me: don't Uhuh me
May:uh-
May: uh
Me: ._.
May: ;)

****

It's Monday already. "You haven't returned any of my texts." I look over my shoulder and see Lily. She looks angry.

"I've been busy."

"Doing what?"

"Stuff."

"Harry, I said sorry in person, over text, what else do you want me to do?"

"Nothing." I say honestly. "I forgive you."

"Okay." She lowers her voice. My eyes go on May who's walking with Adam to their homeroom. A smile is on her mouth and she's laughing.

I look back to my girlfriend. She's staring at me. "I love you Harry."

"I love you too." I lean down and kiss her. I walk to my homeroom as she does herself.

May POV

Harry's different this week.

Each day he seems to be sitting more and more close to me. Today he's sitting across from me. A small space is between our knees that are cross crossed.

"Need help with your homework?"

"What g-gave that away?" I ask.

"You've been looking at the same problem for 15 minutes." I chuckle. His head moves closer to mine and he examines the paper.

"Number one is B, two is A, three is D, four is C."

"How do you k-know that?" I ask timidly.

"They give the same worksheets every year." I nod. My teachers only check for completion so if I get them wrong it doesn't matter anyways.

"T-thanks." I stammer.

"Yeah." I look up for a moment and see his eyes lingering in mine. My teeth bite my lower lip harshly.

His head moves in slowly.

My body freezes.

His fingertips brush my hair behind my ears. His touch makes my body have goosebumps.

What's happening?

"Can I kiss you May?" His lips are inches from mine. Now they're centimetres, now it's nothing.

My first kiss happens before me. His lips are soft against mine and his hands soon cup my cheeks. My body is tense and in shock.

We both realise what's happening and we both move away.

Oh fuck.

His green eyes widen. "I just cheated on my girlfriend." He looks away from me. "With you. Oh my god."

I remain silent. I don't know what to say. "Why did I do that?" He's talking to himself. His head goes into his hands. "That didn't happen, okay?" His eyes glare to me. "Okay?" His voice deepens.

What a wonderful first kiss.

"Y-yeah." I stammer. "I g-gotta uh g-go." I stand as well as him.

"I didn't mean to snap, I-" He pauses. "I really love my girlfriend and this was a mistake. It was just in the moment." I nod. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

"T-that was m-my first kiss." I say. His eyebrows furrow then soften.

"No it wasn't."

"I-It was." But I'm really glad that my first kiss was with a guy that regrets it. Go me. This goes into the best memories of high school folder.

"The kiss wasn't bad. It was good." Now he's just trying to make me feel better.

"It w-was probably l-like kissing a fish, it's fine I-"

"No, it wasn't." Harry speaks. His body moves closer to mine then moves back. "What the fuck is wrong with me? I-I just almost made a move again." His hand stressfully runs through his hair.

I remain silent to let him rant. "No offence but I really can't like you like that. Not because you're not popular, or pretty. Because you are pretty. I mean like I love someone else. And I want to be with her. And I shouldn't want to kiss you."

I don't know what to say, so I stay silent. "H-Harry. It's n-nothing. It meant n-nothing, okay? No one w-will know."

"You promise?" I nod. We've been only "hanging out" for a month now. I doubt after this, we will still.

"Thank you." He let's out a deep breath. His eyes meet mine again. I never noticed how green his eyes were until now. From a far they look more grey like. A little closer they look like a pale green, then up close it looks like a bright green.

"We should both go now." I manage to say as my back is against the concrete wall and his body is almost against mine. My heart is pumping quickly.

"Y-yeah we should." His hands grasp my cheeks gently and he moves his head in.

"Harry you're g-going to rant if you going t-to do what you d-don't want to d-do." I say in a low whisper as his lips are brushing my cheek.

"You only live once, right?" His green eyes look into mine before he presses his lips to my mouth. I kiss back and feel his hands grip my waist.

My mind is hazy and my hands are a tad bit shaky. Everything seems so not real.

He pulls away and presses his forehead against mine. "No one will k-know about-" Harry cuts me off.

"You mean something to me, May. More than what I feel." His fingertips stroke my cheeks. "I haven't felt this way about someone since I started dating Lily and that spark faded out. It's bland between us." He admits.

"You guys seemed happy."

"She makes me happy but," His shoulders shrug. "I don't know if it's in the happy I should feel."

"I won't make you happy." I say.

"Over this month you have." Harry says. His fingers still run against my cheek.

We both fall silent. "All of this seems weird." I say in a low whisper.

"I know." I snicker gently and he does too. "I like you May."

"D-do you like me or the t-thought of me?"

"I've already kissed you and been hanging out with you. It's not the thought." We speak in a whisper. "I'm going to break up with Lily."

"Okay." I say.

"We'll work up to dating?" He asks.

"Only if my sister doesn't find out." I say to Harry as his fingers play with mine. "She's your best friend and practically hates me."

"It will be our secret." He smiles gently. His lips peck mine.

A://N

Longest chapter I've written lol

So this is one of the possible things that could've happened if Lily was still alive

Ofc in "real life" may and Harry world where Lily dies ; Lily and Harry were more in love and shit

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter tho

I had to fit a months worth of info in 1 chapter , sorry if everything is a bit rushed :/

I tried to incorporate as much things from Secret as I could

Comment ???

~lauren