May POV

I'm 99.9 percent sure I'm going to regret what I'm doing today.

My fist knocks on the door gently. I soon take a step back.

I hear footsteps walk to the door. I soon see my Uncle behind it. His head tilts and a crooked smile goes on his lips. "O-Oh, hello May."

"Hi." I murmur. "You busy?"

"No. I'm just baby sitting my grandson." I see the little boy walk over to us. He looks two. He waves to me and I wave back.

"I can come back if you'd like." I suggest.

"No, come on in." He opens the door for me to fit. I step inside the warm house.

"Is he uh Henry's son?" I ask. Henry is Nick's oldest son.

"He is." He smiles gently. "Let me put little H down and we'll talk." I nod.

I assume the little boy's name is Henry. He's very cute.

As he walks away holding little H, I look around the house. I don't remember ever being in this here. I assumed the address was on the package was his. My lucky guess was correct.

I remember my Mom would tell me that they (Ellie, Sadie, my Dad, and her) were going over Uncle Nicks house for dinner. I would ask can I go? She'd say you're not welcomed.

Now I know why.

I'm pretty sure my "Aunt" didn't want me over once she found out.

"I assume you got the book?" His voice comments behind me.

"Yeah." I turn around to face him.

"Let's talk in the kitchen. I can make coffee or tea." His voice sounds sad almost.

"Sure." I walk behind him. "Am I allowed to be here?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"I kinda have a feeling your wife doesn't like me." I say while looking at him. Last night I watched all the videos of my young self. There was one when I was sitting at the island with him.

"I don't want to lie to you," Nick says. "When you were younger she doesn't." I stiffen. "It's mostly because you remind her of me and et cetera."

"Did you want to talk later? At a public place? I don't want to intrude on you or-"

"No, you're fine. She's away for work anyways. Plus, it's something we have to do. Please sit." I hesitantly do. "Coffee or tea?"

"Uh," I pause. "Water. I maxed out on my caffeine for the day." I explain shortly.

"You track your caffeine?"

"I read up online that if you're breastfeeding it isn't good to have too much caffeine."

"I didn't know you had another baby." He sits across from me. He gives me a cold water bottle and smiles gently.

"Y-yeah, uh he's only a few weeks old." I speak.

"It's a boy?" I nod.

"His name is Finn." I say.

"Cute name." Nick says.

"Thanks." I say.

Silences falls between us.

"I assume you have questions about everything, yes?"

"Y-yeah. My uh Dad only gave me bits of certain things." I reply. My voice lowers at the word Dad. He wasn't really a father to me.

"As you obviously know your Mom and I you know--anyways, it was a one time thing when we were both mad at our spouses. And that one time ended with conceiving you. She didn't know it was mine at the time. I'm not sure how far along she was but she was maybe 6 months? She was wondering how the times lined up. And the only possible way was with me.

We took a test and all, and you were in fact, mine. I wasn't as excited when I found out, until you were born. My reason was because my wife just got pregnant and I had a son. As selfish as this sounds, I didn't want a kid that wasn't with my wife." My eyes sting. At least he's being honest. "We, your Mom and I, decided it would be best if you stayed with her and John. And no one would know.

Since we're brothers there shouldn't be that much of a difference with how you look. When we decided that your Mom was fine. She didn't care. If she did, that would be a different story. Skipping a head, you were born. By the time I got to the hospital to see you, John already signed his part on your birth certificate as the father. When I looked at you that feeling of me not wanting a kid that's not with my wife didn't really matter anymore.

You looked so peaceful and cute. Your eyes were bright and you were part of me. I told Julie that I don't want the arrangement we agreed on. She yelled at me and said no. John was already excited you were born and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. When you got out of the hospital, a week later or so I visited. I brought a white small bunny for you and whenever I would babysit you, you used always bring it.

Once you were two months, I started baby sitting. Your Mom didn't want to deal with how fussy you were. You'd cry with her. I would too if I were you, honestly. She never really liked to hold you." His eyes look down to his hands. "I-I noticed the uh way she treated you differently. I was just convinced that since this was what was best for you, it was fine. She breastfed for Sadie and Ellie, but not you. She'd always take photos of them, but not you. And the list goes on.

When I'd babysit you never cried. You were fine. I think you just wanted to be held and comforted. You Dad worked when you were that age so he wasn't home. You'd be with me three days a week. And I thought this arrangement was fine, you know? I got to have my daughter and remain a good relationship with everyone.

Of course as you got into your toddler years your Dad started to question some things. One would be your hair. He doesn't have curls, I do, you did. His blue eyes are more dark, yours were light like mine. We had similar smiles, and when ever I'd visit you'd always call me Dada and be by me. I think that was my fault. If you watched the videos I'd let you call me Dada and stuff.

You were 4? 5? I'm not sure. Your Mom finally told John. The next day he came over and told my wife who slapped me and was furious for months. Um, and that was the last time I was able to see you. I'd show up and attempt to visit you but your Dad would slam the door in my face. After a month of that I gave up fully. And, I wish I didn't."

He finishes speaking.

"How was your wife fine with seeing my Mom but not me?" I ask curiously.

"I'm not sure. I think when I told her it was a drunken mistake that made her feel better." He pauses. "Me sleeping with Julie, not that you were."

I nod.

So he knew that I wasn't loved by my Mom.

He knew that she wouldn't care for me as I got older.

"I sent birthday cards to you every year. Did you get those?" I shake my head no. "Your Christmas cards?" I shake my head no again. "Nothing?" I nod. "I used to always give you more money in your check because I felt bad." He admits.

"Good to know." I say.

"I'm sorry May."

"For which part of my life exactly?" I ask. "I'll lay out some options. First, is letting me live with her fully. Another one is being abused--emotionally and physically, uh never getting a Christmas or birthday gift from them. My favorite, is getting into a car accident and being blamed for it. My self hatred is pretty up there on the list. Julie and me getting bullied my whole life is the reason for that if you're curious.

Oh, and not being able to be loved by anyone in my family because I looked like you and not them. So, take your pick for which thing you're sorry for. I can give you more options if you'd like. One of them being how I'm going to have to explain to my son why he has no grandparents on my side because none of them loved me." I speak.

"All of it." Nick says. His eyes fall to his lap. "I was selfish then, a-and I can't fix anything, I know. I was just--selfish."

"You both were." I say. "No offense being aborted would've been better." I say bluntly. "Obviously I'm glad I'm not now. I'm engaged to one of the only people in my life who's cared. And I have a son who look at and feel love. It's an odd feeling, right?" He doesn't respond. His eyes well up. "As you can tell I have very low sympathy for anything. If you did love me you would've done more. When I look into my son's eyes I feel something. He's a part of me that I don't want to let go. I'd do anything for him. You didn't."

"May, I have no excuses." Nick says. "I know this. I-I have no valid reason for not fighting for you. I'll admit that." He says. "I have no reason for not sticking up for you, o-or letting all these bad things happen to you. And I'm truly sorry, May." His eyes look into mine. "I know you won't let me, but I want to be part of your life." I bite my lip.

I remain silent for a long time and play with my half empty water bottle. My mind debates on somethings. "I'll think about it." I mutter. Me thinking about it means sitting down and thinking of good reasons to why he should be in my life. And also having Harry's opinion. That always helps me. Nick's eyes look hopeful.

"Thank you."

"Uhuh." I stand.

"Thank you for coming by. I-I hope you liked the book too. Uh, I'll hear from you soon?" I nod hesitantly. "And May?"

"Yes?" I ask.

"I hope you k-know that I genuinely w-want to get to know you." His eyes meet mine. He smiles warmly. "Drive home safely."

"T-thank you." I murmur.

I head to my car and let out a deep breath.

I put on my seat belt and drive home.

***

I walk into the house. It's quiet, minus Baxter barking at me since someone walked into the house.

I head upstairs and walk into my room. I see both Harry and Finn sleeping on her stomachs. One of their arms are by their face.

My heart warms and a wide smile goes on my face. I pull up Finn's little blanket up to his back and do the same. I kiss both of their foreheads. "I love you both." I whisper.

I leave the room and see Baxter in the hallway. I sit down and he climbs onto my lap. "I love you too." I stroke his fur. He licks my hand and I chuckle.

That didn't go so bad I think.

A://N

hello

long chapter again ah

happy birthday liz :p

comment?

vote?

~lauren