the era harry is in, in the book currently if you're curious ^ ( i love his hair in this photo lol)

80

May POV

I went to the gym this morning.

Shocking, right?

Before I knew I was pregnant I was exercising more and dieting. I'm trying to get back into that routine.

I walk into my room and feel my heart swell. Finn has his small back pressed against Harry's chest. And Harry's arm is protectively around him loosely.

I smile at them widely and slowly grab clothes from my dresser to change into after my shower.

***

It's noon now.

It's raining out currently, like how it's been all week. It makes me sleepy at times. Finn is playing in his play pin with some of his toys. Playing meaning touching stuff and laughing. It's cute and entertaining to watch.

I think my period is coming. Besides my mood swings at times, I feel worse about myself. I'm trying the whole be positive about my body thing, but it's bad hard to start that now.

Today I just feel like a blimp.

"I'm going to make lunch, do you want me to make you something?" Harry asks me while standing up.

"No, I'm good." I say while pulling the sleeves of my hoodie down to cover my hands.

"You only had toast today, are you sure?"

"I'll have a snack later." I tell Harry with a small smile. I look back down at Finn and see he rolled over to his back. I grin.

"You feeling alright?" My fiance asks me.

"Yeah why?" I ask.

"You just seem a little off." His head tilts.

"Just tired." I say while resting my head back. Harry sits beside me and kisses my cheek.

"You can always talk to me." He hums causing me to chuckle.

"I know." I say while looking at him.

"Are you just having one of those days?" Harry asks me.

"Define that." I ask.

"When you feel poopish and bloated."

"Yeah." I say. "But for me it's an everyday thing." I admit. His head tilts.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why do you always have an urge to put yourself down?" My eyes look back to Harry who's voice turned serious but his eyes remain soft.

"I don't know." I say honestly. "I have major self esteem issues. And it doesn't help that Sadie and my Mom called me a fat whale in whatever I wore growing up. Eventually I just starting believing it and it's hard not to look at myself in the mirror and think 'oh I look like an obese whale'."

Harry stands up. "Come with me." My eyebrows furrow. "Finn will be fine. He's in a crib kind of and can't get out."

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Just stand up and follow me." I hesitantly do.

His takes my hand with his as we walk. We end up going into the bathroom. "Take off your clothes." He tells me. "You can keep your bra and underwear on." Harry adds.

"Why?"

"Just do it." His voice is soft. I look away from the mirror as I pull down my leggings. Then I take off my hoodie. I'm soon left in my bra and underwear. "Now, look at yourself in the mirror."

"Harry-"

"May." His voice cuts me off. I turn back around and look at myself. A pit forms in my stomach. "What bothers you when you look at yourself?" Harry asks me.

"Everything." I say honestly.

"Pick one thing."

"My stomach." I say.

"What's the second thing?"

"My thighs."

"Anything else?" Harry asks me.

"My stretch marks and cellulite." I murmur. I remember when I was 12 and I had stretch marks on my sides. I didn't notice them really until I went to grab a cup and Sadie said that only fat people get those.

"You know what I see?"

"W-what?" I stammer. My voice is low.

"A perfectly fine stomach. Yes, it's not flat, but it's healthy and not big. I also see perfectly fine thighs. Yes, you don't have a thigh gap, your thighs touch. But, most women's thighs touch, so it's normal. You know what else most women have? Cellulite and stretch marks." My eyes look away from the mirror.

It's beyond the way I feel under the clothes. In a normal tee shirt I feel insecure. In jeans I feel insecure. Everything I wear makes me cautious.

"Do you get where I'm going at?" Harry asks.

"That what I have is normal."

"Yes." Harry pauses. "May, why can't you look at yourself and think how amazing you look?" I remember being 14 and drawing everywhere on my body with a washable marker where my Mother said I need to work on to be pretty.

My eyes drop to my feet. His arms hug me from behind and he kisses my cheek. "Please forget what Sadie or your Mom said because they're wrong. They're so fucking wrong May. Your body is real and fantastic. And Sadie was just jealous of you."

"Jealous?"

"Yes. Have you seen your curves? Or your butt and boobs? You have an ideal body type May. I love everything about you. It's also proven that women have less thicker skin than men so that's why they get cellulite. And having them doesn't mean you're not beautiful." Harry tells me.

He stands in front of me and cups my cheeks. He kisses my forehead and cheek. "I'm trying not to be negative." I murmur.

"But you're still going to think less of yourself if you keep it bottled up in the inside." His thumb strokes my cheek. "Please start looking at yourself how you should. Which is sexy as anything and beautiful. Since I've first been with you that's all I could think about. I love you and how you look and would never have it any other way. Every girl is beautiful, and that doesn't exclude you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to say sorry. I know if your Mom didn't put this shit into your head you would love yourself and see yourself the way I see you." I bite my lip. "I love you May. And I'm not saying I love just your personality. I love your stomach, I love your thighs, I love the stretch marks and cellulite that you seem to always pick out; I love your smile, I love how incredible amazing you look in the morning and without makeup. I love how you pull off jeans and a sweater; everything about you I fucking love. I hope you know that." My eyes tear up.

His thumbs stroke my cheeks. "Did I mention that I think you're sexy?" I chuckle and he kisses my cheek. "If I didn't, I think you're sexy as hell."

My head presses against his chest. "Start loving yourself for who you are May. You only get one life, don't spend it wishing you could change everything you hate."

"I love you Harry."

"I love you too baby." He kisses me.

A://N

hola

this is officially my only on going book lol

i hope you know that i'm not making May dislike the way she looks because she's a thick and curvy girl. I tried to explain in the chapter why she thinks the way she does

The purpose of putting all of this in the book is because i'm going to write the process of May starting to love her body stuff and more

~lauren

*disclaimer*

Every girl is beautiful. Every body shape and size is beautiful. If you're a size 0, if you're a size, 14, 16, 2 whatever size you're beautiful.

Please do not think I'm body shaming girls who are not thick or curvy. I am not a thin girl and I never was, so it's easier for me to write about a girl with my type of struggles rather than someone who is a size 0-4 or whatever.

I just wanted to add this beside I know how every girl who is a size 12 and up reads my books and I don't want to put anyone down