Capitol and Districts

Although the canteen is busiest in the evenings and the queues at the food counter tend to build up, there is still plenty of space at the table where Katniss's and Gale's families sit. They know me and I know them, the numerous interviews during both Hunger Games made sure of that. Some unfamiliar faces mingle with them, and I would stop if Haymitch's firm hand on my back wasn't holding me back. At the moment, we are still far enough away to turn around without being seen. The residents of 12 haven't noticed me yet. Their heads are bowed to the plates in front of them and some mouths are moving, but the noise of the canteen around us swallows their every word.

"Everything will be okay, I promise," Haymitch whispers in my ear and I furrow my eyebrows angrily for a second before forcing my features into neutrality.

Almost every person at the table looks in our direction when we finally stop. Haymitch must have warned them, because neither of them even purses their lips as their eyes move over Haymitch and linger on me. At least some seconds long. Gale lowers his eyes first and every fiber of his body seems disinterested. His mother Hazelle, on the other hand, seems to want to literally spear me and makes every effort to make her dislike clear to me. Some of the strangers do the same. I'm not mad at them. How could I? How would I react to the woman who sent the children of my neighbors and relatives to their deaths for years? I'm sure I would hate this woman.

Haymitch nods to some of his friends and then sits on the edge of the bench. I follow him in a quick movement and set my tray down across from Primrose, who is the only one who gives me a shy smile. Beside her, Katniss can't do more than grimace before her gray eyes return to her plate and the fork in her hand pushes the food aimlessly from side to side. To my own surprise, she looks more like her mother on her right than I remember from District 12.

The conversation at the table stopped when we arrived and there are a few minutes of silence before the residents resume it, as if they were using the interim silence to survey the terrain. I start to eat while Haymitch leans his head in Gale's direction. A few questions about Command-related topics follow, which I don't know what to do with. Prim tries again to engage Katniss in conversation and every now and then the girl manages to get a few short sentences out of her sister before she turns back into her absent self and picks at her food. I take advantage of the moment to look over the people and meet the dark eyes of an old woman who may be sitting furthest away from me, squeezed between Hazelle's younger children who are playing with each other and running around the table. She doesn't seem to mind. There is something thoughtful in the unknown woman's features. She must be around 70. When she notices that I've caught her staring, her dry lips curl into a small smirk and she turns her head.

"Don't you have any hair?" I suddenly hear a bright voice on my left and turn to the side, startled. One of Hazelle's children, the youngest, approached me hesitantly and stops at the end of the table, right next to Prim. Her round, gray eyes look at me with childlike curiosity. Someone has tied her dark brown hair into a braid with a pink hair tie and when she starts to smile, I see that she is missing a front tooth. She can't be older than five.

The conversations around us stop and I feel Hazelle's and Gale's eyes on my face, but my attention is on the little girl who has overcome her youthful shyness to ask me this question. Does she know who I am? Even if she recognized me from the reaping, she probably wouldn't understand what my presence there meant.

I give the girl a smile and tentatively lean over to her, aware that half of the people present are probably watching me. "I have hair, but I rarely wear it down."

The girl nods as if my answer satisfies her. Now that the barrier has been overcome, she takes a step towards me. "Why?"

I try not to let my hesitation show. Yeah, why, sweetheart? In my head, Haymitch's voice takes on a mocking and amused tone. "Where I come from, you cover your real hair most of the time."

"You're a Capitol, right?" she then asks, taking a closer look at the scarf on my head. There is no reproach in her voice and yet an uncertainty glitters in her big eyes, as if she knows what the others think about the Capitol. As I nod silently, the girl continues. "The others were talking about it before you and Uncle Haymitch came. They say you're not a good person. I don't think you look like a bad person."

I don't have to look at Haymitch to hear him turn his head in Hazelle's direction. "No person is completely good or evil," I try to explain. "There is always a reason why people do what they do."

She nods and smiles slightly. "My brother Vick used my crayons to throw them at his friends. Most of them broke. I still like him."

"And that's how it should be, because he is your brother." I can't stop the heat from rising in my body. We are in the middle of a war and yet the girl somehow seems completely unaffected by it. "Do you have a name?"

"Posy," she says, grinning crookedly. "And you?"

"My name is Effie."

"That's a strange name," Posy admits, tilting her head to the side in question. "Does every Capitol have such strange names?"

Next to me, Haymitch burst out laughing and Prim can't help but giggle. I turn my head in his direction and give him a reproachful look that silences him. But the smile still sticks on his face. "Yes, most of them do," I finally reply and have to suppress a roll of my eyes. Posy doesn't seem to notice. A wide grin graces her lips and she giggles before one of her older siblings tugs on her sleeve, engaging her in another game. She waves at me and then runs after her brother.

The atmosphere at the table gradually begins to relax. Less furtive glances fly my way and a pleasant murmur spreads across the line. I try to exchange a few words with everyone within my reach, but this continues to prove difficult. I can't get more than a name out of most of the faces at the table. I try hard to bring out my old, living self and forget the grudge that lies between me and the residents of District 12. Soon I'm deep in conversation with Prim. Maybe she's too polite to ignore my attempt at small talk, but she addresses my issues without letting on. It's the first time we've exchanged more than a few superficial phrases with each other. During the Hunger Games she always stayed in the background and I never had a reason to spend more time with her than necessary. I'm surprised that she reacts so openly to me, in complete contrast to her neighbors and friends.

Haymitch next to me hardly speaks. As if he were the mirror image of Katniss, he sits over his food with a tired look and tries to block out the world around him. Gale peppers him with stories that he passively endures. I can't tell if the boy notices Haymitch's apathy, but he rattles off sentence after sentence as if he only cared about passing on information. What strikes me, however, are the skeptical looks that some of the residents of 12 throw at Haymitch. Either he doesn't notice them or he's very good at ignoring them. Nonetheless, the message is clear: they don't approve of his association with me. Maybe this even arouses their suspicion. To them it must seem as if the gazelle is standing up for the lion and throwing its own herd under the bus.

Hazelle's dissatisfied exclamation pulls me out of my thoughts. Her flashing gray eyes fixate on Haymitch, who returns her gaze resignedly. I didn't even notice that they started talking. "It's beyond irresponsible that you allow him to come with you," she hisses across the table. "Gale has done too much for your fight for you to simply take him to the front lines."

"If Katniss goes, then I go too, Mom," says Gale annoyed. "I don't have to ask permission from Haymitch or anyone else."

"Do you think I like taking your son to Two, Hazelle? Coin wants him at Katniss's side because people recognize him in the propos. I have no say in those decisions," Haymitch remarks in his typically indifferent voice and shrugs his shoulders while crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't stop him from going to war if that's what he wants."

"I swear on the names of my children that if anything happens to him, I will hold you personally responsible," Hazelle replies, standing up in a stormy motion that sends Posy and her siblings spinning around. Her finger is pointed threateningly in Haymitch's direction. "We've been friends for a long time, Haymitch, and I know you don't make your decisions lightly, but if Gale has even a scratch when he returns, evil will await you in Thirteen."

With those words, Hazelle turns on her heel, whistles to her children, and leaves the dining area with her tray in hand. For a moment I stare after her in amazement, because I've never seen this kind of interaction between anyone and Haymitch. Katniss's gaze becomes even more transparent than it already is. Then the meaning of her words seeps into my brain. My head suddenly turns in Haymitch's direction and behind his figure I see Gale, who sighs to himself and looks down dissatisfied. Haymitch's face is bare of emotion and there is a slight tremor in his fingers, as if he was on the verge of losing control of his controlled façade.

"You're going to District Two?" I ask, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

Haymitch flinches at my words as if he had completely forgotten my presence. His gray eyes meet mine and the first thing that comes to my mind is our kiss this morning. This moment seems like an infinitely long time ago. Exhaustion spreads across Haymitch's features. Then he nods his head slightly. "Two is the only District still on the side of the Capitol. We must first break the resistance there before we can move our forces to the Capitol."

I stare at Haymitch, unable to ignore the sudden heartbreak in my chest that his words cause. How easily they pass his lips. As if he didn't care that he is delegating a war. It's one of the moments when I'm particularly struck by our different backgrounds: when he carelessly talks about razing my home to the ground. Not that he ever said it so directly, although I know he would if he could. I understand him on some level. But from my perspective, there is so much more than the oppression and Hunger Games that the Capitol represents. So many memories in my head that I can't and won't just ignore because it's my proof that not everything from the Capitol is bad.

"When are you leaving?" I hear my voice ask, but it sounds strangely distorted. Distant. As if every spark of life left my body, leaving behind a mechanical shell of myself.

Despite his obvious exhaustion, he seems to sense the shift in the atmosphere. His hand touches my arm for a second, but when he remembers where we are and who is watching us, he drops it. "Tonight."

"And when were you going to tell me about it?" My stomach tightens and I struggle to keep my food down. Like a sponge that contracts to escape the water.

"We just found out," Haymitch explains, rising from his seat. "Let's talk about this somewhere else." He nods to Gale one last time before giving Katniss a searching look. To my surprise, she returns it with a determined twinkle in her gray eyes. I follow Haymitch as he makes his way to the conveyor belt where the empty trays are dropped off. Only when we left the canteen behind us does he open his lips, which he had previously pressed together into a thin line. "Katniss wants to go to Two to join in the fighting. Of course she'll not be used directly at the frontline. Coin wants more propo-material to unite the Districts in their final march against the Capitol. Gale said it quite well: If Katniss goes, then I go too."

I understand him, I really do, but it doesn't help lighten my mood. I've only just been able to establish a feeling of security, of routine, but Haymitch's absence shatters all of that. Suddenly the air around us feels stuffy and hot. "What about you? Are you staying away from the frontlines too?"

"Don't worry, sweetheart, we'll stay a safe distance from any fighting," Haymitch says, reaching for my hand. I let him interlace his fingers with mine and ignore the voice in my head telling me to enjoy this moment together because it could be one of our last. Instead, I push the thought away. I'm not ready to think about things like that yet. And yet I can't stop the fear that eats its way through my veins.

oOo

I stand with my back to the wall and watch Haymitch, who runs frantically through our small room and throws clothes around. It's a strange way to pack your bag, but I'm not in the mood to question his methods right now. As he disappears into the bathroom, I allow myself to close my eyes. My fingers ball into fists almost automatically and I press them against the cool wall behind me.

Everything will be fine. I've been trying to tell myself that all the time. Since my rescue from the Capitol, a few metal walls have been all that separated us. Seeing him leave now gives me a sick, uneasy feeling in my stomach. Like a dark premonition just waiting to come true. Soon there will be miles between us again. No matter what happens, I won't be able to be there in time. In my mind's eye I see my cell in the Capitol, lying on the cold floor, careful not to move as much as possible, but still wondering, given all the senseless pain, what Haymitch is doing on the other side of the country. I'm afraid of repeating the old habits, even if the still rational part of my brain wants to make it clear to me that things won't be the same again.

This time it's different. He will return and everything will be as it is now. I want to believe it, that voice, I really do. But it can't stop the fear and given the circumstances, fear is the most powerful feeling in my body right now. He will be unharmed. He promised you.

"Effie?" Haymitch's voice makes me jump and I flinch. Our eyes meet and he has bridged the distance between us in a few seconds. "It's time for me to go."

I nod slowly, unable to muster any other response. If our kiss seemed like infinity earlier, now it's thousands of light years away. As if the kiss only took place in a parallel universe. I avoid asking questions like When are you coming back? or Why do you of all people have to go? because Haymitch has no answer to the first and the second would be unfair to Katniss. She deserves to be accompanied and if I were in his shoes, I would make the same decision.

"Don't do something stupid, got that?" Haymitch says and I almost automatically roll my eyes, which elicits a grin from him. But I don't feel like laughing as I lean towards him to press my lips to his.

Haymitch opens his arms and in the next moment my fingers are clawing into his hair. My sudden attachment is reflected in the kiss. Our lips slide slowly, carefully over each other and I try hard to forget the reason why. I focus on Haymitch's hot breath hitting my skin and seeming to set it on fire. His hands slide to my hips, and I feel him losing control of his composure as he pushes me against the wall. I should break away and let him go, but he doesn't have the strength to break away from me either. My heart manages to push the cold back from my chest as an almost burning warmth takes its place.

A harsh gasp escapes Haymitch's throat and he pulls away from me, barely moving back an inch. Our faces are so close that the tips of our noses touch. My fingers run through his blond hair, down to his cheek and I suppress a sigh as I try to memorize all his face. The prickly, blond-gray stubble, the amused smile on his lips, the bright, silver eyes.

"You're a good kisser, Trinket. You always have been," Haymitch says, his grin growing. "I'm looking forward to more when I get back."

A small smile creeps onto my face. "Then you better hurry up. I won't wait forever."

Haymitch raises his eyebrows in merriment, letting me know that my empty threat doesn't impress him. The spark in his eyes is the only sign as he pecks my lips one last time. Very briefly and yet an electric shiver runs down my spine.

"Don't do something stupid." It's all Haymitch says before he pulls away from me, tucks a strand of blonde hair behind my ear and walks out the door with his bag.

oOo

Haymitch has been gone for almost two weeks. The mission in District 2 is more complicated than initially thought. They don't tell me anything more. Every day seems to consume me a little more. Johanna notices it. Finnick notices it too. They don't want to let me see Peeta without Haymitch's supervision. Somehow I manage to maintain a basic routine. Work, spend the day with Johanna, sleep.

"I miss fish," Finnick groans resignedly next to me and lowers his fork. "My God, what I would give for a fresh, salty fish ..."

Beside him, Annie nods wistfully as she looks down at the food on her tray. We retreated to the farthest corner of the canteen so that the noise wouldn't bother her so much. She finds it difficult to calm down in the midst of so many people, but she has no choice but to eat here if she doesn't want to be sent back to the infirmary.

"You two are spoiled brats," says Johanna, rolling her eyes as she stuffs the last of her mashed potatoes into her mouth. Unlike Annie, she doesn't have permission to eat food from the canteen, so she simply brought her tray over from the infirmary. Doing so, she provoked a huge argument with one of the guards, but they finally let her through because she threatened to complain about him directly to Coin. "Go back to your privileged District if you miss it so much. You can stop by Snow on the way and tell him that you're terribly sorry about the whole rebellion and that you'd rather give up your freedom as long as there's good fish for dinner."

"Johanna," I say indignantly and I hit her lightly on the back of her hand with my fingers. "A little more respect would do you good."

"Stop acting like my mother," is all the young victor says in response.

"The withdrawal doesn't seem to be doing you any good," Finnick remarks, looking at Johanna over the rim of his cup. A mischievous grin plays on his lips.

"Shut up," Johanna replies and furrows her eyebrows in a displeased manner. After a short silence, she sighs loudly and continues her tirade, which we must listen to since she stopped taking the morphine. "Those damn doctors. My whole body hurts like shit, but no one cares. If that crazy doctor tells me again that my body will heal on its own, I swear, I will ram the nearest thing I find into her skull."

"It's better not to say something like that in front of the security staff, otherwise they'll send you straight to the mental hospital," whispers Annie, fixing her sea-green eyes on a spot behind Johanna. "It happened to a wounded soldier from Six after he was hit by a grenade and lost his legs." She giggles and then looks down at her half-empty tray.

Finnick reaches for her hand and squeezes her fingers in a soothing gesture. "Maybe you should just talk to your doctor again, Jo." The words aren't addressed to Annie, but the sound of his voice seems to bring her back to the present. She nods her head and gives Johanna an encouraging smile.

"I've already tried that, but she's too stubborn," I explain to Finnick and sigh. "It's like before. No matter what I tell her, she does the exact opposite and then teases me about it just to drive me crazy."

"I'm glad that some habits never change," says Finnick, grinning. He has let his blond hair grow and now it falls just above his ears. "Not everything in the past was bad. If I'm honest, I've enjoyed the Capitol season at times. Not because of the Games, of course, but because of all of you. And if I say that, it will mean something."

Johanna gives a snort. "Then you're just as stupid as Trinket. I hated every second of this goddamn city, rightly so in my opinion. We could all be the best of friends, but nothing will change that."

Finnick shrugs, but doesn't let Johanna sway him as he continues. "Sure, most of the time in the Capitol was bad, but there were also good moments. Our last evening before the Quell, for example. It was fun to fool around and forget about reality for a while. I hope we keep these meetings going when the war is over." He winks in my direction and I smile at the thought of the game he and I played that evening. It seems like forever ago. How much time has passed since then? Five months? Six maybe? In 13 I find it hard to keep track of time.

"Forget about reality," Johanna imitates and laughs a cold, unhappy laugh. She lifts her eyes from the table and glares at Finnick. The open anger in her eyes should surprise me because she and Finnick are actually on good terms, but the withdrawal from her drug doesn't make it easy for her. "Do you actually realize what kind of bullshit you're talking?"

Finnick opens his mouth to return something when the screens in the canteen zip to life. The people at the neighboring tables turn their heads and we too fall silent in the ensuing discussion. The image flickers black for a second, then Katniss appears. Murmurs erupt around us. I feel my stomach clench in surprise.

Katniss stands in a square surrounded by tall, bright lights. I only recognize District 2 because I've been there before on the Victory Tour and the Justice Building has unique architecture that fascinated me. Behind Katniss, the train station glows with the same neon light that tries to eradicate the darkness from every corner of the square. Katniss is wearing her black uniform, custom-made by Cinna, with her bow in her hands. Even though the light shines down on her, her focused eyes appear dark as she fixes the camera and stares directly into our faces.

"To all the people of District Two, this is Katniss Everdeen. I speak to you from the stairs of your Justice Building, where ..." Katniss is interrupted by the loud, metallic screech of two trains pulling into the station at that moment. The girl turns around and the cameras zoom in on the people jumping out of the doors. They are armed and wave their guns back and forth. As if they wanted to make sure they were seen. A cloud of smoke follows the trains. One of the wagons has caught fire, forcing the wounded to advance further into the square. Was that part of the rebels' plan? I can only hope Haymitch isn't behind the cameras somewhere. The thought of him being within range of their bullets makes my fingers tremble.

People take cover and at the same moment rebel soldiers step out of the shadows into the open and gather around Katniss, who silently and stiffly looks at the people, an anguish in her eyes, as if she pitied them. A second later, bullets are fired from somewhere and the people around me flinch. No one can say whether one of the rebels or someone from the train fired. The lights go out. Screams of pain and moans are transmitted straight to the canteen and I feel sick. As a wounded man staggers out of the train station and collapses, Katniss suddenly stirs. The anguish on her face has given way to determination and she shoots forward.

"Stop! Don't shoot!" Her voice echoes across the square and she storms towards the man. "Stop!" Katniss crouches down next to the man to help him up when he suddenly falls to his knees and pulls out his rifle. The barrel of his gun is aimed directly at Katniss's head. The girl suddenly stops in her tracks and looks genuinely astonished.

Chaos breaks out in the canteen. People are talking loudly at one another and some are standing up from their seats. "That's what you get for your instinct to help," says Johanna, but her voice is thin and hoarse.

Next to me, Finnick pulls Annie into a reassuring hug and exchanges a worried look with me. His deep green eyes sparkle with concern as we stare intently at the screen. The tremor in my fingers has turned into an unpleasant tingling sensation and is spreading to my arms.

Katniss takes a few steps backwards and raises her bow placatingly, but then remains in place as if she were frozen. "Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you," the man murmurs so quietly that Katniss's microphone barely catches it. He has an injury to his face and blood is running down his cheek.

Katniss hesitates for a second, as if considering. "I can't," she finally admits, and the rushing chaos around us quiets down as quickly as it flared up. The man seems equally confused by her statement, as his face contorts into a pained grimace of astonishment. The nagging spark of compassion that briefly disappeared from Katniss's gray eyes forces its way back into her face. "I can't. I guess that's the problem, isn't it? We blew up your mine. You burned my District to the ground. We have every reason to want to kill each other. So do it. Make the Capitol happy. I've had enough of killing their slaves for them." Katniss lowers her bow, letting it fall to the ground and kicking it out of her reach with her boots.

Johanna giggles. "The Mockingjay has guts, you have to give her that."

"I'm not their slave," the man says, furrowing his eyebrows. For a moment his gaze moves from Katniss to the rebel soldiers who have now set their sights on him. If he were to pull the trigger, he would be pierced by a hail of bullets within seconds.

"I am," Katniss replies in a calm voice. In moments like these she is almost unrecognizable. "That's why I killed Cato ... and he killed Thresh ... and he killed Clove ... who tried to kill me. It goes around and around and who wins? Not us. Not the Districts. Always the Capitol. Always Snow. But I'm tired of being a character in their Games."

Always the Capitol. I'm glad that people are all staring transfixed at the screens. When I stare into Katniss's face, I feel a guilt that I have been aware of and ignored for far too long. How can I be a good person after everything I did for the Hunger Games? Maybe I deserve punishment for this.

"When I saw the mountain collapse this evening, I thought ... that they did it again. Again they made me kill you – the people of the Districts. But why did I do it? District 12 and District 2 have no dispute with each other – other than the one the Capitol has forced upon us." Katniss drops to her knees in front of the man to speak to him at eye level. "And why are you fighting the rebels on the rooftops? Against Lyme, who was your victor? Against people who were your neighbors, maybe even relatives?"

"I don't know ," the man finally admits, but doesn't move as Katniss stands up again and turns her back on him.

The cameras follow Katniss's gaze, which is focused on the rooftops of the Justice Building. The camera sways past the entrance to the building. Apart from the soldiers and the camera crew, no one can be seen. Breathing immediately becomes a little easier for me. "And you up there?" Her question is directed at the rebels who are crouching on the roof with their machine guns, waiting for their signal. "I come from a mining town. Since when do miners condemn other miners to such deaths and then stand ready to kill those who can free themselves from the rubble?"

Katniss points to the people gathered around the wounded man, looking just as bad, if not worse. "These people are not your enemy!" Then she turns back to the man who still has his rifle pointed at her. "The rebels are not your enemy! We all have only one enemy, and that is the Capitol! Now we have a unique chance to put an end to its power, but to do that we need every single person in the Districts!" Katniss reaches out to the man and a glimmer of hope shines in her eyes. "Please! Join us!"

The quiet after her speech is so loud that even the silence of the people in the canteen seems to scream. As if the whole world was screaming. Katniss turns to the side, her eyes glued to one of the screens that is playing the same image we are currently seeing. The man lowers his rifle, conflict reflected on his burnt features. Then a shot rings out from the crowd, too far into the darkness to make out its exact origin. A second later, Katniss is thrown backwards and falls lifelessly to the ground.

The scream that erupts from my throat seems to come from both Johanna and Finnick. We jump up as the rebels start shooting. The camera moves frantically backwards. The hail of bullets is the last thing we hear before the connection is cut. Then the screen goes black.

"Holy shit," Johanna curses and throws her tray off the table.

Annie starts crying. Her body shakes and trembles and Finnick nods at us, his eyes wide with fear, before he puts an arm around her and quickly leaves the canteen. A numbness has taken control of my body, the tingling in my arms has disappeared. I feel absolutely nothing. As if someone had wrapped me in cotton wool and turned down the speed of time. I turn my head in Johanna's direction, but it seems to take an eternity for the movement to be completed. My legs move away from the bench we were just sitting on, but every muscle-stroke stretches as if I were old and frail. The heartbeat in my chest becomes louder and beats in my throat, like a drum it sounds in a hectic rhythm and seems to block out all other noises around me. The screaming of the people around us. Their crying. Johanna's curses.

"Holy shit."

-

Happy new year!

I'm back with a new chapter. First of all: Some passages at the end that are spoken by Katniss are taken from Mockingjay and therefore are not my work. I didn't translate it exactly like in the book, but just so you know. All the praise goes to the holy, incorrigible Suzanne Collins. Amen.

Let's continue! Haymitch goes to District 2. In the book he even stays in 13, but I've had this scenario in my head for a long time. Will he come back safely? Will Hazelle rip his head off for putting Gale in danger? xD Finnick and Annie make their first appearance yay! I'm happy to have Finnick back, even though he doesn't appear much in this chapter. I just love him so much as a character.

Let me know your thoughts about this chapter! See you next week.

Skyllen