On the Surface

"Well, what brings you here, sweetheart?"

I'm so deep in thought that I didn't even realize he was there. I turn around, startled. How long has he been standing in the doorway? Haymitch just stands there with a hint of a grin on his face and a bottle of wine in his hand. His blond hair falls slightly over his forehead. He doesn't even bother to strike it off.

Suddenly my nightgown seems far too revealing. How thankful I am that I didn't take my makeup off! Without giving him an answer, I stand up and want to slip past him when he starts to study me. "You're little, how cute," he remarks, and laughs amused. "How's the air down there?"

I glare at him angrily, but he doesn't seem to mind. I flee abruptly from the compartment but call to him over my shoulder: " You better make sure you're not drunk out of your mind until dawn!"

I know he heard it, but he's not responding. He hasn't been sober for very long, but anyone could have guessed that was going to happen. However, my behavior wasn't really appropriate. As soon as I reach my room, I lock the door behind me. I silently take off my wig. It's attached to my hair with lots of little pins. So it takes me a while to completely remove them. I unbraid my real hair and a moment later it falls in soft, blonde curls over my shoulders and onto my chest. Then I take care of my face. Luckily, it's a lot easier to remove the layers of makeup.

A strange woman looks at me from the mirror. Without all the make-up, the fake, put-on smile and the artificial hair, I seem like a completely different person. That's how I feel too. Not on my worst day can I imagine setting foot on the street like that. Only now can I see the different emotions that are reflected in my eyes because they were previously suppressed by all the make-up. My feelings are like a secret that I protect with makeup. After all, I'm the only one who ever sees me like this.

Tired, I turn off the light and try to crawl into bed in the dark. Not easy. Luckily, the moon gives some light, so that I finally make it to the bed and gratefully close my eyes.

oOo

Today is the Opening Ceremony. A special moment, especially for the Capitols, to see their favorites from many years. I started the day with mixed feelings and am now fully dressed at the table in the Training Center. Katniss and Peeta were placed in the hands of their prep teams as soon as we arrived. Haymitch didn't show up. He's probably sleeping off his hangover right now.

Recalling our strange encounter on the train last night, I lean over my folder, sighing and shaking my head. There, I have listed all the important sponsors that Haymitch and I will canvass in the days of the Hunger Games. Some of them already supported us last year, others are new. A glance at the clock tells me that it's about time for lunch. I'm not sure if I should wake Haymitch or leave him alone. Ultimately, I decide to do the former.

I stop at Haymitch's door and knock. No reaction. So I tap again, harder this time. "Haymitch?" Then, finally, I hear a grumble from his bedroom. "It's already around noon," I try to explain to him. "I thought maybe you'd like to eat something?" Somehow it seems wrong to be standing here in front of his door and asking him for lunch.

When he actually opens the door, I'm a bit surprised. Haymitch can't have gotten much sleep as the dark circles beneath his eyes are clearly visible in contrast to his fair skin. His gray eyes are drenched in a haze, which tells me the alcohol hasn't completely left his body. However, he doesn't look angry, which I take as a good omen. Our eyes meet for a moment and his mask begins to crumble as I see the pain in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" My voice sounds too pitiful and I can tell from his reaction that he doesn't want to be felt for. But I don't pity him at all. Or do I?

"I'll be right there, give me five minutes," he simply says and closes the door in my face. As always, his behavior leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm not used to anything else.

"A few manners wouldn't hurt you," I call out indignantly against the door and return to the living room.

After a quarter of an hour he is fully clothed on the mat. His hair isn't combed, but at least he's put on a new shirt. We have lunch served in silence. As I eat, I lean over the folder and continue to study the sponsors. I don't have to look up to know that Haymitch is totally absorbed in his food.

At some point, the table has been cleared for a long time, I slowly lose interest and I just can't see the sponsors anymore. I slam the folder shut with a thud, causing Haymitch to turn his head from his drink and look at me across the table in wonder. I don't want to talk to him, so I ignore him and pull out my notepad. To be honest, I'm amazed he's still sitting here at the table. He can just as well devote himself to the drink in his room. I open the pad and look at the few sketches that adorn the first few pages. They're not really pretty, but they help distract me. For a while, I scribble absent-mindedly on a new page.

Until Haymitch suddenly laughs. I flinch and look up in surprise. Our eyes meet. His expression has brightened to an amused expression and his pupils are fixed on my face. I raise an eyebrow questioningly. He's laughing so hard it takes him a minute to pull himself together to answer me. "You're actually chewing on your pencil," he now says. His grin stretches from ear to ear.

A blush suddenly shoots up into my cheeks, which - thanks to my make-up - fortunately he can't see. Then I look down at the pencil and realize he's right. I didn't even notice it, but there are very clear teeth marks on the shaft. How embarrassing! My mother would be extremely annoyed by my behavior. And then Haymitch caught me doing it too. Haymitch, of all people, whom I've snapped at more than once for his manners in the past.

I raise my head and try to look unperturbed. He must have seen the shame in my eyes because now he doesn't seem like he's making fun of me. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I won't tell anyone," he says forgivingly and smiles a crooked smile. Why is he smiling at all? He used to ignore me most of the times. It changed with last year. But this year, it's worse. Or better. However you put it.

I shake my head and let out a disbelieving snort before my lips curl into a small smile. The movement stops me and I force myself to move my facial features back to neutral. Haymitch and I shouldn't be grinning at each other, we should be doing our jobs. A dark memory surges into my mind at this moment, but I don't give it a chance to surface. In addition, my reaction has nothing in common with a professional way of working. My mother would probably bitterly shake her head at the sight of me.

I can't tell what Haymitch sees in my eyes as I gather my things, excuse myself, and then flee the living room. The expression in his gray eyes alone, which suddenly seems more thoughtful and serious than before, is an indication that the situation reminds him of something that happened a long time ago. It reminds me, too.

Arriving in the bedroom, I want to place the notebook on my bedside table in an orderly fashion when the drawing catches my eye. It feels like my blood freezes in my veins. As if struck by lightning, I stop moving and stare at the face of a girl. She can't be more than thirteen. Her eyes stare at me in fear and her hair falls in messy curls over her shoulders.

It takes me a moment to recognize her, but when my brain realizes who she is, I let out a startled sound. I let go of the pad as if I've burned myself.

It's the 12-year-old girl I reaped three years ago as the female tribute for District 12.

She was dead the first day. Twelve years old. A whole life ahead. Innocent. Dead.

And it's my fault.

oOo

The sun is just setting behind the Capitol buildings when Haymitch trudges out of his room. He is wearing a black suit and his hair is combed. I sigh in relief, we're already way too late. "You're too late," I snap at him. My words sound sharper than intended. I clench my fists to keep them from shaking. The shock not fully processed hours later.

I am wearing a knee-length dress that is dyed in several shades of red and has some ruffles on the short arms. My golden wig, which I combined with golden shoes, fits perfectly.

"I'm ready now," says Haymitch. The request in his voice is unmistakable. We go to the elevator together. The silence between us isn't necessarily bad. It gives me enough time to sort my thoughts.

It doesn't take long before we reach the neighboring renewal studio. Still, we're late. Peeta and Katniss have already taken their places, so they don't see us anymore. Capitol sentiment seems to have bottomed out. Many of them sob and let their emotions run wild. Even in the Capitol there are people who don't support the fact that the victors have to go back into the arena.

There's still a silence between Haymitch and I that's starting to get uncomfortable. I'll take my chance to start a conversation. "Some people in the Capitol don't seem to like the fact that the victors have to go back to the arena," I try to mention casually, but I catch his reaction from the corner of my eyes.

Haymitch makes a face like I said something rash. "As soon as the gong rings and the Games start, they'll all forget about it anyway," he replies in disgust, crossing his arms in front of his chest. It's no secret what Haymitch thinks of the Capitol and its residents. Not me, I would have liked to reply, but remain silent.

That's when District 12's car pulls up. Katniss is sporting the same hairstyle she wore to the Reaping last year. But this time her face is completely covered in make-up. The highlight, however, is her raven black dress, which seems to be on fire. Peeta is wearing a suit but is styled to match her. They look serious and don't face the crowds.

"They look fantastic," I whisper in awe. They look dangerous.

When they reach the central square, we set off to be able to await them in time.

"Effie!" a voice behind us suddenly warbles. I probably would have recognized it anywhere.

"Octavius," I blurt out and my accent mixes back into my voice. We fall into each other's arms. "How long has it been?"

Octavius, an old school friend of mine and the son of an acquaintance of my father, smiles warmly at me. His hair is dyed dark blonde - his real hair color is brown - and he wears a matching suit, but cut quite revealingly. "I have no idea," he purrs and thinks. "Much too long anyway!"

We briefly exchange trivia, and he tells me that he's the new escort of District 6. Since we're both here for our tributes, we don't have much time for small talk. When I turn to Haymitch shortly afterwards, he has disappeared. I look around the ground floor and spot him on the other side of the hall. Standing alongside him are his longtime friend Chaff, his partner Seeder, and Katniss and Peeta.

I approach them and notice how carefree they all are with one another. Seeder hugs Katniss, Chaff kisses her on the mouth, then turns to Haymitch, laughing. His booming laughter can be heard throughout the ground floor. Typical. I can't help but smile because he did the same thing to me back then. The victors are all in high spirits without thinking of rules or any politeness. It's amazing how natural it suddenly seems to me. Just because I've known them for so long.

I was just about to run to them when I realize that maybe I should let Haymitch have this little reunion. I think it's best if I leave them alone so they can share freely.

I remember Finnick. He's not with the group, so he has to be walking around here somewhere. I discover him without further ado with his escort Lillian. I don't like her much, she's aloof and arrogant, but Finnick knows how to keep her in check. I wave at him to get his attention. When he spots me in the crowd, his expression relaxes of its own accord.

"Effie!" He sounds relieved. With a half grin he falls into my arms and I have trouble not falling over backwards. I smile to myself. Even in heels, the boy is taller than me. His blond hair curls around his ears and he wears a shirtless fisherman's outfit, in keeping with the style of his district.

"What a day," I mumble distractedly as I pull away from him. I give Lillian a look, which she returns with a touch of annoyance. She whispers an apology and disappears. Once we're alone, we drop the facade. "I can not believe it. That can't be a coincidence, can it?"

Finnick shakes his head absentmindedly and his eyes scan the crowd unfocused. "Of course," he replies frankly. "They have us where they want us. Eliminated all potential threats in one go. Really smart but incredible. But predictable after the recent events."

I swallow and lean back to look at his green eyes. I tie my hand to his arm, and we walk a little. In Finnick's presence it's so easy to take my mask off the ever-cheerful Effie. "Recent events?"

"You shouldn't know about this," he declares firmly, scratching the back of his head. I can see that he's having a hard time not telling me about it. "Haymitch will kill me if I tell you the truth. Ever since the last Games, he sees everything as a potential threat." Finnick and I have always been able to talk openly. I'm grateful to him because I never learn anything from Haymitch.

I'm new to Haymitch caring about anything at all, but I remember our conversation behind the justice building and I get what he's trying to say. "I won't tell him anything."

Finnick sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "There are riots. Not in Four yet, but it's talked about. Speculations."

So I was right. Not in Four yet. As if Finnick was waiting for them to expand. "That's awful." And it's really awful. But completely pointless.

Something flashes in his eyes. After a moment of silence, he clears his throat. "Yeah ..."

"How's Annie?" I finally ask, unable to get the images of District 4's Reaping out of my head. I know what she means to him. Haymitch and I saw how hard he fought to get her out of the arena alive. We could imagine the rest.

"She's alright." That would probably end the topic. I understand Finnick he needs time. I pat his arm again before excusing myself. Bitterly, I push my way through the crowd of victors, mentors, and prep teams, almost running to the elevators before anyone else decides to chat with me.

After the door closes behind me, I realize how amazed I really am. Riots. What does this mean for us? But I know the others will be coming for dinner soon, so I don't let my feelings get the best of me. I'm about to disappear into the dining room when another elevator door opens. I freeze at the sight of Haymitch. Did he follow me? Did he overhear the conversation with Finnick ? I can hardly hide my surprise.

"Where are you going?" he asks me, raising his eyebrows slightly. The movement makes him look silly.

I just stare at him for a moment. When I realize that he's waiting for an answer, I have to think of something first. I won't tell him the truth. After all, my feelings and thoughts are none of his business. I decide to brush him off. "I wanted to avoid being crammed into a small space with ten other people. Especially when I have to drive the longest," I say. I know he won't reply to that as it's a typical Capitol response. And Haymitch hates the Capitol.

We're both silent for a moment, just looking at each other. Haymitch leans against the railing next to the elevators, arms crossed, examining me. His eyes look thoughtful. A longing shimmers in them that I neither understand nor can interpret. Then he pushes himself off the railing and takes a step toward me. A grin curls his lips as he opens his mouth and utters the words that completely throw me off track. "Princess, you should chew your pencil more often, it's a sweet sight."

I want to say something back, but I'm too stunned to come up with anything. A warm feeling spreads in my cheeks and I pray he doesn't see the blush under the makeup. Was that a compliment? What purpose did he see in telling me that?

Haymitch just smiles wickedly and turns toward the elevators. Katniss and Peeta get out. Katniss seems upset about something. Now that Haymitch's back is turned on me, I can't hide the hint of a smile. But then Haymitch suddenly stops dead in his tracks and I almost run into him. I go to his side and look at him worriedly. His facial expression has nothing in common with a few seconds ago. A touch of confusion crosses his face, then it gets serious. He stares at Katniss and doesn't seem to notice me. Better that way, I think.

It's only then that I realize he's not actually staring at Katniss, but at something behind her. Or someone. Because when I take a step to the side, I discover them. Last year's red-haired Avox girl. Standing by her side is another Avox , also redheaded.

"Apparently you're getting two in a partner look this year," I exclaim with a happy expression, so that the topic is ticked off. Haymitch gives me a look. I can tell from his expression how much of a mistake I've just made. From his point of view, Avoxes shouldn't even exist. It's different for me. Coming from the Capitol, I was raised to see the Avoxes as part of our society. Even if they are actually nothing more than slaves. Slaves. The word describes the same thing but is much worse in my opinion.

Haymitch lunges at Katniss, who wants to walk towards them, and grabs her arm. God knows why he's making such a fuss. Katniss, suddenly stunned, breaks free and flees toward the bedroom. Without giving me another look, Haymitch waves Peeta over and disappears with him.

I'm alone again. The two Avoxes stare at me. Not angry but with a certain reproach in their eyes. They know I could punish them at any time. A wave of shame washes over me because as they look at me, I suddenly get the feeling that I've done something wrong.

oOo

Soon after, we all get together for dinner. Cinna and Portia are also keeping us company. Last year, those two were the only reason Haymitch and I didn't go at each other's throats. This year is different. We all have a good chat about the Opening Ceremony, maybe gossip a little bit about some of the costumes. I laugh a lot.

But not everyone is in a good mood. Katniss hasn't said a word yet and is staring down at her plate and now and then at our new Avox that is serving us. And Haymitch drinks. Not much, but enough to knock him out. He just comments a little here and there. I try not to worry.

I'm so engrossed in the conversation that I startle even more when Katniss drops a bowl of peas on the floor. Out of the corner of my eyes I see her bending down to pick up the peas. Not a moment later, the Avox is at her side and doing his job. Uncertainly, I look at Cinna and Portia. I don't know why, but I'm angry. Katniss didn't exchange a single word with us all day and now gets caught up in some action head over heels.

"This is not your job, Katniss," I say, an annoyed tone in my voice. She sits down again in silence and stares at her plate. She pressed her lips into a thin line. I turn back to the others and earn a look from Haymitch.

Shortly thereafter, we all sit down in front of the TV to watch the recap of today's ceremony. I sit next to Portia and Haymitch sits next to me. I quickly cross my legs and fold my hands in my lap. I smell the liquor in Haymitch's hand and turn my head in disgust to talk to Portia. When the show is over, Katniss jumps up and politely thanks Cinna and Portia for their great work. I'm happy how much her manners have improved.

"Remember that we meet at breakfast time to discuss our training strategy," I remind the others in a gloomy voice. And as I look at them I know they heard the distressed tone.

We all know there won't be two victors this year. Even so, our chances are bad enough because the other victors all already know each other. Many of them were or still are mentors. Haymitch and I will have to work very hard to make a good impression at the first meeting tomorrow with the other mentors and coaches to gain trust. But given the circumstances, I don't think it will be difficult. Haymitch knows many of them.

I go to bed early because we have to be up in time tomorrow. I'll probably be the first to wake up again, last year was the same. As soon as I turn off the light, I fall into a sleep that will not give me rest tonight.

-

I hope you liked the second chapter. Please leave me a comment about your opinon! I would also be so happy if you rated this chapter :) See you soon!