The Golf War
Dipper sat on the couch with Waddles, eating cereal as he watched some TV.
"Who wants Stan-cakes?" Stan asked as he walked into the living room. "They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em."
"Pass," Dipper said flatly.
Before Stan could respond, Mabel burst through the door, screaming giddily and causing ear damage for miles.
"It's here!" she cried as she ran around the room excitedly. "Oh, it's here! It's here, it's here! I've been waiting all morning and it's finally here! The Gravity Falls Gossiper accepted my article about summer fashion tips for squirrels. My picture is gonna be in the newspaper! Check it!"
"'Pacifica Northwest declares v-neck the look of the season!'" Stan read aloud as Mabel shoved the paper in his face. "What am I looking at here?"
"Woah, woah, WHAT?!" Mabel exclaimed as she looked at the front page.
Indeed, the newspaper showed an image of Pacifica with the headline. "GREATEST THING OF THE SUMMER!"
"Looks like someone bought their way to the front page," Dipper said, munching on his cereal.
"Is it legal for a child to wear that much makeup?" Stan asked.
"Ugh, Pacifica!" Mabel grunted as she threw the newspaper to the floor. "She always ruins everything!"
"Yeah," Dipper said in an unenthusiastic tone. "I'm sure the three people that read The Gossiper will be enthralled by Pacifica's fashion advice."
"Dudes!" Soos declared as he burst into the room. "V-neck season is upon us! Who wants to help me get ahead of the fashion curve? I'm taking it one step further with a w-neck."
At that, Soos marked a w-line on the collar of his shirt and tries cutting the fabric with safety scissors.
"Must... follow... newspaper..."
"Okay," Dipper said re-thinking. "Four people."
Mabel sulked over to the kitchen table, a frown on her face. She poured herself some orange juice into a shot glass and downed it in a gulp, slamming the glass on the table.
"Aack!" Mabel spat sadly. "I need something to get my mind off this..."
"Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?" a voice from the TV spoke.
"Why yes!" Mabel said, looking at the screen.
"Victory! Honor! Destiny! Mutton!" the commercial person said. "These old-timey-sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt (no mutton available at the snack shop)!"
"Well, that sounds about your speed," Dipper said, before looking to his grunkle. "She's been amazing at mini-golf since we were kids."
Mabel gave a nod. "I am pretty good... And that does sound like fun..."
"C'mon Mabel," Dipper said with a smirk. "We've had a stressful couple of days. I think we all deserve a break."
"Would kicking all our butts at mini-golf cheer you up?" Stan asked excitedly.
"... Maybe a little," Mabel decided.
"Come on, hambone!" Soos encouraged. "Victory!"
"Honor!" Mabel declared.
"Destiny!" Stan shouted along.
"Mutton not included," Dipper chimed in.
The group walked out of the house, chanting as they went and leaving Waddles in charge of the house.
[Later at the Putt Hutt]
' Focus... ' Dipper thought as he wound up on the first hole of the course. ' Focus... '
The boy swung his golf club and was met with the expected results. That being, he missed the ball almost completely. He did barely manage to hit the golf ball, just enough to send it rolling to the side and into a water hazard.
Dipper grimaced. And here he thought he might've actually gotten better. Silly him.
"Don't worry, Bro!" Mabel said with a grin. "We can pretend we didn't see that."
"Shut up and take your turn..." Dipper grumbled as he moved to fish his ball out of the water.
"Do the hip wiggle," Mabel said to herself, "and-!"
With a swing, Mabel struck her golf ball dead on. It bounced off the wooden pegs on the course, zipped over a small bridge, went through the dragon set up just before the green, and bounced off of the nose of a sleeping Old Man McGucket for a hole in one.
"Wha-?" McGucket stuttered as he was rudely awoken. "How'd I get here?"
"Yes!" Mabel said with a fist pump.
"Holy smokes!" Stan exclaimed. "Someone in our family actually has talent!"
"Grunkle Stan, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Mabel declared.
"You really haven't," Dipper agreed, preparing for the complete BS that was his sister's mini-golfing skill.
[One mini-golf game later...]
A crowd was gathered around the Pines family as Mabel lined up her final shot. She was on the Hole 18, the Windmill Hole. Infamously tricky to time and aim, leading to many a crushed dream on the artificial green. But for a pro like Mabel, getting the ball into the windmill was child's play.
No, the real problem was what happened to the ball once it was in the windmill. There were three possible exits for the ball. One was a straight shot for the hole. The others were off to the sides. In theory, one could alter the force of their strike to try to control which exit the ball took, but without seeing the insides of the mill it was next to impossible to figure out the force necessary without ample experimentation-
Mabel shrugged. This was just for fun, a chance to unwind. No need to take things so seriously.
With little consideration, Mabel swung. Her ball shot into the windmill with practiced ease, and she heard the familiar clunking of the ball moving around in the structure. The crowd watched with bated breath, the anticipation nearly killing them. The ball rolled out of the mill, headed for the hole...
And curved to the left, missing completely.
"Awwww..." the crowd collectively groaned, dispersing.
' Huh, looks like the ground near the hole has a tilt to it, ' Mabel thought with a shrug. ' The more you know. '
"Ah, don't worry about it kid!" Stan said, patting the girl on the shoulder. "The thing's random!"
"Yeah," Soos agreed. "Besides the Bermuda Triangle, how mini-golf works are our world's greatest mystery."
"It's fine guys," Mabel said. "This was just a laid-back game. It's not like I actually had anyone here to really compete wi-"
At that very moment, a purple golf ball rolled out of the windmill and sunk into the hole. Mabel hadn't seen the shot, but she could feel it was a hole in one. She also had a pretty good feeling she knew who it was that did the shot, judging by the smell of cheap hair spray and daddy issues.
"Oh, would you look at that?" said Pacifica Northwest with smug superiority as she approached the group, her stupidly rich parents not far behind. "I didn't know hobos could golf for free"
"Pacifica..." the twins grumbled and groaned simultaneously.
"Well, if it isn't the Pines family!" Pacifica greeted them condescendingly. "Fat, Old, Crazy, and Nachos!"
"Soos, would it be wrong to punch a child?" Stan asked.
"Not if we let other children do the punching," Dipper said coldly, cracking his knuckles.
"Yeah dude," Soos responded with a nod. "That seems, like, morally sound and junk."
"Even think about touching me and I'll sue you so hard you'll lose your crummy home again," Pacifica countered.
"Oh yeah, with the manure-shoveling fortune," Dipper spoke. "How'd the big reveal that you're actually descended from a horse shit-pedaller go with the parents? Probably not too big a surprise, right?"
The girl's parents looked at the boy with glaring eyes, which only made Dipper's sneer grow wider. Pacifica clearly embarrassed, shot the boy a venomous glare before her features relaxed.
"Great, actually." the blonde answered. "That's the thing about money. It makes problems go away."
"Can it buy you parents that actually feel like spending time with you?" Dipper said condescendingly, earning him a double sided glare from Pacifica and her parents.
"Well, it can't buy you skill!" Mabel interjected. "You walked into the game of a mini-golf champion!"
Pacifica laughed, an amused smirk on her face.
"Sergei!" the blonde barked, snapping her fingers.
At the summons, a man who looked like a professional golfer stepped forward, carrying Pacifica's clubs.
"This is Sergei, my trainer," Pacifica said.
"The Sportylmpics had mini-golf once," Sergei said in a Russian accent. "I took gold!"
The man showed off a fancy gold medal on his chest. Dipper meanwhile, rolled his eyes at the display.
' An Olympic mini-golfer? ' the brunette thought. ' Sure, why not? '
"So if you don't mind moving out of the way of the professionals!" Pacifica said acting superior as she walked past Mabel.
The girl stepped up to the course's "Bonus Hole" (which was just a glorified ball return). With a simple swing, she hit the ball up the ramp, into the air, and it landed perfectly in the elevated hole in the side of a fake volcano, which proceeded to erupt.
"Enjoy second place," Pacifica laughed as she began to leave. "Give her a hand, folks!"
"Tough talk coming from a girl who's best shot wasn't even on the course," Dipper said, causing Pacifica to stop dead in her tracks.
" What was that?" the blonde asked as she whipped back around to glare at Dipper.
"Did i strike a nerve? Here you are bragging about your trainer," Dipper continued. "You say you're the best player here. And yet we don't even know your score."
Pacifica scoffed. "Twenty-two. You're telling me pig-girl here did better?"
"Hey Mabel," Dipper spoke with fake innocence, "what was your score again?"
"This time?" Mabel asked in the same, almost patronizing tone. "Why, it was twenty-one."
"Huh," Dipper responded. "Well what do you know?"
"Oh please," Pacifica said with an eye roll. "You expect me to believe that?"
"You think we're lying?" Mabel asked. "Then let's play a game for real. We'll see who's really the best. Unless you're... scared?"
"Of losing?" Pacifica asked incredulously. "To you? Yeah right. Let's do this"
The two girls glared at each other, each eager to destroy the other in the game. Even the heavens themselves seemed to be building toward the conflict, skies darkening as if to heighten their coming battle.
... Or maybe just to screw with it.
"Hear ye! Hear ye! Honk, honk!"
The guy in the king costume (didn't he work at Mattress King?) barreled through in his golf cart, trying to make an announcement. Instead, he crashed into a lamp post. After a bit of fenagelling, he managed to get un-crashed, and made his grand decree.
"Stop at once!" he declared. "The park is now closed due to weather! The King of Mini-Golf has spoken!"
He tried to drive off dramatically, but instead backed into a post and proceeded to overturn his cart.
"Ahh!" he cried. "The king is down!"
As the other patrons began to leave, Pacifica looked up at the clouds, hearing thunder rumbling in the distance. She let out an annoyed huff, before turning back to her opponent.
"This isn't over," Pacifica said. "You, me, midnight. We'll see who's best!"
"I'll be here!" Mabel said with a determined nod.
With that, the Northwests pulled out umbrellas just before the rain started, and walked off snobbishly, a true insight to the fakest family in town.
[... Later, at hermanos dinner...]
"Is uh..." Stan muttered. "Is that... normal, for her?"
Stan stared uncomfortably across the booth at Mabel, sitting cross-legged on the table. She held her arms up in a meditation pose, slowly breathing in and out as her eyes rolled back into her head.
"Yeah, this is what she does," Dipper said with a nod, completely unfazed as he's seen this many times before.
" Silence, " Mabel spoke in a chilling deep voice. " I must focus. Dipper, chip me. "
Her brother threw a tortilla chip into her mouth and she hastily devoured it.
" Good, " Mabel said. " ... One more. "
Dipper fed her another chip.
Mabel chewed and swallowed the food, before her eyes rolled back down.
"I am ready."
"... Ooookay..." Stan said, deciding the less he thought about what he just witnessed, the better.
"The rain stopped," Dipper said, glancing out the window. "Should probably head back now. You don't want to be late, or Pacifica will probably call it a win."
"Go to the golf course after dark, you say?" Stan asked. "I don't know, we'd have to break in and- Just kidding, let's break in!"
[... A few minutes later...]
Stan's car pulled into the mini-golf mini-course's mini-parking lot. The old man parked the car, and turned back to his great-niece.
"Alright," Stan said. "We'll be waitin' for ya here. Knock her dead, kid."
Mabel gave her grunkle a thumbs up, before she and Dipper left the car and snuck into the course. Well, "sneaking" might be a bit generous. With no night staff, security systems, or even a padlock on the gates, getting in was literally as easy and opening a door. Dipper wondered how the place hadn't been vandalised more.
Stan let out a long exhale as he got comfy in his seat.
"Welp, kids'll probably be awhile. May as well kick back," Stan said, before eyeing the man next to him taking his shirt off. "... What are you doing?"
"Dude, I'm cuttin' W's into all my shirts," Soos explained. "Gotta give the public what they want."
"Right..." Stan muttered, this was gonna be a long night.
The old man reclined his seat back, closing his eyes as he tried to catch a few winks. But not long after, he heard a clunking sound next to him. He opened his eyes and saw Soos had also reclined his seat and was staring at him with glints in his eyes, still shirtless.
"Sure are a lot of stars out tonight," Soos said singsong like.
"Welp, this is gettin' weird," Stan said as he got up and left the car, intent on being LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE.
[... Meanwhile in a bright pink limo...]
"Now remember, Pacifica," Preston Northwest reminded his daughter as they pulled up to the course, "winning is everything."
"Oh, oh, and also looks," her mother, Priscilla, chimed in as she looked at herself in a mirror. "Winning and looks."
"Dad, I've been practicing for, like, a million hours, okay?" Pacifica stated. "I've got this. You'll stay and watch, right?"
"Pacifica, darling, we have a party to go to," her father responded in a snobbish this-should-be-obvious voice. "We'll just read about your victory in the paper."
Pacifica repressed a growing grimace. That was about what she'd expected.
The girl hopped out of the limousine, popping her neck in anticipation. While she'd never admit this to her parents (or anyone, really), she was actually really looking forward to this game. Ever since the karaoke contest in the Mystery Shack, Pacifica had been hoping for another chance to go up against the obnoxiously cheerful girl who'd tried to upstage her. Pacifica wasn't too full of herself to concede to herself that her victory at the party had been somewhat... debatable
But tonight would be different. There were no crowds, no points for performance, no popularity contest tied to victory (Pacifica pointedly ignored the implications of having to buy victory in a popularity contest). It was just the two of them, and the winner would be the one with the most skill. Which, obviously, would be Pacifica.
"Sergei!" Pacifica snapped.
The russian jumped out of the limo's trunk at the call, bag with clubs in hand. Pacifica nodded, and the two began walking to the course.
"Oh," Preston called out, getting his daughter's attention, "and whatever happens, just remember one thing. You're a Northwest. Don't embarrass us"
With that, the car door slammed shut, and the limo drove off snobbishly into the night.
Pacifica sighed, before getting her game face back on. So her parents wouldn't be there to watch. Fine. She wasn't doing this for them anyway. Pacifica was doing this for herself. With that in mind, she walked into the course, her trainer close behind.
"How much you wanna bet they're no-shows?" the blonde asked the russian.
As soon as she said the words, lights turned on throughout the park, leading up to Mabel resting her arm on a golf club while standing on a golf ball statue.
"Looking for someone?" Mabel asked, a cocky grin on her face.
"Waiting in the dark, not creepy at all..." Pacifica muttered, rolling her eyes.
At that, Dipper walked up, munching on a corn dog with mustard. "Oh, did I miss your big reveal?"
"Dipper, c'mon!" Mabel complained. "I put a lot work into getting the timing ri- Where did you get that corn dog?"
"Concession stand," Dipper responded with a shrug. "This place seriously has no security. I just walked in and picked one up."
"Ooh, I want one!" Mabel said.
"Ahem!" Pacifica coughed, clapping her hands imperially to bring back the twins attention. "Can we get started, or are you both just going to stand around talking about stealing cheap commoner food?"
"Oh yeah, right," Mabel said, turning back to the blonde. "I've gotta kick your butt in mini-golf."
"Yeah, sure," Pacifica scoffed. "Seriously though, I don't know why you bothered to come. Unless you've got something up your sleeve?"
"I dunno," Mabel said coyly. "What do I have up my sleeve?"
Mabel tugged the sleeve of her T-shirt up, and out from it dropped her red golf ball. The ball rolled down the girl's arm, before a flick of Mabel's wrist sent the ball arcing up behind her. Using her foot to kick the ball back over her like a hacky sack, Mabel caught it on the tip of her pointer finger. The ball balanced for few seconds, before Mabel let the ball drop into her palm. She smirked at Pacifica.
The blonde tried to act unimpressed at this amazing display. "Neat trick, I guess. Let's see how that helps you on the course."
"Eighteen holes," Sergei stated, laying out the rules. "Standard rules. Winner lives in glory, loser wallows in eternal shame. On your mark, get set, mini-golf!"
With that, the two began their game, each going to Hole 1.
"Ladies first," Pacifica commented snidely as she took to the course.
Mabel stuck her tongue out at the girl in a little pout, but allowed the blonde to go.
Pacifica lined up her ball, and slowly brought her club back, taking a few test swings to ensure that her aim was good. Pacifica thought out her shot. Getting all the way through the dragon could be a bit tricky. It was tied with the windmill for having a mind of its own on the various holes. Still, Pacifica knew a good way to optimize her chances.
The blonde struck her ball hard, causing it to fly over the pegs and bridge and straight into the dragon's mouth. It clunked around inside for a bit, before rolling out onto the green. The ball approached the hole slowly, and...
Stopped just before falling into the hole.
Pacifica simmered silently as she walked over to the green. She could've sworn she'd hit the ball just right, but apparently not.
With a simple tap, Pacifica knock her ball into the hole for a hole in two. Oh well, its not like she couldn't easily make up this minor set back. The rest of the holes were much easier for her.
"Alright Nachos," Pacifica said as she stepped off the green. "You're up. Let's see what you can-"
As soon as Pacifica was out of the way, Mabel struck her ball into the air, much like her opponent had done. Unlike the blonde, however, Mabel didn't aim at the dragon. She shot her ball right over the patch of grass between start and end of the hole counted as out of bounds. The ball landed straight into the hole, bouncing up before settling in its place.
A hole in one.
"Oh yeah!" Mabel said as she danced in place.
"Nice," Dipper nodded.
Pacifica gaped at what she'd just seen. ' Did... Did she just...? How in the world did she...? '
Pacifica turned her disbelieving gawking into a frustrated grimace as Mabel continued dancing.
"Okay, Happy Gilmore," Dipper said, pulling his sister onward. "You've still got seventeen holes left."
"Right, right," Mabel said with excited nods as she stopped dancing. "Let's go!"
Pacifica grit her teeth together. ' So freaking happy '
The two stepped up to the next hole, the wild west. Pacifica wasted no time in lining up her shot, and struck the ball. She cursed the moment her ball took off, realizing that in her frustration, she'd hit the ball at the wrong angle. Fortunately, the ball seemed to hit a few uneven patches in the fake grass, and the ball found its target regardless. Nearly stopping short again, the ball took a sudden fall into the hole, landing Pacifica a hole in one.
' Yes! ' Pacifica thought triumphantly.
Mabel nodded at the sight and stepped up to the starting area. Pacifica seemed to be getting into the groove of things, and while Mabel held the lead, a single mistake would allow Pacifica the chance to overtake her.
The blonde glared at her opponent. ' Come on, miss! All I need is for you to fall two points behind! Miss! '
With a powerful strike, Mabel hit her ball, sending it up into the air again. Just like before, it flew over all of the twists and turns it was supposed to take, going straight for the hole. However, Pacifica noted with glee, this time it was going too high. It was going to miss the hole completely, and would probably go out of bounds.
' Serves you right! ' Pacifica thought. ' As if you could win with a bunch of dumb trick sho-! '
The blonde's thoughts were cut short by Mabel's ball hitting a fake cactus next to the hole. The impact caused the ball to pop straight up into the air, before falling straight down into the hole, scoring Mabel another hole in one.
"What!?!" Pacifica exclaimed in shock.
"Aw yeah, up top!" Mabel said as she high-fived her brother.
"No!" Pacifica ranted in anger as she stormed over to the twins. "You're cheating, you have to be!"
"Oh did she?" Dipper asked sarcasm lacing his words. "Tell me, how did she manage that? Maybe she Invented a homing golf ball?"
"Shut it, Crazy!" Pacifica snapped. "I don't know how, but you're cheating! No one can just 'make' a shot like that, it's impossible!"
"Nope!" Mabel said happily. "It's just the ol' Mabel skills!"
"She been making shots like that since she was little," Dipper chimed in. "So, want to back out yet?"
Pacifica growled. "... No. Let's just get going."
"Woo-hoo!" Mabel cheered. "Next hole! Next hole!"
"Ya'know if you keep saying that, someone's gonna get the wrong idea right?" Dipper said as he sweatdropped
The group walked on to the pirate ship hole. Pacifica was careful with her shot this time, not wanting to rely on luck. She hit her ball into the ship, and listened to the sounds of it moving around. A few seconds later, the ball was shot out of one of the back cannons and landed perfectly in the hole.
' There! ' Pacifica thought. ' Top that, sweater skirt! '
With a light step, Mabel walked up, set her ball, wound up her shot, and struck the ball. It soared up into the air. Mabel's ball bounced off of the deck of the ship and continued into the hole on the island. Another perfect score.
"Gragh!" Pacifica shrieked as she gripped her hair.
"Okay, next hole!" Mabel said happily, skipping off.
"Sergei," Pacifica whispered harshly at her instructor, "she has to be cheating, right?"
"I don't think so," Sergei responded. "Everything seem right. Girl is good as she says. Is most impressive, no?"
"No," Pacifica lied with a growl. "She can't keep making crazy shots like that. Eventually she'll mess up, and then I'll take the lead and never give it back."
At that, Pacifica went off to start her comeback.
[... Fourteen holes later...]
Pacifica did not in fact start a comeback in the next hole.
Or the next.
Or the next...
It was absolutely insanity. Mabel continuously made increasingly more absurd shots that managed to be holes in one EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Pacifica had even managed to keep getting perfect scores on each subsequent hole. But thanks to that first mistake she was still behind her opponent, who had given her absolutely zero leeway. Still, she had one more chance.
Pacifica took a deep breath to calm her raging nerves. She watched the spinning of the windmill blades, preparing the timing of her shot. With practiced speed and precision, she swung her club and sent the ball straight into the mill. With a few thunks and clunks, the ball rolled out the back of the structure and fell straight into the hole.
' Alright! ' Pacifica thought as she stepped aside. ' Now if Mabel misses twice, I win. She didn't do well on this hole earlier, and with the huge windmill in the way, she won't be able to do any trick shots. She'll have to get it through the mill, which she doesn't know how to do right. Her hitting the blades or missing once she makes it through are both long shots, but... '
As Pacifica lined up her odds, Mabel took aim and fired. The blonde nearly cheered as the ball arced up into the air, flying right at the windmill. But she soon realized such cheering would've been empty. To her complete disbelief, when Mabel's ball struck the mill, it bounced off to the side. Somehow, Mabel had timed her shot perfectly so that her ricocheted ball was struck by the windmill's blade. The second impact knocked the ball around the mill, and it landed on the green. It would've stopped there, if not for the slight slant of the ground. With a steady pace, the ball rolled up to the hole and tumbled right in.
And that was game.
Pacifica was speechless at what she'd just seen. It... it couldn't be possible. This wasn't like the party. This was a game of pure skill. She couldn't have lost in a game of pure skill. She was a NORTHWEST. Northwests never lose. She couldn't lose.
' No... ' Pacifica thought, feeling her anger build. ' No, no, no, NO-! '
" NO! "
"Yeah!" Pacifica agreed, before blinking. "... Wait, who said that?"
The group looked to the windmill and saw a panel in the side of the mini-structure open. Inside was an even mini-er village, with more mini mini-golf people dressed in stereotypical mini-Swedish outfits, including the mini-est mini-clogs and mini- You know what? Everything is really tiny. Got it? Good.
" No, no NO!!! " one of the tiny golf ball people, a blue one, ranted. " YOU!!! "
Mabel glanced warily at the tiny creature pointing at her. "... Me?"
"Yes, you!" the ball person shouted. "We Lilliputtians control the balls! Us! We decide who scores what! We determine the fates of games! You don't get to, to bypass us!"
"You tell her, Franz!" cheered one of the Lilliputtians (that name though).
"Uh, I don't know what these things are," Pacifica said, trying to conceal how lost she was. "But I totally agree. Your game is-"
"Oh, and don't get us started on you!" Franz interrupted. "We wanted you to show her up, but you couldn't win even when we started giving you free holes in one!"
"Wait, you did what now?!" Pacifica snapped at the tiny creatures. "How dare you interfere with my playing, you little creeps!"
"You hugelings have been ticking us off all night!" Franz continued on. "And we've all decided that you don't belong on any of these eighteen holes!"
The rest of the creatures in the mill cheered their agreement.
"Ahem!" Fanz cleared his throat, getting the rest to quiet down. "So basically, we're going to kill you. Just in case that wasn't clear."
"Oh yeah?" Mabel asked as she swung her golf club around to show off. "You and what mini-army?"
At that, Franz snapped his fingers. Some other Lilliputtians in the mill started ringing a bell, and all throughout the park, ball people started emerging from the various courses, each dressed in theme with their respective hole.
"... Why do you say things?" Dipper asked his sister with deadpan frustration.
Mabel laughed uncomfortably. "... Well, hey, at least they're unarmed?"
The Lilliputtians all pulled out mini golf pencils, ends sharped into spear points.
"... I'll stop talking now," Mabel said.
"Please do," her brother responded.
"Get them!" Franz shouted.
The Lilliputtians all shouted as they charged the humans present. Pacifica tried turning and running, but she saw that the creatures were surrounding them from all sides.
"We're trapped!" the blonde shouted. "Wh-What do we do?"
"Oh for crying out..." Dipper muttered as he walked over to Sergei and grabbed one of Pacifica's clubs from the bag he was carrying. "Just golf!"
"Oh," Pacifica said as she glanced at the club in her hand and her attackers. "Right."
The kids began whacking the creatures as they approached, knocking the swarming forces back. Pacifica struck an entire row of Lilliputtians before her, which caused a domino effect as they collided with the ones behind them, and so on. Pacifica smirked at the sight of a large number of the swarm being dealt with just like that. Although, the Lilliputtians weren't as happy with the development.
"Take out ze blondie!" a french one shouted.
Pacifica let out a started exclamation as the creatures threw a dozen of their pencil spears at her. She raised her arm up and closed her eyes, trying to protect her face. After a few seconds of nothing, Pacifica risked cracking an eye open enough to see what was going on, and was surprised to find herself face-to-face with Mabel. The brunette had apparently stepped in front her, arms spread in a protective fashion.
With an angry grunt, Mabel swung around and struck the closest Lilliputtian to her. Her target flew back amongst the attacking crowd, hitting more creatures and sending them flying into others, even as the first one bounced around hitting yet more. It was like hitting a grouping of billiards balls, but even crazier.
But while Mabel's shot was very impressive, that wasn't what captured Pacifica's attention. With the brunette's back to her, she could see the various pencils sticking out of her, and the few drops of red seeping into the white of her shirt let the blonde know that the makeshift weapons did indeed break the skin.
' Why did she...? ' Pacifica wondered, before dismissing the thought and getting back to the matter at hand.
"Fire!" the captain of the pirate ship shouted.
The kids eyes widened as the cannons on the pirate ship took aim at them and shot out three Lilliputtians at them. Without thinking, Dipper pivoted in front of the girls and swung his club out, striking the flying trio in mid air and sending them crashing into the water tower of the cowboy hole.
Dipper blinked blankly. ' How the heck did I do that? '
"Nice shot, Broseph!" Mabel cheered.
"Fire again!" the captain called out.
Before the cannons could be used again, Mabel hit a nearby Lilliputtian and sent them careening through the mast of the ship. The center mast fell, the ship's sail covering the cannons and catching their projectiles.
"What!?" the captain exclaimed. "Move that outta the way! Move it, ye landlubbers!"
"Nice shot yourself, Sis!" Dipper responded, giving Mabel a high five.
"If you two are done patting yourselves on the back!" Pacifica shouted in annoyance as she furiously struck at the swarm. "You might want to see that we're running out of space!"
"It's nice to give positive reinforcement sometimes Pacifica, you should try it sometimes" Dipper said, recovering his wits and earning a glare from the blonde
Indeed, despite their efforts, the swarm of Lilliputtians wasn't letting up. The trio's space was getting narrower and narrower, as their backs were being pushed to a lamppost.
Dipper gritted his teeth. They needed to get out of there, but they didn't have an escape route. What could they do?
He looked up at the lamp, and saw it had a thick cable of lights leading off to another post, which happened to have a golf cart parked next to it.
"Everyone, climb!" Dipper shouted as he took off up the lamppost.
"What!?!" Pacifica shouted as she tried to beat back the wave of creatures. "What do you think you're doing!?!"
The blonde got an answer in the form of Dipper hoisting his club over the lighting cable and using it to zipline over the Lilliputtians. He let go at the end of the cable, landing next to the golf cart, and he hopped in, getting it started.
"You heard him, go!" Mabel shouted to the other girl. "I'll hold them off!"
Pacifica gave the girl a confused, yet thankful look as she scampered up the post and followed Dipper's lead. Mabel, meanwhile, shot one of her patented ricochet shots, which bounced off of all the Lilliputtians surrounding the lamppost. Mabel seized the opening, jumping up the post and zipping down after her companions. The moment her feet touched the ground she jumped into the cart and Dipper took off like a bullet, tearing across the park.
"Everyone okay?" Dipper asked as he drifted around a corner.
The girls nodded, before Mabel gasped.
"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed looking at Pacifica. "Where's your instructor guy!?"
The two looked back and saw Sergei, tied up and being carried off by the Lilliputtians.
"Niet! Niet!" he shouted as he was stuffed into the windmill.
Pacifica blinked before looking away. "... I'll get a new one."
With that settled, Dipper put the pedal to the metal, rushing though the park. But looking up at the exit, he had a moment of panic.
"They're trying to close the doors!" he shouted back. "We can't make it in time!"
To make matters worse, a pencil spear started poking holes in the roof of the cart. It seemed like one of the Lilliputtians had managed to grab onto the cart before they'd taken off. Mabel glanced forward at what was before them, and she got an idea.
"Drive up the bonus hole ramp!" she shouted to her brother. "Full speed!"
Dipper shrugged, not seeing any better options as he took off. While the boy focused on driving, Mabel climbed up the side of the cart, poking her head up and seeing Franz pointing his pencil spear at her.
"You will pay, hugeling!" Franz told the girl. "We control the fate of every mini-golf game! You will see, you don't get to ignore us! If we want you to lose, then you have lost already!"
"Oh yeah?" Mabel asked. "What's ten minus six?"
"Ten minu- what?" Franz said as he began counting on his mini-fingers. "Hang on..."
"Four!"
With a cry, Mabel hit Franz off of the cart's roof.
"Curse you, maaaaaaaaaaaath!" Franz shouted as he flew into the bonus hole.
The golf cart shot up the bonus hole ramp over the volcano, just as the model erupted. The force of the blast shot the cart up into the air, sailing over the railing and right to the closing exit.
"Everybody hang on!" Dipper shouted.
With a loud crash, the cart landed on the ground and barely managed to make it through the gates, the decorative wings on the side of the vehicle getting snapped off. Dipper slammed on the brakes and spun out to slow them down faster. With a final lurch, the golf cart came to a stop.
And then the cart's wheels fell off.
"... Well," Mabel said as she stepped out of the vehicle, "all things considered, I'd say that went pretty well."
At that, various pencils poked through the wooden gates of the park, and even a large battle ax. The kids heard various boos and jeers from within the park.
"Stay out, you dumb hugelings!" they heard Franz shout from inside.
"What did you say, you little trolls!?" Pacifica yelled back as she walked over to the gates and punched them. "I will sue you! I will sue you and I will own you!"
"Hey Pacifica," Mabel said, grabbing the blonde by the shoulder and gently pulling her back. "Maybe don't punch the door with weapons sticking out of it, yeah?"
"Don't touch me!" Pacifica said, shaking off Mabel's hand before glancing at the ax in the door and taking a few steps back.
Mabel raised her hands in surrender, backing away from the girl. The reaction, in light of everything, caused an unexpected pain of some kind to grip Pacifica's insides .
"Ma-Mabel," Pacifica said hesitantly. "I, uh... Th-Thanks... For, uh... for saving my life, and all..."
"No prob!" Mabel responded happily, not even fazed by the fact that their lives had been in mortal peril mere moments before. "And hey, with everything that happened, maybe we can just call the game undecided? But I still want a rematch! Someplace with less tiny murder creatures, though."
There was no reason to agree. On the contrary, she had every reason to turn the offer down. Pacifica had seen first hand that, even with someone cheating for her (which she still DESPISED that such a thing had happened) she had no chance against Mabel. By then she'd accepted that the girl was her better in mini-golf, unequivocally. And by Mabel's own decision, the game didn't have to count.
So technically, Pacifica hadn't lost. Which was good, because as a Northwest, she couldn't lose, under any circumstances. But she knew if she agreed to play Mabel again, lose is what she would do. The one thing that she couldn't let happen would happen. And yet...
"Sure," Pacifica answered. "Why not? It sounds like fun."
It did. It really did.
"Alright!" Mabel said, pumping her fists. "And hey, if it makes you feel better I can dial back the trick shots a bit."
Pacifica frowned. "Don't push it, Nachos."
"It was oddly fun hanging out with you tonight Pacifica, despite almost being murdered by a golf army" Dipper chimed in,
Pacifica blushed, for one reason or another, "You too Dipper"
With that said, Stan and Soos pulled up in the Pines family car, and Dipper started climbing in the back. Mabel, however, took a look around the parking lot and frowned.
"Hey, your parents aren't here..." Mabel said, seeming legitimately saddened, before perking up again. "Want a ride home?"
"Ugh, please," Pacifica scoffed acting superior. "As if I'd ride in your-"
The blonde was cut off by a flash of lightning, quickly followed by booming thunder.
Pacifica sighed. "Fine..."
"Woo-hoo!" Mabel cheered, stepping back to let Pacifica in first.
The girl slid in next to Dipper, who gave a disinterested glance of acknowledgement. Not exactly warm, but the blonde figured it beat open hostility. Mabel hopped in after her, but immediately grimaced, lurching forward in her seat and hissing in pain.
"Mabel?" Pacifica asked, put off by the reaction. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing..." Mabel said, wincing as she shut the car door and looked behind her. "Just forgot these were here..."
Pacifica looked and saw the pencils, still sticking out Mabel's back. A renewed swell of that uncomfortable feeling rose in her chest at the sight, remembering that the only reason those pencils weren't sticking out of herself was because Mabel was willing to be a human shield. Pacifica watched as Mabel tried and failed to reach behind herself and pull out the pencils.
"H-Here," Pacifica said, getting the girl's attention. "Let me help."
With a level of caution and gentleness Pacifica wasn't even aware she possessed, she began slowly removing the pencils, trying not to make a wrong move even as Mabel flinched. With the care of a surgeon, she removed the last of the little spikes.
Mabel rolled her shoulders, still feeling some pain, but feeling much better regardless. "Thanks Pacifica. Gonna have to fix the shirt later, though..."
"You..." Pacifica started. "You were stabbed. Repeatedly. How are you just... okay?"
Mabel shrugged. "It's not that bad. I've had worse before." for mabel how almost always seemed happy this was the first time Pacifica had saw her with a grimace
Before Pacifica could stop herself, she wondered if the "worse" Mabel had gotten was from her mother. She looked away, not wanting to entertain that uncomfortable thought for too long. While glancing to her side, she noticed Dipper giving her a look that she couldn't quite identify. It wasn't quite judging, or suspicion, or disapproval, though it carried tinges of all of those expressions.
Pacifica got the feeling that he was reevaluating what he thought of her, but wasn't sure where he landed at the moment. Pacifica decided that she'd much rather not look at either of the twins, so she turned forward and...
' When did we start driving? '
Apparently the blonde had been so focused on un-pincushioning Mabel she hadn't realized that the car had started moving. Judging from the surroundings, they were about halfway to her house.
Pacifica tried very, very hard not to breathe through her nose. She rested her hand with her golfing glove on the backseat cushion, where she was sitting between the Pines twins. She then immediately retracted her hand when it rested in a sticky stain of some kind.
' Ewwwww... ' Pacifica thought, thoroughly disgusted.
"Hey!" Mabel exclaimed, reaching behind the back seat. "I found tacos! Open up, Bro-Bro!"
"Nah Mabel," Dipper said, "I'm not hungr-"
As he spoke, his sister reached across Pacifica and shoved on of the tacos in his mouth, effectively shutting him up.
"... You're allowed to eat in the car?" Pacifica asked, confused by their great uncle's lack of protest.
"Yeah!" Mabel answered. "The car is where secret surprise snacks happen! Want one?"
"Oh, I'm not supposed to take handouts," Pacifica responded.
"Handouts? It's called sharing!" Mabel said with a laugh, before her eyes narrowed slightly. "... You do know what sharing is, right?"
"S... Shaar-ing?" Pacifica tried.
"... Just take it," Mabel responded, shoving the taco in Pacifica's mouth.
The blonde's eyes widened at the act, certain what had just happened had been some kind of violation of something. She looked around to see if anyone thought what had just happened was weird, but Dipper simply shrugged.
"You get used to it," he said, remarkably clear considering his mouth was full of food.
Pacifica glanced back at Mabel, and saw that the girl was too busy munching on her own taco to notice her reaction.
' These people are weird, ' Pacifica thought as she began eating the taco. ' Huh, this actually isn't bad. '
After a few more minutes of driving and snacking, the car pulled up to the front gate of the Northwest Mansion. Swallowing the last of her taco, Mabel opened up the car door and got out, allowing Pacifica to step out.
"So, um..." Pacifica started awkwardly. "Thanks for the ride, or whatever."
"No problem, girl," Mabel said as she got back into the car. "See you around?"
"See ya Pacifica," Dipper said half-heartedly
"Uh, yeah," Pacifica answered. "I guess so. Oh, and tell your servant I like his W-neck."
"Yes!" Soos said triumphantly as the flap of his collar fell.
Dipper watched out the window as Pacifica walked up to the front gate. "... So, are you guys cool now?"
"I think we made some progress," Mabel answered. "The important thing to remember is that at the end of the day, she's just an ordinary kid like us."
As Mabel said that, the Mansion's front gates opened, revealing several fountains, peacocks roaming the yard, and a bright neon "Congratulations Pacifica" sign with fireworks hailing her return.
"... Should've charged her for that taco," Dipper commented.
"AAA-greed!" Mabel said with her trademark smile.
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