Hello, my lovelies! I know that it's been a minute since I last updated. I just wanted to let you guys know I haven't forgotten you. I've just been dealing with some shit in my life. This month has not been a good one for me. I lost my uncle to covid on the 2nd and my dad died three days after him, to covid as well. And when I thought my life couldn't get anymore f**ked up, my cousin died two weeks after. We've had three funerals in this month alone. I just couldn't bring myself to write. I wanted to give up writing altogether, but I know I couldn't do that to you guys. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I promise you wouldn't have to wait too long for the next one. 

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Lacey's P.O.V

"Mummy, I don't like going to school. All the other kids are mean to us."

I listened to my son as I searched under the couch for the fifth time, trying to find the shoes that I knew he hid. Just as the last time I searched, it was not there.

I plopped myself on the ground and blew out a frustrated breath. Every morning it's the same thing, he hides something from me, hoping that I wouldn't find it and he wouldn't be able to go to school.

Turning to him, I gave him a stern look. "Alright young man, tell me where you hid your shoes this instant."

He stuck his little nose in the air and folded his arms in rebellion. His sister and brother giggled from the other side of the room. Both dressed and waiting to head through the door.

I folded my arms as well, and narrowed my eyes at him, hoping to intimidate him. He scrunched up his little face and squinted his eyes right back at me. We faced each other like that for a while, both refusing to back down.

After about five minutes of getting nowhere, I decided that I'd had enough. I couldn't let him have things his way. I was the adult, and he should be listening to me. So, there was only one thing left to do. Beg.

"Kailo, sweetie can you please tell mummy where you hid the shoes." He turned his head away, refolding his arms and planting his feet firmly on the ground. Okay, so that didn't work. He left me no choice but to pull out the big guns.

"I'm gonna tell grandma, and then you're going to be in big trouble."

Liliane and Liam gasped, smacking their hands over their mouth in unison. Kailo's head spun back to me, his eyes widened, and his lips turned down into a frown.

"Tell mama where the shoes are, Kai." Liliane urged.

"Yeah, Kai, tell mama that you hid them in the washing machine." Liam chimed in.

A bright smile lit up my face as I looked at Liam. So, that's where the rascal hid it. I should have known that he was up to no good when I found him in the kitchen after dinner the night before.

When Liam realised what he said, he palmed his face in his hands and let out a squeaky, "Sorry, Kai."

I quickly got up and ran into the kitchen then through to the utility room. I opened the washing machine, and sure enough, the shoes were there. Grabbing them, I ran back into the living area and handed them to Kailo, who took them with slumped shoulders.

Just as he slipped his feet into the last shoe my doorbell rang, signalling the arrival of the bus driver.

"Come on guys, Mary is here. You guys like Mary, don't you?"

Liam and Liliane nodded, but Kailo still had his shoulders slump and head hung. It broke my heart to see him like that, and I wished that I could keep them home and home-school them, but I had a demanding job.

Mary, the school bus supervisor smiled at me when I opened the door, then waved at the kids. Liam and Liliane waved back, but Kailo just stood there with a big frown on his face.

"Oh my, are we having a little strap, Kailo?"

He didn't answer, just walked right past her in the direction of the bus. I thought his behaviour was adorable and appalling at the same time.

"Morning Mrs Lighthouse." Mary greeted me with a smile.

"Morning Mary, and please, call me Lacey." I did not feel comfortable being called Mrs Lighthouse and I don't know if I ever was.

She nodded. "I'll take the kids now, don't worry about Kailo, he'll be right as rain before he even gets to school."

"Thank you, Mary." I appreciated her looking out for my children.

I walked with them to the bus then kissed them goodbye, telling them how much I loved them. I waited until the bus drove off before going back inside to get ready for work.

As I was closing the door behind me, someone inserted their foot between the door and the frame, stopping me from closing it. My heart rate picked up because I knew who it was.

I tried my best to push his feet away, but Richard was too strong for me. He pushed on the door, causing me to lose my balance and stumbled back.

He came into my house, closing the door behind him, making sure to secure it on the latch. Dread filled me because the look in his eyes told me that I was in big trouble.

"Where were you on Sunday, Peaches?" His tone held no room for discussion.

"What are you doing here, Richard?" I tried to sound strong, but I failed because I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.

"If you make me repeat my question, Lacey, you will suffer the consequence."

He moved closer to me as he spoke and I took a few steps back, desperate to maintain some distance between us. I knew that I should've stood up to him, but I just couldn't. Richard didn't only work for the FBI; he was the director of the whole goddamn place. Richard could make my life a living hell with just the click of his finger.

"I was at Lucy's place."

Even as I said the lie, I knew that I was in deep shit. Lucy might be my sister, but she's been in love with Richard for years. In her eyes, I'm always the one at fault, he can do no harm.

Richard's eyes narrowed his anger at boiling point now. I took a step back, knowing that I had to get away from him or I'll find myself calling in sick again, requesting a few weeks off work.

He raised his hand, and I closed my eyes, realising that it was already too late to escape him. The sound of his hand connecting with my face rang out in the otherwise quiet room.

"You're telling lies now, Peaches?"

My face stung. I moved my hand to touch my face, but Richard captured it. I wanted to pull away from him, but I dare not.

"Let's try this again."

He moved even closer to me, so close that I had no room to escape if I wanted to. He lifted his free hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. The action made me flinched. I didn't mean to; it was just the reaction I've had towards him since my accident.

He frowned at my behaviour, but that didn't deter him. He leaned down and kissed the spot that he just hit. I closed my eyes, trying my best to stay calm as I felt the familiar panic attack raise to the surface. It's been that way with him from the moment I opened my eyes after the accident.

"You're going to tell me where you were on Sunday and if I catch you lying to me again, you will pay, dearly. Understood?"

I nodded my head. My heart was beating so fast that I could hear the thump, thump sound in my ears. I couldn't tell him the truth and I couldn't tell him a lie either, because I knew that he knew where I was on Sunday. However, he didn't know what and who I was doing.

"Now, Lacey, tell me where you were on Sunday?"

His voice sounded calm and in control, almost unbothered, but I knew differently. Richard wanted me to slip up. He wanted to find a reason, any reason to justify hitting me. I knew I had to be careful.

I swallowed, "I was out clubbing."

His jaw twitched and his fingers closed tighter around my hand. I hissed in pain but made no attempt at escaping him. I knew better than to make Richard angrier.

"Who were you with? Which club did you go to?"

This was the answer that he really wanted to hear. It's not that he didn't care that I went to the club, because he did. However, he was more interested in the who. He wanted to make sure that I wasn't out f**king someone who was not him.

"I was out with Marie, but then she left, and I stayed for a bit then I came home."

His eyes bored into mine, holding me captive. He searched my face to see if I was lying, which technically I wasn't, but the intensity of it still made me squirmed.

"Which club were you at, Peaches?"

I wanted to lie, but it would have been pointless. He already knew which club I was at because he was there on Sunday searching for me. I still don't know how he found out that I was there, but I wasn't stupid enough to ask either. Richard had eyes on me wherever I go. His people always send him daily reports of my actions. I've learned to live with it.

His hand squeezed mine when I remain silent. It hurt so much that I tried pulling it away to stop the pain. He gave me a pointed look, his eyes telling me that I would be in deep shit if I continue fighting back.

"Blood Red, I was at Blood Red." I hissed out through the pain.

Instead of loosening his grip, he squeezed harder. I cried out, unable to bear the pain any longer.

"Why the f**k were you there? There are many other clubs that you could have gone to, why that one?"

I didn't understand why he was so upset about me going to that particular club. Did he somehow find out that I spent the night with another man? As soon as the thought came to my mind, I banished it. If Richard had found out, there would have been no questions asked, I probably would have been dead by now.

"I didn't have any specific reason for going there, Richard."

I hoped I sounded convincing, but he didn't look convinced. He stared at me for a while without saying anything. His hold on my hand loosened somewhat. When he asked the next question, I saw a hint of fear. He tried to hide it by pushing it away instantly, but I saw it.

"Did you see anyone there, speak to anyone there?"

There it was again, that fear. I heard it in his voice when he spoke.

What was he so afraid of?

The question plagued me. I wanted to ask but decided against it. Something about that club spooked him and I wanted to know what. Maybe that could be the thing that I needed to finally get away from Richard. I have never seen him afraid of anything before.

"No," I answered, "I didn't see or speak to anyone that I shouldn't have spoken to."

He looked at me for a while longer, then deciding to, believe me, he nodded his head. However, his look changed. He no longer had that angry look in his eyes, instead, it was replaced with a look of lust.

The realisation of my situation hit me. We were alone. I've tried my best to never be alone with Richard ever since he moved out six months ago.

"I miss you, Peaches, don't you miss me?"

It was a trap; I knew it was. If I told him, I missed him then he would suggest moving back in, and if I told him, I didn't miss him it could cause him to get angry.

He pulled my robe open, resting his hand on my stomach. I flinched. I couldn't control my reaction to him. It confused me because, before the accident, my reaction to his touch was different, or so I thought.

"I...um, I don't know what I feel, Richard, and that's the honest truth." This was the safest route to take.

"Well, Lacey, let me help you with that."

His lips went to the crook of my neck. He kissed me there as his hand on my stomach slid lower. As he tried to slip his hand into my panties, I felt the all too familiar feeling wash over me.

I froze, not responding to his touch. As his lips moved against my lips, my head started spinning as blood rushed to my ears. A tingling sensation that started in my feet worked its way up my body, ending in my head as a sharp pain overtook me. However, I was unable to make a sound as my body was frozen in fear.

My heart started beating fast, so fast that it blocked out all other sounds in the room until it was all I could hear. Sweat trickled down the side of my face as my body started shaking. Slowly at first then uncontrollably. My vision blurred and it became very hard for me to take my next breath. I wanted to get away from him. I knew that I had to get away from him, but I was still frozen in place.

Richard stopped kissing me just when I thought that I was going to pass out. He moved his hand from my body and took a step back. The moment he moved, I started to breathe easily. I took deep breaths to calm myself down. With shaky hands, I retied the belt of my robe.

Richard looked at me with frustration and anger. He ran his hand through his blonde hair then turned away from me in an attempt to control his rage. When he turned back to look at me, his brown eyes lack any emotion. It was so cold that I ran my hands up and down myself to stop the chill that washed over me.

"How long are you going to be like this, Lacey? I can't even touch my f**king wife because of your stupid panic attacks!"

His anger scared me. However, it wasn't my fault that I panicked every time he touched me. It was just my body's natural reaction to him. After my accident, whenever he tried to touch me, I'd start panicking. It would always frustrate and upset him, but for the first few months, he was very understanding. However, things took a turn for the worse when my attacks become more frequent and severe. It meant that he couldn't have sex with me.

We went to the doctor after Richard tried to sleep with me despite my attacks and it caused me to almost stop breathing. The doctor did an assessment then told me that what I was suffering from is called Genophobia, a severe fear of sexual intercourse.

As much as the diagnosis upset Richard, I was surprisingly happy because the thought of sharing my body with him just didn't feel right. I could never explain my feelings. I married the man for god's sake, right? However, it wasn't until I found my journals, that everything I felt started making sense.

I was happy that I wouldn't have to force myself to sleep with him because doing so could quite literally cost me my life. For four years I lived with my disorder, believing, and accepting that that was my life. I was never going to get over it and have a normal life. Despite my many treatments to overcome it, nothing worked. It wasn't until I saw Killian that feeling of arousal for a man overtook me, and what transpired between us on Sunday proved that I could have a normal life again.

He stepped closer to me and pressed his lips to mine, forcing his tongue in my mouth. He pulled away just as my attack started kicking in. Grabbing his jacket that was discarded on the ground, he headed towards the door. I started feeling a twinge of relief like I can finally start breathing again, but then he turned to look at me.

"I will have you again, Lacey. You're my wife now."

I looked at him, confused. I've been his wife all my life. He opened the door when he reached it but turned again before going through it.

"Stay away from Blood Red."

He left and the question rang in my head.

Why?