I lived the next couple years the same as I always had. Dizzy spells here and there but nothing more than I was used to. In 2016 I found out we were expecting our second child and pushed the fear of  the last delivery out of  my mind excited to meet our new little one. The months passed and we were finally ready to welcome our new baby boy. Aside from yet another complicated delivery I never felt like I was going to pass out. I was in the clear I thought.

Months started to pass and my dizzy spells were becoming more frequent. I brushed them off since during birth I had lost a ton of blood I thought it was just from being anemic. When my son was a few months old I stood up to head to bed and everything spun. I felt dizziness that I had never experienced before and lost the vision in my left eye. Panicking I yelled to my husband that something wasn't right. We brought the boys to my parents and my husband sped to the er.

Test after test was performed. Catscans, EKG. Echocardiogram you name it they did it. Doctor after doctor walked into my room and none of them had any answers as to what was going on with me. I spent days missing my babies, attached to the hospitals breast pump before they released me diagnosis unknown.

I felt defeated. I felt crazy. I felt embarrassed Most of all I felt like I was failing my family. My children, my husband, my parents, and my siblings. I had just spent days away from them and I was perfectly fine. It must all be in my head just like all the years before. I was actually crazy and I hated myself for it. I was convinced if I tried hard enough I could not be dizzy anymore. I could be normal, just like all of the fancy tests said I was but I couldn't no matter how hard I fought it the dizziness overcame me. My perfect healthy body was failing me and I hated it. I needed answers and it is all in my head or it was normal  just wasn't going to cut it anymore.