You would think after living with something for around ten plus years it wouldn't scare you anymore but that is far from the case. August 23rd 2014 the most amazing yet one of the scariest days of my life. I was in full blown labor pain at an extreme that I have never felt before. Finally after twelve hard hours of labor and twenty minutes of pushing my world was changed and I became a mommy for the first time.

Sitting here writing this I have tears in my eyes. Thinking about them laying my perfect baby boy on my chest for the first time. Everything was perfect, I was a mom. I couldn't shake this feeling that I was going to pass out though. I asked my mom to get me something to eat thinking maybe I just was hungry. Food came but eating did nothing to help how I felt and ignoring it was not changing the truth that was quickly catching up to me. Something was wrong. Looking down and the baby in my arms one last time and taking in my mom and husband I finally admitted I myself I had about ten seconds before I was unconscious. My ears popped as I told my husband to get help and I could feel my eyes growing heavy.

Within seconds the room was filled with every doctor and nurse on the floor. They ripped my baby from my chest. I remember the coldness that followed. I remember taking in every ounce of fear etched in my husbands features. The nurses voices all mushing together. I just wanted to sleep but I knew I was going to die. I told myself this is it. I looked at my husband and son and swore that was the last part of Earth I was taking with me.

The nurse yelled to me "Honey you have to fight for me keep your eyes open whatever you do you can not go to sleep."

She didn't understand though this was a tired that I had never felt before it wanted to swallow me whole and not let me back out. I heard voices shouting over me blood pressure keeps dropping 56/42. Then I remember I promised my husband nothing bad would happen. In that moment I swore to myself we would be leaving that hospital together if I had any say.

Finally my vitals leveled. The nurses and doctors slowly cleared the room with no answers as to what just happened. I got to hold my baby. I got to kiss my husband. I'm pretty sure I wasn't actually going to die that day but in the moment I swore I was. In that moment I realized the easy thing to do would have been to let go. To close my eyes and go to sleep. More than likely I would have woken back up but that was just a risk I refused to take.