CHAPTER 92
a.n. don't forget to comment and vote
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Renleigh Kensington
Planning a gender reveal was never something I thought I would do because I never had anything other than my business on my mind. Anything that was to do with growing a family seemed like a waste of time to me, something I found to be an excuse to not work but I suppose the people you meet during different parts of your life and the things that happen to you, shape you into the person you eventually become and so thinking of things like that comes with it.
Having people around you who mean a lot to you, changes the way you look at things. At least, I felt like it was changing me. I only ever had my parents by my side and my brother. No matter what happened in life, I knew I always had them and they never thought of leaving me or betraying me. Now, that circle of people expanded by two in the form of Zayn and Harry. They became constant people in my life and that took me a while to understand.
I only ever had experience with friends who went behind my back and weren't loyal to me. They left the second I no longer benefitted them because they were nothing more than flies on the wall. So, to have people there for me who would go to great lengths to make sure I felt cared for and loved was really new but something I have craved for so fucking long.
It made me show my caring and loving side more and it allowed me to realise that perhaps, there is more to life than working and making money. Success was still really important to me but ensuring a stable relationship with people who I cared about was also something that jumped up on that list.
That's why I managed to get Harry to let us do the gender reveal for Zayn and Charlotte. Since I wasn't allowed to do business stuff—and weirdly enough, everything was under control everywhere—I needed something other than my therapist, the gym and cooking to fill up my spare hours. Yes, I did decide to hit the gym from time to time, although it was all Harry. He always dragged me along and made me work out with his personal trainer since I had absolutely no experience when it came to gym equipment or even what to do to get in shape.
"Harry, I'm not going to go for the most stereotypical colour!" I argued with him when he tried to get me to agree on why he wanted to go with blue.
"So what if it's stereotypical? Do you want pink confetti coming out of those things and then tell them it's a boy?" he asked back, clearly annoyed as he still couldn't get over the fact that he lost the bet days ago. He was now officially on baby-nappy duty for the rest of the kid's life and I was eight hundred quid richer.
I loved winning.
"Ugh. How the hell are you a CEO of your own fashion company?" I grunted and he fell back on the bed, his head hit the pillows and his body bounced as the mattress moved.
"Honestly? I don't know. I love business stuff and I love fashion. I guess since I have the drive and the money under my fat ass, I managed to do what I had to in order to build up a company from fuck all and now here I am."
"You don't have a fat ass," I rolled my eyes. "You know," I turned around to look at him with my eyebrows furrowed, my voice slightly higher in pitch than before. "It actually bothers me how good your ass looks. You have no fat on it, no cellulite and every time I slap it, it's proper firm. How do you do it?"
"It's natural, baby," he winked at me.
"That's a lie and you know it," I said. "How the hell do squats work for you?"
"I don't just do squats," he replied. "I have a full-on booty workout like I do for my arms, back, legs, stomach, everything. What good is it to have biceps like mine and no arse?"
"Your legs need a bit of toning up, too," I picked on him playfully. "You have no calves—they just look like a pair of tree trunks."
"Oi, watch what you are saying about my calves," he spoke up offendedly. "What is it with you criticising me?"
"Dunno," I shut my laptop off and placed it on the side. I crawled up next to him and turned on my stomach, my elbows stuffed in the soft quilt as I held my body up. "You know I'm never serious when I say shit like that to you, though, don't you?"
"I think I've had enough time to learn to speak your language so you don't need to worry about me crying over the things you tell me," he reassured and I nodded a couple of times. "On another note—I know this is one of the reasons why we agreed on therapy, but I don't think us two talked much about it since it happened. So... how do you feel about Louis being in jail and stuff?"
"I feel relieved, I guess. It never occurred to me that he would end up there then again, I never thought he would come after my brother."
"Did you think he would come after you?" he asked.
"I never thought about it, if I'm being honest," I shared after I thought about it. When I left university and the people behind, it didn't even cross my mind that I would have the power to put any of those individuals behind bars. "Why do you ask?"
"Only because whenever he is a topic between us, it's never focused on you or what he had done to you. It's always about what kind of person he is and what he had done to others."
"Is there a point to what you are telling me?" I chuckled. He placed his hands behind his head as he got comfortable and I put my face in the palms of my hands. He was so pretty.
"Yeah—you have changed."
"You better tell me that it was for the better or you are not sleeping in here until we have to go home."
"Stop threatening me," he kicked me with his left leg and I punched his side with my fist. It wasn't too hard but enough to make him say, "Ouch."
"Will you tell me how I've changed or do you want me to think about it for the rest of my life?"
"You are so dramatic. It honestly shocks me sometimes how you didn't end up being an actress."
"Styles. Spill."
"Right-right," he defended himself quickly. "I just meant that you have found an inner touch with yourself that now lets you express how you feel. From the time we first started talking to now, you have changed so much, it's like you are a completely different person," he explained.
"Well, I do still have my moments," I chipped in. I was still very much the boss between us and if things didn't happen the way I wanted them to, I had the tendency to switch persona and try to order him around. Not that it ever worked. He was a CEO himself and whether he wanted to admit it or not, the way I rolled, completely rubbed off on him and so sometimes, it felt like I was trying to get myself in order as I spoke to him.
"Of course, you do. It would be very strange if you wouldn't," he agreed. "But what I'm saying is that emotionally you are so much more open with me and yourself than you were when we met."
"So I guess your mission went from impossible to completed, huh?" I messed with him.
"Nah, I'd say it's still on-going but definitely closer to completed than impossible."
"Okay so you think that I have changed because whenever Louis is mentioned, I worry more about others than myself?" I reiterated what he said before.
"I'd rephrase that and say that you freely expressing that you care about more than work—which is nothing to be ashamed of and I admire you for how hardworking you are—and yourself, shows growth as a person. You have learnt to deal with your emotions and, especially now that you are seeing someone professional and you have someone other than me to fully trust, you are much more capable of focusing your energy on things and people that matter and as opposed to lashing out or drowning yourself in work or wine, you actually use words to sort your shit out."
"Well, it definitely looks like therapy rubbed off on you as well," I smirked. "Here you are, evaluating the way I have changed and how it's so apparent."
"I've always felt like I was somewhat of a therapist to you so I guess I just had a bit of polishing done," he answered cockily.
"Until I got too much for you to handle and you told me I should go and find someone with an actual degree and knowledge of the shit that was wrong with me," Harry rolled his eyes playfully and then glanced up at the ceiling. I smiled as I noticed the light stubble he had going on and the way his jawline looked sharp as a knife. I scooted closer to him and leaned up to his cheek to give him a kiss. He looked down at me instantly and so it gave me the perfect angle to kiss him.
It felt like it had been ages since we had sex. Like, actual, exciting sex. Not that there was anything wrong with lazy, casual morning sex or just a quick round on the couch when he couldn't keep his hands to himself or when I just decided to have some fun myself.
I missed the times when I'd get to put a blindfold on him and handcuff him to the bed. I missed the teasing, the clumsiness of it, the sexiness and the lust that came along with it. Playing around like that always turned me on, it had me dripping wet and aching by the time it actually came to him dicking me down.
But lately, it felt like he treated me as if I could break at any moment or as if my body wasn't able to handle something rough.
Truth was, I needed him. I needed him like the time we fought and had sex for the first time in my old bedroom. I needed him like the time he turned twenty-five. I needed him like all the times we'd do more and not just the same, old, boring missionary.
Like, literally when did I use to let him be on top? The only time that ever really happened was when we did more than two rounds in a night and I was tired or when I needed the feel of him from the back because trust me, every time we did it from the back, it never felt the way it did the first ever time but I was desperate to try until it felt the same.
"Mmm—kiss me back," he mumbled against my lips whilst he pressed little pecks on them. His eyes were closed but they flew open when I stuck my tongue out and he kissed that instead. "Hey!"
"I know ties work perfectly but I want to get a new pair of handcuffs—or two. We have nothing here and I'm tired of the same old sex we have," I told him honestly. He looked back at me with a shocked facial expression at first and then he seemed to understand my point. I guess that topic alone was random considering what we were talking about before.
"I prefer cuffs."
"I know, Mr Pain Kink," I teased him which caused him to squint his eyes, lower his eyebrows and purse his lips
"Anyway. If you want to be fancy and shit, you should do a turquoise colour instead of plain old blue," he changed the subject back to the gender reveal.
"Nah... thinking more about it now, I don't think they are looking for something fancy. They just want to know if they are having a boy or a girl," I sighed as I told him. We have been at this topic for a few days now and the only thing we managed to settle was the fact that there were going to be balloons at this damn gender reveal.
"So, why did you fight me on this?" he laughed.
"Because... I don't know, Harry."
He gave me a look as he tilted his head to the side a tiny bit. Then, he raised his right hand and waved his finger in front of my face, "Yes, you do."
Okay. Maybe. But then I felt my face flush and it felt hot and I took a deep breath that I held in for a moment.
"Do not go here," I warned him.
"Go where?" he raised his eyebrow.
"You know where."
"So, I'm right?" he asked with a grin that annoyingly tugged on his lips.
"I will never give you that satisfaction so don't even try."
"That's all I needed to know," he sighed loudly as he laid on his back and closed his eyes, fingers intertwined. "You got lost in the planning and started doing it as if it was for our baby."
"I never said that!"
"But that's what you thought and that's why we were fighting over colours," he stated. I opened my mouth to say something but instead, I just closed it and rolled on my back so we were both in the same position.
"This doesn't mean I want to have kids," I told him, not that he asked or didn't know already. So, whether I wanted to convince him or myself should have been the actual question in place.
"I never said this meant we are going to start trying for one. I know we are not ready for a baby."
"Then?"
"Are you pretending or are you that dumb?"
"Call me dumb again and you'll lose your baby making tool."
"You are getting defensive and completely ignoring the conversation topic. That means you know I'm right. You were thinking this was for us but then just now you've realised that Zayn and Charlotte are going to be fine with the basic colours and shades and whatever because they are not us... not you," he concluded. I listened to him quietly instead of throwing back a comment. "There is nothing wrong with that, you know."
"Isn't there, though?" I pressed. "I always say I don't want a kid and now I'm over here thinking I'm planning a party for mine?"
"You say you don't want a kid which is because you are not ready for one. That doesn't mean you don't ever want one."
"I have said that before—that I never want one. And up until I really started to see my future with you in it, I didn't think I'd be anything more than an auntie or a godmother."
"Look. You didn't think you wanted a kid when you were single because you were single. You were alone and without anyone so the only thing that mattered to you was your job. Now, you have me and we're in a relationship. We're in one because we both see this going farther than down the street and that comes with thoughts like marriage and kids and expanding our family."
"God, I feel stupid listening to you," I groaned. "What you are saying is so obvious but my mind keeps blocking it like it's some sort of wall to keep out the virus on a computer."
"That's okay, Ren," he comforted me with a sweet smile on his pretty lips. God, my man was the most gorgeous of them all and I couldn't believe he was still with me, even after everything that happened. The random realisations I had whenever I looked at him were insane. I was one lucky motherfucker. "Sometimes, even the most obvious stuff has to be explained because we're too focused on one specific little detail that we can't take a step back and look at it as a whole."
"Are you sure you are not an undercover therapist?" I chuckled.
"You know, I have asked myself that question before," he hummed. "But anyway—I love that you are putting your whole heart and soul into this gender reveal. That kid is going to love you so much."
"I can't believe they are having a boy," I said with a soft smile on my lips. "He is going to be so gorgeous, don't you think?"
"Yeah," he agreed. "His parents look great together so I have no doubt in my mind he will come out perfect."
"Ugh."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit," he scoffed. "Tell me."
"I want to talk about us having kids," I mumbled. I hoped he didn't hear me but I also hoped he did so I wouldn't need to repeat myself. It took so much for me to say that out loud because I felt embarrassed.
"Okay... what about them?" he asked. "How many do I want? Three. Maybe four. If we have four, they all have a pair. But then it's dividing our businesses into four and I'm not sure how that would work out. Wait, do you want to merge our companies? Oh, wait! You have two headquarters, so three of them could have COO positions at each since we'd still be the CEOs. Wait, am I looking into details too much?"
"You are," I chuckled. "And no, I will not merge with anyone ever. Not even you, sorry."
"What if my company was going downhill? Would you not help out?"
"I would but I wouldn't merge," I said. "My name was always meant to come first and stand alone. I feel like it represents me and what I stand for and who I am and although merging would bring double the profit and customers, I don't think I would be able to work together with you."
"Why is that?"
"I feel like our vision is kind of the same but it's entirely different at the same time. You and I work differently and I just think that all we'd do in meetings is try to outdo the other and argue and complain about everything. Plus, it would interfere with our personal life and we'd bring work home and although I do do that already, it'd be different because we'd be partners and I just don't see us lasting too long as work partners or a couple," I admitted.
I couldn't have imagined anything worse than working with someone who I was also going out with. I knew myself enough to know I would have found a problem in the way he was sitting in a meeting or the way he proposed an idea. I knew myself enough to know I would have brought those problems home rather than leaving it at the office and I couldn't afford to lose Harry over something like this, no matter at what stage we were in our relationship.
"That... that makes sense," he replied eventually. "I see where you are coming from. You are pretty impulsive and it takes you a snap of a finger to cause a fight over nothing and I'm not much better because I argue right back. Merging really isn't in the cards for us, huh?" he chuckled and I hummed in agreement. "Wait—are you taking my name when we're married or am I taking yours?"
"Hmm..."
"Harry Kensington. Harry Styles. Renleigh Styles. Renleigh Kensington," he tried our names with the other's surname and it was all just so weird. "Renleigh Kensington Styles. Harry Styles Kensington."
"Wait... why does Harry Styles Kensington sound good?" I asked back as I turned my head to the side to look at him. "Renleigh Styles Kensington—nevermind. That sounds shit."
"Harry Kensington Styles. Renleigh Kensington Styles," he tried. "Fuck, I don't know. Why don't we just get a completely new surname?"
"Yeah?" I laughed. "Like what?"
"I don't know... Harry... Smith? Renleigh Smith?"
"Okay, stop," I said with a disgusted look on my face. "For now, we're Harry Styles and Renleigh Kensington and I don't know want to think about changing my name because we don't have to—oh my god. If I become Styles, I won't be Kensington and that's my whole brand. What am I going to do?"
"You just said we shouldn't worry about our surnames and yet here you are, stressing over it. Calm down," he said. "You will still be known as Kensington."
"Hey, I'm Renleigh Styles, CEO of Kensington and Co."
"Yes, exactly," he replied. "Just because your last name is not the same as your company's name, it doesn't make you any less of a boss. Or, if it makes you feel that way, you introduce yourself the way you do now and that's it. You are the one stressing over it now and I don't know how we got here from talking about babies."
"Welcome to my fucking life," I laughed. Then, I sat up and pulled my laptop back in my lap since the gender reveal party wasn't going to plan itself without my and the planner's help. "Now, tell me if cutting the cake open and seeing blue coloured chocolate flowing out of it or popping balloons filled with blue confetti is the better idea."
• • •
a.n.
THE WAY THEY COME SO FUCKING FAR 😭 i could cry what the fuck
but also harry is on nappy duty hahahahaha how unlucky wow i need ren's energy she comes out on top (lit rally on top in every sense) every time 💆🏻♀️
omg there are only 8 chapters left,,, what are we thinkin???
xoxo
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