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• • •

Renleigh Kensington

For someone who couldn't have imagined themselves with a baby, I was overjoyed for Charlotte and Zayn. To my knowledge, she was five months along when she visited us in New York to deliver the news and since then I was alone. Obviously, I didn't mind Zayn going home to be with her and their still cooking child but I also felt extremely alone once he was no longer by my side and only a phone call away.

It was my birthday, however. May came around every year and my age went up a digit each time. I was one year off thirty this year and that made me feel weird. Almost three decades on this planet, which is one more than I thought I would get to live through. Not saying I'm disappointed but I am slightly surprised. I guess my life turning in the right direction did change the way I looked at things and for that, I was eternally grateful.

I didn't plan on doing anything for it. I haven't in a long time and I didn't want to change that. Thankfully, I never got to celebrate it with a certain someone to the extent they wanted to celebrate it with me but it was still much more than I ever did for it.

• • •

"I don't think you realise but I hate birthdays," I chuckled as Harry placed a cake in front of me. It had twenty-eight candles on the top, all of them lit once he found the lighter.

"And I don't think you realise but I don't care," he pressed a kiss on my temple before he placed the lighter down and sat on the chair next to me. "Now, I'm gonna get your parents on FaceTime and we'll sing you a happy birthday, is that cool with you, your Majesty?"

I didn't have a choice so I didn't feel like an answer—other than me rolling my eyes and smirking—was needed. He actually did end up making sure both of my dads were in the camera and he set it up so us two and the cake was in focus, too. They all sang the annoying birthday song and I couldn't wait for it to be over. They all clapped and when Harry gave me a stare, I joined in as well.

After that, I was made to make a wish and blow out all my candles. It was so embarrassing to be in the spotlight like this but because it made Harry so happy, I put it to the side for the time being.

"I can't believe you really FaceTimed them!" I shook my head once it was just us two again. He began to slice the cake although I would have been fine with eating it with a fork as a whole.

"I know they always visit you or at least call you for your birthday so there was no way I was going to let you being in New York be the reason why that can't happen," he explained and I just watched him with my head propped up in my hand as he lifted the slice on a plate. I missed him terribly, so much more than I thought I would, so to finally have him out here was the best thing ever.

I love you so much. "That's nice."

"I know you don't like the attention it brings but I want to celebrate you because you deserve it," he smiled at me with one of his hands on the table and the other on the back of my chair. He then leaned down and pecked me on the lips. I wanted more, however, so I slipped my hand on the side of his neck then wrapped both of them around him and kissed him for a bit longer. "Mhm, don't you want cake?"

"I want you," I mumbled in the kiss and he chuckled. I stood up from my seat and pulled him along to my couch then pushed him down so I could straddle his lap. "Much better," I grinned when he was finally under me and my lips could shower his neck in kisses.

• • •

My damn couch didn't feel the same after that. We only had sex on it three times during that one trip of his but it was enough for my mind to associate him with it. It didn't matter how many movie nights I had with Zayn on there prior to that—it reminded me of him and nothing else.

A year ago today, I woke up excitedly because I knew he was coming to see me. I wanted to be the one to pick him up from the airport and when I did, I teared up as he wrapped his arms around me and held me to him tightly. We had only been away from each other for two weeks and I already felt the impact of those fourteen days without him. So, when he could only visit me two months after that due to both of us being extremely busy, I was really on the low side of things until he was with me again.

Now, I didn't have him at all and he wasn't coming at all. He didn't want me. He broke it off with me because of the distance. I kind of gave up on the whole threat thing because it sounded stupid and obsessive. It was like I desperately wanted him to have a better reason for not wanting to go out with me anymore when there probably wasn't anything else. If it wasn't the distance then it was probably me who drove him away, anyway.

There was a lot more wrong with me than right and he most likely have realised his life was better without me in it. I didn't blame him—I would have run if I had the chance so I started to make peace with it. Especially after it came to me that he wasn't trying to get back with me. That kind of confirmed it all for me and I had to get used to it.

I knew he loved me and I knew he cared for me. But I also knew I was a lot to handle and I wasn't easy or had the smoothest ride with things like opening up. That can be a lot for someone who is so used to showing emotion and being with people who are much lighter when it comes to communication. Perhaps he felt trapped and like he said before, at a dead end, therefore he chose to do what he thought was best for him and leave.

For that, I couldn't blame him.

A sigh escaped my lips when I woke up on my birthday this year, alone, in a somewhat cold room. I turned on my side and cuddled the bunched-up quilt to my chest then pushed down on the pillow a little so I could see my phone screen better. I had texts from my brother, Miss Jones, my parents and Zayn. It wasn't that I was ungrateful or not happy to know they cared about me. It was the fact that the one person who I really wanted a text from, would probably never even think of sending me one.

I decided to go on Instagram first and check on how my posts were doing on my personal—which was very much work focused and there was nothing personal about it—then my brand account. I liked being up to date with things like that, it really did wonders for brand loyalty between customers and Kensington and Co.

After my usual check-up was done, I tried to move in bed but my whole body ached and it felt like it was paralyzed. I tried to move myself but there was no way I could have found the strength or the energy to do that. My eyes widened in slight fear and I chuckled in panic as I turned my head and reached for my phone again.

Me: I can't move

London was five hours ahead of me which meant it was already two in the afternoon at home. It took Zayn a while to see my text and then reply.

Zayn Malik: what do u mean lol

Zayn Malik: u already moved to new york??? u wanna come back home too?

Me: I can't move from bed

Zayn Malik: hold on let me ft u lol

It took a minute or two for the call to come and by the time it finally came, the panic set in me properly.

"Oh, Jesus, why are you crying?" he asked me right away and I didn't know why I was crying.

"I can't move," I repeated. "I feel like my limbs are not working like I'm paralyzed."

"Can you feel them?" he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Did you work out for the first time in a while or something?"

"Zayn, I'm serious," I said with a weak voice. This was the most horrible feeling in the world. It felt like I had body parts but none of them could move. I have never experienced anything like this and I have never heard of it before and it was genuinely making me panic more and more.

"I have no idea what to do—can you sit up?"

"I'm scared," I mumbled and sniffled. I felt so fucking stupid and I wanted to laugh because something like this would only happen to me. But for some reason, I really was scared.

"Okay, okay, um," he paced around his living room as he pinched his bottom lip between his fingers and the action strangely reminded me of someone else. "Fuck. I don't know... call Liam? Maybe he could go over and get you out of bed then take you to the hospital or something?"

"Wow, great idea! Let's call my fucking PA to help me get my shit together," I wiped my eyes to get rid of the blurriness caused by my stupid tears.

"I don't know anyone else who is in New York right now who could help you so you either do that or keep crying to me on here," he said with a sterner voice than before. I could tell he was worried, too, his eyebrows dipped and he kept biting the inside of his cheek so I knew he didn't mean to snap at me for the sake of it. I just needed to be controlled because my mind was everywhere and it didn't help my panicking.

"I don't want to get off FaceTime."

"Renleigh, you have to call Liam. If there is something seriously wrong with you, you need someone to take you to the hospital to get checked out and I swear to god if you won't do it, I will be really angry with you."

"Can I call you back after I called him?"

"Yes, of course," he reassured. "Please call him now," he said and then ended the videochat.

My PA was surprised when I called him from my personal number as he most likely didn't expect it. He tried to tell me something before I cut him off and told him he needs to come to my place as soon as possible because it was an emergency. I didn't know how ambulances worked here nevermind the hospital so I didn't bother with it. Plus, I wasn't dying so I could wait an extra ten minutes in bed.

"Wait, I think I can sit up," I told Zayn as I found a random burst of energy that let me push myself up to a sitting position. I chuckled whilst my best friend told me to stay still and don't move. I was too made up about the fact that I wasn't broken and I could actually do something.

"Renleigh. You clearly are exhausted, you shouldn't do anything," he warned me.

"I'm fine," I said although I did feel a bit lightheaded as I decided to stand up from my bed. I saw white little spots in front of me for a few seconds but at least I could move. "Calling Liam was not necessary. I panicked for nothing—I'm fine."

"I don't care. Sit your fucking ass down now," he told me. "You don't just call someone from the other side of the world, worried, telling them you can't move from your fucking bed then moments later jump out and act like nothing ever happened."

"Relax—I just need to pee. I'll be fine."

"Take your damn phone with you."

"I wasn't going to leave it in my room," I let him know as I slowly made my way over to my bathroom. On my way, I managed to stub my little toe in the corner of my bed and I almost tripped over one of my bags near the bathroom entrance. "I feel so light," I chuckled. "I feel like there might have been something in the wine I had last night."

"When is Liam getting there?" he asked. "I don't like you being so cheery in the morning, especially not after that text before."

"You worry about me. That's sweet," I grinned as I sat on the toilet.

"Of course, I worry about you. You are my biggest liability."

"Wait, gotta wipe," I told him even though he probably didn't want to or need to know.

"Please don't fall down the loo," he sighed.

I left my phone on the floor after I pulled my PJ bottoms back on and washed my hands. I lost my balance for a few moments and I gripped the side of the sink to gain it back. The white spots came back but somehow, there were more of them than before.

"Zayn?" I called his name as I slid down the side of the sink and lost the control over my body.

• • •

I sighed and turned on my side with my eyes closed, somewhere between sleeping and being awake. I scrunched up my nose as a certain smell hit my sense and it even caused me to furrow my eyebrows. Slowly, I began to open my eyes and I was exposed to a completely new and unfamiliar space. It overwhelmed me to find myself hooked up to an IV and to be wearing hospital clothing. I have never in my life been in a situation like this and the thought of a needle being in my arm was stressing me out. My breathing picked up which caused my chest to heave up and down and I looked around the room frantically.

I was on my own but I didn't know where.

Well, other than a hospital.

Which made no fucking sense.

The door opened almost right away as those thoughts entered my brain and there in walked Liam.

"Miss Kensington, thank god, you're up!" he let out a relieved sigh as he placed his coffee on the little bedside table and walked over to me.

"Why is there a needle in my hand? Can you get it out? Please get it out of me," I begged him. I couldn't even look at where the metal disappeared into my skin. It was too much for me to handle.

"I-I don't think I can but I'm going to get a nurse to get it out for you. Please, stay there and don't take it out yourself or do anything, okay?"

I nodded with my eyes screwed shut.

Control your breathing. Control your breathing.

In and out. In and out. In and out. Slowly.

Fuck. I hated needles so much! Why did they put one in me without my permission, fuck!

"Miss Kensington, you can open your eyes," I heard a deep voice tell me what to do and I instantly stiffened. "Jessica is going to take the IV out of your hand so you feel more comfortable. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"Done," I heard the lady say and I opened my eyes. I didn't even feel the needle slide out and I thanked the fucking lord above us all.

"Okay," I sighed, relieved then composed myself. "So, what happened? How did I end up here? All I remember is talking to my friend on the phone."

"My name is Dr Scott and you are at the New York Hospital. Your friend here found you passed out in the bathroom of your home upon his arrival. He brought you straight to us as prior to you falling unconscious, you called him worried?" he looked at me like he waited for me to explain. Then, when I said nothing, he carried on. "From what he told us, you experienced something out of the ordinary for you?"

"Yeah... yeah, I, uh, I woke up this morning and I couldn't move at first," I replied with my eyebrows furrowed. It was hard to remember what happened so far today. "Then I found the energy to get out of bed but I felt lightheaded and my vision was slightly blurry, I kept tripping as I was on the phone to Zayn and then all I remember is the strong hospital smell."

"I understand. Miss Kensington, we'd like to run a few blood tests now that you are awake so we can get a better understanding of your situation here."

"Are you telling me there's something wrong with me?" I asked back instantly. "Because I'm telling you now to save you some time—I'm perfectly fine, doctor."

"And I would like to believe you, Miss Kensington. I really wish I could say you are correct. However, I'm afraid your health is at stake here," he said seriously. I glanced at Liam who stiffened in his seat to my right and kept his eyes on the doctor. "Just from a glance over the description your friend gave us about your symptoms as well as the ones you have confirmed make me believe that you are dealing with a great amount of stress and pressure in your life, whether that is personal or work related."

"Which means?" I looked at him confused.

"I'm afraid you have officially burned out, Miss Kensington."

"Yeah, okay," I rolled my eyes as I placed my hands on my stomach, my fingers intertwined as I looked ahead of me. "My doctor in England told me that before and I was just fine. I'm sure the case is the same right now."

"I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to help you get better. It is saddening that you did not take your doctor's advice on cutting down on your work load—as I think that is what gives you stress the most—because perhaps if you would have done so, I wouldn't have had the chance of meeting you today."

"My job is my life. I can't cut down on it otherwise I might as well just give up my company."

"Miss Kensington, like I said, my job is to help you get better not to fight with you on your life decisions. We would like to run some blood tests, however, so we can work out if there is more to the problem than just stress."

"Sure," I sighed as I gave up. "Whatever you need to do."

Before I left the room with the nurse, Liam stopped me. Jessica said she would give us some time whilst she went to get a wheelchair for me to ensure a more comfortable ride to the room where I'd have to get my tests done.

"There was something I wanted to tell you when you called but I couldn't."

"Is this about work? Is everything okay?"

"No but yes, everything is okay there," he reassured me and I nodded. "When I got in this morning, I found someone at reception and they were looking for you."

"Who?"

"I think you know who," he gave me a knowing look.

"You're joking..."

"I wish I was," he pressed his lips into a thin line. "When he heard why I needed to get to your place, he insisted on tagging along. As I had no time, I couldn't discourage him from doing so and he ended up in the car with me."

"Did he tell you why he came here? Is he outside?" I asked.

"No, he didn't. And he is in the cafeteria. He didn't think you'd want to see him before I could tell you he is here."

"Good. Keep him there until I have a bit of energy to deal with his ass," I sighed and then smiled at the nurse when she rolled in the wheelchair and I sat in it, ready to get stabbed by another needle. Yay.

• • •

a.n.

ren just keeps getting slapped in the face she needs sum time off 😴 omg the coming chapters or maybe it's the next one,,, u gonna HATE ME

not that u don't already do since i won't be dropping boxer harry for a while but i'm giving u another reason to do so <3

xoxo