Renleigh Kensington

London or New York?

London or New York?

London or New York?

The only question on my mind ever since I had gotten the news of potential business partners wanting to work with me. The only problem was, that if I said yes to their deal, I would have to move to New York for an unknown amount of time and take my whole business with me. And that would be forever. I would pretty much give up everything I have worked for since I have gotten out of education, everything I have ever known and loved and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Well, that is if I ever want to move back home. If I don't, then I can keep the company and run it as I have before.

I was useless when it came to this so I reached out to the only person who I knew would be able to give me an unbiased opinion on the matter.

Me: I can't believe I'm admitting this but I need your help

Me: like right now so please stop ignoring my messages

Me: there was an emphasis on 'right now'

Me: "Emphasis—stress given to a word or words when speaking to indicate particular importance"

Me: I'm so glad we didn't end up together u are horrible at texting

Zayn Malik: well well well would you look at that

Zayn Malik: renleigh kensington needing my help?

Zayn Malik: I'm all ears ma'am

Me: basically I need to talk to you in person cos it's kind of important

Zayn Malik: I'm at home and I'm quite comfortable on my couch so if you need me, you know where to find me

Me: I never been to your place dumbass

Zayn Malik: EN4 9UY

Me: see you in a bit dickhead x

Zayn Malik: insult me again and I'm not letting you in xx

• • •

"So, how may I be of service today, Miss Kensington?" he asked right as he opened the door for me. I was surprised he even had it in him to get up from the couch. He wore shorts and a shirt along with a pair of socks and a beanie. His lazy attire looked a lot like Harry's, perhaps every male on this planet had this specific fit drilled into them.

"Do I want to move to New York to be able to expand my brand or do I want to stay and not move anywhere with my business?"

"Alright, going straight in," he concluded as he followed me into his living room.

"I mean, this is something I have always wanted. To have my name out there, to be known internationally. Now, that my opportunity is here—and perhaps the only way I will be able to move forward—I'm stalling and I have no idea why."

"I reckon your boyfriend has something to do with that. Also the fact that you have a lunatic after your family, friends and yourself could impact you," he said like he read it out of a book. "There is much more at stake now than there was before. Of course, you will want to stop for a second and think rationally."

"Right. That's the thing," I said as I sat down once I moved the blanket and pillows out of my way. "I can't think rationally."

"Because you don't want to, Ren," he said as he sat down on the armchair. "You don't want to think rationally because that involves feelings and you are still not comfortable with those bastards."

"Okay so do I move to New York or do I stay in London?" I asked him.

"What does 'moving' mean, exactly?"

"It means I bag up my life and place it down elsewhere. Whatever the fuck do you think it means?" I rolled my eyes and he did the same. Perhaps we were much more alike than anyone could have anticipated it. "The deal pretty much entails me moving the headquarters of Kensington and Co to New York and close the one here. They offered me this before and I declined because I wanted to believe there was another way to go international but now, I'm not so sure."

"Why is that?"

"Because I was always so set on New York. I always thought I would get to have an office there and operate my business from there or perhaps employ someone to run it for me. But that cannot happen because the team wants me to work from there, full time."

"Do you feel like it's a once in a lifetime opportunity?"

"Kinda."

"Do you think you'll regret not moving?"

"Probably."

"Have you thought of finding somewhere else to expand to?"

"Sort of."

"Do you know anything for certain?" he laughed.

"I really want some wine right now but I'm driving so I can't drink," I huffed. "Fuck. I should have just gotten into the wine business. Would be so much easier."

"I think that you should move to New York."

"Wait, really?" I asked back in surprise. I kind of wanted him to say I should stay in London.

"Yeah," he nodded. "You have no idea what it's like there. You have no idea what it might do for your company. This team or whoever you are working with are super keen on getting you out there. You said you've been having meetings with them back and forth and nothing ever happened because you kept declining their offer," he gathered and I hummed as I listened to him. "So, that's why I think you should go for it. You have nothing to lose. I mean, you surely wouldn't lose me. I have a place in New York—hey, you could even move there while you find yourself a place or while you test it out?—so I could always visit you."

"I don't know..."

"Alright. Give me a list of things as to why you should stay here."

"Well... this is where I started," I began. "This is the home of Kensington and Co and taking it away from here—taking the root out—would feel very wrong. I have my main contacts and clients here who I would most likely lose if I were to move the business away."

"Sure. Okay," he nodded. "This is where you started but it doesn't mean you have to stay here forever. You wouldn't necessarily remove it from London fully—your first shop was opened here, the brand itself was founded here. Everyone would know that it's a British brand," he reasoned with me. "As for your contacts...I don't see why they would keep you here. New York is much bigger, has much more people and opportunities... clients to offer you. That was honestly a shit excuse and you know it yourself."

"I guess..."

"Now, tell me why you should move to New York."

"Well... you sort of explained it just then," I sighed. "There is much more opportunity for growth and that is certainly something I really want for my business. That is what it's about, right? So, this was one of the reasons why I wanted to move to New York for so long. It has something that I can't figure out from being here."

"Which is why you should go ahead and accept the deal," he encouraged me. "I don't know much about how you carry out business deals, if this would be a contract thing or whatever. But I know you, Renleigh," he said with a smile. "I know that you would find your way out of it if you didn't like it. You would do whatever it takes to get back home and pick up from where you left off."

"You have so much faith in me," I laughed. "You and Harry both do."

"Someone's gotta have your back, ey?" he chuckled. "Also, just to push the idea on you a little more—you could easily make everything work. You are only in your office for meetings and to sort out CEO stuff I know fuck all about. The only difference would be the time zone and the scenery. Perhaps the faces of your employees. But I assume you would move them all out if possible and if not, I'm sure you would find them suitable positions within one of your many stores or whatever."

"You kind of sold me on it but also, I'm kind of terrified," I admitted.

"That makes sense," Zayn replied. "It's a completely new life, area, everything. You would need a few months to get used to it."

"I suppose, yeah."

"I have a question, however," he mentioned. "Well, a few, to be honest."

"Okay, go."

"Are you sure you are mentally prepared for something like this?" he asked seriously. "All of this stuff happening with the bomb threat at your office and your brother being threatened... it surely has taken a toll on you, hasn't it?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "It has. But I feel like I can't let that stop me from doing things, you know? Shit will happen at any time at any place."

"Very true. Another question—would your relationship be able to hold out? New York is not exactly down the street."

He got me there. That was one of the biggest things, actually. That was what held me back from going. I would have been on the plane, otherwise. The deal money-wise was amazing, the security of it, the guarantees, the possibilities. Everything seemed great—too great to pass up. However, there was one thing... him, that held me back.

"You haven't told him, have you?" he caught onto me and all I managed to do was nod to confirm his theory.

"If I were to move, we'd have to break up."

"Why on earth would you need to do that?" he laughed at me in disbelief. "Long-distance relationships can work," I couldn't say anything to that because I had no idea if that was true. I didn't have any experience in that area. "Listen. From what I know of and about Harry, he is head over heels for you. That man loves you more than anything. He would hurt himself before he hurts you or lets anyone touch a single piece of hair on your head. If you think he would be okay with you breaking things off just because you are moving out of the country for work, you are mistaken."

"Eh, let me get it through to him that I could potentially move, first," I mumbled. "I don't know how he would take it."

"Probably good. He is a good man, Ren," he reassured me. "He really does love you—the man flew back home, right from his meeting, to make sure you were okay the other day. He would fly out every two days to see you if that was the only way of you two seeing each other."

"That seems too good to be true. I don't want to make myself believe that it would happen."

"That's why you need to talk to him about this. You need to tell him about the deal and ask his opinion on it. Actually, you need to tell him about the plan then you need to tell him that you want to do this and then ask his opinion," he advised. "If he truly loves you, he will support you and instead of keeping you home, he will encourage you to go."

"Would you?" I questioned.

"Would I let you go? Hell yeah, bitch. I'll take you to the airport myself," he chuckled.

"Good to know," I laughed. "But I meant it as in would you encourage Charlotte to go if she was in my position?"

"Yeah. Who am I to stand in the way of her career and success? I'm literally her man which means I'm here to support her and stand by her. If Harry doesn't think like this—which I have a feeling he does—then you might as well go with your plan and dump him."

"I don't think I could."

"Because you love him, blah-blah-blah."

"I-I do what?" I asked back, kind of shocked that he said that.

"You love him, don't you?"

"Well, the thing is that-,"

"I can't believe I'm saying this for the second time today but you haven't told him, have you?"

"No. I don't even know if I do. I mean, how does one know they love someone?"

"Have you asked him about how he knew he loved you?"

"Yes," I grunted. "And when he described it, it didn't match up with the way I felt."

"So?"

"So, I don't think I feel that way about him."

"Why do you think his definition of love is the only definition out there? Chances are, you love him just as much as he loves you—if not more—but in a way that he can't understand it. Much like you can't understand how he loves you."

"See why I don't do relationships?"

"Stop being a whiny bitch, go home, tell him you love him then drop the New York bomb—oh, shit. Too soon?" he grimaced. "Anyway. Tell him all that fun stuff about work then move out and I'll come visit you at my place. Done dusted, happy life."

"I wish it was that easy..."

"It is that easy, mate," he replied right away. "You are a millionaire with a sexy ass man by your side. Your brain is like a crazy machine that comes up with the greatest things. Oh, and you also have an insanely hot best friend—spoiler alert, me."

"I will move if you move with me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I will move if you move with me."

"Why would I have to move when you have a fully capable boyfriend?" he asked.

"Because he has a business to run. You are a model and a song writer and producer. You can hop from place to place without any trouble. You also own the place in New York which means you know the area, the people, everything that I don't have any knowledge of," I listed easily. Zayn nodded along and he seemed like he was sold. "You are also the only person who knows about this plan so far and the only one who is all for me moving so I know you would never back out and leave me on my own."

"Some points were made, I suppose," he commented. "What about my girlfriend?"

"If we both break up with them, we can fuck around, I guess," I joked and his mouth fell agape. I laughed at his reaction and he joined me soon enough. "I'm only kidding. I would never get with you ever again."

"Well, I'm offended."

"You should be," I remarked. "You didn't let me reach my orgasm that one time and I'm still mad about it."

"Cry me a river, Kensington—I was fucking hammered, the only thing that mattered was me."

"Nothing's changed since."

"Ha ha," he said dryly. "Offend me some more and you are moving on your own."

"So you are down to move with me, yay!" I said excitedly and clapped to make it better. Zayn gave me a death stare and then stood up and attacked me with a pillow. "My hair, you fucking moron!"

"You are one of the most annoying human beings on this damn planet!"

"And you are moving to the other side of the earth with this human being!" I shouted at him as I tried to dodge his punch with the pillow. "Get ready, model boy. We're making New York ours."

"I'm pretty sure I despise you and I am no longer your friend," he said sarcastically as he dropped his weapon and sat down next to me. "I cannot believe you are forcing me to do this."

"What did you say to me before? Oh, right... cry me a river."

"I will," he added. "By the way, we're not going anywhere until you sort out whatever happened at your work and with your brother and also not until you tell your boyfriend how you feel."

"That was never in the deal."

"It is now or I'm out."

"That's not how it works," I argued.

"It is now or I'm out."

"Zayn."

"Yes?"

"Ugh!"

• • •

I didn't see Harry all day. Perhaps I made it my personal mission to ignore him for the rest of the day. Perhaps everything just fell in its place and fate decided to keep him away from me for good measure.

Whatever was the case, it allowed me to put off the conversation that had to be held about certain topics and I was fine with it. Sure, it had to be done at some point because the deadline on closing the deal was nearing but I just wasn't prepared.

Telling someone you love them, shouldn't be a big deal yet somehow, it bloody is. At least, for me, it is. I feel like I should be able to just go up to Harry and tell him how I feel but for some reason, I just freeze and everything stops around me. My heart goes crazy and my whole body starts to sweat. Most of the time, I get so frustrated with it because it's such a normal feeling—to love someone—yet I feel like I'm not capable of it.

I resulted to googling the damn word itself, just to see where I'm at with the whole thing.

"love" noun.

1.     an intense feeling of deep affection.
synonyms: deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment, devotion, adoration, doting, idolization, worship; passion, ardour, desire, lust, yearning, infatuation, adulation, besottedness
"his friendship with Helen grew into love"

• compassion, care, caring, regard, solicitude, concern, warmth, friendliness, friendship, kindness, charity, goodwill, sympathy, kindliness, altruism, philanthropy, unselfishness, benevolence, brotherliness, sisterliness, fellow feeling, humanity
"their love for their fellow human beings"

• relationship, love affair, affair, romance, liaison, affair of the heart, intrigue, amour
"he is confident that their love can surive"

"love" verb.

1.     feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone).
"do you love me?"
synonym: be in love with, be infatuated with, be smitten with, be besotted with, be passionate about, care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, cherish, worship, idolize, treasure, price; informal be mad/crazy/nuts/wild/potty about, have a pash on, carry a torch for
"I love you, Rory."

What the fuck.

Why did I never think of researching this shit? The words that were used under the definition included some of the ones that I thought of a lot and also the ones I felt. Like, caring and lust and warmth. But still—did that already mean I loved Harry? I mean sure. There were times I doubted myself and I popped the question in my head but then I got overwhelmed and just thought of something else or busied myself so that I wouldn't stress over the meaning of it.

There was so much more to read about love that I found myself completely lost in the topic. My search history consisted of nothing but: what is the actual meaning of love? What is the best definition of love? How do you define love? Am I in love? How do I know I love my man? Can I love my current man more than I loved my ex?

Yet still. I was unsure. Perhaps the most unsure I have ever been in my life. I questioned everything about this topic and that was my downfall. I got so worked up over it that I had to result to a bit of wine. Bit meaning a whole bottle. No glasses needed, straight from what it came in.

I was overthinking this so much. It was a yes or no answer and I was stuck on 'I don't know' simply because I didn't know.

Zayn Malik: told him yet?

Oh, of course, he would ask that. Three times. He texted me that question three times. They were ten minutes apart, but still. He sent it. Three times.

Me: no

Me: I don't know if I love him

Zayn Malik: well obviously you do so just tell him

UGH.

I wish it was that fucking easy for me to open my mouth and just say the three words. Why was it so hard? Literally what the hell stopped me from standing in front of him and saying: I love you.

"I love you," I said out loud. "I love you," I repeated the words again and chuckled. "I love you!" I said a bit louder as I stood up from my bed and walked towards the full-length mirror. "I love you. I love you. I love you," I pointed at myself as I kept saying the same phrase over and over again.

It rolled off of my tongue so easily although it definitely sounded foreign. I stared at my reflection in search for answers but exhaled in disappointment when nothing came to me.

"Okay, so, why is it so hard to say it to his face?"

• • •

a.n.

bruh i loved this chapter sm cos zenleigh. i just adore their friendship and ren deserves a friend like zayn so much like he really does have her best interest at heart and he's not in it to get something out of her 🥺

then the end where she finally came to terms with how she's feeling.... gal it was about time to settle that huh i guess now it's to actually tell him xoxo

also this is me begging again but if we could push the comments a little bit i'd appreciate that 🥺 it really does motivate me to write more and it's just nice to read your reactions and thoughts xx