Harry Styles

There was little to nothing I knew about the Kensington family and so going in blind for this big meeting was actually pretty fucking scary. I was not told much, only that it might be a lot to take in with how many people there will be. Kensington compared it to almost as many people who turned up to my cousin's birthday and that was... a lot. Vaguely, I remembered her saying she didn't have a big family but then if this was going to be a big family party, then I was really confused.

"I have a horse," she randomly blurted it out. I looked at her with wide eyes. She gripped the steering wheel like a tide would grab her away from the car, her eyes dead set on the road. We were on the motorway and it was a pretty smooth ride for the most part.

"O-okay," I laughed and she breathed out loudly. This was stressing her the fuck out, so much that she couldn't even be arsed getting dressed this morning. She wore a pair of grey Nike leggings and a big shirt and that was it. Whereas I had my proper fit on. Like, jeans and stuff. Because I was meeting her parents. So, I thought it was only right if I made a good first impression.

"My parents are called Oscar and Sam."

"Cool," I smiled softly. I didn't ask but it was good to know. She was under so much pressure and stress, I didn't want to add to that with questions. Burning questions. I wanted to know a few more things. Like the name of that piece of shit who couldn't keep his hands off of my girl. "Hey," I said gently as I placed my hand in the middle, my palm upwards. Kensington sighed before she slid one hand off of the steering wheel and put it in mine.

"Don't," she warned. "I have no idea what's going to happen."

"I didn't ask and wasn't going to," I squeezed her hand and lifted it to press a kiss on her knuckles.

"Right... um, I've been thinking about what you said last night... when you said we don't really have anything else to talk about unless I have something to tell you," she reminded me. Right. I did say that. "What do you want me to spill?"

"What makes you think I wanted you to spill something?"

"The tone of your voice. Plus, my brother says that to me all the time before he confronts me."

"Hmm," I hummed. She was clever, it would have been a surprise if she hadn't of caught onto me. I twisted the ring around her index finger with my thumb as I kept my eyes on the jewellery. "Have you ever done something you shouldn't have?"

"Most definitely," she gave me the answer right away. I chuckled under my breath and inhaled then exhaled through my mouth. "I was a very reckless teenager, like I told you many times before, there wasn't really many occasions when I didn't have a Smirnoff Ice bottle attached to my lips."

"Out of all the drinks in the world, you had to be a basic bitch, huh?" I asked with a playful tone for which in return she let go of my hand and punched my shoulder. "Hey!"

"Don't you dare offend my juice, alright?"

"You can't sit there and tell me it got you drunk. Smirnoff Ice is like lemonade."

"I didn't say it had gotten me drunk, did I? I just like it, alright?" she argued me. It was all just banter, nothing serious, and I liked that. This way, I got to know more of her and the conversation topic also kept her mind off of the whole birthday party. "What do you drink to get pissed, anyway?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I grinned when she looked at me. My head was slightly tilted and I couldn't help myself when I leaned forward and kissed her lips. They were warm as they pressed against mine softly and gently. It was an innocent peck and yet, it still made my heart go crazy. "So, back to my question... have you?" I shifted in my seat a little and leaned on the compartment between us.

"Listen... if you have a question, I would rather you just ask me it than trying to get it out of me," she sighed eventually and sounded very neutral. I wasn't sure what to expect if I had really asked her the question directly, maybe she would have swerved into another lane or into another car or something? She was pretty impulsive so there were a lot of options. "Just so you know, there are a lot of things I have done in the past which I am not proud of therefore I have no idea which one you are trying to get out of me."

"Okay. So, how about you talk to me about Louis Tomlinson."

"Um," she laughed at me and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I don't know that man."

"Are you sure?" I questioned curiously.

"Yes, I am sure, Styles," she defended herself with a harsh tone. I let out a sigh because I wasn't trying to attack her with this. I just wanted to know more about whatever connection they had to each other. "I have never met him or talked to him other than that one time outside of the café."

"So how does he know you then?"

"Why don't you ask him about it?" she threw back the question. I waited for her to carry on because it felt like she had more to say. I watched her patiently until she gave in. There had to have been a way or something that led them to know each other. "I have never met that man once in my life, alright? I don't know where you even got this whole idea from."

"He called me to meet up with him," I said. "I did and apparently, you owe him money."

"Of course, I do," she snorted. "I owe money to everyone, don't I?"

"I don't know... but I feel like there is a reason why he said that."

"Oh, really?" Kensington forced a laugh out as he interrogated me. This quickly took a turn because she was supposed to be the one to give me answers. "Why would I be owing him money? I mean... you wouldn't just take his side and basically accuse me of something I didn't do unless you had a reason to. So, how about you tell me what you want me to tell you."

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. This could go down good or bad. Seeing as she was already pissed off with me for blaming her for something, she – apparently – didn't even know she did, the chances of this going any way towards positive outcomes was basically non-existent.

"He didn't tell me why you owed him money but I did get a C in Maths so I put two and two together to come up with a solution of my own."

"Please, do tell," she scoffed as she challenged me.

"From what I have known since knowing Tomlinson, he had always been one to sell drugs or anything in that department. Now, when he told me you owed him money, the first thing I thought of was-,"

"Me buying from him," she finished the sentence for me. I nodded in silence and then turned towards the window. The silence was uncomfortable as it sat on our shoulders but there was nothing, I could have said to make it go away. "So, you think I used to do drugs or something?"

"I-, I'm not sure what I thought. It was a theory but I'm not sure..."

Kensington let out a loud and long sigh. When I glanced at her, both of her hands were on the top of the steering wheel, her head held high which made her neck look long. Her shoulders were pulled back and straight, her posture perfect.

"You did say earlier that you did a lot of things you are not proud of and if doing drugs is one of those things then I unders-,"

"You'd understand if I did drugs?" she asked back. Or bit back. It was kind of weird. She attacked me when I wasn't even the one in the wrong. Neither was she. Or at least I hoped she wasn't. "You do realise how serious that is, right?"

"Of course, I do," I told her. It was a serious topic and so many people got cuddled into it. "But with everything that happened to you, the crowd you must have been with... I'd understand why it could have happened that you got your hands on it and used."

"I didn't, alright?!" she snapped at me. I jolted in my seat at her loud voice. "I didn't get into drugs, never, alright?" she stated a bit calmer. I watched her pull over to the lane on the left and leave the motorway. As she found a fairly empty spot in the carpark, I felt myself zone out. She must have had something to tell me if she needed to pull over.

"Why are we here?" I questioned when she stopped the car, undid her seatbelt and pulled her leg up so her feet were on the seat. "Are you OK?"

I didn't get a reply to any of those questions. Instead, she inhaled deeply with closed eyes and her arms around her legs.

"When I said I didn't know Louis Tomlinson, I meant it. I had no idea that was his name. He never told me. To me, he was just William," she began to explain and I listened carefully. "When I saw him at the carpark that day, I couldn't pin point where I knew his face from because he had changed a lot since I was a student. I had been thinking about him a lot and then it clicked when you tried to get me to tell you something. I'm not sure why, I guess my mind just needed a little push or whatever."

"So, you do owe him money then?"

"Just... let me talk, alright?" she asked. "You told me I could talk to you if I needed to vent to someone, so let me."

"Sorry, you're right. Carry on, please," I mumbled. She was opening up to me and that was all I wanted. I wanted to know her and she was giving me a piece of her.

"In my first year at university, I lived in student halls. There were... eleven other people in my house, complete strangers I had never met. They were loud and- and down to get pissed every night," her tone was calm and kind of cold as she remembered back to the old times. "At first, I was being a prude. I didn't want to go out with them and I didn't want to associate myself with them. Seeing as everyone I had ever gotten to know before, ended up snaking me out, I didn't want to go through that again. Then something clicked one day and I went out with them. Just to experience it or whatever."

"Wait... these are not your ex's friends, right?"

"No. These are random students who were accommodated in the same house and went to the same university as me," she cleared it up. I nodded and allowed her to continue. "So, that was the first night I met William – or Louis Tomlinson, if you will. He, um, well, I met my ex through him. He introduced me to Wolf-,"

"The ex?" I interrupted. She never told me his name.

"Yep," she confirmed. "They were buddies and Louis was his wing-man for the night. I hooked up with him – Wolf, I mean – and that's how I lost my virginity, I guess. He was so lovely – he complimented me, bought me drinks, told me all his jokes, flashed his smile at me and gave me... those eyes. I fell for it all. That's why I let things go as far as they did. I didn't regret anything and I was so happy when he called the next day, or more so afternoon, and we went for dinner that night," I watched her as she explained it to me. I watched as her smile made an appearance when she described him, the things he did to charm her to him.

Did I ever make her smile like that?

I didn't want to compare myself to his ex but it seemed like I had a lot to live up to. This Wolf got her so quick and he ruined her at the same pace. She was now completely different – more mature, grown up. She was not as easy to sweep off of her feet, a nice smile, jokes and a few compliments were basically nothing.

It seemed to me like she had learnt her worth and accepted nothing less than what she deserved. Although, I wasn't sure she knew what she deserved – which was the world – but I was ready to give it to her one way or another.

"So, umm," she carried on which dragged me back into the real world. I did not realise my thoughts sucked me into my own little hole. "My housemates found out I talked to Louis and I was their link, I suppose. They knew he dealt drugs and sold other... stuff. Wolf and I were going out by this point, it all happened pretty quickly, so I was technically in his circle which made it piss easy for my annoying housemates to get their supplies from the candy man. There were times when... when I went over to see Wolf, but I had at least fifty quid extra in my purse to buy stuff from Louis for the people in my house. Sometimes, that money wasn't enough so I- I had to put my own money towards it so they wouldn't get into shit."

"It's not you who owes money, then, is it? It's them."

"No... well, yes," she huffed. "Wolf didn't know about this – me being the middle man. He never suspected anything, never asked anything. For all he knew, I just made casual conversation with his friends. I'm not sure if they ever knew I was buying from Louis but- but they mustn't have because they would've told Wolf. They were very... loyal to him. That's why they took his side when he began to cheat on me."

"He never found out you were helping your housemates out with drugs?"

"No," she mumbled. "At least, I don't know if he ever found out. He kept to himself, like, he never overshared or pushed his nose into other people's business."

"Interesting," I hummed. "How long did you stay in contact with Louis?"

"Erm... well, I moved out of student halls when it came to my second year and went with Wolf and a few of his friends. Then I did a year working as an assistant before I went back for my final year. We all did. So, it worked out nicely. We lived together from then on and it was too good to be true... something was bound to go wrong," I watched her and listened to her like my life depended on it. The woman next to me was an open book right now yet I couldn't read the lines on the pages that were in front of me.

"And it did," she chuckled. It was a dry sound, forced, laced with a sprinkle of pain. "I was on my placement and we went out on the weekend because we haven't seen each other in a while... Wolf and his friends. That obviously ended in bed and naked. Now, I was always a stress-head, that never changed, so I was used to missing my period due to that. There were times I didn't get it for like four months so... when I was late again, I didn't make much of it," she explained. "Then I got the symptoms of pregnancy and I knew I was neck deep in shit."

"Were you?" I asked quietly. "Pregnant, I mean. Or was it just a false alarm?"

"I was," she confirmed. I bit down on my bottom lip at the sound of those couple of words. I wasn't sure why it hit me so much. Maybe it could've been because if she kept it, she wouldn't be here with me right now and I just didn't know how to deal with that or what to even think. "So, I did what I thought was my best option at the time. I went to buy a pregnancy test to see if I really was done for and strangely, Louis was at the same place at the same time. It was like... I don't know... he just- he just knew. So, he offered to get it for me. Said I shouldn't need to go through this alone and he figured I never told Wolf. Considering they were pretty close, it just meant that I was close to him, too. Plus, I was pretty much his middleman so he thought it was only right if he did this favour for me..."

"That meant you owed him a favour back, right?" I questioned but I already knew the answer. Louis was a cheeky man but also pretty smart. He had never done anything for free, even if he truly made you believe that he was doing it out of the kindness of his heart.

"Obviously," she smirked. "So, after he bought me the test, he offered to take me back to his place so I could take it there and no one would bother me. Little did I know, being there would come in handy when the stick showed two lines. I knew I didn't want a kid, Wolf definitely did not want a kid," she scoffed. "Louis was aware of this and I did make it clear that this had to stay between us. I told him I needed to get rid of the baby, no matter what and no matter how. I didn't want to tell anyone about this and the fact that someone, who I didn't even trust that much, knew about it, was stressing me out. He made me believe he would never tell anyone and he would help me sort this out. I guess you, um, know that he pretty much used to be a whole pharmacy, right?"

"Yeah... yeah, he always had whatever you needed," I said.

"Exactly. This meant that he had those pills they give you in hospitals... like, abortion pills or something. I'm not sure what it is called but, erm, Louis had them. It would've been free if I had gone to the doctors but because I didn't want this on my records, I just said fuck it and took it from Louis. I knew it was legit, he had the NHS papers and whatever else – it was safe. But I- I still felt a little uneasy to take them at first. I wasn't educated on how they worked, what they did to your body, what the outcome was... so, to deepen this secret and involve more people, his mother entered the conversation. She was a nurse and I just wanted some basic knowledge... I just- I basically bullshitted my way through the conversation. Well, as to why I needed to know about it," she explained with a frown on her face. Her voice was deep and slow as the words rolled off of her tongue and filled the car. "Then it was safe for me to go through the procedure and... I pretty much killed my baby."

The deafening silence that overtook us was a lot to deal with. It went hand in hand with the topic that was discussed. When Ren opened up to me before, it was already too bad and I found it to be unfair for her to have had to gone through but now... gosh, this woman has had a pretty tough past.

"You did what was best for you at the time. You shouldn't blame yourself for that," I told her gently. "If neither of you wanted a baby at the time, it was better for it to never even be born."

As I stared out the front window, I found myself thinking back to when she said she didn't want kids. Was this the reason why she said it? Perhaps, she couldn't have faced getting pregnant again and giving birth to a baby after she had taken one's life before. It would've made sense but it was no way to live.

She sniffled.

It caught my attention right away. My head snapped towards her and I saw her hand wipe at her cheeks. I had never seen her cry. Sure, her eyes teared up before but I never seen tears down her cheeks before. I wasn't sure how to act – was I meant to hug her? I mean, did she want to be hugged? Or should I have told a joke? Maybe changed the subject? Not notice it at all?

My mind was too confused as to how to deal with this that by the time some kind of conclusion came to me, she was back to normal.

"Uh... later, I searched up these pills... I had to take a couple of different ones. I, erm, couldn't find exact prices but I knew they were not over two hundred pounds. Especially because I only took a couple and I didn't keep the whole box. He charged me for it all," she was so broken. Emotionally, that is. I found it crazy that she had it in her to bring up so much of her past in one go. Her voice gave it all away. It was like all the walls around her were down and the pieces they kept together were crumbling. "This meant I was in debt for the pregnancy test and the pills. I had around three hundred pounds that I had to pay back but also other stuff to take care of. Like rent, food and just other basic things that needed paying. There was no way... no way in fucking hell, I would have ever been able to pay him back at the time. I- um, at the time, my parents were... going through stuff and needed my help so, all the money I made during my placement, went to their pockets. I was pretty much living on a tenner a week, I had no luck in finding any part time jobs, I was going through the whole abortion thing mentally as well and I couldn't even talk to anyone about this... night-outs were my only escape."

"Did your ex never notice anything? He surely has had to see the state you were in."

"Even if he did, he never talked to me about it. He helped but we weren't one to talk about things. I mean, at the start we- we did talk but the longer we were going out, it just became, like, a mess," she told me. "Um, I told you before about how men liked to get all up in business, right? Like, the harassment story I told you? Well, that happened all throughout university. Whenever we were out and I was just enjoying myself, I always had a horny fucker around me, touching me, trying to kiss me and get me in bed – or well, in one of the bathroom stalls, maybe outside of the club or in one of the booths. That, added on top of what I already had to deal with... pft... my mental state was in shambles. I, I genuinely have absolutely no idea how I managed to get a bachelor's and a master's degree. And start my company."

"Wait... you started your company while you were studying?"

"Yeah. I, um, I have had links from my placement year and although I was pissed for the most part and I didn't want to exist anymore, I still had this urge in me to succeed. It's really strange when I say it out loud but I think that was what pushed me through it... the urge... I think – well, I like to think, anyway – was my parents in the back of my head. They relied on me so much and I couldn't let them down. I knew I already have – when I got pregnant and then made it disappear – but they didn't know that. They still don't know about it. Essentially, this was my chance to make it up to them, without them knowing I was making something up to them."

"Fucking hell..." I breathed as I leaned my head against the headrest of the seat. This was too much to process.

Imagine living through that, asshole.

She was so strong. It sounded cliché but fuck. She was. I never would've thought she went through all of that because she didn't show it. She truly didn't let it show and I admired that so much. So many people dragged their past into their present and future and it was so toxic. She wasn't one of those people.

"Going back to your question, though – I do owe him money. He has things he could use to blackmail me and honestly, I have been waiting for him to pop up out of nowhere, with my past plastered all over the place, but it didn't happen yet. I guess... well, him going to you, is probably my warning," she scoffed. "You know, it's not like I couldn't pay him back that three hundred quid – hell, I could give him triple the amount if it meant he keeps his damn mouth shut – but I just don't want to revisit those memories. Those people. I... when I left and moved and my life began to take a turn in the good direction, I just didn't want to mess it up by bringing back the factors that once fucked it all up."

"That makes sense," I said. "I understand. Do you- do you think Louis will use it against you? Tell people about your pregnancy?"

"I'm not too sure... I don't really care, to be honest," she stated and forced out a laugh, too. "He can go and chat all he wants, who the hell will believe him?" she asked me rhetorically. "I never abuse my position because it is wrong but out of the two of us, I have the upper hand. I like to think he knows that and what's good for him."

"Gosh, you are pretty fucking crazy, you know, that right?" I laughed. "C'mon, let me give you a hug," I said as I got out of the car. I didn't close the door, I just walked over to her side. When I glanced inside the car from the front, she watched me with curious eyes and didn't move. That made me have to open her door and basically drag her out of it.

"Stop," she laughed when I placed her arms around my neck and they just flopped everywhere. She had absolutely no control over her body, she acted like a doll and it made me look at her with a fake frown. Another chuckle left her lips, her cheeks looked red and... wow, I didn't know if I saw it wrong, but I swear to god, they looked rounder than usual. It was like she finally had some meat on her cheeks, in the best way possible. "What?" she asked me in a low voice, her arms still around my neck as I held her waist.

"What?" I asked back, kind of lost. I cleared my throat and sniffled quick. It was pretty cold out. "You, um, nothing..."

"You gave me a weird look..." she looked at me with her eyes squinted. I felt her fingers play with my hair at the nape of my neck. She was close to me, her scent was all up in my nose. It made my heart go mad and it caused me to grip her waist to steady my fingers. "Your eyes were all... fond looking. I don't know. It made me feel weird in my stomach."

"Did it give you the butterflies, huh?" I smirked down at her and her cheeks turned bright red. Like, I had never seen her blush so hard. I swear I felt the warmth radiate off of her skin and hit mine. She licked her lips before she bit down on her bottom one, her eyes looked away from mine and I just then realised that this was her being shy.

This was the first time I had ever seen her be so shy.

I never knew what it would have looked like, I never imagined it because she was always so strong and confident and sexy.

But her being shy around me? Fuck.

That had suddenly become my most favourite thing about her.

"Just give me the damn hug so we can get back on the road," she groaned as she hid her burning face in my chest. I couldn't help but laugh as I placed one of my hands on the back of her head whilst I kept the other one around her back. I pressed a kiss on her hair and closed my eyes as I took a deep breath.

She was it for me, wasn't she?

• • •

a.n.
ain't gonna lie chief this is one of my favourite chapters simply cos ren opened up lol then again, the coming chapters will be my faves too omg i just love all of them ok great

also can u believe we out here on chap 45 and they're still not together??? well fr anyway cos the contract is still on but uno what i mean lol

bruh i'm so excited for yous to read more i just wanna publish all the ones i have written but i guess we all gotta wait 🥴

don't forget to vote and comment as always xoxo