Renleigh Kensington

He let me dominate him. Like, he fully let me handcuff him and have my way with him which was something that my ex despised and my one-night stands were too busy wanting to get off to let me play around.

This man, however, called Harry Styles, he let me do whatever to him. He was down to be played with. Fuck. He enjoyed it as much as I did. He fucking cried. Gosh, that was honestly beautiful. Like, I was able to make him cry and beg. Just to have an orgasm.

I could not stop grinning about it whenever it popped back in my mind.

His flushed face, his needy moans and groans. His powerless state from being only tied up. I couldn't quite believe it. He had a handcuff – and probably many more, somewhere – with red fur covering it. It looked amazing around his wrists, I almost didn't want to take it off but he craved cuddles so I had to give in.

"Will you get in trouble for staying?" he asked me quietly. We had been laying in his bed for ages. It was so late at night.

"How would I get in trouble?" I chuckled.

"Dunno... why did you need to go, anyway?"

"That time we met in Italy, I was there to sort out some stuff at one of my stores," I sighed as I began to explain. My fingers played with his hair as he laid his head on my chest and cuddled up to my side. "Turns out, there is more to look over so they asked me to go."

"Will you have to go at a later date, then?" he questioned. "I will come with you if the offer still stands."

"No. I sent Miss Jones instead," I told him. "This means I have to go in tomorrow...it's Monday tomorrow, right?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah. So, I have to go in tomorrow because she won't be back until... Wednesday, I believe."

"The managers can run the place, can they not?"

"I'm sure they can but they can also fuck up and I'm not in the mood to sort out something they didn't pay enough attention to," I told him. "Why are you asking? Do you need me to stay longer?"

"Was thinking about going away for a bit... somewhere nice. Wanna take you with me, too."

"Oh?"

"Would you want to come with me?"

"Where?" I asked curiously.

"Dunno... where do you want to go?"

"Back to work, mainly," I stated and he snorted then began to laugh.

"Stop," he poked me in my stomach. "I'm serious... I have a place in Spain. We could go there?"

"You do?" I asked back. "Since when?"

"Yeah... had it for a while. It's, uh, my family's, I guess. But no one goes there, really. S'got a pool and all... the beach is close, too."

"Is this you trying to sell me the holiday?" I laughed.

"Is it working?"

"Not really," I hissed.

"Fuck..." he mumbled. "Well... it's got palm trees and all, too. View of the sea... the sunset is stunning, you know. Can sit in front of the pool on the sunbeds and watch it go down behind the sea with these light thingies in the ground. Proper snazzy."

I laughed as I listened to him describe the place. He sounded really tired but it felt like he wanted to persuade me terribly.

"When would you want to go?"

"Tomorrow?" he asked as he lifted his head. He turned on his stomach so my hand fell out of his hair and onto his shoulder. "Wait... you have to go to work... um. How about we spend the weekend there? Long weekend? Friday to Monday. You could spend Thursday packing and sorting stuff for the days you wouldn't be in."

"Can't," I sighed. "Gotta do... stuff."

"Stuff?" he raised his eyebrows as his lips puckered at the pronunciation of the word.

"My... dad's birthday is this coming weekend," I sighed. I didn't want to go home for it and be surrounded by people who I didn't feel comfortable around. "I have to show my face unless I want to be even more disliked."

"Come again?"

I huffed and turned on my side. I propped my head up on my hand, my elbow sunk into the pillow as I placed my other hand in front of me.

"When I told you, I was never really liked, I didn't only mean people throughout education. It goes deeper than that or whatever. These... family friends or whatever, well, some anyway, think that I'm some stuck-up bitch because I don't pay for their shit or because I don't give them money directly or the attention and fame, they would like to gain from me. Then... some other, nastier ones... well, they believe they have the right to do things they actually do not."

"You don't need to pay for them at all, or give them anything, if they are not more than friends. I'm glad you don't give them that satisfaction," he said. "Now, what do you mean about that last part?"

"Uh... when I told you people don't believe me about stuff... kinda links into this, you know?"

"In what way?" he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I mean, don't feel pressured to tell me. You don't have to expose that information if you don't want to or you're not ready."

"I guess you could know... it's not that big of a deal – well, according to others, anyway. And, you were actually there when one of the incidents happened."

"Oh?"

"I don't even know where to start..." I laughed as I felt a little lost. There was no true... beginning to it. It felt like this happened to me since the day I was born.

"Could go from who the 'nastier ones' entail and what makes you address them that way."

"Okay, sure," I licked my lips and turned back on my back. I hated talking about serious stuff, eye contact was literally the last thing I needed in situations like this. "So, me being a girl, I, uh, started going through puberty, right? Began around when I was eight or so... you know, boobs coming along and shit. They were, uh, pretty large for someone at the age of twelve but I was told I would grow in them."

"You have great boobs," he commented with a cheeky voice and I scoffed. "Sorry. Not the time. Carry on."

"So, these 'nastier ones' also known as annoying asshats that my parents know and are still around, obviously noticed that little Renleigh Kensington was becoming a woman, right? They felt it to be necessary to comment on my appearance from then on, literally every time they came around or we went around. That was obviously shocking to me at the time but I guess I would still have rather dealt with words than actual... touches. Because they actually did touch me in places I did not like or wanted."

"Men?"

"Yes. Men. Married-with-kids-men," I said with disgust. "Touches on my thighs, calves, arse, waist, stomach. Just pressing up against me... a couple of times, this one in particular, would accidentally run into me and his hands would accidentally cup both of my fucking tits then would smirk and say he didn't see me or apologised and I just- I just had to deal with it, I guess? I don't know... I'm not sure how a teenage girl is meant to react when a man, much older than her, goes and basically gropes her in places that no one should without consent."

The feeling of unwanted touches was still on my skin, no matter how many times I had taken boiling hot showers or how roughly I scrubbed myself. When my mind got the best of me, it didn't matter how securely these memories were locked away in the back of my brain, they snuck out and destroyed me.

"Are you serious right now? Did you tell anyone about this?"

"I have but it didn't make a difference. Plus, it's not enough to go to the police or anything. It literally happens every day and people think it's okay. It disgusts me that girls my age at the time and even now are going through this because men think they can do whatever the fuck they want. They are power hungry, disgusting fuckers who find joy in... in abusing their positions."

"I agree – that is absolutely vile. It makes me sick to my stomach that people think it is relatively okay to do something without someone's consent. No matter if it is just one touch or grab or anything. Being forceful is just so wrong and it makes me proper mad when I see someone get used and disrespected," he shared his thoughts with passion laced through his deep voice.

It made me feel better that I knew this was his view on the topic, he seemed to be on my side which was a nice change for once. He also didn't seem to want to question me, he didn't seem to want to prove me wrong and how I was just being silly and delusional. It caused a soft smile to curl on my lips, my eyes closed as I fiddled with my fingers. This topic was so damn touchy for me, simply because no one believed me and it truly weakened my trust in others. It took a lot of freaking courage for me to tell him about it, the fear of getting laughed at or just told it was silly to be so hung up about it, sat and weighed on my shoulders.

"What is it?" he asked me gently, his voice was nothing above a whisper. I felt his fingers stroke my arm that his short-sleeved top failed to cover.

"What do you mean?"

"What got you so smiley?"

I sighed as I thought about it for a bit. "Just... being heard, I guess. The idea of you believing me... kinda nice."

"Darling," his voice dropped a little as he let the pet name slip, he moved on the bed and it made me open my eyes. He crawled next to me and piled me in his arms, his back against the pillow mountain and mine against his chest. "Gosh, you really do deserve the world, you know that, right?"

"Pft, yeah," I scoffed. "Sure, honey."

"Honey... I like that," he hummed. "But I'm serious. You do. I'm so sorry no one believes you – I do. I know it's true. I have seen it happen first hand and... and I can't wait for life to take care of Tomlinson for touching you so harshly in the car park. And of all the people who were ever so cruel to you."

"Yeah, me too," I inhaled deeply. "It made me have some serious trust issues, too. I mean, obviously, my ex plays a pretty huge role in that area as well but I guess it hits harder when your parents kinda just... don't take your word for what it is."

"I'm assuming these family friends will be at your father's birthday this weekend?"

"Always were, always will be, I'm afraid."

"Can I come with you?" he asked me a little while later. I crossed my ankles as I sat between his legs, my eyes then moved back to how he pushed his finger under my acrylic nails. It made me poke the tip of his fingers when he pushed on my skin and so he just decided to slot his fingers between mine. "I mean... I don't have to. If you don't want me to meet your family, I understand. I would just feel a little better if I was there and could make sure no one bothers you."

"That's nice but you have your own responsibilities and life to deal with."

"You're always there for me. When will I get to do the same for you?" he asked me almost right away. This one smelled like the beginning of an argument and I just didn't want to go through with it. I felt like he was already in such a shit mental place, he didn't need a fight on top of it.

"Listen. My family life is kinda private. I never took anyone home like that."

"That's a lie," he called. "What about your ex?"

"What about that dick?"

"Did you not take him home? You were with him for five years."

"Okay. Shit. I did," I gave up. "I took him home and it was one of the worst things I have ever done. Your parents are stand-offish and rude, mine are too in your face and rude. There. You don't need more rude people in your life, especially considering what you are going through now," I pulled away from him and was ready to slide off of the bed when he scoffed. I turned to look at him and he just stared at me.

"What am I going through right now, exactly?"

"Your best friend passed away and you are a mess. That's what you are going through."

"So, what? Is that a lot for you for someone to be going through?" he asked me rudely. Fuck. I didn't get him. Why did he have to make a fight out of this?

"What the fuck is your problem, Styles?" I questioned him as I stood up. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I sucked your dick and now you think you're all high and mighty?"

"My problem is that you don't want me half as much at least as I want you. I could literally come up with anything for us to do and you shoot me down right away."

"Oh, come off it, man," I laughed in disbelief. "I told you I can't go to Spain or wherever with you because I have other commitments to tend to. Sure, I could take you with me but I don't feel comfortable taking you home, alright? It has fuck all to do with how much I do or don't want you," I explained as calmly as I could but the way my voice picked up was completely out of my control by the end. "In case you need a reminder, I did go to Paris with you, I did go to your cousin's birthday and I did go out to dinner with you just to give you a few examples of me 'shooting you down' apparently."

"Whatever."

"Don't fucking whatever me," I said, a little upset at this point because this fight could have been avoided. But he kept it going and I was definitely not one to go down as a loser. "You act like I don't do shit to show you stuff... like, fuck. I'm not good with relationships or anything, yet here I am. I fucking ran when you called me crying and I fucked off my work to stay with you and make sure you were okay. I struggle in the emotions department and you know that. The fact that you think I don't want you is actually so annoying because I don't know what I'm doing wrong and even if I did know what I was doing wrong, I wouldn't know how to do it right!" I snapped at him with my voice so much louder than it should have been. "Yes, I took my last boyfriend home but look where that got me! He fucking cheated on me several times and I'm not saying you would if I would take you home but I can't afford others thinking any lower of me," I shared my messy thoughts with him. This was about other things now, my problems as opposed to whatever he didn't like about the situation. "Sure, you think – fuck, everyone thinks and knows – that I don't care about what opinion others have on me, but newsflash. I'm a fucking human being and even if I do avoid the negative comments about me, I still somehow stumble upon them. When people tell you to your face that they don't like you and you have a damn audience, it sure as fucking hell feels humiliating. Now, imagine me showing my face after my goddamn fiancé cheated on me and he was supposed to accompany me to this family gathering. It was real nice hearing others mutter about how fucking stupid I was to break up with him for a 'silly mistake' and how I was incapable of keeping a man by my side."

"Ren..."

"The people who chatted shit about me for doing something that was right — breaking up with my ex —, were the same people who silenced me and told me I was being a stupid child when they knew what these men did to me when they were around. And, actually, not just me. I know of a cousin who this has happened to. So, there," I forced out a laugh. "That's me for today."

"Sweetheart, I didn't-,"

"You didn't mean it. That's not what you wanted to say. I took it the wrong way. I thought too much into it. I blew it out of proportion," I listed in frustration. "I know. I have heard them and more before. No need to waste your breath, Harry."

"Just let me explain..."

"No, thank you," I said simply. "Keep it to yourself for a little while. I need a drink."

"You don't get to do that!" he stood up from the bed too. "You moan about not being heard and then you don't want to hear me out?"

"Oh," I laughed again. "So, I moan about it? Really? Way to fucking shove it back into my fucking face, you wanker!" I pushed at his shoulder a little before I left the room.

I was way too livid. God, he made my blood boil.

"I can't believe I sucked his fucking dick! Gosh..." I talked to myself as I wandered down into the kitchen. I went straight for the fridge, the wine we drank the other day, was still inside it although there wasn't much left. I shrugged and drank it from the bottle as I decided to take a look outside.

He had a pool and some chairs out, something I had no idea he did because the blinds were pulled in. Behind the wood where the chairs were and a table, was a massive green area, I assumed that was perfect for his dog. I crouched down in front of the pool then dipped my fingers in it and just as I thought, it was fucking freezing. I had no idea why he even had water in it this time around. I walked around it and decided to sit on one of the chairs and just stay there for a bit. The grass felt cold and a bit wet under my naked feet as I made my way over to my final destination.

I was very annoyed at him. Plus, I have said too much so I wasn't happy with myself, either.

I said things I didn't even know I was going to, things that I didn't even think of. Like, where the fuck did the whole 'how much I want you' shit come from? It was such a random thing that left my mouth. Then, I don't even know if I just imagined that part – but then it felt too real for that to be the case – but the fact that I was engaged at one point slipped my mouth, too and it was so irritating.

I hated the thought of being engaged to a cheater even if it happened in the past and I had no control over it. It was so embarrassing. And yes, those fucking family friends – and some family, too, actually – found it to be an interesting enough topic to discuss, with me present. Because only if I hadn't been around to hear it... but they were not even arsed that I could hear them.

"Fuck!" I groaned and let out a sobbing sound, my head fell back and I inhaled deeply. It was so cold outside. I was in joggers and a shirt, not even socks. "Why the fuck am I like this? Can someone please tell me? Am I really that bad?" I chuckled to myself before I lifted the bottle to my mouth and let the gold liquid slip into it. I looked at the bottle once I swallowed the drink and sighed. "You're the only bitch I ever trusted in this house."

• • •

a.n.
when will i let them be happy?

never. soz for spoiling it xoxo

also we be hitting a new milestone with each chapter n i'm loving it hehehe

don't forget to vote n comment hunties xoxo