Renleigh Kensington

I have never been to a funeral before so I just assumed people wore an all-black outfit. At first, I did want to go down that route then I remembered I wasn't like anyone else so I ended up in a tan coloured long-sleeve with black trousers and blazer. My hair was gathered into a tight low bun with a parting in the middle. My earrings were gold and they somewhat matched my cream bag but then that more so went with my top. I had a black watch around my wrist and a few gold rings wrapped around my fingers. A black pair of sunglasses hid away my dark brown eyebrows and basic eye-makeup look since it was kind of sunny. It made no sense. It was almost December and the sun was still out and proud.

Styles did come to get me on Sunday. He texted me the time he would get to mine the day before so I would have enough time to get ready. When I went downstairs, he was out of his car, his body covered in a fully black fit. He pulled me into a hug right as I got out of my building, his arms wrapped around my middle as mine went around his neck. He had his usual Harry scent which made me relax against him.

In all honesty, he was the only person I have allowed to hug me who wasn't family. Or in general. I wasn't one for others invading my personal space.

"Are you okay?" his arms were still around me when we pulled away slightly, the question softly escaped my lips as my eyes looked into his green ones.

"Eh," he shrugged. His eyes looked sad. From so close, it kind of hurt me a lot more than I thought it ever would. With a sigh, I leaned in and kissed his cheek which caught him off guard. "What was that for?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"Can I have a proper kiss?" he asked. "Wait. No. Please, don't start with the whole May-June thing."

I laughed as the memory of me taking the piss came back.

"You're no fun but sure," I said before I leaned in and placed my lips on his. They were warm against mine and soft, much like I remembered. But still better. He sighed against my lips, through his nose, the warm air strangely made me feel cosier and I closed my arms around his neck a little more.

He then pulled away again but only to lean his forehead against mine, his nose nudged into mine. I opened my eyes to see him smile fondly with his still closed. Soon enough, he tucked his face into the crook of my neck and I sighed as he tightened his arms around me.

"I've missed you so much," he mumbled breathily. It made me shiver as his breath tickled me.

"I guess I did too," I let him know. It would have felt slightly weird to say out the actual words so I sort of just agreed. "Should we get going?"

"Yeah-, yeah we should," he let go of me and turned around a little to open the door for me. "Queen."

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes with a smirk as he closed the car door on me.

The journey to Manchester was around three hours or at least that's what Styles told me. He seemed to know the way there without any help from the GPS built into his car. He had some kind of playlist playing, I literally knew none of the songs but I said nothing in case it offended him or some shit. I definitely did not want to upset him today. I thought he felt shit enough.

"I never asked but... how did you find the day out with my friends?" he started the conversation off.

"It was alright... yeah."

"Just alright?" he chuckled. "What about them separately then?"

"Um. Well... April made her mark. I didn't talk to Ethan a lot. Toby was alright. Niall did speak to me and like I knew him from before so he was fine. I did talk to Levi, maybe the most out of everyone and he's a lovely man."

"Yeah, I have noticed you and Levi get along very well," he commented with a little something to his voice. It caused my smirk to widen and I wondered if that made him jealous.

"He called me yesterday, actually," I decided to let him know. It was his best mate, after all.

"Did he now?" he forced a laugh out and I hummed in response. "What did he want?"

"Just asked how I was and stuff... when I was seeing you next."

"Interesting," he mumbled. "I didn't think you would actually give him your number."

"He is very... persuasive, I would say," I smirked as I kept my eyes on the window on my left. Just based on his voice, I could tell he was tense and that meant he was annoyed. I didn't want to rile him up on a day like this.

"Oh, yeah?" he chuckled and it sounded a bit... evil. It made me look at him, my eyes firstly drawn to his already whitened fingers around the steering wheel. Damn. "He seemed to enjoy the conversation you two had the other day."

"Yeah, he's pretty nice."

"I bet."

It quieted down between us after that and I felt bad. I didn't want to make him jealous but I did at the same time. I shouldn't have done it today, like I said, but it was interesting how affected he was by it. It didn't quite make sense why he was jealous of his best friend, like, surely, he should trust him, right? Unless, Levi stole someone from him before and that was why he was so weird about what I told him. Then again, why the hell did he introduce us to each other if he knew it would go down bad?

We really did not talk for ages and then I just decided to give up.

"Hey..."

"What?" he groaned and I felt like I had interrupted him.

"Um... you know I was messing, right?" I asked him and he scoffed like he didn't believe me. "Wait. You believed it?"

"You fucking know I believed it," he said and sounded a bit irritated. "Quit playing dumb with me, Renleigh."

"Fuck. You called me by my first name... okay. This is serious–,"

"Just shut up," he mumbled and I raised my eyebrows. Who the fuck did he think he was? Sure, be mad all you want but damn. Take a bloody joke from time to time.

But I did shut up. It put me in a mood so I didn't want to talk to him. Instead, I went on my phone and looked through the sketches I've been sent for a new collection. I had no idea what to do with it so I needed all the time I could get to make up my mind. On top of that, I still was nowhere with my New York plans to expand my company and that irritated me to no ends.

• • •

Funerals were horrible. People cried and were sad and I felt uncomfortable. I had no idea what was happening for the most part and I didn't know anyone other than Styles. He spoke to some people and I just stood there like a fucking idiot. I was proper confused in general but then as the whole thing went on, he was suddenly called out to give a speech.

I watched him walk away from where we were and stand where the parents were before.

He was about to do one of those speeches... an eulogy, I think it was called. Can you tell I have never been to a funeral? I have no idea what they did at these things.

"Hello everyone, um, I'm Harry... I was really close to Matt and I was asked by his parents to come up here today so... I'm here," he began. His voice sounded unsure and he looked unsure. "I didn't prepare a speech or anything because I feel like that wouldn't have been me and... I just don't think Matt would have liked that. Not from me, at least," he chuckled sadly under his breath. "I, uh, I've known him for a long time. He was my closest friend. But things happened and we drifted apart. When I was informed of his... passing... I was fucking devastated. I lost my best friend. In the worst way possible. We... we haven't spoken to each other in around four months and- and the last time we did, we fought," his voice was shaking and he never looked up. I could tell it was hard for him to keep his shit together and I kind of wanted to run up to him just to hold him.

"He left this earth thinking I h-hated him... which I didn't. I loved him. Very much. He was the big b-brother I have always wanted and need-needed. I know that- that his death is affecting all of us... in different ways. B-but I just hope that everyone will remember him f-for the amazing person he was. B-because his illness... that wasn't him," he shook his head and I swear I saw him sniffle. His nose all scrunched up and his chest jumped a little. "He was a happy man, a kind, loving, w-wonderful man who did everything h-he could... but maybe... maybe he's better off now. He's- he's happy now," he sighed heavily. His head moved a little and so he looked up. He didn't speak into the mic but I could tell he said something along the lines of 'I love you Matt' and that shit broke my heart.

When he walked away from the front, he didn't stop until he was away from everyone. I watched as he disappeared and almost right away, I excused myself from the people around me. I didn't run, I just... speed walked. I knew he needed to be away from people but I needed to make sure he was alright. This was pretty hard on him and without anyone, I didn't know if he could get over it.

My heels were so fucking loud as I walked on the asphalt and so it gave away my presence. I pushed my sunglasses up on my head and decided to sit on the curb next to him. He had his elbows propped up on his knees, legs wide apart as he hid his face behind his arms. Sobs caused his body to shake and I sighed heavily whilst my right hand rubbed his back. It was almost like a sign for him to truly let go of his pain because the minute I let my hand slip onto his shoulder which was farthest from me, he leaned towards me and pushed his sobbing body into my arms.

This time, I didn't know what to say at all so I just let him cry. The pain he felt must have been indescribable, his cries were heart-breaking and if I felt that way, then I couldn't imagine what he was going through. I felt my tan top get soaked, like, my skin felt the wet patches but I didn't say anything. His tears pretty much ruined my suit but I just kept it all to myself, knowing I could get five more of them at a later time. But Harry could not get his friend back ever again. I needed to put things into perspective.

But I also needed to get back home and to the airport because work called.

I sighed and pushed Styles away from me a little bit, his red, puffy eyes stared up at me in confusion. I gave him my hand which he took eventually and he stood up with me. His eyes were really green and his lashes were stuck together from his tears.

"Do you want to go home?" I asked as I rubbed my thumbs over his hands. Both of them held his, although his grip on me was much tighter. Styles nodded as his tears rolled down his cheeks and that made me let go of his hands to wipe them away with my hands at the same time. "I'll drive, yeah?"

He didn't speak much as he got in the passenger seat then again, it was understandable. He held my hand through the journey which I didn't mind, especially if he felt better that way. His left leg bounced up and down as he kept our intertwined hands on his right and when I glanced at him, he just kept his gaze out of the window with his free hand propped up on the door, his fingers pinched his lip when he didn't wipe his tears away.

This hurt him too much to handle and the fact that I couldn't help him, hurt me, too. I had no idea how I was meant to leave for Italy this way because I knew for a fact he was not in the right state of mind for something like that. I didn't know what to do with him... he pretty much leaned on me with this whole situation and it would have felt wrong of me to leave him on his own. He had his own group of friends but I had no idea if they knew anything about this, considering that they didn't attend the funeral, plus Harry never mentioned that he told them.

It was around 6PM when we got back to London and it was around an another hour and a half until we made it to Harry's place. I asked him for the gate card and once he found it, I got us in. I parked his car up onto the driveway and we both got out at the same time. He fiddled with his keys but eventually got us inside. Dax was not in when we walked in, he usually barked the place down when someone entered. I assumed he was with the neighbours again so that was one less thing to worry about.

Styles disappeared upstairs by the time I realised and I only figured that out because I heard him go up the steps. Quickly, I followed him into the familiar bedroom which was completely dark. His bed was unmade but it didn't matter to him because he just let his body fall on it with his legs off of the mattress.

"Turn on your back," I tapped the side of his leg a little and he eventually did it. I untied his shoes and slipped them off of his feet then placed them to the side so they weren't in the way. "C'mon, let's get you changed," I mumbled as I grabbed his hand. Clearly, he was not in the mood for anything but sleeping in a suit was also fucking uncomfortable. I have fallen asleep in one before.

He wore a black tank top which he kept on and just let me change his trousers into a pair of joggers. Once the Adidas bottoms were up on his legs and his top was tucked in so his back wouldn't get a cold, he got in bed and I tucked him in. He was on his right side, his legs pulled up as I sat on the wooden side of his bed. It made me wonder if he ever stumbled up on the frame because it was so inconvenient but definitely fancy. I rubbed his tatted arm softly as I watched him close his eyes and inhale deeply.

"I'm such a wimp," he muttered. A quiet 'cc' sound left my lips as a frown built on my face and I truly felt bad for him.

"You're not. You're just heart-broken. It's okay," I shrugged.

"Can you lay with me?" he asked quietly. Before I even answered, he moved away from me to make more room behind him and I stood up to kick my heels to the side. I took my blazer off, too. "Find a pair of- of joggers or something comfy first," he told me in a deep voice. It felt like it hurt him to talk, he was way too sad to even be awake.

I spotted a pair of black ones folded onto the armchair and I decided to get into those quickly. I placed my clothes on the same furniture, then took my earrings out and walked back to his bed. His joggers felt massive on me and warm, they smelled like him and I really liked it.

I got on the bed behind him as he lifted the covers and made sure my bottom was tucked in. It made me chuckle softly as I wrapped my left arm around his stomach whilst the other one held my head up. He swiftly grabbed my hand, his fingers slipped between mine the same time as he tangled his legs with mine. Harry inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, my lips pressed on his shoulder, his skin warm.

"You have work," he mumbled as I rested my chin on his shoulder. I closed my eyes as I enjoyed being so close to him, for the first time in a while I was the big spoon.

"I do," I replied just above a whisper. As my hand moved under the covers and in his hold, I realised I didn't take my watch off. It felt too nice to move, however, so we both had to deal with it. "What about it?"

"You can go," he let me know but I felt like he didn't want me to leave. He was a total mess and although so was the situation with the store in Italy, that was something that could be taken care of by someone else other than me. This situation in particular, required my presence more, I felt like.

Or maybe I just prioritised what I thought mattered more.

"Do you want me to go?" I questioned. He stayed quiet for a bit and that pretty much answered my question. It was clear to me anyway, that he needed someone yet he felt like he couldn't ask me to stay. That hurt me in a way I couldn't explain because that was sort of my fault. That was the kind of person I was, though.

Intimidating.

People always told me I was and it never fucking made sense. I mean sure. I did put on a bitchy persona most of the time and I was pretty confident in most areas but really, I was a soft bitch. I just needed to be pushed in order for me to show that side.

"No," he muttered as I felt him tighten his grip on my hand. He had done that a lot today. It was very much like he reminded himself he was not alone and that saddened me a little bit. For some reason, it just made me think of his family, his parents to be specific, and how they were never there for him. I hated how his mother wasn't here with him or how he couldn't find it in himself to call her, or his father, to talk to them about this. I didn't know much about them but just enough to be aware of how non-existent their relationships were.

"I'm staying then," I told him loud and clear so he wouldn't have the chance of mishearing me.

He needed me and that felt nice. I wanted to be needed and he was giving that to me. Yes, I was also needed in Italy but that was for work. I'm always needed for work. For comfort? I'm never really needed for others to comfort them.

Therefore, the decision of whether I was going to go to Italy or stay was the easiest one I have made in a while.

•••

a.n.
who is this woman and what has she done with renleigh sage kensington???? whew. all jokes aside i'm obsessed w this chapter like they way ren handled it was amazing but that's me being biased

ffc is also on 30k reads which is like mad omg thank u sm <3 i'm hoping to see u all through the rest of the story till the end hehehe

OH ONE MORE THING. i've been looking at indirects on twitter like for ffc and it always puts me in a proper good mood when i find some tweets like the fact that you's like the story so much that u are willing to tweet about it is so nice sjsjsjsjs ugh pls keep doing it so my curious ass can stalk u all and feel good lol

ok i gotta stop chatting shit . see u on wednesday xoxo